Mother in law ruined my marriage, how do I get my husband back!?

My husband and I have been married for three and half years.  We became best friends prior to getting married and our marriage was very good since we shared such a good relationship.  A few months ago my brother in law moved in with his wife.  They have a very bad relationship and were always fighting and even beating each other.  It ruined the peace in my house and my husband and I would spend more time fixing their fights or arguing over their problems, then taking care of ourselves.  After that, my mother in law came.  She was fine with me the previous two times she visited and stayed with us (always stayed like 3 months at a time), but this time, she totally changed on me.  She manipulated my husband into believing that I was disheartening her and that I was not giving her respect.  My husband was never home, so it was my word against hers.  She would go through our stuff in our room when we both were at work and she would stand outside my bedroom and listen to our conversations.  I caught her many times, but ignored.  Finally, one day I told my husband and started fighting with me over it.  Then, when he asked her, she denied it.   After my mother in law left, she kept calling my husband when I wasn't around and feeding him negativity about me.  She kept crying and doing drama that I hurt her feelings and that is why she left.  I didn't understand what was going on because she never did that to me before.  If you met her, you would think she's the nicest MIL in the world.  

During all this my brother in law started putting negative thoughts in my husbands head, too.  My sister in law told me one day that my mother in law and brother in law are trying to control my husband because he worships the ground I walk on and they don't like it.   She also told me that her husband (my brother in law) has been trying to turn her against me so that we won't get a long.   I didn't know how to react, so I just took it as information and ignored it.  I figured if I don't get involved, then nothing will happen.

All this kept adding up and one day my husband and I got into a huge fight.  His brother and mother had made up lies and totally provoked him against me.  I told him it wasn't true and he didn't listen, so I walked out of the house.
A day later, we made up and he promised that he would take care of the issues his brother was causing.  However, that lasted about a minute, because the second I entered the house again, his brother caused more problems.  This time, the sister in law back-stabbed me too and lied that I said things which I didn't.   My husband stood there against me with all of them and at that time I mentally broke down and decided that I needed to be separated.  There were too many misunderstandings and my husband was not ready to listen.  On top of that, his family was just lying left and right to make sure all their bull s*** gets covered up.  

A lot of things went down...it was a nasty fight between both families.  I also reacted out of anger and so did they. However, despite what he did and his family did, I still want to be with him.    It's been three months that we have been separated and the other day he sent me a legal notice indicating there will be no reconciliation.  He wants divorce.  In the past three months, I have cried, I have begged, I even went to see him (we are long distance right now), I emailed him, I tried to have his friends and family talk to him - I mean..everything has been done from my side to reconcile even though I am not the root cause of this problem.  His own family and friends told me that he is being an idiot and is wrong, but because he is so close to his family and blindly trusts them, he doesn't have the guts to stand up for what's right for him.  

I am very heartbroken and hurt.  I love him a lot and I know deep down he loves me too.  But he doesn't have the courage to stand up for me against his family.  His problem is not me at this point, his problem is that his family has a problem with me.  I don't know what to do...I initially walked out to save myself mental torture (my sister in law is a mental depression patient and takes pills because of how my mother in law ruined her relationship with her husband), but this is not any better.   I want my husband back, but he fails to see the truth.  He fails to realize that we both were perfect before his family came.  He is the kind of guy who couldn't even spend one hour without talking to me and now its been three months and he has had no heart to come and even give us a chance.  He didn't even tell me he wanted divorce.  He emailed it to me!  

The worst is that he is doing all this because his family is forcing him to.  So he's making himself believe all these lies about me and he wrote me nasty emails pointing fingers at my character and all these fabricated stories from what his mother and brother have told him.  He has created this negative false image of me so that he could get through this.  I don't know what to do.  In our country mother in laws are a huge problem and they are known to brainwash their sons because of jealousy, ego, and wanting control.  I would have never thought she was like that, but boy was a I wrong!

I don't know how to get through this.  My husband refuses to talk to me, his family has forced him to cut off all contact with his friends and relatives, and his family also hasn't tried to resolve this.

