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This isn't fair at all
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This isn't fair at all

My wife and I recently got divorced. Her parents and daughter treated her so badly for so long because she was married to me that it made me feel sorry for her and that eventually made me decide that she'd be better off if she wasn't with me anymore. I filed for divorce and we both signed the papers and we continued to see each other for about a month n a half and then we kind of just quit talking all together. I still love her and didn't want to do any of that. I've been in at least 30 relationships and I've never been even remotely close to being as happy as I have been the last 4 years with her. I want my wife back and I don't know what to do anymore. As much as I didn't want to file for divorce I'd rather her b happy with somebody else than as beat down all the time by her family like she was when we were  together. My family didn't think we should b together either but none of them treated me any different than before and were all nice to her. I don't know what to do I've never felt this sad or cried this much before. I miss her every second I'm awake. I did what I thought was best for her even tho it's killing me now. Please help
15 Comments Post a Comment
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4888612_tn?1363758433
Someone please tell me how to post this in the divorce section without having to re-type it all please. I didn't mean to post it n disaster preparedness
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Avatar_f_tn
My opinion is this:
Don't let anyone stand in the way of your happiness. If you two were happy together that's all that should matter to you both. I know it's hard to ignore other people's feeling and comments but they really don't matter do they?
Maybe you could write or call her seeing if you both could get together to talk. Let her know what your feeling right now and see if she feels the same. I hope that everything works out well for you both.
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3149845_tn?1386354841
hi Otis, this is all a to familar story, and assuming all  is good with your life, family getting in the way of a happy relationship leads to chaos. Every single time and i mean every time, either of our families got to put there opinion into our relationship, disaster struck.  You really need to have them mind their own business and take care of there own issues. As the Good Book says, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Just call your wife and explain to her just what you stated here and ask her to marry you again. Tell her you miss her and want to be there for her and propose again. As the man of the house you need to take control of outside meddling. This is your wife not theirs!
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4888612_tn?1363758433
Thank u. We tried talking about things several times and came to the same conclusion each time that we won't ever b able to b happy because of all the bs and therefore I had to make the decision by myself and I did what I thought was best for her and even tho I'm miserable rt now I'll b okay eventually and so will she. We still love each other but her dad threatened to kill me and called the police every time he knew I was w her and I went to jail a couple times and Its just not worth it. Besides her dad is crazy enough that he might shoot me one day when I'm not expecting it or payin attention and i don't need that for sure
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3149845_tn?1386354841
Well then best just to lay low and let things settle down. Often, time, allows things to heal themselves.
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973741_tn?1342346373
So, I think it would be really helpful to know what the objection was.  Why was her family against the union AND yours as you meniton??  
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4888612_tn?1363758433
The objection by both families was because she wa married when we started seeing each other and she left her husband for me.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Ah.  Ugh.  Well, that's a biggie.  I don't want to beat you up but sadly, your relationship started with drama and a cloud over it.  The fail rate of marriages that begin like that is almost all of them.  Partly because of all the damage that is done because of those early circmstances and partyly because of the trust issues that come about from the initial cheating.  You know that the person is capable of stepping outside the relationship and meeting someone new.  They are open to that because they did it with you.  

Don't know what to tell you. Sounds volatile.  And in all honesty, from what you've written----  it does indeed sound like the best thing that you no longer are together.  good luck
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Avatar_m_tn
Today I drove by two places that my ex wife and I used to eat at often ... I had been missing her ... both places where torn down. That was an shock to my system, and like those places ... our marriage is also torn down and I need to find a new place to eat, and some one to eat with ... interesting what can shake us up and wake us up ...
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Avatar_f_tn
Anytime a marriage starts out with lying and cheating, it never ends well.  If I were your wife I would have felt like you were abandoning me with a divorce instead of protecting me from the abuse of my family.  I don't understand why she would have continued a relationship with her family with this kind of abuse to herself and you!  She's an adult and should not allow her family to control her or make things rough for you. I think her family is trouble and she chooses to side with them and not you....do your best to move on, this isn't how family behave.
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Agree with SM and Mammo.  

It is probably best that you let this go.  
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4888612_tn?1363758433
I wanna thank everybody for the advice. Turns out the general consensus is right. I found out today shes been seeing sumbody else an even tho that's not something I ever wanted to hear it kinda makes my decision ALOT easier. I trusted her and shouldn't have. How do I ever trust someone else now when I couldn't trust my wife? I'm not a bad judge of character and never have been. It seems like every time I resolve one issue with this another arises that bothers the **** out of me. How do I stop all the bs?
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Avatar_f_tn
Things like this happen and it's no reflection on you or your choices in life.  Life throws many curve balls at us and it's how we deal with them that matters most.  I'm sure you've learned a lot from this experience that will help you make better choices in the future. No matter how good we think we are at judging one's character....we are often fooled.  With your ex seeing someone else it solves a big problem in your life that's been eating away at you.  Now you know where you stand and can close the door on that chapter of your life and move forward.  Your ex dated you while married, you have to question the character of one who would do this.  If they do it to one they'll do it to you.  I wish you all the best.
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1268057_tn?1399131913
How to stop the bs?  Stop choosing married women to start a relationship with.  Find women who are available, NOT unavailable.  

Obviously, if she was able to leave her husband for you she could have always done the same to you and she did.  I mean, really?  How can you REALLY trust someone who was able to start a relationship with another man while still married?  

"It seems like every time I resolve one issue with this another arises that bothers the **** out of me."..........Well, look deep inside and examine your decision-making process in regards to relationships and you will find perhaps your decision aren't not the best and/or lacking good judgement.  

Life is full of issues after issues.....there is NO life without issues, however, better decision-making skills will help minimize unnecessary issues occurring.  This situation could have been 100% avoided.  

BTW:  You state in your title "This isn't fair."  Well, I beg to differ.  It is fair in the end.  It wasn't fair to that husband when you started a relationship with his wife.  

Sounds like you did yourself a favor by filing those papers.  

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973741_tn?1342346373
My best advice is to address the things in your life that are problematic.  Addiction issues being the biggest one.  Be very past that---  attending meetings and taking sobriety seriously and then consider your romantic life AFTER you are confidently a nonuser.  

I would only  consider being with those who are not attached to someone else when you meet them.  That is one of the things that WAS in your control with this scenario that put the entire relationship from the moment it started in jeapardy and under a bit of a dark cloud.  

good luck to you.
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