My Husband doesnt believe/bother my words.Rather he believes his parents words
Hi,I got married 4years back.I love my husband and love to spend time with him and share my happiness and sad with him.BUT there were situations which made him to take chance on me by sharing my weak points to him.I trusted him a lot more than my parents.But as days passing on,I came to know that he is telling all personal matters also to his parents.Whatever discussion happens between us,every small thing also would go immediately to his mom and dad .which I dont like.Even if he wants to purchase a scissors also,he take permission from his dad.Everything he is dependant on his dad.If I say that why you are so dependant,he will shout at me saying that I am like this only.Even if I discuss anything also,he will just scold me with vulger words that who are you to ask me.he will say that you dont have any right to ask me.Its me and my dad who shld discuss and decide he says.He started beating me also.For first few days I kept quite even if he is scolding vulger words and even if he is beating but my patience reached its saturation point after 2 yrs after marriage bcos he beat me during my pregnancy also .That too before his parents.I complained to them but they took it as a chance and instead scolding him they started dominating me and demanding me.If I say my husband abt this,in turn he is scolding me. Everytime when he gets the call from his parents he beats me for all silly reasons.Everytime when we meet face to face,my in-laws says me somemthing and if i say my husband he dont believe me.If I stop telling him what is happening ,they are creating scenes themselves and making my husband anger on me. I went to my mom place for 2months and he didnt call me bcos his mom told not to call(she told before me only when m leaving).After 2months my parents reached their parents and his father asked to call me so my husband called me after taking permission from his father.I came back home with my kid but my husband is still the same and situation became more horrible.Its clealry knowing that my husband anger is bcos of his parents but how can i save our relation from their parents.They are main culprits in our relationship.And offcourse even my husband should know what is true and what is worng.He cant believe blindly and fight with me.
Many times I discussed with him ,that why you dont bother abt me and my concerns.He just says OK but from 4yrs in all the embarassing situations i faced alone with my in laws.My husband never nderstood me and never supported me.
Please help me suggesting on this.How should I proceed further.
No matter what his parents say or do, HE is responsible for his actions. Your husband is responsible. No one else. He does not have to beat you or berate you or abuse you in any way. He chooses to do this. Even if his parents tell him to, he does this. You need to get you and your son out of this situation if at all possible. Can you return to your parents? What do they say about him beating you? I don't know where you're from or what stigmas come with divorce there, but I can guarantee this is not going to stop as he doesn't care what you have to say. It seems like you are just little more than someone to bear him children and take his anger out on.
If it were just him listening to his parents and consulting him, there'd be a chance. But the fact he values nothing you say, believes lies about you, beats you, and verbally abuses you tells me there is little chance for this getting better. You need to protect your son from seeing this and/or potentially from eventually becoming a target of this.
Actually 18months back,I have told to my parents.My parents approached my in-laws and explained them the entire situation.But they took it as a chance and from that time,his behaviour got more horrible.My in-laws calls him and cries before him and do all actions and blames me that because of your wife our name is ruined and blah blah blah...He will shout the same at me.If I speak in return he will beatme and says I should not give back answer.He scold my entire family with bad words.I tried to convey the same thing many times to my in-laws.They just diverrts the topic and say that we dont believe yo.We believe our son...And they told my husband that my parents scolded them.But my parents havent done that.They just conveyed my in laws abt their son.They are passing wrong news on me and my parents to my husband for which my husband is hatine me more.
And I am bearing him from last 18months with his vulger words and beatings,just a hope that he will realise one day.But he is taking it as a chance.He is taking me as granted.We stay in bangalore and our parents stay in hyderabad,Whenevr we go hyderabad,his parents invites my husband but not me even for all occassions and get together.Even my husband says that you go to your mom place.I will go near my mom.I used to say that even I will come with you.But he never accepts.He will go to his brothers place since my in laws stays with his elder brother. I feel guilty because even I want to celebrate occassions with my husband but he wills to celebrate with his parents,brother and sister-in-law. I feel really sad when my husband is not getting effection on me but on their parents and his sister-in-law.
It has been 4 years of our marriage but he is continuing the same.
I stand by my original comment that this won't get better. Nothing you said changed anything, just confirmed. He is not being a husband to you. You need to find a way to leave the situation as it will not get better and may get worse. Not just for you but for your son. It is detrimental to children to live in situations where domestic abuse is common even if they themselves are never touched.
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