Mid life: feel trapped. Walk away?

I'm married and thinking seriously about walking away.  I'm no longer attracted to her and I find myself attracted to many other women I want to pursue.

I still love her and care deeply for her, but I'm not in love anymore. I don't know how or if I should drop this grenade on her or continue on in my own unhappiness.  I can't point to why I'm unhappy, I just am. I'm bored and annoyed by her. I feel like I always have to be accountable for my activities and location, like I can't just go off and do something or go somewhere without her.  I feel trapped. I want to travel and meet exotic beautiful women. I want to meet exotic beautiful women near where I live too.  I fantasize about having my own place to live and being able to cook and entertain dates there.

My wife loves me and has few faults- at least none I can use to justify leaving. She doesn't use drugs, steal, abuse, etc.  she works hard and is responsible and mature.

I worry about regrets.

I also want to be with a gorgeous, genuine hearted, optimistic and kind woman with whom I had an affair lasting several years but which ended a few years ago. We were both married but she left her abusive husband.  I still have a place in her heart and we could fall in love again. I know she has been leading her own life the last few years, and she has dated others but no one serious... Yet.

Anyhow, I'd appreciate your insight and advice. Why am I not happy. I guess I'm the classic walk-away-husband waiting to happen.

Thanks.

[Sasha90]

I think you need to be honest with your wife. It will hurt her and she will feel a great deal of depression, anger, and pain but it has to be done. Whether you leave her on a whim or you talk to her in person she will feel those emotions, but I feel that you as a husband owe it to her to be honest and treat her with respect by telling her the truth.

You have to do what will make you happy in your life. If that means getting out of a marriage and being with "exotic women" then that is what you should do. You said that you had an affair in the past for several years, that alone should have been a warning sign that the marriage was not working for you. Save yourself and your wife the pain and suffering and end the marriage. You said she is a good person, so she does not deserve to be married to someone who wants other women. I think if roles were reveresed you would not want to be in a marriage with a women who fantasized about being with other men.

I wish you the best of luck.

[lost1000]

Mate, I've been there. Same feelings, everything. In the end I did talk to my wife and it was very painful for us both but we both stuck it out and work through things and changed our lives together. We started going away for day trips and weekends and were able to reconnect. Now life is great again for both of us. I did seek councilling and it was good just to talk about what I was feeling to someone not connected with us. I also had a couple of very close and private friends, one of which I found here and she was a great help and someone I could talk to openly and without being judged.

The best thing I did was to talk and not to run, which is what I wanted to do.

Think very hard before you walk out. It does take time to work through this thing but by working together and just time, helps to get through it all.

Best of luck, mate.

[Londres70]

Sounds like you have posted here to get the "thumbs up" to do this.

I would say NO.  Seek therapy to get a professional's opinion before doing anything rash.  

[MidLifeMan]

Thanks for your comments, I'm still absorbing and thinking.

[Londres70]

Well, I am glad you thinking this over seriously.  

Keep us posted on your outcome.  

[mark9876]

Read the book fire proof it will change how you see things