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NEED ADVISE BOEFORE I FILE FOR DIVORCE
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NEED ADVISE BOEFORE I FILE FOR DIVORCE

ive been w my husband for 7 yrs almost he had history of cheating before marriage and ive caught him several times but always gave in and just forgave him and moved on once we were married i for sure thought he would change we r bth christian and he made a promise to me and god whn we said our vows so like always i try and make a excuse for his actions but this time i think its the end i would like advise before i make my final decision i ahve noone eles to talk to as i dnt like my family to thnk to knw we r having probs because i love him and no matter wht i dnt want my fam to hate him.. well friday nite we were drinkin at the house w some family members and he was txtn the whole time so i told him let me see his phne whn i want to go threw his phne he has to hold it i am not able to hold his phne and go threw myself he has to hold it well whn he showed me his phne there was a txt to his frnd saying "ask her if she wants some d**K" i told him click on it so i could see if it was a sent txt or a recieved txt and he wouldnt so we got into a huge fight and he left i tried calling him all night and no answer well i had to be at wrk at 8am so i thought surely he would be home by then to watch kids and nope didnt come home till about 2that afternoon we didnt speak all day i slept on the couch that night well sunday am we start getting ready for church and he starts crying saying i dnt love him ths and that telling me im lettimg my insecurites ruin our marriage and i tell him its because of his actions i am insecure i tell him if he wants to save marriage just show me the txt so he can prove to me he didnt send that txt i was thinking well there was alot of grls at my house at my house so maybe it was a recieved txt frm his frnd telling my husband to ask a grl at my house if she wanted to hook up if that was the case it would of been no biggie but he just kept saying it was a private conversation between him and his frnd well itold him i am ur wife if i see a txt like that i deserve to knw it was recieved frm the frnd and nt sent to the frnd askin him to ask a grl that was w him if she wanted some d**k but he tells me he deleted the txt so that makes me so much mre suspious  i told him our marriage was on the line if he didnt show me the txt i told him friday night before he left so y would he delete the txt and thn whn he said he wouldnt betray his frnds trust and show me the txt i told him so he basically put his frnd before his wife i just need advise plz
6 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I cannot tell You what to do but I will "briefly" share my story.

I was married 15 years and had 3 Children with a man(?) who NEVER stopped cheating.  The affairs I learned of were "friends"(6) and Family Members (2 sisters in law).  There were more whose names I never knew (after so many a Wife learns to know the signs).  EVERYTIME I found out, He cried, told me He was sorry, He didn't "understand HimSelf why He had affairs when I was the most beautiful person in the world, and He loved me with all His heart.  He would threaten to kill HimSelf cuz He couldn't live without me" etc., etc."  With His threat of suicide I "forgave" him (again and again) and hid my own pain from the world.  Also (like You) I  didn't want my Family, His Family, and most ESPECIALLY our Children to hate Him - so I covered it up.
After 15 years I could take no more and I left Him.  I took the brunt of the demise of the Marriage because I was the one who left and I never told anyone what He was doing.  My 2 sons - NEVER forgave me for leaving Their Dad.  My oldest son left here 22 years ago and I have only seen Him twice in 22 years at Family Funerals. I have 2 GrandSons with Him who I've only seen one time each.  He wants NOTHING to do with me.  I've been told He has issues with alcohol but that certainly does nothing to ease my pain.  HE WAS MY FIRST BORN AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART!!  My youngest Son died of a drug overdose 5 years ago and was still angry with me when He died.  HE WAS MY BABY SON AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART!!
I do have a Wonderful relationship with my Daughter!! and my 4 GrandDaughters!! but there will always remain holes in my heart where my Sons and my GrandSons are supposed to be!!

Today I have a Good Marriage (28 years!!) with a Good Man and I thank God EVERY DAY for my blessing.

Of course, I still see 1st Husband at Family Functions as we share Children and GrandChildren.  He remarried 34 years ago and Family Members tell me He cheats in that Marriage as well.  My heart is heavy for Her as, I think, She probably blames HerSelf for His unfaithfulness, as I did.  We tend to think if WE (Women) were what THEY (Men) wanted us to be, well then, They wouldn't cheat.

ALL that being said, it's on You to decide:  WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH!!

You don't deserve to be treated this way!!  This I know is true.

Good Luck

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3149845_tn?1386354841
Hi and sorry your going through this. I experienced the same and eventually i left her. Some times people screw up and make mistakes and really humble themselves to the feet of the one they have hurt. Some people are just trying to get the most out of life and dont really care who they hurt.
You have to decide which he is as you know him best. He sounds like a creep to me.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I've been thinking about boundaries lately and it is essential to have them. I am all for working on an issue and trying to keep a marriage vow.  I find that admirable for sure.  But everyone has a breaking point in which things cross over into unhealthy.  You have to decide where yours is.  

Does your gut tell you it is your insecurity or is your gut telling you that he is lying?  
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Avatar_f_tn
my gut and his actions tell me he is lying i went to the libary and got  me a book on due it urself divorce and he went balistic he broke my stove my window and threw me out the hosue w my 9week old daughter and is guna get his stuff out and leave so iguess thats wht is guna happen ive executed all ways i knw how and he just wont change
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Avatar_f_tn
On top of cheating He has become physical - It seems to me You have Your answer.  You should leave.  Sooner rather than later.  Protect YourSelf and Your new Baby Daughter.
Good Luck.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Agreed.  Once someone loses their head in anger and physically thows you and THEIR CHILD out, that takes it to a new level.  How someone acts when angry is very telling.  You would never be able to trust him.  I think a divorce is appropriate.  good luck
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