Kids moving home do I let them tell ex where I live?

My kids are grown up and they have decided to move home while studying at uni because it would be cheaper, my ex has no idea where I am living and I do not want him to know.....I am doing very good without him and I do not want to see him as I fear it might set me back.......do I let them tell him where they live....or do I ask them to meet him somewhere as....any feedback would help....Thankyou...

[Londres70]

I know exactly how you feel and don't blame you.

I would ask them at this time to meet their father somewhere else since you are still going through a healing process.  Just let them know you can't handle this right now.  I wouldn't risk a "setback" after ALL you have been through.  

It is YOUR home and you have the right to do this in my opinion.  

Maybe one day you will be at a point to see him again and not have a problem, but.......now is NOT the time.  

[specialmom]

Ugh.  That is hard.  I think that not wanting him to know where you are is perfectly fine however you don't want to put your kids in a difficult situation.  Why don't they go over to his house and drive themselves there?  Then he may not even ask where you live.  If he does, then they can try to be evasive.  But that is hard to feel like you are caught in the middle of your parents.  

It's a toughie------  on the surface, I think you could ask your kids not to reveal your address but just hate them having to be the middle man.  

Maybe others will have a good opinion on this as I am torn . . .

[Londres70]

I know exactly how you feel and don't blame you.

I would ask them at this time to meet their father somewhere else since you are still going through a healing process.  Just let them know you can't handle this right now.  I wouldn't risk a "setback" after ALL you have been through.  

It is YOUR home and you have the right to do this in my opinion.  

Maybe one day you will be at a point to see him again and not have a problem, but.......now is NOT the time.  

[elvy66]

Yeah, I must say it is a tough one, only my son still has contact with him and he wouldnt drive 3 hours to see him.....but that it is his decision....and I must say I think I will ask them to meet somewhere else....and see how it goes....

[elvy66]

Thankyou so much and I agree, I have to be selfish and look after myself at the moment......I know I could handle seeing him at the moment....not when I am doing so well.....thanks for your help...LInda

[ku111]

This is your life now.  You have the right to say and do what you want.  There is nothing wrong with them meeting him elsewhere and telling him you don't want him to know and you have gone on with your life.  It is very difficult being in the middle and it is so sweet of you to think of your children.  I do know that what goes on between parents is between them and the love from parents to children never changes.  Thank goodness this is the case most of the time or we would have too many unloved children.  One is too many.  Looking in from the outside, nomatter what he did to you and your family-it sounds like he still loves his children.  I am thankful for them this is the case.  I have read your post for a while now and you have been through so much.  The saying what goes around comes around-I believe this nomatter how long it takes.  You have moved on and are starting a life of your very own.  You are amazing!  Take one step at a time and one day at a time.  I also believe that opening a new door and shutting the old may not be too bad either.  Just never know what that new door might bring.  Wishing you the best!  ((hugs))

[specialmom]

I knew others would have good input and I'm glad they've given it.  Always remember that in  your situation, your ex husband is the bad guy.  He did you wrong.  I'm do glad you have gone on to have a such a positive outlook on life and have so much hope for your future.  Hopefully your ex will not try to find you and let you be.  Peace and good luck

[elvy66]

Thankyou for your kind words and thankyou for your support....I know I love my children way to much...and I have protected them from a lot of hurt...the only sad thing is my ex loves contracting his youngest son sometimes 3 times a week but the other 3 he cant be bother so over the years I have made excusses for him...but no more they are starting to see that he seems to love one but not four of them and this causes me so much pain.....so I love them as if I was two people loving them and i must say they are very wonderful children and never give me gieve at all...I would love to learn about you and talk more ....Love Linda

[elvy66]

I am praying that you are right and I dont want see him anytime soon, I am starting to enjoy life and I want to get better everyday.....this is a very hard time for all of us...and I feel that we are paying forward and we have learnt to help others that are going through this hell....so thankyou again for your friendship, your love and support and I know I will never forget the ladies and gentleman I have met on here.....God Bless you all...Love Linda

[Imdone12]

I would tell them that you do not want there father to know where you live and they should respect that. It's your house and I'm assuming there adults because you said there going to college. I would think they would understand

[elvy66]

Thankyou for all your comments, I did sit down the children and talk to them about this situation and they said they understood and they did not want me to have a set back at all......I am very proud of them, they were totally supportive and that made me very proud.....so thankyou for all your support and I will continue to go forward and that is great.....Love Linda