How to stop thinking of her and stop crying

[firstlovelost]

Hello. I just wanted to know how in god's name can i stop thinking about my ex. We had an intense 2 yr relationship. She has 2 past marriages and a 10 yr old child. We were great together, but my family was totally against her because of her past. My friends and family gave me enough negative **** and I was too afriad she would leave me if i committed to her. We broke up a few times....god knows i made a couple of really bad mistakes, but i was the nicest guy to her and her son... But the last time we broke, I didnt talk to her for 2 months and decided to think about this clearly....i realized all my mistakes and went begging asking her to take me back..my family spoke to her and begged her to come back....initially she said she had moved on....i begged her to think about it, but after 2 months she said she was going to stay with the other guy. In fact, in less than 4 months, they are moving in together and they are talking about marriage. The last day we spoke, she told me many things..about how that guy had asked her to be his girlfriend and how his family was this and that..each and every word was like a bullet and devastated me totally...we both are highly educated and smart....but she is moving in with a truck driver and that all the more keeps tearing me apart....i am too broken...been crying for god knows how long and every single minute, all i can do is think about her and how i made my mistakes....cant see anything in the future....as much as i would never say a bad word about her...the pain is too much to bear....i spoke to a counselor...but nothing....the ex's last words echo in my ears every single minute especially the nights...lost my friends and family over this....will this ever end??? what do i do??

[trekrgirl]

Hi there, you know forgiveness is a beautiful thing.  It's is not always about forgiving the other person.  You need to forgive yourself, yes you made mistakes and you know that, yes she has move on, maybe you feel he is a lesser man than you but love is love regardless of profession.  I am sure your family and true friends still care about you, sometimes you need to reach out to them, family is family regardless of what you have or have not done, give those you feel close to a chance.   Give yourself a break, you can't go back and do it differently but you can go forward and keep in mind the mistakes made and try not to make them again.  An elderly lady told me once "If you can see yourself sitting on a porch, and look into the yard and you see yourself passing by again and again there is a leason you haven't understood yet" ponder that you will find some meaning there.  If you are angry at her write it down, even if it is just one words phrases, it is a good out let, then burn them a good letting go feeling comes from that, you need to get the anger out too.  I am sure she wasn't perfect either, I feel like if someone makes a serious mistake (say cheats) they are looking for something they are not getting in the relationship, this is not always the case but think about your mistakes, learn from them.  Time will fade the pain, Forgive yourself. The thing is you are all the way down right now, so the only place you can go is up :) So stand up, dust yourself off, and take a step to a better day.  You will still cry, still feel lost, maybe even alone but it will fade a little at a time.  Keep posting it is a good outlet, oh its ok to get mad too.

[firstlovelost]

thank you for your words.....i guess you are right....i ask god every day to give me strength...sometimes i wonder, we have gotten back under wierder circumstances....i wonder if god will ever bring her back to me....then i remember her words from the last day we spoke....and those feelings get destroyed....my god....those words ring in my ears every second, i put music on, tv on...but nothing drowns it....
you are right, besides a profession, i am sure he is a nice guy...because she told me how she felt loved....those few sentences keep ripping my heart to pieces....i dont know how to forgive myself, for the rest of my life, i will be reminded that if it wasnt for 7 weeks, i would be married to her!
everyday i put myself together and go to my job....barely keeping myself together...in the eveninig i come home broken....the horrible part is that my house reminds me of her....i get these crazy vivid images in my mind of her with him....and i dont know what to do...except pray. with all this, i have a rational part of my brain, that is so strong...it just will not let me do anything harmful to her or myself...hell i cant even speak bad about her...
i feel like a loser beyond a loser....here i am crying myself to death...and she is going on romantic 4 day weekends with him....
i just dont know how to tell my heart to let go....

