Support

Hi I posted about a relationship issue before, this relaionship is no over, but I am feeling really down, their are a few issues to deal with, my partner moved on to another relaionship quite quickly, I am feeling very sad and lonely, I am having trouble seeing myself finding another woman, I just wondered if anyone had some tips on how to deal with a break up or some general support? Thanks

[iam1butterfly]

Hi Mitch...
I am aware of your recent break up from your postings in the Relationships forum.
Again, I'm so sorry that things couldn't have been worked out.  
I do, however, know the feeling that you're going through. Last September, the man that I had been dating for a year broke up with me. It wasn't a bad relationship; but, it wasn't a great one either. On many levels, he and I were very compatible plus, we were in love with each other... in truth, he was probably more in love with me. Anyway, our temperaments and personalities were extremely opposite. And, there was too much conflict in the relationship for it to have any real staying power.
So, we parted ways... on less than amicable terms.
Seeing it now, with the clarity of time and distance, it's better that we not see or talk to each other because neither one of us could move forward if we still maintained a connection. And, maintaining a connection or friendship would only set us up for sad reminders of lost love, which would inevitably, lead to more bitterness and hurt feelings.
It's took me a good 4 months, after the break up, to come to this realization... and to get over the loss, disappointment, and to also be able to stop second guessing as to what we should or should not have said or done.
Mitch, I expect that it'll take you as least that long, if not longer because it's sort of a grieving process that you have to work through. After all... a death, that is to say, the death of a relationship has occurred.
My recommendation to you is to take the good and bad of this relationship and consider it to be a vital learning experience. A learning experience that will make your next relationship all the better and stronger. Yes, you're experiencing a major emotional setback, now. But, it's a setback that you will get over during the course of time. That tired old saying, "time heals all wounds" is really true. Take care!

P.S. I don't recommend that you date, anytime soon. Give yourself time to re-establish your "sea legs" and get your emotions back in check. I jumped into dating 1 month after my break up (mostly, to boost my confidence), and all I did was talk about my ex... which was not fair to the other men that I went out with.

[Mitch82]

Someone said maybe 3 months or so until I should date as I don't want to go and grab the next person that comes by and find myself back in this position, better to do things right and take some time to find the right woman, I really think I do have some personal issues to work out and I am seeing a councillor, much of my anxiety over this issue relates to simply being single, and the girl I broke up with probably wasn't the one, just the one at the time, I often questioned the relationship in my own mind, but found that it was easier to just move on, not a strong foundation for a relationship, we lost trust in each other, a lot of that was my fault and I will need to work on that, we had a great initial spark, but that may have be down to our differences. I want to talk to her, and hash things out but she is not like this, someone said to me that you will always want answers but there will never be enough information, so no point going down this path, I will make sure that I do not contact her, as she doesn't want that.  Strange that someone can be such a part of your life, then gone, possibly never to be seen again (well not purposely anyway)