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Husband "loves me, but no longer in love with me"
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Husband "loves me, but no longer in love with me"

My husband has recently left me, because he was simply no longer "happy." He walked out of the door after 17 years, and 3 daughters later. My gut had been telling me the past year that there was someone else, but of course when I called him out, the answer was always NO. After he left in Sept 2012, he came back on Thanksgiving Day and opened up to me about the affair, that I knew was going on in the back of my mind. I choose to forgive, and over the past few weeks things have been great, we shared so many laughs, smiles, hand holding, even sex. He told her that he wanted to work on his family, then surprise .... she shows up pregnant. So, he leaves again, because now he thinks he has screwed everyone's life up. After he leaves me, a week later ..... she has a miscarriage. I had chosen the original path of forgiveness for his infidelity, and still choose to do so. His mother keeps telling me he is going through a midlife crisis, and that we all can't give up on him. I am choosing to move on with making priority #1 and then helping my daughters pick up the pieces. I see a lot of posts of women going through the same thing, but I am not hearing any of the updates. Can someone please give me a six month or year update. I want to hear stories that everyone makes it through and husband & wife find a new love with each other. Or wife gets through it finds love in the last place she was looking. Not that I want to hurry up for any resolution, but it is important to me to hear the "everly after" part, not just the bitterness now.
10 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
OMGolly!!  FIRST I send my HeartFelt Sympathy!!
Next - I agree!!  He HAS screwed EVERYONE's Life up!!  Yes!!, Yes!!, Yes!!  HE HAS!! OMGolly!! Yes!! Yes He Has!!

As far as giving You a 6-month update??!!

NoOne can predict, or suggest, where Your situation might go.  Some Marriages "survive" this sort of betrayal and some do not!!  It has MUCH to do with Value and Principle!!
PERSONALLY, I feel it comes down to whether or not YOU can "forgive" His indescretion.  YOU are the ONLY one who can decide if YOU are "willing" to let Him "off the hook" as pertains to what You "perceived faithfulness to be".  IF Your opinion is that HIS faithfulness should be LESS than Yours, well then..... go ahead....."forgive" Him.
BUT
IF You expect faithfulness from Your Partner - well then, my opinion is You do NOT forgive!!
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973741_tn?1342346373
Yes, I too am so very sorry to hear this.  Such a hard thing to go through and I'm sure your heart has been ripped out.  To decide to stay or not stay with someone after cheating is individual for each person and depends on different factors. Tink knows I respect her very much but I do hear of and see many situations in which spouses forgive their spouse and go on to have good relationships after infidelity.  Some couples absolutely successfully work through it.  And then other people can not get past the cheating and never feel the same or trust their partner again.  They are right to draw a line and leave that relationship that only represents hurt to them.

So, your job is to figure out where you stand.  To me, it sounds like you've wanted to make it work and he repeatedly betrayed you.  Very hurtful.  I would personally just take some time to think.  Don't make any move one way or the other in terms of legal proceedings.  If you can begin seeing a therapist, that would be great to just discuss with someone who is unbiased that could help you unravel all your feelings so you make the best decision for yourself.  

I always support a woman with whichever direction they go after being cheated on.  

I do believe people screw up royally and that is different that a serial cheater that has no remorse.  I can forgive many things but you never know what you'll do unless you are actually in the situation.  So, you have to follow your head/heart but first, let it settle down a bit to see where this leads.  peace and luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I was all set to tell you to continue with re-kindling your relationship with your husband until he left YOU for the girlfriend because SHE is pregnant.  You have 3 of his children...he could have stayed with you and supported the other child but instead he ran off AGAIN!  I feel this speaks volumes about where his heart really is.  Everyone I know, including myself went on to find love again and ended up much happier.  You have to do what is best for you and your children at this moment because anything is better than what you're enduring now.  I have known couples who have overcome infidelity but not twice.  I agree with the above posts, only you know what you want and if you can forgive which is imperative to move on.  But will you worry all the time where he is and who he is with?  I can see him making one mistake and realizing that it is you he loves and wants but when he learned the gal was pregnant why did he run to her?  If he had learned anything about the two of you, he would not have run to her.  Think this over very carefully before deciding what to do.  I am very sorry for all you're enduring and wish there was an easy answer.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ditto Mammo
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1894410_tn?1364193655
It has been nearly a year and a half since my husband left me after 30 years marriage, I have gone from strength to strength, do I miss him, yes I miss my old husband not the man he is now, he is now very selfish and rude and thinks I am just sitting around for him to come home. I will not be going back to my hubby, he has hurt me and our children too much and I can not go past that hurt. Another fact is that he refuses to take any responsibility for what he did and sorry how could I ever go back to someone who could hurt, the children and me so much and not acknowledge he did anything wrong. I never cheated and he was my world. It has been the difficult time was the first six months, then it gets easier and easier. You have to trust in yourself and always believe that you will be ok. He wants to work on being a family again, he comes and sees the children and stays and he enjoys sending time with us. However, every time I see him now he just simply annoys me and I can't wait for him to go home. He wants to have sex and I just say a simple no, I will not have sex with someone I dont love anymore. good luck and my prayers are with you.
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Avatar_m_tn
WOW! I my ex wife was having an internet affair ... she said it was because she was depressed and convinced me that if we got a "paper" divorce she could get the state to fund her treatment ...  but she had already moved in with some guy before even moving out of our house ...

I feel your pain, the kind of hurt that this sort of deception causes is hard to put into words .. I never stopped loving my wife and six years later I still do, but I hate her too.

She is now married to some guy who is half the man I am, he makes minimum wage.

I have a new GF and full time custody of my daughter .. who does not even remember "mommy"

I am also struggling how to get past this and move on, still have nightmares and still questioning all the what ifs and so on
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Avatar_m_tn
OUCH thats a lot of time invested in a relationship .. I had 14 years. And, I have a hard time now committing my life anyone other then my kid.
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1894410_tn?1364193655
30 years is a life time, I am 50 now and to be honest, I am lonely some times but I just can't date yet because I just do not want to start another relationship. I gave my ex everything, and I mean everything I do not want to this and to be honest I love being on my own, I am poor but happy, my children are my life and my grandchildren and I plan to travel the world.
You need to do the same it will be hard for you but everyday you will become stronger and happier, good luck with your future.
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Avatar_m_tn
I learned recently about more lies ... and it was very interesting that learning this information actually was enough to make me put a period on the ex wife. It does seem that my entire marriage was a lie and she was never the person I thought she was ...

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1894410_tn?1364193655
Just don't let her make you bitter, you are better than that. You need to cut contact with her. This will help you move on.
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