I am moving on and have learned my lessons

So thankful for all the wonderful advice here.  I am happy and am managing to work with my ex in our business.  I have had a couple of blips of sending 'I miss you' messages but that is behind me.  What really helped was I have some friends who are doing some work for our business and as they get to know him their insite into what a bitter and angry man he is has been enlightening.  

I joined an on-line dating site and had a couple of coffee meetings that went nowhere, met one guy who insisted he was in love with me and asked me to marry him on the first date, and just recently started seeing a truly good man.  He actually used to work where I did and went to school with my ex/business partner.  He loves his family, his parents had a good marriage, he isn't bitter towards his ex-wife, has a good job, has a good relationship with his kids and is very kind and considerate.  The sparks haven't gone off for me yet but I am enjoying the dating and getting to know him before we bring in the physical relationship.  I feel blessed.

Trudie

[Londres70]

Your statement "Don't settle!  It is true that if you leave a toxic relationship and make yourself open to meeting someone healthy that the right person will come along"  is so true.  Why waste time with someone "spinning your wheels" and getting nothing in return but heartache and headaches?  

If you believe you are ready to date, I wouldn't recommend being exclusive with anyone too quick.  I wouldn't worry about not having "sparks" with anyone at this time or immediately.  Sometimes that happens later AFTER you KNOW the man.  There should be some sort of attraction and definitely things in common.  

Dating helps to establish relationships to build from a friendship level and maybe more, but the key is to move SLOWLY.  That foundation of friendship must be there and well established or else you will be basically dealing with another physical relationship that peaks quick and fizzles out just as fast and then it is back to "square one."

Just have fun and date without worrying about the "sparks" and "love."  Go dancing with Jim on Thursday and out to eat with John on Saturday.  Then, over time you might just want to see Jim exclusively and just be friends with John.  (I was just using that as an example).  Talk with your dates extensively and listen WELL to what they say and check out their situations to make sure it would be something ideal for you to accept or deal with.  Men tend to tell or show us women things pretty early on while dating (according to my experiences) that should be considered as "red flags," but they are sometimes overlooked because we think:  "Oh, I can change him" or " He won't do that to me" or we choose to deny the "red flags" because we are so starry-eyed and in lust.  

After what you have been through, I wouldn't recommend jumping so fast into another relationship; I don't want you to have to go through another painful breakup or heartache.  

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I'm so glad you are officially feeling like you've moved on.  good for you.  

I agree with Londres.  Dating is tricky as patterns resurface in new packaging all the time.  And when one really really wants a partner, it is even more likely to happen.  I'd look for friendship right now and not date for a bit.  I know it is probably lonely but giving it space and having life be JUST ABOUT YOU and getting comfortable with that will benefit you.  You'll be in a better position to find a 'good fit' partner.  

Do you have any really good girlfriends that you can socialize with?  Just curious, because I've found when someone has less of those types of relationships, they are more enticed by the idea of romance.  

I don't mean to insinuate you aren't on the right track----  I think you are doing awesome.  Just adding in some extra thoughts to the mix.  

You do sound like you are doing so much better and I am sincerely happy for you.  Peace

[Londres70]

Specialmom makes total sense.  I love her statement "Dating is tricky as patterns resurface in new packaging all the time."

It definitely sounds like you have learned alot from the last situation you were in, however, my concern would be you getting exclusive with one man too fast after the last relationship; this sounds like a pattern.  

If I may take the liberty and say we just don't want to see you hurt or going through another breakup so soon after the last situation.  

Ultimately it is your decision and I wish you only the best.  

[elvy66]

I agree with the other ladies about getting on with it....but one of the ladies said to me when I asked about dating....how long have one spent time on you.....and I would like to ask you this question how much time have you spent getting to know yourself, this is the best thing I have ever done...and I learn something new about myself everyday......and now I dont want to date...if love happens it happens but my life is about me first, kids second and everything else third and it is making me a very happy and content person......so how much time have you dedicated to you......love Linda