[mandsmom]

I know exactly how you feel.  My husband was the same way with his family, especially his mother, and I finally had enough of it that I did the same as you and walked out of the situation.  My husband and I have been seperated for over 8 months and we are working things out gradually.  What you have to do is seperate yourself from him as far as cutting off all contact with him, not showing him that you still care, and making him do all of the talking if he has anything to say.  The more vulnerable you make yourself to him the more he will just sit back and think that you are always going to be there, especially when he wants you to be.  Make him believe that you don't care and that will soon make him realize that a decision has to be made on his part, does he want to live the rest of his life with his wife that he made vows with or does he want to spend the rest of his life being a momma's boy?  Ultimately, when men have to make that decision they usually pick their wives.  As long as they know you will be there, they will treat you however they want to.  It took me a long time to realize that, and as soon as I started acting as though I didn't care, my husband started changing his ways, and he has done a complete turnaround since we seperated.  If he doesn't try and work things out with you after you prove to him that he can act this way and it doesn't bother you, then you deserve better.  If there are no children involved I would definately give him the cold shoulder.  Good luck, God bless and Happy Holidays!

[teko]

A man is to leave his father and his mother and cleve unto his wife. I believe that you should never let family move in. It never works out and only brings further problems to a relationship. Your husband imo is not much of a man. If he was he would have kicked em all out (in a nice way of course). He would have never let his mother come between the two of you. However, you are not innocent either. You allowed them to stay there as well and you as well as his mom put him in the middle of your squabbles. He was not man enuff to separate the two of you and lay down the law to you both. Then you left. For whatever reason you did it, this was absolutely the last straw for him. He obviously does not care enuff for you to do what it takes to keep you. IMO, you are better off without him. Sorry, I know its not what you want to hear.

[mammo]

I totally agree with the above post!  Leave him alone, let him think you are moving on, so long as he knows you will take him back at any moment he has no reason to reach out to you.  He's an adult and it will make him think...do I want my mother or my wife?  When you are totally out of his life, he will know what it's like to truly be without you.  Don't be too quick to respond to his emails or calls and always be very happy when you do speak to him. Not happy that you're talking to him, happy in your life. He is so sure of you right now, you need to pull the rug out from under him, give him a wake-up call.  You could even send him an email and tell him you understand, and wish him all the best.  You are moving on and hope he does the same. This will floor him!  If he still doesn't turn around, he and that nut case mother of his is not worth your time, you deserve better.  Keep us posted, and I wish you all the best.

[anamikahelp]

Thank you all for your supportive comments.  

@mandsmom:  There are no children involved which is a blessing, however, we were admist family planning and were almost there.  I was very vulnerable for the first three months and just tried anything and everything to beg him to come back.  Now, for the past month I have totally cut it off with him thinking the same - that he would realize and at least come talk to gradually make things better.  Instead, I received a legal notice saying he wants to formalize a separation agreement and apply for divorce.  What hurts me more is that he told me would work things out and he just needs time, but his family has influenced him so much and is 24/7 showing him negativity that he doesn't have the guts to stop them and say enough is enough.  In fact, his family is pressuring him to force me to sign the house to his name (cuz its under my name) and transfer all my bank accounts.   He said to me "you don't understand my priorities right now".   Basically, he is telling me that money top priority than his relationship.  We both are educated and make good money, so money was never an issue, but his parents are greedy and they always asked my parents for money behind his back, but he refuses to believe it.  I know I don't deserve a guy like that because every woman deserves a real MAN, but I love him and I know that if we two were together alone without family interference, we would be perfectly fine like we were before.  He always took care of me and pretty much worshiped the ground I walked on.  He is very laid back and I was always the decision maker because he wanted me to be happy, but that was all until the witch (his mother) came along and his other family members.

@teko: You're right, /I should not have let them move in, however, its part of my culture to live in a joint family.  I had agreed to share the responsibility of keeping his parents with his brother as long as we had no issues, but they forced me to live with all of them together even after all these problems started.  In fact, after the first few quarrels, I sat down nicely with his mother and him (separately) and explained to them that I don't think its right for all of us to live together when there are so many conflicts.  Especially, when it's ruining my relationship in my house.  His mother said to me "i don't care if you guys are happy or die, but I will live with both of my sons under one roof."  When I asked my husband about why its mandatory for us to live together and that we should be living separately (even if its the house next door), he blamed me for being a homebreaker.  In fact, to this day, his mother is going around telling people that I tried to break her house by separating her sons and that my parents broke my relationship because they took me home.  I didn't mention it before, but my parents took me home because I was in very bad health, mentally broken, and in a very bad state.  I have never been like that in my whole life and my parents saw right before his family moved in and how happy and proud we were of our married life and then they saw me a few months later in a state that no parent would imagine their daughter.  On top of that, my husband disrespected them and was so rude (he had never been like that).  

