Is It Over?

[singlemom09]

My husband and I have been married for 16 years.  We had our oldest child (daughter) pass away 3 years ago from chronic illnesses.  My husband began drinking heavily, lying, viewing porn(10+ yrs), missing tons of work, says he's depressed.  Now he's using OTC meds and alcohol.  We seperated for about a year then he moved back in about 4 months ago.  He takes antabuse and see's a psychologist 1x/week.  The alcohol abuse has increased.  He pretends to take his meds but obviously doesn't.  The Lying, mind games and deception have eroded my feelings for him.  We have 2 other kids ages 4 and 5.  I have stood by him this long b/c I wanted/hoped we could overcome this together and be a family.  I'm not even angry anymore, I just don't want to do this
He says he'll be dead if I leave him, that he'll have nothing to live for.  Our daughter's death has been difficult for both of us and I have compassion for what he's going thru - just not love.
What is the best thing for my family - stay together or end it?

[Axl_0113]

Does he realize where you stand with this?  Does he know that you are thinking about leaving, and that he may lose you if he doesn't snap outta this?  And just outta curiousity, has he had a problem with abusing alocohol in the past, before the death of your daughter?

So sorry to hear about your loss, btw.  That's gotta be the hardest thing in the world to deal with.

[jo929]

First let me say that i am sorry that about your loss, i know how bad that can be as i lost my daughter also, but as you say it has been 3 years and he has other children and you to think of, and i think that he needs a good wake up call sit him down and ask him if this is the way his daughter would want him to think of him, also tell him the other children are still here, and he must think of them, and what he is doing is hurting everyone i would tell him that if he can not straighten himself out and be part of the h\family that it will be a divorce, make him see that it is time to move forward, that you all will think of the daughter that has passed, but she would not like the way he is tell him he must be a father and someone that all of you can depend on, and that all of you need to pitch together, also tell him if he continues to feel so sorry for himself and not think of the family to do as he pleases, also ask him id he intends to grieve for a lifetime and forget others that need him, if he cant see this then he is to far gone and no matter what he does you are not to blame, and you need to think of you and the children, this may sound cruel, but he needs someone to wake him up out of his self destruction,if not there is nothing more to do   i wish you and your family much luck  jo if i had not have had my work when my daughter passed away, i really do not know what may have happened but i knew someone needed me, as he need to know someone needs him

[countrygirl12304]

Your family needs to see a counsler now.

No it may not be over. He needs help though. Keep yourself and your other children safe in the meantime.