How do you get over a marriage to someone who is ruining our lives. My wife needs help with her alcohol and pot use and realizes it but doesn't seek help. She was raised in a disfunctional family of alcoholic parents. Her siblings also have drinking and relationship problems. I love this woman with all my being and find it very difficult to let go. At present we are seperated and she will not seak to me. My heart is broken and I wish I could speak to her. I really wonder how much she really cared all along.
This is not something One "gets over" but it can be a Growth and Learning experience for You. You don't say how long You were Married or how old both of You are but, none the less, You have learned much - much about YourSelf and much about what to look for (or look out for) in a relationship. I'm sorry, as I know it's extremely painful to lose in love and to lose someone You care deeply for, but sometimes, Love is not "enough". Just know You did the right thing for YourSelf - and maybe for Her too by leaving the situation. I have no doubt that She loves/loved You but Her addiction is bigger than anything You want or anything She wants too. Addiction is a very powerful thing but many people do find Their way to recovery. Hopefully, You leaving will give Her the strength to choose HerSelf (and You) over Her addiction. Anything less than You leaving is enabling Her to have Her alcohol, drugs and You too. If She "has it all", why should She quit?? Maybe Your leaving will be the incentive for Her to seek help with Her addictions.
Good Luck. I Hope Your Wife Comes Back To You Clean and Sober.
Thanks for responding. Advice is always helpful. It;s taking the advice that is difficult. I want to share a poem I wrote on a real down moment on a sunday morning and don't remember writing it afterward. When I read it I wondered where it came from. My soul? My heart?
Throuout a man's lifetime a woman touches his heart.
Sometimes it's good-sometimes it's bad.
But the man doesn't know the differance.
He only sees what he sees.
He hopes that what he sees is good,
But often it is not.
His heart longs for what is good,
And when it is not, he suffers a pain that is
worse than all there is.
Hello, I'm just really sorry you are in this position. It is indeed hard to watch someone caught in addiction and throwing their life away. Your wife is in the throes of a viscious cycle that started with her dysfunctional childhood living with addicts herself. This is something to think about if you have children. You do not want them exposed to this and must protect them.
All you can do is ask her to get help. If she will not and you do not want to live with an alcoholic any longer, you must leave. Perhaps this action will be part of her 'bottom' that she needs to get to in order to seek meaningful help for her addiction problems.
And know that alcoholism and drug addiction are very intertwined with depression. She needs to seek help for the emotional aspect that has contributed to her addiction as well.
Peace and luck and we are here any time you need us.
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