He is having a midlife crisis and just walked away!

Hi everyone, I just found this site and loved it! I so need to vent! This past year I almost lost my son who is 32 three times,,,he has bi-polar disorder and got deeply depressed going through a divorce. He also self medicates with alcohol and just about anything else he can find to numb himself. My daughter who is a dream child decided that she will not talk to me if her brother is living with me because he drives her crazy! I don't blame her, I'm going crazy too, but it's not easy kicking your hurting child to the street! In the middle of all of this my fiance decided after seven years he wasn't in love with me any more,,,he just loves me like a sister! I had noticed some unusual behavior, new cologne, new look, etc. So, needless to say I am now a nervous wreck! I shake, I cry and I have to force myself to even function (my doctor does not believe in giving anything for nerves, except an antidepressant) So what do I do when I just tremble all day and night?. I am unable to work, I can barely make it to the grocery store without a huge crying spell. I never know when the next bomb will fall. We just got through the Easter weekend and it was a weekend of uncontrollable sobbing by my son because he misses the boys, but is not able to have them untill he is stable. Between my son's rages/depression and morning the loss of the love of my life I simply feel as though I will not be able to come through this! I have always found comfort in prayer, but I'm not finding any lately. Is it possible that I have had so many losses in a years time that I cannot shake it off? It is devastating to watch my grown son cry and miss his boys,,,I miss the boys too. I long for the comfort of my fiance even though he just walked away and never looked back. After seven years of him telling me that I am his soulmate and the love of his life,,,he leaves? To be fair, we had a long distance relationship and me not being there for him just made him give up I guess? I know that time will heal and I will realize that I'm an idiot to miss him, but right now I am in a tremendous amount of pain with no relief in sight. I welcome any helpful advice.

[mami1323]

Well I just wanted to thank you for writing on my journal.  So I guess now it's my turn to give you some advice.  I feel for you I do.  It is such a bad time for you, it's basically the roof caving in on you because you have all these issues going on all at the same time.  Does your son have anyone else other than you to turn to during this time?  Is he seeking counseling for his disorder and trying to manage it with the right meds?  If not, than that needs to be done.  You can not help him, he has to help himself.  As far as your fiance is concerned, well that was pretty low.  Walking out when you are going through so many struggles, when you need his support more than ever.  The only thing I can say is karma is a b!tch and he will eventually feel the pain because of the hurt he caused you.  It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, it may not be months or years from now but at some point it will come back to him.  I just hope at some point you can find some peace.  It sounds to me like you have an anxiety disorder.  I know when I'm stressed, depressed or sad, I tend to get the shakes and have problems sleeping.  Can you ask a doctor to prescribe you some anti-anxiety meds?  I wish you the best of luck with you and your son.  I hope you get some relief real soon.

[Bellesc]

Thank you so much for caring! Yes, my son is under the care of a physician and on meds, he just struggles to kick the alcohol habit. Please forgive me for writing in your journal again, I thought I was writing in a different forum (age group), lol. I need to figure out how to do this. I haven't taken the time to read about how this site works. Thanks again and take care :o)

[mami1323]

All heartache is the same, doesn't matter what age you are.  It feels the same whether your 16, 21, 31, 50 and so on.  That knot in your throat, that feeling like you want to throw up, that shaky feeling, the lack of appetite, the loss of sleep, the constant wonder, where did this go wrong?  The longing, the aching, it's all the same.  Even though you have more life experience than me, maybe I can still help you during your tough time as you have tried to help me during mine.  I hope there is a silver lining somewhere for you soon.