@mammo: I did try the emailing.  In fact, my last contact with him was emails.  I wrote to him that I can't sit here and wait forever because its making both of us and our families suffer.  I requested that we have a sit down meeting and decide how we should proceed. However, instead of acknowledging my request, he replied with nasty emails consisting of all these fabricated stories and pointing fingers at my character (which he knows very well are not true).   The funny thing is - all the things he has said to me out of anger are the same things that his parents said about my sister in law and her family.  The pattern for what happened with me is the same as what happened with my sister in law.  Mother in law came in and ruined the relationship.  The only difference is...my sister in law is sitting there going to a psychiatrist for three years and on depression pills because of her unhappy marriage, she has a child, and she lives in the same house with them and fights every day with her husband over her in-laws.  She was happier when she moved in with me because I showed her positiveness, but his family manipulated her into lying against me, too.  I think her husband threatened her because she told me the truth about how him and his mom were trying to turn my husband against me and I had told my husband.  She denied it obviously.  Anyhow, at the end of the day - that's one messed up family, but my husband was always good to me and I wish he had the inner power to realize that his mother is not his future, it's his wife.  I feel like I need to "save" him from his family's influence, but I have no control.  What makes it harder is that I am not even nearby (we're about 8 hour drive apart) that we could meet easily.  But, I think if there's a will there is a way.  When I first separated and came here we both spoke on the phone and I booked a flight the same night and was there the next morning to talk to him. It's not like we are living overseas or that we can't afford it.

I think I also have this fear that I won't find someone else who I can be happy with the way I was with him (minus his family).  Everyone that knew us used us as an example of true love and always talked about how marriages should be like ours.  We were best friends and always brought a smile to everyone's face.  My family loved him and his family was always kind to me too (until they moved in).  Some people who saw him the day I was leaving and his behavior were shocked and said that he looked "possessed" by someone or something because what he was doing was totally out of character.  All day and everyday for the past three months, my brain keeps reiterating what happened, and its just unbelievable.  I can't stop thinking about how he can be so brainwashed.

[mammo]

It still comes down to him choosing what he wants most and he has chosen mommy!  If they can sway him that easily, then he has bigger problems. When I suggested an email, it was not to sit down and talk with him, this is just telling him the door is still open.  You need to tell him you're over it and him, and ignore his rediculous requests. Don't put all the blame on your in-laws, he's a big boy and has a choice here. I hope you can move on because this is killing you!  Take back your power and keep your house and bank accounts, let mommy care for him.

[pixie712]

my husband and i was married,he moved us next door to his brother ,we started having problems,his sister in law and her daughters would come over when i was at work,if i was home they would treat me rude,my ex never would put a stop to it and i pack and left,it has been 5months he runs to the bars with his brother,my heart is mending,would i go back?no way if he can,t stand by his wife when he should then it is time to go on,

[bubbahbigsis]

i had the same kind of issues but with my mom. she would come to stay for a day and not leave for weeks. she never picked up after herself which caused fights with me and my husband. this went on for a year and at the time we were living in an apartment so we decided to stay with my cousin while we were looking for a house to save money well once we moved in there and my mom couldnt stay with us all the time she got mad and started saying he was cheating on me with my cousin and stuff. then my cousin started saying i was doing things behind his back. well we ended up seperating and getting a divorce. but after 2 years we decided that we still lvoed each other very much and wanted our family back together but this time with other poeple intefereing. we have been back together and things have been going great we dont let anyone else tell us how our relationship should be and its just us and out children we wont let anyone live with us so things dont start to happen again. while my mom hates the fact that we are back together and i dont need her help she makes her comments and such but i just let it go in one ear and out the other. she is my mom and i love her very much but i decided i needed to do what makes me happy and he makes me happy. so i hope your husband realizes what is happening before its to late.

[Jaybay]

Your husband has made his choice - rightly or wrongly.  Nothing you can do or say will change his mind.  His entire family is toxic and dysfunctional.  Even if they weren't living under your roof they would still cause plenty of trouble with phone calls and emails.  

It's a tragedy for both of you, but until your husband sees the truth, you're really better off being out of his life.  I wouldn't count on him ever recognizing how toxic his family is to his life - certainly not any time soon.  This is not a battle you can win.  What you CAN do is get legal help and make sure your MIL doesn't end up with control of your sharel of the marital assets.  It's time to start thinking about yourself now as you build a new life.  You've been traumatized enough.

