Don't know what to do. My wife told me last week she loves me, but not in love with me, What? I've been through a lot in our marriage. Hurt back at one job and kinda recovered. Now I got hit by a drunk driver and just found out that ill have to have two back surgerys. Well after she told me that it crushed me. I went through her phone and she is talking to her ex boyfriend, that really hurt cause I had to read it all and see how bad they where bashing me. Now she don't know what she wants. We own a house and have a 2,3 year old. Any woman out there that can tell me what that mean when a woman say that???
It probably means she doesn't feel the early-romance thrill any more, and doesn't realize that every long-term relationship goes through that. In some marriages, warmth and friendship are a wellspring for enduring love, with the frothy two years or so at the beginning being more like high-school romance. In some marriages, after the froth wears off, there isn't much left. So the question for you is, are you in it for the long haul, and the question for her is, is she in it for the long haul. See a counselor together and see if you can come to some answers together, either to stay together or to part.
Thank you for the Input. Yes I'm in it for the long haul. I can't speak for her,she said she was before. She has loved me through all my problem and was pretty much always there. Until my accident. She didn't even wait two weeks befor talking to her ex. I haven't said much about him to her because I don't want to force her to spot talking to him. She knows deep down that is not right. I don't think she's ready just yet. She got a lot on her plate me kids work business in home wife bills she does it all. Is she just having a brake down from being overwhelmed ? Another deal is she won't talk about anything all she said is well work on it. If I say anything about trying o see where her head is she clams up. She texted me to day and said her ex made her made and needed someone to talk to. Why am I going to talk to her and tell her what to say to her ex. I feel like I'm fighting with him through her. I talked about counceliling that I would give all my earning to say our marriage. Not for just the kids but for her.
Hi Austex, hope you dont mind a little male feed back as kinda been there before also. This is my opinion only.
When she said that she loves you and not in love with you, she wanted to tell you its over but has not really made up her mind. The problem with this is that she now has the power and accepted the fact that she can make the decision to end the marriage.Of all the things she could have said, that statement really says a lot and since her ex is in the picture now, she has some validity to wanting to leave.
You say in your second sentence that you have been through a lot, as if she has not. I can only read into your statements as dont know the everyday details.
Perhaps you have taken her for granted and have been catered to by her for your injuries and on top of that, she has taken on more of the day to day needs of the children and basic family life.
Her loving you shows she care for you as a person but not in love shows she has lost respect for you as a husband.
It appears by you concern that this is a wakeup call for you. You need to get back to the way you were when she first fell in love with your charm and husbanding abilities. You may have fallen into the habit lifestyle trap, as men in general tend to do this and need a kick in the butt to get things back as before.
I dont need to tell you that marriage is work, but may mention that it is work required by both of you.
On a side note about the ex. She might have contacted him only to complain, and of course he will try to make her think that he is better than you, but i think she sees now why she left him after all.
Hey your story is almost the identicl scenrio as mine back injury her taking on most of the duties me letting her it is or was a rut or a trap we as men can let things slid an not really pay attention to it .I also got the I love u for what u have givin me being our 17m,an our6 y old daughter. But I'm not in love with you and as someone stated yes that sentence put her in control. And I'm going to assume ur getting some sort of money and helping with what u can. But as woman they want a man to take care of them and there needs.an if there going to work an being the primary bread winneR for a long span of time they do indeed lose respect for us as men fathers provider ptotecters and as husbands like I said I am in the same boat and that sentence was the kick in the groin to make me see the position i had an have put her in. An I am now trying to right a lot of the thing I had stop doing. And yes as woman there caring loving nurturing instinct has helped to enable us as the men we were in the past . I also have the situation she has started to have feeling for another man who has a job his own house he is together. So I feel ur pain suggestion don't go looking for things cuz u might not like what u find which is what I did and it has made thing worse on me all U can do is fix urself u can't control her or what's going on in her head hopefully if u can get back to urself she may come back from the ledge she is on. Mine said to me thing are just easy with this other guy well ya there's no baggage it fresh an new . All I can say is keep ur head up work on ur situation cuz that's all u can do and don't make things worse on urself good luck keep me posted
Not playing that game either. Sorry for going on and on but I just do not what so ever believe in divorce. Their are thing troubled marriages can do to make thinks work. She has no want to even open up enough to say if she wants to go get help. She won't even give it a shot. So that way I'm a little bitter cause I've try pretty much everything to keep us as one.
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