[jo929]

You may think you wont get over it, but you will, also remember she had 2 past marriages that did not work, and you may nevrer really know what happened, maybe yours might not have worked either, anyway i feel for you, but it seems she moved on pretty fast if she really-cared for you  luck  jo

[firstlovelost]

thank jo929....that was the whole thing....i was worried sick and was always in fear that if i marry her and something crazy happens, she might leave me....my family and some friends did a great job to deepning that fear! later on i realized that it was just fear and conjecture....i know i screwed up, everytime i would have i am worried and had doubts, she would cry...god knows i made many mistakes, but it was fear, i begged for forgiveness and she said she had given me a couple of chances and no more....
when i begged her to marry me and take me back...she said she was in a "relationship" already...it had been just 6-7 weeks since i had spoken to her, she said that we had been breaking on and off and the last time we broke, she went online the same day and met someone. I begged her to not let go of something that we had worked on for 2 years....my family spoke to her and requested her to consider and what not...
my cousin told me the same that i would eventually move on...i just dont know when...its like every minute a tiny part of me is dying...the more i try to stop thinking of her, the more it hits me....the way she said she was moving in and they were discussing marriage and the way she was happy...omg...it was like each word was a slap on my face.....i have always been the "nice guy"....most unlucky in love....she was the greatest thing that happened to me...she was my friend, my lover, my partner ...and as much as i feel i deserve to be shot for bringing tears to her eyes....i am sorry...these feelings come pouring out....and i am so alone and no one to talk to...thank you so much guys for giving me some encouragement..

[firstlovelost]

i was thinking today morning....rationally...i evaluated all the pains i have gone thru in life....every good thing that came to me, god took it away in a little bit....i never questioned it, just kept fighting...felt thats how people grow and i need to be tough...for 10 yrs now...i just looked forward...

but this time....i am tired of fighting....just simply tired....my job is a struggle every day...i have been fighting for 4 years everyday mustering my strength....but my heart and mind are giving up....whats the point of having so much to offer when you dont have anyone to offer it to...

i am not depressed...nor will my brain let me kill myself.....but for the first time i wish god would just take my miserable life....because if god tests someone's patience this long...then i give up.....i had so many friends, family...a great girl....in one moment....everything lost....nothing is left....
i broke that girl's heart 4-5 times...for that i would gladly give my life as penance...i deserve my punishment and am ready to own up to my mistakes...but this is not over...is it??? anyone?

[jo929]

You are going to have to straighten up and think positive, it has happened to others and they lived over it, quit feeling sorry for yourself and grow go out you are young and you think to much i still maintain that she had 2 past marriages that did not work and if she had loved you she would not have been able to love someone else so quick but you are wearing blinders take them off, and see it as it is, she wanted this other guy or she would not have found him so soon just watch it will not last long, beleive me. i have lived a long time and seen this many times  luck to you  jo

[yenyor1]

Hello, I just wanted to let you know that there is hope and healing in God through His Son Jesus Christ. I was in a 8+ year relationship with someone but I was not treated very kind. After we broke up I went through something similar to what you are going through. It seemed that I would never get over him. Then I met someone who told me about God. I received Jesus as my savior and my life was so dramatically changed it was amazing. It was like joy unspeakable. I was finally really free. I have been a Christian for over 10 years now and God is still faithful. I prayed and asked God to send the right person along for me and He did. I met my husband at church around 10 years ago. We have now been happily married for 8 years. I could not ask for a better husband. He is so good to me and he is also a Christian.  God loves you and has a plan for your life. Seek Him, He is faithful.