[SunShineToeS]

Oh, anamika! Reading your story was like reading my own life there on the computer screen...Marriage is a life altering decision, but Divorce is a life devastating one...I know first hand.  Since my divorce, I have gone on, but I will never marry again.  I even made a website dedicated to helping others avoid such tribulation :) maybe you will find the information you need to get him back...God Bless

[KrystalMIL]

Dear anamikahelp,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation with your husband and MIL! It must be so hurtful and frustrating.

I wanted to reach out to you because I'm casting a show that I think could really help you with your situation.

We're casting daughter-in-laws that would like some help resolving issues with their mother-in-law/future mother-in-law in a positive manner with the help of our world renowned therapist for a non-airing TV Pilot. The footage will not air and the participants will be compensated $1,000 for their time.

More information about the show is below:

NOW CASTING a non-airing pilot looking to bring families back together! This is a feel-good show that will help mend families. We are looking for women who are tired of their marriage/engagement and family life suffering because of their mother-in-law and want to mend the relationship. Our world-renowned in-law expert can help! Please contact us immediately! Seeking women ages 18-40. Please send us your name, city of residence (must live in southern CA), how long you've been married/engaged, what MIL issues you have, and a photo of you and your fiance/husband.

Those who choose to participate will receive thousands of dollars worth of free therapy as well as $1,000 compensation.  Anyone and everyone who meets the criteria is encouraged to apply.  Have friends that need help? Tell us about it!

*Must be a legal US resident, 18+, and live in southern CA.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Good luck with your situation! I hope it gets better. :)

Krystal
***@****

[Alabama222]

I understand too how you feel.  I am now separated from my husband of 11 years.  He was a momma's boy at first and it has never stopped.  She has tried to force either she or me all this time.  She has finally won.  My husband has been there for 3 months.  You may be better off to run now.  Look at me - I am still struggling.  I will pray for you.  

[anki09]

i am going through the same situation..its been only 10 months in my marriage and i have huge fights everyday.my fil and my mil and my sil all of them keep telling lies to my husband and doesnt believe anything.she keeps telling him that i dont respect her.my husband keeps blaming me that i have ruined his familly..its just the same story..Even i dont know what to do..

[monica230]

Hello there, reading your bloggs is like playing a dvd of my own life.  I had a love marriage and my in laws never accepted me from day 1.  They are gradually turning my husband against me even though we have a baby boy now.  My in laws make no effort with me and instead accuse me for 'never having cooked for them' - this is their be all and end all.  They expect to treat me like rubbish because I am a woman and yet want me to respect them and my husband takes their side.  He loved me so much until they and my sister in law stated calling him and msn him behind my back daily and stir up trouble.  My in laws tell my husband to be rude to my own parents now just because they dont get on with me.  I am heading down the same path as the rest of you guys.  We cant compete with our in laws.  Today my husband said to me blood is thicker than water, I can divorce you but not my parents.  That said it all.  Not that it matters but I am a indian sikh and so are my in laws side, indian families are the worst when it comes to being over possessive over their sons. All I can say is this, god have mercy on us women, we deserve to be loved unconditionally, we are human above all, why do people force us to be subordinates just because we are born female? God bless each and every one of us and help us find a way out of our mess.  Give our husbands the brains to think independantly of their self absorbed parents and siblings.  Anamika, please tell me how you are getting on?  my email address is saltwater_fish***@****

[sheena3]

I dont know what to say...i read what u went through and felt as if you were writing exactly what happened to me. i had an arranged marriage, supposedly in a good, financially stable family. My in-laws lived abroad albeit together. after the wedding i also moved abroad but this is when everything changed. i lived abroad for 3 months with my husband and his family. but before a month of up of me being married my MIL started airing vicious rumers about me to all of her acquitances. so instead of adjusting to an absolutely alien culture and a very new life style i straight away started my new surroundings. the old lady was a very different person in front of her son and a very different and malicious person as soon as he was out of ear shot. i am highly educated and come from a very affluent family. before getting married i was also working and persuing my PhD. but i left both of these to "get settled". meanwhile i also conceived and my husband was over-joyed. i think this is when real trouble started. My MIL started becoming insecure about losing my husband since he loves kids. shortly afterwards, my health become worse and on my husbands suggestion i decided to come back to my own family to recuperate and relax and then come back to him before the delivery. the day i left his house was also the day that my MIL decided to start her offensive against me (till date i remain ignorant to what exactly i have done to her and her house). i reached my house and received an e-mail from my husband that since i have been extremely rude and obnoxious to his parents i should not come back till i change my "attitude". regrardless to say, i was utterly shaken and in complete disbelief. after this e-mail he did not call or contact me for a further one month. then one fine day he decided he needed to talk to me and called but i am so angry at him that i never picked up my phone. he didnt bother again. now he is coming to my part of the world for his brothers wedding and i think that he will try to fix things. my problem is that i completely distrust him now. a man who could leave his wife when she is carryinh his child (which he wanted to have) simply because she was evidently rude to his parents once does not in my opinion deserve either having a loyal dutiful wife nor a loving child. i dont know what to do. i feel broken, ill-used and worthless. i dont blame my MIL rather i only blame my husband for not standing by me when i needed him the most.

