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I wanted a divorce and now I'm miserable
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I wanted a divorce and now I'm miserable

The divorce was my choice (no infidelity involved on either side) and I have been struggling with thoughts and feelings ever since. Just a few weeks after I told him I wanted the divorce he was in touch with another woman and has been with her ever since. I feel as though the 20 years of our relationship was diminished by replacing it so easily.  I don't know if I need to have a relationship and so I'm looking back (although I'm forcing myself to move forward) but I am really hurting. I find myself thinking about the good things that we had and did and why I was with him in the first place, and I have to remind myself of the reasons that led to my wanting a divorce and the ugly things that happened in the months following. I admit that I am jealous that his life just moved forward and I'm forcing mine to move forward. Nothing feels natural. Even when I'm with my kids or grandkids there is an emptiness inside. I find my mind wandering back to "if he was here" or "I wonder what he's doing now." I wanted the divorce but it's harder than I thought it would be. It's making me miserable!!! HELP!!!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
I left a question just before you and I now situations are a little different but I understand how you are feeling.I felt this when I told my ex husband to got but I wanted him back for the wrong reason and he would come back, ie, being that family again and because i was lonely, I knew deep down he just made me unhappy, I did get over it even thought it took a year. Im finding it more difficult this time with the partner who has just left. He meant everything to me and made me smile and laugh so much but I still have the same feelings as you, what is he doing now, what if he was here... I really don't know the answer, I wish I did, I'm hurting too and I feel that emptyness too even when i'm with my 6yr old when all i should be concentrating is my boy. Time will heal i hope. Take Care Debs
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Avatar_m_tn
Ya broke the glass box before thinking about whether it was precious to you.  Don'y be jealous of your ex it was after all your choice which he honored.
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Avatar_f_tn
So call him up and tell him you regret your decision and now that he is not in your life, your life is not the same. Just be honest with what you are feeling.

If he is married to this woman, I would not say 'call,' but I am assuming he is just dating.
Just because he is with someone, that doesn't mean that he doesn't think of you. Men never stay alone - they hook up as quick as they can, which is usually within weeks - thats just a guy thing, don't take it so personal as if your marriage meant nothing to him. Its just the way guys are. I'm not knocking men, they are just different. Women are devastated if their husband asks for divorce and they go into the "I hate men mode,"for a few months.....Men on the other hand, when handed divorce papers, say "next."  Don't take it personal, they just can't be alone - well most men can't be alone. But anyhow just because he is with this lady, that doesn't mean he is not thinking of you. 20 years is a long time. If he says 'after all I did for you, was a good husband, provider and so on,,,,"  Tell him yes, he is right and you made a major mistake and you want to make it up to him. I have known several couples that have divorced and then re-married each other after being apart for a while. All is well for each of them.

So I would contact him and hope that he is not the "wounded puppy type".  it can work out,,,, it ain't over till the fat lady sings.

Good luck,
MO
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Avatar_m_tn
Why should he put himself through that again?  Leave him alone.  You got your wish make the best of it.
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Avatar_f_tn
You must have been thinking about the dissolution of your marriage for quite a while. You need to focus on the reasons that brought you to that place.
If you know in your heart that you have tried to make it work and were unsuccessful now is probably a time of mourning.

I am 55 and after 33 years of marriage am finding that there has to be more than just existing. We had our first appointment with a mediator/atty to consult about divorce.

I am afraid of the future and I don't know what to expect. I don't want to be alone, I do want a soulmate to share my life with. I had told my husband 2 years ago that our marriage just isn't working. He is comfortable with the way things are.

I have come to realize absolutely that I can only change myself and my own circumstance, I cannot change him. This is a frightening place, I have to believe that things will improve. This marriage seems stagnant and dead. I am so sad, I never would have wanted this. Still I can't seem to feel love and attraction for him. Hope is gone.

I don't know how long you have been separated/divorced, they say time heals. I believe God heals, ask him for comfort and guidance.
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Avatar_f_tn
If he was a good man, and good to you, i agree with myown, if you love him call him,and tell him you love him.  luck  jo
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750120_tn?1252458630
I erased my lengthy response after remembering that my mom told me  "if I don't have anything good to say, then don't say anything at all."  

I'm a baby boomer and there are just too many people copping out too quick.  Our generation has lost the morals and understanding of what a commitment means and just bails out at the first sign of problems or at the first whimsical notion.  Bad generation...bad!
JJ

p.s. and our children are paying the price.
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Avatar_n_tn
Can I ask why you wanted the divorce in the first place? Was it a brash decision or had you been thinking about it for years/
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Avatar_f_tn
There  is a reason why you wanted a divorce. There is a good reason too, and he proved to you that he was not the man who deserves you. He moved on, so what, do not force anything you are going to move on too, take your time and take it easy, you are going to find someone who is going to make you really happy. If you were happy in this marriage i guarantee you would not ask for a divorce. It is hard to accept that you did not mean more to him, and i guess that is what hurts you. You would not be happy if you would stay with him, i personally do not see the reason why would you call him and tell him that you regret your decision, what is there is regret, remember there is a reason why you wanted this divorce.

Stay happy, take a break, take it easy it is normal that you feel lonely after so many years of marriage, and let it be. You were not happy with him, and whenever we lose something we think about it as a loss. Was it really?
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Avatar_f_tn
I can so much relate..wish we cud chat sometimes cuz i feel the same way...I wasnt happy in my marriage and we had our issues, mostly money...and his control of it..and if you ask him he would say me spending his money.  we argued all the time and all he did was work 50-70 hours a week and wud come home stressed and crabby which made things worse.  He then surprised me and filed for a divorce, I got a knock on the door and served papers.  Now we are going thru the divorce process and about 1 month away and I am having second thoughts. Lately he has been working no overtime, we are still living together, and he is home for supper, enjoying fishing ect and an active part in our sons life...and less stressed. I ask myself where was this guy before?? thats what I was missing in the first place and now here we are going to divorce??? Besides that, the money was such an issue, but he cud spend thousands of dollars on lawyers and court stuff?? I am soo confused on what to do or if I want this to work or if I am just scared of the future and being alone?? cnt decide what to do...I am torn between putting my feelings out there or just going withit since I remember how unhappy I was.  Dont want to be his doormat and beg him to stay..but then again dont want to leave without an honest effort.  After hours of thinking and lost sleep, im leaning on seeing if we cud just legally seperate, go to counseling and see where it goes or if it was meant to be.  I dont even know if we cud rebuild the trust and the closeness again, but then again, what would we have to lose?? Wud like to chat with you sometime but dont know how to do that i am brand new to this forum...let me know I wish you the best    if you wanna chat let me know and how to do it....any advice from others is gladly appreciated too
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