Should i trash it all or just live apart and not take chances?
I am about 2 years married with my husband, whom i meant back in college. We have a beautiful little girl and for the past week we have been fighting and ignoring each other to the point i am seriously looking to moving out. Of course, all of this fighting is nothing new. we have done constantly done this restrain or silence treatment during our beginning stages of dating. In the beginning out of no where he would tell me he will call me when he wants to. He would tell me how he wished this girl he had a HUGE crush on the best because she deserves it, or that i was lucky i was there that night we went out or else he would of hit on a girl he was checking out that night. He even told me one day that if he would of seen me at the night club he wouldnt of approached me at all. He even told me about a dream he had about her and him telling each others true feelings and trying to work something out. Then about a girl who played him and had his first sex encounter with but never went through completely.Then he would tell me what type of girls he was into and even showed me the picture of his huge crush. She was the typical music girl ( big boobs, butt, pretty face, thin waist, and beautiful from head to toe. which i wasn't. I am a 5ft tanned skin girl with short brown hair and average figured) of course, i felt hurt but still stayed with him. One day i finally got the guts to end it all and break up with him. that night he told me he loved me and he convinced me we could make it work. After that day my feelings for him changed. He said he loves but when he saw the website the girl who played him out his face was gloomy, and his face changed more when he saw his former's crush webpage. My love for him got twisted and pretty much didn't care as much as i did before to the point i would flirt, talk with other guys, and even dated a few times another guy. Inironically, he fell deeply in love with me and I was blessed i became pregnant with my baby. This is the part it will sound horrible to anyone who reads this. I decided to get married because I wanted my baby to be born inside a marriage. While i was going through my pregnancy he would want me to cook for him, take care of our puppy. When I would ask things for me it was an issue but his family always had the upper hand when it came to money. Don't get me wrong my inlaws didnt ask for it but his cousins would approach him with their sob stories., After our baby was born I started working and my desire for other men attention was always in my mind. One day I we were moving boxes around and saw the picture of the his crush. When i saw it i felt disrespected that he still had that picture but made nothing of it since we were trying to mend things.One day we had a huge fight and i cheated on him all the way. We went through the motions and stayed together. Everytime i would try to leave him to start my own line again without dragging this marriage anymore i would get back with him and would start again. It became a cycle with no ending. My personal insecurities would now and then come a float and i would either remind him of what he had said to me in the past or a girl he messed around with and affected him. This week when I went to look for some papers we left in a container at my mother's house i saw the picture of the girl he had a HUGE crush on. I honestly didn't get mad. I actually felt heart broken and sad because even after all these years of being together he still has the picture they took together at a nightclub. When i confronted him about it he said that he doesnt care about that picture and if i want i can rip it up, but that picture was enough to make me realize how insecure i feel about how he looks at me and how i look at myself. The next day i gave it to him and told him if hes going to keep it to keep it out of the house but i don't want to see it. He stared at it for a few seconds and then ripped infront of me and said he doesnt care about that picture or that girl because nothing happen between them and he knew alot more about me in 1 day then he did about her. Deep down i wanted to believe him but i couldn't force myself to believe it. To be very honest i didnt even cry a tear that day. A few days later he wanted to know what we were going to do to solve this issue. He wanted to know if we were going to divorce or what i wanted to do. We finally came to the conclusion i want to move completely out of my state. he accepted it as long as the baby will be fine. a few hours later he called me but i was at work. when i called back he said he had an urge to call me and say something. i could hear in his voice he was hurting. When i heard that my heart softened up again and I was tempted to go back with him. I am so confused because one part of me is ready to move on even though it will be very painful, but another part of me wants to stay with him because i got used to being with him and i know if we get divorced i wont want to be with anyone else because it will be a constant reminder of what i did have and the chances i am taking with a whole other person. Should I just move out and take some time apart without a divorce or should i just move out and keep moving forward?
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