I feel lost

Hi guys

I have been reading some posts in this forum and I feel I am not alone.

My life is in its worst place imaginable .... I have been with my husband for eight years in total...three years we have been married ... I left India for further studies and met him in university things were good to start with but I fell pregnant twice but had to terminate my babies as we were students and not married ( I will regret it for the rest of my life) he once said that his elderly parents needed him badly and he was their only son to make matters worse we both are of different religions ( never thought it mattered) I went against the wishes of my parents to marry him as he is a good hearted man....

We are married but no one execpt his parents know and every marriage anniversary he kept telling me that once we are financially settled we will come out with our marriage...his parents are very superstitious and believe in black magic they have convinced him that he shouldnt even eat at his relatives house as they can't bear to see him so healthy and happy (!!!!!) I have tried to reason with him and make him understand that all this is bull and he should know better he has lived overseas for 9 years but all to deaf ears....

Coming back to me After we got married his mother and father started to torture me about my weight his father went as far as to call me a fat buffalo and that I was not symmetrical in body...my weight has gone up since the termination and I live in constant depression...I tried to tell him and he bit my head of saying that I had no idea on how difficult life has been for his parents and how alone they are .,, the abuse carried on every time I rang up to speak to them and I couldn't talk to him about it as he wouldn't even hear a word against them... SlOwly I stopped reacting to them and refused to speak which enraged them even more...

My father wasn't to happy with my choice but he still welcomed him in the family but he nurses a grudge against my dad now on why
He didn't straight away accept him as my husband...my husband also stopped talking to my family as I wasn't talking to his mum and dad..,

Couple years back he was stuck back home for a few months and I had to work two jobs to support him as it was beneath him to work India .., his parents took this as an opportunity to brain wash him against me...I have one philosophy in life EQUALITY. I believe that we both are a part
Of this marriage and have equal rights...he came back a different man...

I supported him every possible way never wanted any money jewellery or expensive stuff I
Just wanted to be loved the way I loved and supported him... It constantly hurt me that why did he never stand up for me in front
Of his parents... His mother has now started to use religion to torture me she wants to leave my religion all together but is on the face is being all
Nice and supportive

I'm tired and constantly hurting we have separated we live in the same house but different rooms... I feel that his parents have broken my marriage they just wanted their son back from a woman who wouldn't dance to their tunes or wouldn't stay under their control..

I am battling with my depression everyday I see my babies every where why did he not give us a chance they were his blood to I nearly died due to
Blood poisoning during the second termination...I feel that after being there for him every step in
Life he ran to his mum when it was his turn to
Be there for me... I wanted to fit in his family I tried but I couldn't bear anymore abuse...

I want to let him go and to see for himself he wants to be without me... Am I doing the right
Thing...

[TTinKKerBBell]

Yes I think You are doing the right thing.  This is not a good marriage.  He's "married" to His Parents and You are not going to change that.   I'm sorry it turned out this way for You but I'm sure there were clues that You preferred not to see.  You should leave, go to therapy, understand why/how You missed the clues and hopefully choose more wisely next time.
I'm sorry, I know You've been hurt, but You've given it 8 years, it is not going to change and it's time for You to take care of YourSelf.  You don't want and You don't need any more abortions!!
Good Luck

[sugarbrown320]

Hi

I feel your pain. I was dropped off at my parents home by my husband and his family. Its been 3 months and he has continously told me i am wrong insulted my family and even tried to convince my extended family me and my family are in the wrong. Thing is his family refuse to sit down and talk. He kept saying if i apologise but i am being accused and dont want to apologise wrongly just so i go back. I love him deeply but he really has never stood up for me. He has been brainwashed over these last 3 mths and is now filing for divorce. Even though i should be the one saying i want to leave, after all the abuse i am still willing to make it work. He wont even reply to my messages anymore.

[Londres70]

After dealing with this for 8 years I would say yes you are doing the right thing. To be perfectly honest, you really don't have a marriage.  This situation is all about power and control=abuse for you.  

You need to start putting yourself first and thinking about what's in your best interest and this unfortunate situation is NOT in your best interest.  To add: none of these people (your husband and his family) are worried about your well-being.  

[eternity1234]

Hi,

I totally feel you.I have exactly felt the same always.And I need help too in this regard.
You take care of yourself.If the guy loves syou , he will stop this crap.I know how much you must want to be with him.We idiots are like that only.Though I pray that your guy be a real good person and the nonsense stops forever when he comes to you.Meanwhile take care of yourself and do things which will help the actuall needy people in this world.I have planned to start my life in the same manner.If my guy is true he will come else I have also seen enough trauma for 9 years.There many people in the whole world who need ove and caring.Lets not waste time on foolswho value not genuine affection.

[gatorlova]

It so sad to read these stories of heartache ! I have my own and some how reason reading these stories made me more upset because I am thinking we all seem like weak females. Why do we love with all of our hearts only to be kicked when were down by the same men ! Tragic !

[EssieLy]

He doesn't love you, he used you, get over it, and move on a stronger person, or let him define who you are forever. Those are the choices.

[FellingAbandoned]

Thank you all for your overwhelming and frank support ....i have moved on and started therapy I am learning to love myself first before I love anyone else....it is very difficult but I know that I will come out of this a better and a stronger person thank U all x