I have been married for almost 20 years (to the same person). When first married we both worked, saved up to buy our first home, start our life, etc. Before the kids, I delt with his alchoholism, dui's, so on. Yety he remained in good jobs. After 7 years of marriage, our first child was born, I worked part-time and eventually stayed at home and became pregnant with our second. He received another DUI, lost his license for 1 year, yet remained employed (though he was in sales, I had to drive him everywhere...with the kids in the car).
I was home 7 years total rasing (him) and our two kids. In 2005, he was let go from a job he had for 8 years. Since then he has been in and out of companies and on unemployement. In 2006, though still at home, I took a great paying part-time job on weekends. Then when my youngest went 1st grade( 2007), took a part-time office job. During this time I became -very unexpectedly pregnant- and he lost a job and we had no insurance. I didn't know what to do. I was able to go full time at my job and get my family health benefits, but lost the pregnancy.
He has been home the last two summers, unemployed with my impressionalble chidren. I am at work full-time, and still do the part-time job seasonally on weekends. My frustration level is reached a max. I don't know what is wrong with him. I know the economy is bad, but this has been going on for several years. He is in sales, and my point to him is that if it's NOT working...you must do something else. To which he gets angry and yells at me to tell him what to do. No one told me what to do after being unemployed for 8 years, while taking care of his personal probs and rasing our kids. I now make OK money, but certainly not making what I could have made had I not stayed out of the workplace for so long. I feel so stuck, feeling like I have no options. I'm overwhelmed with the responsibilities of children, work, and quite frankly have lost all the joy in my life. I had to sacrafice financially when I was home with the kids, but there seemed to be a point in that. I felt I was doing something worth while.
He has been unemployed now for 2 months, yet hasn't been looking for a job. I've suggested church groups, all kinds of things, but he continues to make excuses. He's been home with the kids, yet they have done nothing but sit around the house ALL summer, unless I plan activities and work it out....from MY job. I'm depressed, broke, and at the end of my rope. Any support or suggestions would be appreciated.
I find it interesting that it was easier to deal with the dui's than his lack of employment. Just from the way you describe the events, it is evident that there is more going on with him than being a deadbeat. Did he ever het help for the drinking he was doing in order to cope with the underlying and real reason he felt the need to drink him self silly. You are seeing symptoms of the disease and not the disease itself. He is probably depressed, feeling little self worth, and after all, you are doing such a good job, it is just one more slam to his ego about how needed he is. I understand your frustration, but I would say to you that this is not something that happened over nite, all the signs of trouble have been there and it would appear no steps taken to deal with your husbands inner issues. Until that is done, your situation will not change. The vows that we take going into a relationship covers these kinds of things. We cannot give up. Both of you need to talk for starters and get your feelings out in the air and without blame and bitterness. Then you need to decide what the next step is together, and together you hold hands and take that step! Sorry so preachy! This relationship is well worth fighting for! That is rare for me to say that these days.
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