[RJavaid]

Dear Anamika,

I am sorry to hear about your situation - it sounds exactly like mine. I have recently separated from my Husband after 5 months of marriage. His mothers jealousy and lies about me was unbearable.

I note that you wrote about your situation in Dec 2010 - please let me know how you have got on and whether things are ok. It will help me evaluate my situation.

Thank you

[JuneB22]

Your story sounds like mine In the making.  We were married for 8 years until we recently had a baby. Until then, I let everything my MIL said go in one ear and out the other.  When we had a baby, my husband insisted that my MIL come live with us (this was the first time she'd ever lived with us) to take care of the baby when we were at work.  She started by making lots of underhanded comments about me and our home when he was not around.  If I brought them up when he was around so we could take care of things, she would twist them around or deny them.   Then I noticed that she would tell small fibs here and there. None of this really mattered to me, so I just ignored it.  I recently noticed her listening in to our private conversations when we were in our bedroom upstairs.   Once, she decided that she needed to inject herself in our conversation and barged in threatening to leave in the middle of the week if I didn't do as she said knowing it would be a problem for me to find child care the next morning when I had an important business meeting.  I told her she was not welcome to watch the baby from that point forward (it is critical for me to have reliable child care when I'm at work). This was several weeks ago. Now I hear that she's been calling my husband crying etc. in an effort to turn him against me.  While I hadn't talked to anyone about this (incl. my own parents) in an effort to protect her reputation, I'm now slowly learning that she's been spreading lies about me to friends and relatives.  She's also been telling her relatives to not be friends with my parents after the barging in incident when my parents have no idea of what's going on (my parents agree that it really is none of their business).  My husband initially sided with his mother because as he admits, despite the facts, he tries to see the best in her.   Every time I think my husband has finally moved forward and begun accepting me back into his day-to-day life, his mom attempts to convince him of what a terrible person I am.  I don't know what to do but ignore it and hope this will go away but, based on her actions, I dont think that is what his mother wants. Makes me think that I don't really need him if he's not going to stick up for me, but I hope he comes around for the sake of our baby girl.   Btw, in my experience, the MIL situation exponentially worsened once a child came into the picture.

[JuneB22]

btw, I'm also Indian and so is my hubby.  Anamika, I would love to hear how things turned our for you.

[pug3]

hello...would you be able to read my post called "helicopter mother in law" and tell me what you think about my situation? i would love to know what others deal with and how they deal with these situations.  we are def broken up but i am still struggling with missing him. please read it and let me know what you think.  thank you!!

[chin978]

The IN-LAWS(husband's family) interfere had caused my husband divorced me.Demanding MONEY at all times, at any costs. His the type of "YES" man to his sister, and the rest of his family members. I am his wife(by  US Law), is unemployed-no income, during our 7 years of marriage. DEBT, Unpaid Medical Bills, Unpaid Bills are the inheritance I receive. December 21,2011  he took me to the Brooklyn Supreme Court to file for a divorce. He did not have enough cash money to pay filing fee $.335 so I ended up withdrawal $.335 from my personal account. He promised to reimburse the money.
The real financial situation: He is the person who brings the income to the household, no children. Pay check to pay check, all the living expenses paid by Credit Card, except for rent, car loan(unpaid balance more than $16,0000). He is in deep financial turmoil.
His action: he blames me for not paying living expenses during our marriage.He forgot that when we got marriage he had more than $.10,000 debt, I had helped him to organize all his debt and paid some of  his hugh debt. It took 3 years paying off all of his debt.
The IN-LAWS is the reality nightmare! greedy, selfish...all about MONEY!

