Husband with bad anger issues wants to leave me.

Hello everybody,

I have been married for a year to my 30 year old husband. I am 22. We have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl. I got pregnant when we were engaged, only a few months after we started dating. Our history with arguments has been really bad. My husband suffered a loved one's death 14 years ago that he had to witness when he was only 15. His little brother was 12 and got run over in front of him. After this, his mother blamed it on him and his parents were constantlu fighting and lying to each other and eventually got a divorce. When I met him, he was an alcoholic gambler and had nothing going for him. Now, my great parents have helped us with everything and gave us a store for us to run. We have a nice condo and everything he never had. I am a college student, a mother, and a wife. He lies a lot to get out of trouble, and when I find out, I get mad. He gets angrier than me and we have had bad fights where I slapped him and he shoved me, among other things. My stuff has been broken by him. Today, I found out he was lying about a bank account he has been keeping from me. I ignored him until he called me a ***** and I slapped him. He threw my purse on the ground and shoved me. I called the cops and they just gave us a warning and I came to my mom's house and he is somewhere. When we are good, we are great, but our fights are out of control. Now he is telling me he can't do this anymore, which he has done before, and after 2 days he cried for me to come back. He says heoves me more than anything and wanted to be with me forever. When we aren't fighting, he kisses the ground I walk ok n. Now he wants to leave me instead of work on our marriage. What should I do? I can't stop crying or thinking about it.
I forgot to mention, he drinks when he is angry and gets worse.

[AnnieBrooke]

Hard to see why you have stayed, frankly.  It sounds awful, and no matter what he has witnessed when a kid, he has no excuse to behave this way and not to try to do better.  I'd say goodbye, change the locks, and get a restraining order.

[specialmom]

Hm.  I'll be honest.  I think you also have severe issues with anger management.  Slapping him is no more okay than him shoving you.  Your relationship sounds volatile and it sounds like it is on both ends.  I'd seek counseling where you learn to communicate in a way that each other is heard and both feel safe.  You have a child together.  Therefore, I think that it is essential that you both work on this.  Seek some counseling and be blatantly honest about both of your parts in the volatility of this relationship.  good luck

[Kayannaboo]

Honey it's going to hurt to leave but believe me it's going to kill you in the long run to stay I am certain of that. This man has many issues that have nothing to do with u or ur child. He has personal issues in his heart that he needs to sort out...ALONE. He is a gambler, a drinker and a liar. Love as you may but do not do this to yourself and your baby, please. None of you need this right now, you have made urself available to him and done all that u can and he still feels the need to be shady, he needs time. Noone should call you names and shove you. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? is this the kind of environment you want ur babygirl to grow up in, it's gonna affect her badly. If this man gets help and u still want to work it out fine but do not lead a destructive life with him it's not worth it.

[Londres70]

This sounds like domestic violence to a "tee."  

If he is willing to leave, let him.  I think you all should be separated and in counseling separately to deal with your issues.  You all DEFINITELY should NOT be living together now; it is too volatile.  Think about the child.  

Yes, perhaps he has had some "rough times" in his life, but that shouldn't be made into an excuse for him to behave in the manner he is behaving or by any means condone his behavior.

Nothing healthy about this relationship.  Doesn't matter that you live in a "beautiful" condo" or that you "run a store."  Things in this case will not take away the real issues or resolve them.  



  

[specialmom]

I want to reiterate that I've read your post three times.  Each time I am seeing that YOU have a problem as well.  You are slapping him.  I've been married 11 years and have NEVER slapped my husband or layed my hands on him.  No matter how mad I have gotten. I'm not trying to come down hard on the poster but this is a JOINT problem in which she is violent and volatile as well.  

Yes, they should seperate but I fear that unless she gets help for her anger issues-------- this pattern WILL repeat and possibly carry over to her child eventually-----------  her violence is not okay and needs to be addressed.  
good luck

[liaise]

You should meet a counselor and go for anger management.