Should I raise her

[Tripster]

Hi, I've never done this but im confused. I was in a 5 year relationship and ended up getting married to the woman. The relationship was rocky right from the start. 1month after the marriage she disapeared and i had no clue where to. i had got over her and started to date.She came back two months later and told me that she was going to have my child. i was astonished. but i wasn't raised to be a coward. So i decided to raise the child and give it a good life just as my father did for me. the relationship was full of arguments. The arguments got so bad that it was dangerous and very violent and by this time the child had been born. She was insecure and claimed that i was always cheating. I was with her about 3 more years on and off because she would leave me claiming that i didnt give her attention.I love my daughter with all my heart and took care of her very attentively unlike her mother. she would disapear for a phew days at a time leaving me with my daughter. I always took her back since she would brain wash me into thinking it was my fault because I work to much and never spent time with the family ,supposively. I finally had the courage to leave her and wanted a divorce. The child would see our fights and cry. Once we where arguing and she tried hitting me with my daughter in my hands that instead of hitting me she punched my daughter on accident. I felt guilty bacause i wanted my daughter in a nice family ,but I couldnt give her that no matter how hard i tried her mother would find a reason to fight ,or leave ,or get money from me. i had had enough. I was taking care of my daughter with child support and saving money for the divorce since it is expensive,and found myself an apartment. 8 or 9 months passed and I had been dating a woman that made me happy and was the most beautiful person I had ever met. I saved enough money to divorce my ex by now so I filed the divorce finaly. She was an unfit mother that during the process of the divorce i managed to have my daughter live with me while the divorce took place. After 5 months of going to court the judge was still adding more and more court days and she wanted us to come to agreement. I couldnt, so i kept fighting for joint custody but requested that she lived with me permanently. i was about to go through a mess. I decided to do an at home DNA test because i had been getting calls from a guy saying he was the real father. it came out it was true I was not the father. I presented  it at court. The court had to do their own test and the results were the same i was not the father. I was devastated and decided to give her back to her mom since she was not my blood daughter.I gave up all my rights for her or else i would have to pay her child support. I saw her my daughter 2 more times and disapeared  I was confused and hurt yet i still love my daughter. I  havent seen her since my divorce was finalized. Her mom is crazy she would try to break my windows and other crazy things thats why i disapeared. Its about to be a year since I last saw my baby  and I want to see my daughter but sometimes I think its better not to see her. Yet I think of her every day and i wish i could show her how to play and be in her life and just to hear her voice calling me daddy. I am now remarried to a beautiful wife and a step son and happy. No matter what i think about how good of a life i could give her. I raised her for two years and now im going crazy about if i should call my ex so i can see my "daughter" and give it an attemp to raise her as my own yet scared since ive been gone for 10 months out her life. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.

[wildflower77]

I say go for it.  You raised her for the first couple years of her life and she called you daddy.  I would have never given her up myself, but hind sight is always 20/20.  You were confused and hurt and that is understandable.  Her mother sounds like a piece of work and if you have proof that she's an unfit mother I would take her back to court and fight with everything you've got.  Will your new wife support you in your decision? Either way, good luck in whatever you decide!

[jo929]

i know that this is sad, and it hurts, but this woman does not like you and will make your life miserable, if you try to see her. also she will point out you are not the dad, i know this sounds harsh, but the child has a dad and you are out of both of their lives and you do not pay child support, so i think it would be best to try and forget, the woman sounds like real trouble, but then the real decision is in your hands  luck  jo

[scarredone]

To be honest when I read your story I had a feeling she wasn't biologically yours. However, You love her, you helped raise her. It sounds like you love her, So all intents and purposes she is your daughter. She seems to be in trouble. To be honest you need to get her away from your ex! Otherwise, she will end up just like her. I would try to get evidence showing your ex is an unfit mother and try to get custody. It seems like you love her with all of your heart. She needs you NOW! Please let me know whats going on. My best wishes to you and good luck.