I'm not sure this is the right place

I am a widow: going on 16 months. I have been dating a new guy for 5 almost 6 months and I have a small child,

Awhile ago my boyfriend and I got into a hue fight ( two months ago) we went through a hard time for about a month. He said that he didn't know if he ever pictured himself marrying me out of anger. In my eye there is no reason to date if there is no future such as marriage especially because I have a child,,

Things got worked out and we haven't even had an argument since. I randomly last night asked my boyfriend if he ment what he said or was it out of anger and he said he felt te same way he is not sure if he sees marriage in our future, my thing is why continue a relationship? He am I talked this morning on his work break and e kept telling me he didn't want to loose me or my son but why continue something that has no future for us. Am I being unreasonable? I'm not and have said. I'm not saying lets get married next week. But in the next 3,5,10 whatever years do you see yourself marrying me ? I just don't know what to do. I guess it's just hard because after my loss in 2010 its hard to think of loosing someone else...

[specialmom]

Hi.  Well, I'm first going to say that I'm really sorry for your loss.  Losing a husband and father of a child is beyond painful.  I hope you have had family to rally behind you and give you support.

So, onto the boyfriend.  Ugh. That is hard.  On one hand, I will give him credit for being honest.  It is so easy to just tell people what they want to hear and then they are floored down the road when someone does something different than what they said.  S0, at least you know what his feelings are.  

He isn't saying NO, I won't marry you.  He's saying "I don't know if I will marry you".  They are a little different but hurt  none the less if marriage is your goal.  So, I guess you can tell him that you feel that you want to date someone in which marriage IS a possibility.  So, if he hasn't ruled it out, you can date a while longer.  But as soon as he knows for sure that he doesn't see marriage, then he should tell you flat out to be fair to you.

But staying with him as he figures things out is a risk.  I'd think about how much time you want to invest in waiting and if he hasn't moved off the fence by then, then move on.  I wouldn't make it a really long time though because you are right----  you have a child.  They mourn the loss of a person that they have gotten close to as he would be to your boyfriend and if your child suffers too many of those losses, it will have a greater and greater impact.  I would almost NOT bring someone around the child until you are sure that they are a keeper if at all possible for that reason.  That is really hard, I know.  So figure out how long you'll wait and then act accordingly at the end of that time.  Maybe it is tomorrow maybe it is in a year.  Up to you.  

good luck and peace dear  

[mammo]

I understand where you're coming from but I think your boyfriend is only being honest in saying that he doesn't know after only 6 months if he wants to marry you.  You're just starting to get to know each other, enjoy this time and be a little more patient.  Marriage is a big step and you have a lot to lose should it not work out......you have a child.  You need more time to make sure he is right for your child and you.  Drop the marriage topic for awhile and see what happens.  He obviously cares greatly for you or he wouldn't still be around.  Think of what you want and need and don't lower your expectations for anyone who will marry you.  You want to be confident in knowing that you can stand on your own two feet no matter what.  If you care for this guy and enjoy his company, just enjoy what you have for now.  It's too soon to talk marriage.  You want to be very particular with having a child involved so don't compromise your values, take a little more time to get to know this guy.  If after another 4-6 months he still doesn't know, it will be time for you to move on.  Hope this helps and I wish you all the best!