My Husband is living with his ex-girlfriend while separated from wife.

My Husband is living with his ex-girlfriend. The separation has been about 1 years and 4 months.  I'm no sure when she moved into my house but am wondering if he has been having an affair? I didn't realize he could do that to me.  I was devastated after 8 years of marriage.  i also had an abortion a few years back because our baby would have Down syndrome.  So I've been depressed and thought he would always be there to support me emotionally.  We argued constantly after we lost the baby.  I didn't think of going to therapy and medication for my depression so it took a toll on the marriage. For a year, I've been blaming myself for the separation.  My husband called, text, and even had phone sex during the year. My husband said he wasn't dating anybody and would never let anybody live in our house.  I thought he wanted to work or out because he would call me every night to say good night and texted me 15 times each day for the past year.  However, one Saturday night right before Christmas I tried to text him when he was going to call to say good night and he didn't reply.  I went over to our house at 12 at night, I know it's late but he said he was working till 11:30p.  I see 2 cars in the drive way.  i rang the bell and ask him who was in our house.  I tried to go in to check on the house and saw that it had other decorations/furniture beside mine.  My husband and I are screaming, I walk into the house and demand who was in the house with him.   My husband finally admitted that his ex girlfriend from high school was sleeping in "our house". His girlfriend called the police because I was causing my domestic battery and I get arrested.  How could my husband be so cold, heartless, lying, manipulating?  I've been known him for 15 years and married 8 years, but why didn't realize he could have an affair. Now I'm wondering if he had been having an affair all these years we've known each other?  He has kept in contact with her through facebook and I always wanted to know why it was so important to him to have her as a Facebook friend?  He kept saying they were just friends!! I am so upset, depress, lost my job because I'm am emotional wreck.  How do I stop thinking about what I did wrong and why he lied?  

[AnnieBrooke]

Time for a lotta therapy, sweetheart.  You have too much to work out to try to do it in an online forum.

[specialmom]

Oh my goodness.  Sounds quite complex and yes, very upsetting.  I agree that a therapist would be oh so very helpful for you.  Starting with your depression and mourning over terminating your baby.  You've perhaps worked on that during this year plus seperation with your husband.  Was there any talk  of you two getting back together?  I know you 'thought' he wanted to but did he say it?  was he offering to go to marriage therapy?  I'm just wondering about this long seperation and what you two had discussed as the resolution to that.

So, I think now you must have a heart to heart with him. I'd ask him to have this other woman drop any charges against you first of all. And then I'd invite him to your place for a major meeting of the minds to see where you go from here.  good luck

[eternity1234]

You have been through alot Joyce but I am sure you will come out of it stronger and healthy and happy.Sometimes we feel that we will never be able to come out of a situation and it seems as the end ,unbearable;but we do come out of it;
I know it has been alot you have been through;The abortion,the separation and then the decitful behaviour of the person whom you trusted so much must be very painful;But remeber one thing,you have to remain strong,have the courage to deal it with a healthy attitude,go to the bottom of things to know the truth but your ultimate aim should be to take care of yourself and your happiness;Nobodies bad action should take away our peace of mind.Try to forgive him like you would forgive a child but at the same time do not let him rum over you in any manner.

[Life360]

Hi Joyce, its time to walk away and start your life over again. I have done this twice before myself and always ended up better.
You might want to check into securing your financial interest in your home. I would not let him take it over. Its half yours.

[Londres70]

So very complex and sad.

Even if you can confirm that he has been having an affair all along will that really matter?

I think you really need to take care of you because that's the MOST important thing at this moment.

Seek some therapy as soon as possible for your own well-being.