How to handle it?

My boyfriend left me 3 months back....He is a quite person and got many tragedies in his lyf which made him stronger n cruel...He loved me extremely in a emotional way...but for the last 1 year he was going through some kinda anger problem which he himself could not stop...and then he left me  as i could not support him in his bad tyms especially angry tyms .. he says he had given me chance all these 3 years to change for him...but i didnt give anything in return of his extreme love...He has got an extreme anger....I want to get him back...but now he has got bitterness for me...i tried all possible ways...but he says there is an animal in him who dont want me....dat animal is his extreme anger n i dont know what to name it which is stopping him from coming to me....when he get into this state....he gets angry at evry talk...always remain quite...always in bad mood...uses slangs when i argued...gets cruel etc...and dis continues for months....i cud not calm him down nor could be careful as i used to scream too which increased his anger....evry small mistake of mine has created more anger in him...as a result his anger took over his emotions....i know this is surely a mental problem...Whenever he got dis kind of anger on someone...he never forgave them or gave second chance...He is very sure that even if he wants me his anger would not take me rather destroy me...im really in a bad state, i want him badly...i can do anything for him ....but how will i decrease his anger for me and how will i calm him when he gets angry?....Now that i am not his gf though im trying to get back....if in this stage he gets angry...what should i do?....i can be quite n patient but now i hav to do more to achieve back his believe on me....His anger myt be broken by logics as he claims to be a logical person...but i dont have any logic to tell the reason he should take me back......plssssss help....

[teko]

Your bf needs help and it is the kind of help that only professionals can deliver. I would incourage him to see someone as there is medication that can help as well as counseling to get to the bottom of his problems. Until he does get help, he is incapable of giving love in any relationship and you need to understand that one day if he does not get treatment, his anger could seriously hurt you.

[jo929]

I fully agree with teko he does need help and untill he gets it stay away from him  luck  jo

[Setaka]

RUN!  And keep on running until he's no where in site.

You both have a real problem and since you are the one writing, I'll start with yours....  

You obviously have a very low self esteem to allow this man to control you so.  I would imagine it stems back to your own childhood someplace where you have taken hold of a boyfriend who has the same trait as someone else (maybe a parent) who you loved and did not get the love back.

In a relationship, both people should be able to "be themselves".  There is no reason on earth why you should tolerate his behavior, or change yourself to what he wants you to be.  That is control at it's strongest!  

When you think about your age, and how long you are probably going to live, can you hold up this facade that long to please this man?  Why should you have to?

Lifeless, please search out your own soul and find out why you feel you need to stay with someone who is mentally ill and grossly needs to go through anger management.  

I fear for you in the long run.  You're trying to devote yourself to him despite his pushing you away can only culminate in you being hurt in the long run.  At what point does his anger turn physical?

Please... take care of you!

[Lifeless89]

thanx a lot for your advice....yeah i had not got so much love ever from anyone not even my parents but his true love 4 me always made me feel that i can only be happy with him....i too used to think the way you do in case of changing....i alwayz wanted to be the way i am...i used to argue with him and fyt wen it came to changing myself though in some way i did change 4 him ...but honestly those changes were good.....After he left me now i realize the changes he wanted were not bad but at that time i was not mentally prepared for the change....

love means compromising so i hav to do it....i dont mind now...Our main problem is that we both had tragedies in life so we both need great support but i could not manage him as i was suffering from a bit of bipolar disorder...but he tried his best to manage me throughout the years which makes me feel sorry....i need to stay wit him cuz we loved each other a lot...& he still loves me but the circumstances( like family problems) and his anger for me are creating barriers...he never harmed me physically rather he harms himself...like earlier he used to beat himself with belt etc but i guess he dont do it anymore....the worst he ever did to me was to shout at me, using slangs....by destruction he means of destroying me through his mind like by trapping me some way etc....

I want to help him as i feel he needs me n i need him 2....in our country, people rarely go for counseling or psychiatrist so i know he wont be doing anything about this....