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Why I am still holding on?
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Why I am still holding on?

My husband and I have been together for 5 yrs. we got involved too young and I think we rushed things. With just a month of dating he moved in with me and haven't left since. This is my first relationship and first love. We were fine before we got married, soon after all the problems started. I didn't want to get married, since to me marriage is a very serious step and we have only been together for a year. He didn't even proposed to me, his mother said they were getting deported that if I really love him I would help him out. I felt pressured but I did it anyway. A year after he had an affair with a co worker and used to blame me for his lack of success because I have not given him his green card yet. Anyway I filed for divorce and I was fed up with the way he treated me but he came back and apologized and we gave it another go.

A few months ago he started saying how his love went away and that he wasn't happy with me cuz I don't support him or make him improve his life (still haven't given him his papers) but I also found out that he has being having an emotional affair with another co worker. I'm just tired of being treated like I'm just a means to an end.

I love him but I can't let someone just walk all over  me and lie to my face all the time. So I told him is better of if we get a divorce. Then he comes back saying how he loves me and what to save our marriage but whenever I want to talk about our relationship or what happened, he gets agrivated and tells me to move on and that he doesn't want to talk about it that I'm just nagging him. He wants me to not talk about the issues and act as if nothing happened.

I can't live a lie, even though he says he loves me I don't feel it anymore. I feel he's lying when he says he loves me. The guy I felt in love with is not this man who looks at me with disdain and pity. I tell him it doesn't feel the same and he just disregard me saying I'm too emotional

Logically I know this relationship is one sided, I'm the only one trying and I'm the only one in love. But if I'm aware of this why am I still holding on?  Why can't i seem to let go? He has this hold on me and he knows it and use it to play mind games. I just want to be able to look myself in the mirror and like the person I see. He makes me feel so small and unlovable. I'm tired of crying, my heart can't take it anymore.
3 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm Sorry about your relationship/marriage. In regards to legalizing your husband. Use your better judgment. I did it for my now ex-husband. I helped him first become a resident..I supported him thru school. He's got a really good Paying job. I helped him become an American citizen. I helped because he was my husband..for my kids..my family. We divorced due to his affairs.He's very well off because of me..so is his wife. After we divorced he married lady whom he was having the affair. Whom he also legalized. "she was illegal also" Do I regret it ?? No I don't cause my kids dad is still around in sense. Would I do it again for someone else..for love..no I wouldn't. Alot of women/men get married to better their situation when it comes to their legal status. Dont let your marriage be about that. I was blind sided because i was in love. Seek a marriage therapist if you want for your marriage to work out then go from there. But make sure its what you want. Lots of luck. God bless.
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Avatar_f_tn
Thank you and sorry for what you went through.  

I'm trying to be strong but it hurts so much. I love him more than myself but I can't look the other way while he disrespects me. I realized that he was very influenced by his parents so they can all fix their status. I feel so betrayed by them, they were my family for so long and now because I decided not to give my husband his papers they turned their back on me. Seemed all they wanted was their green card. It gets me so angry because I had done so much for my husbabd and I have already forgiven an affair and he had the gut to do it again and still expects me to make him a resident.  

While he was telling me he loved me and wanted to fix things, he was still having the affair with the other woman. She called him at 4:40 am this morning and when I pick up she hung up. And when I saw his texts, they were making fun of me, calling me named and cursing me, like I'm the bad guy. I'm so hurt I'm crying right now, how can the man I love do this to me and then act like nothing when I confronted him. I told him he needs to move out immediately and he's refusing, saying he pays bills too and that I'm still his wife. I feel like such a fool for loving this man and even more delusional for wanting to made things better like it was before we were married. He said If I want to he will go to conseling but I don't think I can forgive two affairs and the way he disrespects me with these girls. He laughs at me, me who gave him a home while he was homeless and had nothing.

So just want to be able to heal but I can't do that while he stays here, telling all his lies and telling me what I want to hear just because he doesn't have a place to go.
I need to break free, I love him but I need to use my head this time. Can't be a doormat for someone who disregards me.
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Avatar_f_tn
You "LOVE" him..BUT..Are you "In LOVE with him" and why? Have you asked yourself that.sounds like my past life. I've been laughed at as well. The difference is I have kids. I got to the point where I asked myself whom is most important? Do I have self-respect,self-dignity.self-value,Most important " Do I love myself enough to get myself out of this situation/relationship" You will get thru it. You just have to prioritize decide what/whom you want in your life.Do it for yourself. Believe me lesson learned. God does not give us more than What we can handle. I wish you the best with which ever step you decide to take.
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