Starting over, where to start?

[dpleiman]

I'm 37 years old, I have a 3 month old baby and my husband and I are getting divorced.

That word seems so taboo, just forming the D and having it roll off my tongue leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It has a certain "sting" to it that shouts failure but I have to admit the longer i self reflect and toss it around the easier it sounds or maybe i'm just fooling myself and society really is correct that a divorce is a "bad thing" a "failure" Don't think this isn't painful for me, i'm trying to have a positive attitude and take what i can from the situation instead of focusing on the negative, I in no way am taking this lightly or easily, i'm just trying to be strong and face reality. I like to look at it as God having a different idea for me than i had for myself.

I think that we both are ok with the idea, we want to get along for the baby. It is really sad but I think we both see the reality of our situation. We have forgiven each other for the pain that we have created trying to make something work that never would have. We both had good intentions and only wanted to create a life together of love, deep intimacy and a close friendship, we both deserve and need that, but in the end despite our best efforts we only created misery and conflict. We created this conflict because our personalities were too different despite our best intentions, acknowledging this allows us to not hold resentment or blame.

  
Neither of us regret our son, I can’t imagine my life without him, he is the best thing to come out of our relationship and I think he is supposed to be here because it feels too right having him here for it not to be.

  
I don’t see this as a failure, I have definitely grown from this experience, it has helped me in so many ways. This relationship has been one of the most challenging of my life but I’m better because of it. I have been given many gifts from this relationship, I know that might sound crazy but it was a huge learning experience for me and I wouldn’t be who I am and know what I know today without it. I also wouldn’t have my little man who is a true blessing for both of us.

  
Although we can’t have the relationship we desire with each other, I’m glad that we both can leave this relationship with respect, understanding, love, peace, forgiveness and a common goal to display, give and teach these things to our son as co-parents.

  
I plan to take some time to reflect on my life, past and present, to be sure that I understand the lessons I’ve needed to learn from this, take good care of myself in the process, allow myself to grieve and cry if I must, and then, when the time is right, wipe my tears, get up on my feet and take my lessons learned to the next step towards my future.

I just don't know where to start...

[jo929]

You appear to be a very smart educated lady, i feel for you having to raise a child alone especially late in life if you have money and can afford to stay at home it will not be as hard as if you had to start with a low paying job as i did i had 3 children when my husband left and i was the sole support i had a hard time making ends meet plus children need a father figure in their life I now have grand children, and as i said it will not be easy, but i just took it one day at a time and hoped for the best, you do not give much information, so it is hard to say just where you start, but i am quite sure you have given this much thought and will do just fine   i wish you luck  jo

[clue21]

You're going to be fine! It sounds like you are avery educated, intelligent, and intellectual young lady. Also, very beautiful. I went through this same thing about five years ago, yet I was on the other end. Im the man. I did this alot younger, I was 26. So, I was really confused, and feeling alone. Still young and dumb. I just really relied on myself, to stay strong. Its also important to have a good couple of friends that you can count on. Take care of your baby, that will be work itself to keep ya busy. Lol. The baby is a blessing, and you sound very grateful to have your child, as you should. Eventually, you'll start dating, but only do it when you're ready. Dont do it because you're lonely, theres no time for that. I think you will be absloutely fine, and the best piece of advice I can offer is this:
1)

[dpleiman]

thanks for the support and encouragment... I guess i'm just scared to start over at this age. I feel that single people are supposed to be young and vibrant and can take on the world and honestly I don't feel any of those things. I'm not looking forward to dating but i'm not looking forward to living my life alone, I'm scared that i won't meet the right person in time to have the life that i've dreamed of.. Life isn't unfolding the way I expected it to and at the moment i feel as if i'm running out of time to make that happen...