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Trying to get back with an Ex
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Trying to get back with an Ex

Ive become obseesed with trying to get back with my ex, he has a new relationship which started just 6 weeks after the love of my life ended it between us. It was a sudden break up which ive not been able to get over, the thing is i know he still loves me but he is ignoring me completely. Its been almost three months now since we split and i just cant get over him, im forever searching web pages to help me to get back with the guy i love, ive bought books and all i think about every minute of the day is getting back with him. I want to stop this obseeetion but i also want him back, im at my wits end. What do i do?
Tags: get back with
6 Comments Post a Comment
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1894410_tn?1364193655
I am sorry to say he has moved on and you need to, you can not force someone to love you. You deserve to love yourself first and the love of your life will find you.....please move on....
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973741_tn?1342346373
Yes, I agree.  It does not sound like he is interested in any relationship with you.  He has a new relationship and is ignoring you.  Your obsession will begin to turn to stalking if you don't stop.  It is over.  He's said as such and he's with someone else.

I know it hurts and I'm sorry that is so.  Start keeping a journal to write your emotions down about how sad you are that it is over.  Not plotting on how to get him back but begining the mourning process of accepting that he is gone for good.  You should make a list of all things wrong about him and about the relationship.  Do not be tempted to make a list of what you thought was good.  Make a bad list.  read it.  Internalize it.  Everyone has bad traits and all relationships have issues.  Explore this and read it over and over.  It helps keep you grounded so that you don't start to go to that delusional state in which everything about him seems like it was great and the relationship was perfect.  

Stay super busy, start doing things with friends, start doing things JUST for you.  

I'm just going to say it one more time.  He's gone.  You need to start living again without him.  Peace and luck and I'm very sorry as you are clearly hurt.  
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Agree with the two ladies above.

You want him back, however, it takes two to have a relationship and it's clear he doesn't want you back as he has moved on with another girl.  

There is a fine line between obsessing over an ex and stalking someone; don't cross that line.    

Leave this COMPLETELY and move on.  
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Avatar_f_tn
The thing that really strikes me here is that You say:

"I know He still loves me but He is ignoring Me completely" AND, You use the word "obsessed" - Personally, I find that disturbing!!

This does NOT sound reasonable.  How can You say that You know He loves You but that He's not only ignoring You - He has moved on.  It's kinda, sorta like You are saying You think You know His mind more than He does!!??

You need to move on.  Don't be a "fatal attraction".  YOU don't need that and neither does He!!
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1415482_tn?1337188613
Hi. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time. My main concern is the fact that you still believes he wants to be with you. Did he say so? How do you know? It seems to me like you are in serious denial. HE broke up with you, HE has a new girlfriend, HE is ignoring you. All the signs are there that he is not coming back but you seem hell bent on thinking that he is. It is best to accept that when its over, its so over. The longer you wait, the longer it is going to take you to heal. Please do not give anyone that much of your time and energy, you are wasting it. Value yourself enough to have some degree of pride, to say 'I am hurting but I will deal with it in time'. Do not go chasing after any man, no one deserves that no matter who they are.

If you feel as if you can't stop, as if no matter what you do or how hard you try to take your mind off getting him back, speak to a professional. This can be a sign of a very harmful disorder. I have never come across anyone who buys books and search web pages to get a man. You sound extremely consumed with this and at three months later, its quite disturbing. Try and feel your time with other activities. Do things that you once enjoyed or take up something new, just something that does not have to do with this man.

Take care!

xoxoxoxo Anna
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Avatar_f_tn
Rejection is a really strong emotion, and it is understandable that you may put up false ideas to protect yourself. However you are engaging in some really destructive behaviour to your soul.

If he has ignored you for 3 months - he doesn't love you, he is not the love of your life. And even if he did still love you - would you really want to be with someone who would do that to you? put you through that kind of pain?

Obsessing on him is safe. It keeps you in your little bubble and you don't have to be open to feeling that hurt and rejection. You don't have to admit that he doesn't want you and never will. Maybe for a short period of time, this would be okay, but at the three month mark, its time to let it go. When my marriage ended there was a period of time I would have done just about anything to get him back, so I can understand that desire. But let me tell you the BEST gift that man ever gave me was leaving, and I hope you come to see that some day yourself. If he didn't leave I never would have got to meet my husband, and this man treats me like a princess and really means the 'for sickness and health' part of the marriage contract.

And if you can't let it go - its time to get help. Sometimes our brains get stuck in a loop. We become delusional and we need a little help to set us straight. There is no harm in talking to a counsellor about your feelings.We each have our things we need to deal with. The hurts and pains that we drag from the past into our present.

Because you deserve more from your life than wasting your energies chasing after a guy that doesn't want you. If he still loved you - he'd be with you.

Sorry this is a bit harsh, but you can't make someone love you.
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