So you think you heard it all. This is my story

Im going to be 45, my husband to whom Im seperated is 34, we have a 3 yo daughter together. We also been seperated for 3years, married for 5. I have a 23 yr old son who lives on his own and just giving you a little bit about myself. Im very young looking (not that 45 is old) Im very honest, sincere, loving and caring, yet I have a hard side to me, very street wise and book smart. So I thought I had it made...well well,

I thought I was one of the most sexual persons alive. I used to joke how my sex drive was that of a man if not worse. UNTIL....

My husband which is probably the first time in 3 years I am calling him that. I decided he wanted to wear womans panties to bed, under his pants during work and to the stores. I had NO idea of this, until I caught him with MINE on. I from that day forward called it a day.

I asked him to leave, he left. I refused to let him in my life or my daughters life for about 3 months which it took me to even start thinking Im over this completely. As in I was, but still in shock, here I was with a new born baby and 41 and very much single at the time.

He used to call me late at night (high on pot, which I dont smoke) and ask me if I needed anything for the baby, when I answerd he would say no problem, but can you come to the store with me and be my girlfriend as in his friend, he wanted to be the woman.

I used to hang up and just cry. I got so tired of it all. He would call me to tell me he shaved his legs and armpits and how he would have these fantasies of getting gang banged by a lot of men.

I couldnt begin to tell you how I felt. I started to just go numb and shock went to hate and hate went to its just me and my little girl, i couldnt be bothered

I had gotten him arrested finally for calls made to my home 50 times in a row and went for an order of protection which he wasnt supposed to call, thats how he became arrested.

After the year was up we ran into him, he was back to normal it seemed. So I let a few good months pass by and just made it so that my daughter can see her daddy. He did see her because she had nothing to do with him being the way he was being.

However, I made sure I was always there and he came to my home and that was that.

The anger though seemed to never go away. As you can tell this was 3 years long. When he comes to visit with my daughter I have this hatred for him. My daughter loves her daddy and obviously doesnt have a clue. He is this MAN all of a sudden. What he does when he leaves only God knows.

But I noticed I seem to attack him when he says little things to me such as I love you, I want you back, we need to be together for our daughter. Attack as in giving looks, wont answer the phone, make sure I leave if hes 1 minute late I guess trying to avoid him

I make it so that sometimes he wont come to our home for almost a week or two at a time. Im hoping that he would just disappear somewhere and be done.

He doesnt and hasnt paid childsupport but yet acts like father of the year. As I said my daughter has NO clue. I guess when we all grow up and old we find the truth out. I dont want her NOT to see her fatehr and to not like him, yet its so unfair what hes done to us

Am I really wrong because somewhere I feel guilty on my daughters part that I make it so hes not here, and yet I cant stand to see him being so phoney and so OKAY with not paying childsupport, okay with leaving us to be this woman which he claims hes not, or gay or anything else, he claims it was a phase...

What would you do? I never expected any of this to ever happen. I think I couldve excepted him cheating, or maybe even gay than to be so selfish and so uncaring.

Well, thats that for now. My daughter is great, shes fine and stable and loving and happy and shes my world. I have no boyfriend, dont date and havent had a relationship since..can you blame me? Just turned me off completely.

[smiley733]

I totally agree he should not be involved in your kids life as he needs to get his own life together first and to comment it should be the protection of your daughter and not his feelings you need to worry about.  I agree with you never worry about him as being a father seems to be secondary to him and this is wrong as his child should be his number one priority and if not he doesn't deserve to see her or be in her life.  As for you why would you want a loser like this in your life so you did the right thing for you as well.
Regrds

[MrsOckert]

Why is he not paying child support?  My husband had to pay before the divorce was final.

Go down to childrens services whatever they call it in your state - fill out the paperwork and they will do what is necessary to make sure he pays child support.

I don't want to hear anything about how he doesn't have a job or what not.  Let it build up so that he owes back child support.

You are depriving your daughter of support that is rightfully due her.

[MrsOckert]

I must publicly apologize for my earlier comments.  I sounded very cruel and uncaring and I really didn't mean to be.  I get so tired of hearing from these silly women how they aren't going after child support for one stupid reason after another and I just lumped you in there with absolutely no reason to do so.

There was nothing in your posting to indicate that and there was no reason for me to be so unkind sounding to you.

It will build up and he'll never be able to own anything and it will financially devastate him eventually, but that is no consolation to you or your daughter.  I'd like to say maybe you'll get luck and a truck will hit him, but it would probably be in bad taste.

[freephilly]

Make him pay child support.  Your daughter deserves that.

Phyllis

[bwalsh5669]

I feel as if there is a lot more to the story than just his fetish behavior and pot smoking. Yes the pot smoking is bad and your daughter should never be around it. But his fetish addiction does not have anything do with him being a good father or your daughter being in trouble. So, I must assume that your reaction of just ending the relationship at that point, had to be the culmination of problems--that both you and him contributed too.

So why are you only seperated? Why not make it official, get a divorce and make him pay child support. By being married, but seperated, the relationship is perpertually in this limbo and either end will not have closure.

Of course, I could have misinterpreted what you have said. reread your entries.

[MrsOckert]

She is trying to make him pay.  There is an order for him to do so, but if he doesn't work and pay she can't hit him over the head and force it.  I misunderstood myself.

[Jaybay]

Back in the olden days of 1960, my mother divorced her first husband after 7 years and 2 children.  Simply put, he was just a loser and she couldn't take it any longer.  Mom had to deal with the stigma of being a divorcee not only from society in general, but from her own parents.  A couple years later, she married my father.  I think her ex paid maybe one year's worth of child support for her first two children their entire lives to adulthood.  Mom said it just wasn't worth fighting him over it.  She had enough on her hands with her first 2 kids, me, my younger brother, and my dad's 3 kids from his first marriage.  To her credit, Mom never restricted her ex's visitation (when he bothered with it) and never ran him down to any of us.  My elder half-siblings learned over the years that it was Mom and my father, not their bio-dad who raised them and loved them and wanted them.  

I have a couple of friends now who are divorced moms, and they say the same thing.  They've turned the child support issue over to the courts and their ex's wages are garnished.  If they don't pay, it's between the ex and the State.  And they typically don't pay.  One has done jail time more than once for non-payment of child support.  Does it make a difference?  No.  It's just a dam good thing for the children involved that their mothers are able to support their children alone financially and provide for their physical and mental welfare.  I used to get upset with my friends because they wouldn't fight for what was legally theirs, but with age comes understanding.  Sometimes the fight just isn't worthwhile.