[specialmom]

I'm sorry to hear about this.  I hope you have found a new life for yourself.  peace

[TheMarried2011]

I am sorry to hear what you are going though. I have been married for almost 10 months & my in laws havent failed to make me walk out on my marriage like a good couple solid times. I have a very nice & passive husband. But I dont need passive when it comes to someone bashing your wife. Anyways at the end of the day the truth will come out. Try your best and if it doesnt work then that means he was just not good enough for you.

Thank God that at least you are not prego. Being stuck in a unstable  relationship with a child on the way is very bad.

I wish you all the luck.And these monster in laws happen to have daughters as well. So I pray that their daughters situation is 10 times more than they put me through starting from my wedding night.

p.s. my family is very supportive of my decision. regardless I want to stay with him or dont. So if you got that then you got nothing to worry about. Make your life about yourself, not HIM!!!

[chin978]

We were on vacation when he seriously told me to file for a divorce.The very next day he took me to Brooklyn Supreme Court.He did not give me a chance to think about it.He made me sign the UNCONTESTED divorce, no spouse maintenance after the divorce. He is a Navy Retired and has been working for NY City Transit for more than 19 years. He left me, NO MONEY after the divorce.

[chin978]

thank you for yr comment. You're right, he is not the right man for me! He is the bread n butter, doormat for his dear sister and the rest of his family members! He is not the MAN who stands up for his wife! He is married to his family (including his personal income, all of his money he earns).
He had failed in terms of personal relationship with the female in his life!The truth is: First Marriage(the American wife+2step daughters)-he filed for a divorce after more than 15 years of marriage! and not long after the divorce, his mother+his younger brother who is a drug addict+his sister  sucking up all his incomes.The income coming from NAVY + NY City Transit  pay check.A girlfriend came along, the mother moved away and lived in Trinidad Tobago but still asking MONEY at all times from him! A girlfriend LEFT him after 2 years of intimate relationship!

When I met him and got married, he did not tell me all the above dramas! the TRUTH finally reveals it self! I found out after 7 years of our marriage!

[specialmom]

Oh that really stinks chin.  Why did you agree to it?  I wish you could have had an attorney yourself to consult with.  

Was this very long ago?  How are you getting along now?

[pd23]

To all -- I dont knwo what I am writing below, its just that I am too frustated with my MIL.

Anamika and all you ladies, Looks like we are all sailing in the same boat. Same situations and same story. I am too going through a very rough time ever since my MIL started brain washing my husband and turning him to against me and my parents.
My MIL just wants us to get seperated so that she can have him married to some puppet from her own caste. I have thought so many times of getting seperated, but then I think, if I give divorce, this is what my MIL wants. She doesnt care if her son is happy or not.All she wants is a comfort luxurious life and my husbands money. And I am sure you all must be thinking this.
But, just think about this --

Why the hell should we just give up our husbands to tht b*&^tch hands. She will just detroy him. Husbands will keep thier mom happy always, and those f***ng b***ch MIL's will just dont care about their sons nad enjoy tehir lifes selfishly. I have been trying to keep up my marriage since past 5 months (4 months while my MIL nad FIL were here at my place). Every second hurts very bad. When your husbands mind is just frozen and he just wants to listen his MIL, it really hurts bad and just feels like commiting sucide. But we should always remeber that breaking up a relation is very easy but keeping that relation is very difficult.

The old time has gone when MIL's used to scrre their DIL'd life. The era has changed, its our time. No matter how muchver time it takes and how much it hurts, just try to get close to your husband so much that he atleats considers your feelings.

Just remember, your husband must have loved you like no one else did before your MIL entered your lifes, they why do you want to tak ethat away from you.

My husband and I fight daily coz of MIL, but still I have not given up yet. I will struggle till the last minute. Now the situation is - that my MIL and FIL want to come and stay with us forever whichi s not acceptable to me. But my husband doesnot want to give up on hismother. He says he can live w/o me but can never leave his mom. I even asked him to take 2 houses and manage amongst our selves, but he doesnot agree to that as well.

Iam still trying to get him back to how we were before. Dont know how long will it last, But atleast (god forbid) if we get seperated I would have been satisfied atht I tried but didnt get what I wanted coz it was NOT worth for me.

