Hi, i am a 33 years old indian woman from US and I met my fiance who is an Indian man from India. We were working in the same office and he suddenly declared his feelings for me one day. I was initially hesistant as we were from different countries and our likings might differ but he was persuasive and told me that he will make it work. He first introduced his mum over the phone and I spoke to her. My fiance and I were very much in love and he was the sweetest thing that happened to me. Soon, he wanted to leave US and go back to India as he felt the job in India was better off. We were in a long distance for a yr and when i went to meet him,he wanted us to get married soon but i started having my doubts as he never calls me and it was always me initiating the calls and he went out with his frens making me wait and cry by the phone on Valentine's Day. I persuaded myself that he will be more responsible if i kept showing more love. Then, he brought me to Delhi to meet his family and i felt my whole life crumbling down on me. His mum was so sweet to me in front of him and when he was out of sight, she told me that she doesn't want me to marry him as i was not the same caste and she told me that my fiance will only listen to what she says. Heartbroken, i assured her that i will take care of her family as my own. His character was also very different. His sis, me and him went out and he was hugging and pampering her all the while and i was walking all by myself. He let me go to the market with his sister at nite and refused to accompany as he wanted to be with his mum. Those 3 days of my life was a living hell! My fiance and I were supposed to come back to US to meet my family. The whole drama started. The younger sister started crying as if i was snatching her brother away from her and he started crying with the mum and fell on his younger sister's feet for blessing! Who in the world falls on a younger sister's feet? Looking at all these, i understood i was dating a momma's boy and a brother who is mad abt his sister! He was very down when he came to speak to my family and my family was overjoyed that i was finally getting married. He left and all that happened after that was we were quarreling all the time becos of what his mum wanted. She told him that a foreigner cannot take care of him and i m not suitable for him and she wanted to live with us after marriage. I cried and begged him to stop quarrelling as i loved him very much but it kept coming back. Distraught, i went to meet him again, this time, i saw a totally different man.His sister got married and the mum kept calling him to get money for the sister and she brainwashed him with stories abt DIL abusing MIL. Being naive, he totally believed her words and started looking at me differently and gave all he had to his mum and landed in debts. At home, he was normal but whenever his mum called, he kept shouting at me and kept hurting my feelings saying that i purposely pushed the wedding which was true becos when his dad spoke to my dad, he was so rude to my father. His dad wanted me to sacrifice everything for his family! My fiance told me to leave my job, my ailing dad and everything for his happiness. i realised when i was with him that as what the posts have stated, his mum calls numerous times like 20 times if he did not pick up the calls. i have always been nice to his mum but she just didnt want me. My grandpa suddenly passed away last month and my whole family was distraught. He didnt call to console my family and pretended like everything was fine. Confused, i called him but he broke up with me on the day we cremated my grandpa.(This was 2 weeks after i came back from visiting him) i was devastated. I gave him time and called him again as my mum started pushing me for marriage. I begged him to call my family and he told my mum that he wanted to marry me. When i called him the next day, he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and asked me to call off the whole thing. 3 days later, he msged me saying that it was only right for us to part ways and it wasnt my fault and he can talk to my parents and explain everything. i didnt reply that msg and its been a mth. No calls, msges. 3 years of relationship dedicated to a man with ironing his clothes, cooking fresh food and cleaning his house whenever i was with him and even that when i asked him what it means to him,he told me that a maid can do all these for money..He dumped me for another woman. HIS MUM!!!! Pls tell me what i should do.
Hi there. I'm going to reiterate what I wrote on your other post. It is indeed very painful to have a long term relationship end. Especially if you haven't had many. It may make you feel like the three years was a total waste.
But relationships do end like this and just as abruptly. It hurts to think it was his mother's doing that ended the relationship but in reality, it was him. He did not have to listen to his mom but his culture dictates that she plays a powerful role in his life and he therefore, made his decision. That part is done and now you must go to the next step which is moving on.
When relationships end, it gives us a chance to think about what we want to have in our next relationship and what we don't want to have. You'd like a great guy you can care for, be loved by, have things in common, etc. What you don't want is a controlling mother and a man who will not put you above her.
With this information, you will go on to find a better situation for yourself than the last one. Take some time to heal. Stay active and busy and exercise (good for mind, body and spirit) and eventually, begin dating again. Look for someone that you will not have this family drama with. Perhaps a man that is from the US as well would be a better match for you.
I know it hurts and you should give yourself some TLC right now. But I think that the old boyfriend and his mother would have ended up in some very unhappy life situations for you down the road and that in the long run, you will feel blessed by the ending of this relationship eventually.
I totally agree with specialmom's comment.
I am of indian origin too,and wasted my 7 years getting divorced finally.On top of that am still part of a society which is highly biased towards men.Still I have my spirits to keep me happy and keep fighting for my happiness.And it was just 5 months back when I was all crying and weepy.No more of that crap.Alll the best and good wishes!!
Thank u for the kind words.. He was not perfect too.. When he was in US,I caught him being in touch with a lady who was sending him love msges and calling him baby..he was also flirting with her..when I found out,in front of me,he told her over the phone not to call him as his gf doesn't like it and it was also not rite to talk..when I went to India,I realised that he had given his Indian no for her to contact and she was taking money from him..when I asked for an answer, he finally confessed that she was not his classmate from college but a waitress at a club..he told me that she was a divorcee and needed money for her child's education..I was taken aback by shock that he could hide such a big issue from me..so many issues becos of him..it made me lose my trust on him totally.. :((
He is indeep a creep.I am really glad that you are not to waste any of your life with this deceitful person.In my opinion he used you.Not only is he a mama's boy but also does not have any character.Infact I am sure and would not be surprised to find out that he has hidden his true colours from his mother also.
Consider yourself blessed that he is gone;and pray for this pain to go away for you to stand fresh in life again.
I m seriously heart-broken. My friends told me that Indian men are loyal to their girlfriends or wives. Almost all his friends knew about me. Even during my last visit, i bumped into one of his friends(a girl who knows his ex gf). He even told her that we are getting married in March. What happened now? How did he even have the heart to break up during my grandpa's funeral? That too 2 weeks after i got back!!! He even asked me to pay for the entire wedding. I was so shocked. As in my family,the groom and the bride shares the cost. When we refused, he started showing his ugly side. What abt the times we spent and the love he said that he had for me? He doesnt even want me to speak to his friends anymore. All lies...The worst man i have ever met in my entire life!
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