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Is it normal to think about and ex?
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Is it normal to think about and ex?

Where do I start? Well, first off, I have been with my amazing fiance for two years and we have a beautiful newborn daughter together. Our relationship is extremely satisfying on all demensions and I feel truly blessed to be able to call him 'mine.' He truly is everything I desire in a man and I enjoy watching how we evolve as a couple and as individuals. However, some times I catch myself thinking about my ex and how he is doing or if he still thinks about me. It has been over 3 years since we've split and Ive had absolutely no interest in reconciling with him. He has tried to contact me several times since our breakup although I've never replied. To be honest,  our relationship was extremely toxic. I was not allowed to do anything without him, was constantly belittled, and found out that among his compulsive lying issues, he had cheated on me via online sexual chatting/webcaming in the beginning of our relationship. I gave him an ultimatum to get help or I would end our relationship.  After 5 months of no change, I ended it. I decided to go to counseling to find what was in myself(or lack there of) that caused me to he attracted to men like him. I also became involved in my church, got my personal training certificate, and stayed single for about a year until I met my now fiance. He has been an awesome man ever since and is totally opposite from my ex. He treats me very well and is insightful and intuitive. So why do I think at all about my ex? Does anyone else have this problem? Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
7 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Sorry about the typos**
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Avatar_f_tn
I think You put too much thought into why You have thought.  It seems perfectly 'harmless' thought to me and doesn't need some 'sinister' meaning.

You did all the right things in the past relationship and even had the insight to seek therapy for YourSelf.  You are an intelligent Woman andYou have made good choices!!  Your life sounds wonderful.  Enjoy!!

Sincerely,
Tink



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Avatar_f_tn
Tink - Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. It means a lot to me. I believe you are correct... I do believe I'm overanalyzing this. Thanks again for your insight
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1268057_tn?1399131913
In your case, I wouldn't look at it as a "problem."  

Over the years I've thought about ex bfs and I have a great husband now.  

I think this is completely normal to wonder what's going on with an ex.....more out of curiousity.  

"So why do I think at all about my ex?".......you did have a relationship with this person.  Even though it didn't work between you two he was a part of your life at one time.  

Sounds like you've made alot of progress in regards to your life and relationships.....kudos to you dear.  
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Avatar_m_tn
I realize evry story is different. My wife continued to keep in touch with her ex's after we were married,and still does to this day. Through her e-mails, and cell phone. We argues a lot about it in the beginning of our marriage. I intercepted a couple of her e-mails to one ex in which she said her biggest mistake was leaving him. Every single marriage counsler we had told her not to continue with this, and our Pastor told her to quit communication, but she stills goes on. On another ocation she wrote how she's not happy no more, the sex she has now is nothing like they used to have. This has been going on for 10 years now and I'm done. I justy want to see her happy in life so I'll leave, I know I can't compete.
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Avatar_f_tn
I went through the same thing but now that me and my fiance are together and having a lil girl in 3 days I don't even look at guys that way. I don't even think about my ex. I would try to keep urself busy. Take ur mind if things.
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Avatar_f_tn
I have been through that several times and the best advice i can give you, is to try and keep your mind occupied. Do things that's fun and entertaining to help you not think about your ex. When me and my fiance now, first got together i was still in love with my ex which is in prison for a very long time and even though i knew he was in prison and things would not be like they were at one time, i still wanted to see him and write him daily. Now since having a baby with my fiance and being together for 2 years now, made me realize that my ex was a part of my life at one time and when it was over it was over. Yeah it's perfectly normal to wonder or another words be curious about exs but if your with someone now that you truly love and can't live without then honetly it's not worth losing them over. I have made several attempts to try and get ahold of my ex but i can't for some reason which tells me that its not meant to be for me to be trying to worry about him when i should be worried about myself and my family. Goodluck hun, wish you the best!! :)
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