[chin978]

December 21,2011 I signed UNCONTESTED divorce paper work.He insisted that he will not pay for a spouse maintenance after the divorce, so I signed the UNCONTESTED divorce paper work.I did NOT know that by Law - I am entitled to have 7 years of his pension(from NY City Transit) and his military pension! He kept silent about those pension! His attitude was: VERBALLY abused towards me...
I told him, I will not move out of the (rental) apartment until I receive the divorce decree paper from the court! and start looking for a room for myself.He forced me to tell him, Howmany months it will take for me to look for a room? My answer: max. 2 months.
THE wicked MONEY suckers sister in law and mother in law, could not wait any longer to get rid of me, ...

[chin978]

The TRUTH is: your husband is married to his beloved MOM, not you. His lip service expressing his love feeling to you is NOT 100% marriage commitment! Believe me, sooner or later--"you" YES "you" will be the only victim in this relationship...emotionally, time, and financially. If you were a smart, independent, financially independent, HEALTHY  mature woman, you are better have a plan for your own benefit! Donot wait too long just because to keep the status : "MRS...".
Learning from my own experience, I am currently having now, I had had enough of the dramas!

[specialmom]

Rats chin!!!  I so wish you had reached out before you signed that paper.  Would it be worth seeking some legal advice now?  Maybe.  Sounds like he ripped you off and bullied you into this.  But . . . you are free of this mean spirited man and his family.  That is a good thing.  

Good luck finding a place to live.  Do you have any family  around you?

[chin978]

Boy friend or future husband to be:

1. Poor Money Management.
2. Self Impulsive spending habit
3. Verbally and physically abused attitude.
4. The IN-LAWS interfere (brainwashing, MONEY suckers).
5. The IN-LAWS or siblings living together with us as a couple.
6. Alcoholic, gamble, sex addictions, drugs.

it is about the time to say: "NO" to the relationship.

[specialmom]

Yes the things you mention would not make for a good partner.  Good for you to look at past negative experience as a way to learn who would be a good partner and who would not.  Peace

[chin978]

why should I be victimized by MONEY suckers? 7 years of marriage of my personal credit card spending did not cause him to file for bankcrupcy, and did not cause him running into debt collector. I am extremely careful in terms of my personal spending habit during our 7 years of marriage!
He can not perform intercourse due to type 2 diabetic( he told me so before we got married). I agreed with that. So you know that we did not have sex intercourse during our marriage. I remained faithfull to him! I am 16 years younger than him! Because I failed to bring income to the household, in his eyes: I am worthless, less than whole! His mother will be 80 years (Nov.8,2012): mental disorder, alheizmer disease, collect social security check, live in poverty. The sister: financially independent, solid marriage, owns a house(almost paid off)-bought a house for her daughter in Huntington,Long Island,2007- using her own house as a coleteral! my husband does not know about it! the sister does not tell me,either. But I know! has 2 paid off private vehicle(mercedes+lexus)!
MONEY suckers wicked sister in law!

[specialmom]

I'm not sure how the sister fits into the picture as she sounds like she is using her own  money chin???  

Anyway, the divorce is recent and is painful.  Hopefully time will make it better.  

Again, do you have any of your OWN family around?

[chin978]

thanks for yr comment. I have one brother(wife+2kids), financially independent! Never asking money from my husband.Marrying my husband is the biggest mistake in my life! time to move on. As a female, when the marriage relationship does not work out well, no financial security plus the obligation to support(time+energy+MONEY) for the in-laws....it is really *****. My husband, tpye 2 diabetic(more than 20 years)+high cholesterol+high calcium+high hypertension plus having problem his vision.He will be 60 years this coming March 2012.

[specialmom]

Chin honey, you sound like you are going to be a LOT better off without him.  Enjoy your new life dear!  Peace

[chin978]

thank you for your sincere support! I had to come up with $.5,000 hiring a private divorce lawyer! I managed to get the money somehow.The attorney will go to the court to file a motion (for a spouse maintance) by Feb.13,2012. I handed all of financial documents she needed.I can not wait to beat him in the court.He will be forced to pay for my attorney fee plus he has to pay his own lawyer! My attorney told me: He will ended up pay "financial" consequences for divorcing me!

[specialmom]

THIS sounds like a good plan chin.  May you win your day in court!!!  good luck dear and let us know how it goes!

[Melmel85]

I came across your story.  I am in the same position. It's february 2012-- time has passed since your post. What ended up happening?? Did you get a divorce? Are you in a happy place now?

I am in limbo. Not sure yet what to do. My husband's family comes first though. They lie, they're the same.