[jo929]

what you found was great, i love happy endings,especially about God, even tho i pray sometimes i feel as if he does not hear me luck  maybe first love lost will read this, and it will help  luck  jo

[firstlovelost]

Hi jo....i am trying my best to change my mind...i know she moved on a little too quickly...but last year around august when we were broken up for 3 months, she didnt date anyone....she was alone....trying to get over me....we met up again in november end and we both realized that we had feelings for each other...except by that time...under pressure from my family...i had met another girl and had agreed to marry her....as much as i didnt even want to be married to the other girl, i didnt know what to do and how to break it...and all thru december, my ex tried to win me back knowing that i might not come back....it damn near broke my heart everyday.... until maybe god decided to break off that wedding....i was so happy to get back with my ex....
although...i do think this is too fast for her....as much as i would never wish bad upon her, i really wish that relationship would break up....i hope your experience is right....but at the same time, the way she said she has met his parents, his friends, everybody loves her and her son...i was devastated when she said they are moving in together now....its tearing me apart to think they are getting married....she has closed all lines of communication with me...i feel god is punishing me severely and just like you said, i have begged & begged...and he wont come to my rescue...how much more will he test my patience....

[firstlovelost]

hi...i am so happy for you....believe me, its not that i dont believe in god....the whole 2 months i was trying to get back with my ex...every single day, i would cry and beg to god for 3-4 hours each day....i asked god to give the strength and patience and to guide me in my troubled time....i told god, that i have sinned badly....to punish me for my sins....to make my heart pure, drag me thru hell if need be...but let me come out of this strong with my ex back in my life....i begged god, not to take her away from me....in the past, i lost many good things in my life, many jobs that i loved got taken away from me...i would feel horrible, but keep quiet and move on....knew that god would take care of me....but this time, i feel he has betrayed me....broken me and my faith....torn my heart to pieces....i have always been unlucky in love...for 10 yrs i begged him to send me the right woman.....when he did send me someone, i got scared from her past and her son....but all this praying and faith...for what?

[firstlovelost]

Hello jo...i wanted to tell you something.... When i tried to go back to my ex, the very first day...she said she was in a "relationship"...it had been just about 7 weeks after we broke up....i said how could she be in a relationship with someone in 7 weeks....she said even though the last time we had broken up, it had been 7 weeks, we had broken up once before about 5 weeks before that..in early feb....she said right after that she had been trying to move on....i still begged her to think about all the stuff we had been thru and all the love that was there and she said she never thought being in a "relationship" with the other guy would be so easy....as much as it killed me...i dont know if i have a right to say she moved on too fast...i just dont know....all i know is that i lost her...

[jo929]

You probably wont relize it now but you dont know how lucky you are, she did not really did not care enough about you to srart with  lots luck  jo  forget about the women amd go out and have some good clean fun take your mind off of what you did not need

[missyaftc]

How do you stop thinking about someone.
not that i want him back...
the marriage, feeling secure is still there.
like he's supposed to come home.
God did evil to make good.
Im trying to give it all to god. i really am...

[missyaftc]

Im sorry i was supposed to respond..... not add a new post.
Im going through the same thing.
I thought you were my ex for a moment.... geeeesh!
Im hurt, but felt used....
it will take time....
im the same way during the day.......... my mind goes on and on about him
i know he does the same.
but mine is an alcohlic...
i couldnt look at his unhealthy habits.... beer over juice.
I understand and will be here to talk.......
best medicine....!
missy

[missyaftc]

I could never keep talking to the ex......... i cant do that.
then i get confused.....
i hate hearing they're voice in a unsincere way...
try leaving the phone alone is my advice...
your just asking for hurt, and keep her voice alive.....
missy

[missyaftc]

Thank goodness you didnt marry her.
It would of been a nightmare like im going thru.
i trusted him.
im going through a divorce as i newver, never ever thought id be....
id love to keep chatting can i add you to my friends list
missy

[firstlovelost]

to be honest, i have thought a lot...if it wasnt for my mistakes, we would have had a loving relationship....if it wasnt for my family...my fear of her past and my culture, it would have been amazing...as much as i understand now and everything is clear and i wont ever repeat this, its the price that i paid...the love of my life, the most amazing person i have ever met....losing that may just be the death of me.
but i would love to chat with you....and share the pain...my msn or yahoo id is ramk_c***@**** or ramk_c***@****...