Please let me know what happened, I'll bookmark this page and check back!

[sugarbrown320]

Hi - I keep reading this story over and over again as its so close to home for me. I have been married for 3 years and was with my partner for 7 years before. Everything was picture perfect before we got married. I live with his parents and 2 sisters and 1 brother. Life is HELL, my husband or should i even call him that as he does not know the meaning has completely changed, all his family are against me, for example i dont clean the whole house, i dont treat this place like my own, i dont tell them wher i am going, even when i am always with my husband. I answer back ( sorry i cant have my own opinion). They dont like my family and have turned my husband against my entire family. My husband has given me the ultimatum that if i cant get on with his family and treat them right!!! he will leave me. I did not think such thinking even existed anymore. Clearly i was fooled. He is too close to his family and his marriage happiness is dependant on his family's happiness.  He works in the family business and till date has not bought back one dollar. . But is marriage about his family? He has been testing me over the last 3 years and deceiving me. Is that what a husband should do? He hasnt spoken to me for over 3 weeks now.

[sugarbrown320]

How is your situation now?

[Laly1]

OMG !!! i read every single history and seems like I'm reading my own life, I being married 3 years my mother in lawn ruin my life, with her lies,putting my husband against me, manipulations all the time, she always find the way to put my husband in bad mood before he gets home, she calls my husband 20 times during the work hrs and 6 times when he got home at night, not respect at all, If we eating dinner she calls and complain about the time we eating , what I cook and my husband after answering the phone change his altitude and stop eating, he stop talking and look for any excuse to avoid talking to me cause he say i disrespect his mother, all the time and she cry on the phone cause she just want him to be happy, but she knows I'm not the one for him...SO after that my husband look for many lies just to go to her house and stay there for 3 or 4 days after that he come home broke, upset, complaining of everything and telling me that i need to go to the gym cause I'm getting weight and is not sexy , in our anniversary she called him right before we walk out of the door and he left me all dress up. not flowers not a simple card nothing ...he comeback home 6 hrs later put his pj's and told me good night, thank god his mother is ok and now he can rest, not even a sorry ...nothing at all,,,,a month later in my b-day my husband sent me flowers to my office and ask me to get ready so we can go to eat in an special place...I was so happy i left work early to get ready for an special night....but once again she did exactly the same thing, star crying on the phone asking to go and see her, So he left me again,and the very next day my MIL was visiting, i ignore her and i went to the kitchen. 20 minutes later i walk out...and she was crying so bad in my husband arms telling him she just want him to be happy and she wont call him never again or visit us cause i was so rude and i treated her so wrong and she knows she is not welcome,,,,my husband was yelling at me and she asked my husband to go and use the hall bathroom to wash her face, once we started arguing she went to our master bedroom to check my personal staff. my closet, i walk in to our room and i find her checking my staff,,,but a soon as my husband walk in she starts begging me not to insult her anymore...i couldn't believe her ..i didn't even open my mouth to tell her anything ,,i was in shock ..because i never spected to see her doing that..My husband left with her and comeback 2 weeks later ,,,asking me to sign the divorce papers with out drama and he loves me but we need to go in separated ways ...he left me and MOVE IN WITH HIS MOTHER two days later she called me to insult me and told me We are never going to be together or happy ,,,, if she die maybe.. we will ...but until then ,,,just forget it...

[salim12]

hello everyone,
My name is salim am from UAE but i base in Ireland. i really want to share a testimony on how a spell caster saved my family and reunite us back as we were.
My husband and i have been married for the past 4yrs now and we have a baby boy as our first child. things were going smoothly untill 2months ago my husband left the house just because he said he lose his job and he will not be able to fund the family any more.
This was so outragious, that i have to do something about. i searched heavens and earth but there was absolute nothing i could do to bring him home, because he went far to another city and started staying with his friend.
So i was going online then i met some many comment about a spell caster with this email address, "***@****" on how he reunite broken home, and so many things.
I was forced to contacted him and tell him my issues. (this was just 2weeks go).
The spell caster guaranteed me that he is going to cast a spell and my husband will have his former job back and get a promotion, and also he will tighten our love to make us more united.
  At first i was affraid, but i had to give him the go ahead and  in just 1week after the spell cast, things started happening.

My husband came home with a letter from his company that he has been paid for damages, and he has been promoted to resume office with an immediate effect.
can any one imagine that!!!!
this spell caster made my family a success and i can never forget him.
his email is ***@****,
salim.