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Why did he stop loving me? Am i that bad?
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Why did he stop loving me? Am i that bad?

Mid-life crisis..?  Was i that bad that he had to stop loving me and leave?  The nights are the worst.  I can't sleep in our bed, when i reach out for him he isn't there.  No matter how much i want him back i know he won't be back again.  

We worked side by side all these years.  There were some jobs we did that it was only him and i.  Once we built a road and a house pad in a place that the forest service engineers said it couldn't be done.  We moved in two halves of a mobile home 12' x 60', over a flowing creek, up a sharp turn, up a steep road to the place where we set it.  The owner wanted it to be bigger and we split it in half with an 8' gap in the middle, framed it up, put on a new roof, built a septic system, hooked up utility lines and set a generator because there was no electricity to the site.  It was him and me.  He ran the back hoe and i ran a loader, drove the dump truck.  They said it couldn't be done.  While we did the work it drew a crowd and people took pictures of that event.  It only took 7 working days, 12 hrs. a day, but we accomplished it.
We played together.  Rode quads, camped on the dunes, took all the back roads and jeep trails and i rode behind him on his street bike.  He bought me an old MG, we worked on it together.  Rebuilt the engine, painted the engine compartment, cleaned & polished everything.  It won prizes at car shows.  
We ran a business together.  i would do the bids, takeoffs & the accounting.  25 employees.  over 60 houses, streets, paving, utilities, all of it.  We liked working together.  At night when we came home i would cook and he'd help me clean up the kitchen.  We always went to bed at the same time.  We slept close together, often wrapped in each others arms.  if i was sick he was there.  when he was sick i was there.
  Now that's all gone?  How can that be?  32 years washed away.  One day he says to me, "I love our ranch, i could never imagine living anywhere else."  Then it all changed.
Now he says he doesn't love me anymore, maybe he never did.  He wants his freedom.  He's moved away to Las Vegas.  He calls me less and less, only twice in a month.  Each time i talk to him he is distant, irritated to talk to me.  I tried to talk to him about what he was going through, it only irritates him more.  I see him in a dark place, i don't think he knows what to do.  He's spent up all of what savings we had left on an infatuation with my niece.  A person who has a severe case of OCD, the total opposite of me.  She has rejected him and now he's depressed.  I don't know what he's thinking, he's not the same person.  
  The pain of this loss is to great to live with.  I don't know how i'll make it without him.  Financially it seems impossible.  I'm to old to get a job again.  I've tried but no one wants to hire me.  
  So, today i fed the horses, ran the cows into another pasture, fixed the power gate, but none of it has any meaning now.  i go about daily chores but its getting to difficult to do anything.  He was my best friend, my lover, my husband.  We raised 6 children.
  What happened?  Is this some bad dream?  i can't reach over and touch him.  I've always loved his rough working hands.  His beard, his balding head.  Now he's gone.  My life is over.
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535822_tn?1389452880
I have to respond to this ...your life is not over , this happened to my daughter 3-4 years ago...he went off with her best friend of many years , I thought she would loose her mind...she was on tranquilizers for  a long time ..I live in America and she in England, but I was on the phone morning and night to help her through it, only recently has she been able to move on somewhat ,he is living with his woman a few streets away which makes it worse.However she is back working as a language tutor and is actually going out again .So it does take time but life does get better .so do not think life is over its not .So just stop any negative thinking ,think of the moment and just 'be' all will be well ,its your life not his ...
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1907286_tn?1322064359
  Thank you for your words of encouragement.  Many have told me that time makes it better but it's still to raw and i'm 66 years old and so far i can't find a job to support myself.  He still hasn't come to get his stuff and when that happens the pain starts all over again.
  I'm really happy your daughter has moved on with her life.  i can imagine how difficult it must be for her that he lives only a few blocks away.  At least there is 300+ miles between my husband and I.  But when he comes back here i'll have to toughen up quite a bit to deal with it.
  All of the encouragement i recieve here, at this forum, has been comforting and helpful.  Thank you for your kindness.
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Avatar_f_tn
Indeed a sad story about a man who has forgotton the 32 years of shared activities and goals, not to mention six kids!  For all of these years you have been a wife, a partner, and formed your life to compliment the togetherness and life you had with your husband.  Your query, "Am I that bad?" indicates you have really had the emotional rug pulled out from under you, so to speak.  Of course you haven't been that bad!  Thirty two years is a long time to put up with abuse.  

Perhaps this bald man with rough hands looked in the mirror one day and had the epiphany that he is 20 years away from being an old man.  Hmmm. Scary.  Now his dalliance with a niece, no less, is indicative of a desperate attempt to hang on to his disappearing youth.  

Enough about him.  You have spent all this time on Earth being half of something bigger than yourself, which in itself is noble.  This man will always have a piece of your for now broken heart and a life alone is not what you had planned, let alone imagined.  Your life isn't over, it is just different.  The life experience you have had, your talents, your kindness, your children.  The challenge and opportunity is to build something new.  You are used to building, so take stock.  What do you have, and what can you do with it to build yourself the most wonderful life possible?

Take stock of your financial assets and speak to an attorney regarding your rights.  See if you can prevent him from further squandering any of your joint monies.








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1894410_tn?1364193655
I feel every bit of your pain, my husband did the same after 30 years.  I tried to kill myself and when I woke up in the morning I thought why God did you let me wake up....It is 8 weeks now and nights are still hard, he doesnt talk to me at all unless he wants to fight or hurt me and I just ask why are you doing this. Cutting contact was the best thing I did. What have I done and nothing...you will never get answers so read get on the net and read as much as you can about MLC it has really helped me. I know he will never come home now and really I dont want he home now.....I am leaving my small town and moving closer to my kids. They are everything now and this site has helped me a lot. I get stronger everyday and so will you. I will be here to help you with a lot of other people....you are stronger than you think I can tell that by your story, show your kids how strong you are and they will be proud. My kids and I dont talk about my husband at all and this has brought us closer because I say nothing negative I leave that up to there father and he will loose them and I will have them for ever. Cry when you want, but always be happy when your kids are around this will help you concentrate on something different. Walk around your farm and look at things you did not things you did together, it is hard but you can do this.....good luck and we will talk soon.
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi.  I would equate to how you are feeling now as great grief and mourning.  It is like a death.  That is a deep deep pain and time is all that heals this.  You must be kind to yourself right now.  Do things for you, that you like to do.  Keep a journal.  Exercise as this helps us naturally feel better.  If you continue to have trouble sleeping or other things start happening  like major changes in eating habits that goes on for longer than two weeks, lack of concentration, etc. then speak to your doctor.  This could be a trigger for depression and perhaps seeing a therapist and doctor would help.  

Do you have any support--  family or friends?  It sounds like he was your best friend but hopefully you had others you can now turn to for comfort.  

Most importantly, I want you to keep the faith.  Thirty four years is SOOOO  long.  Your life has drastically changed -----  but please remain faithful that life still awaits you and it can be very good.  

Take time to heal but you have much good ahead of you.  Peace dear.
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1907286_tn?1322064359
  Just since the first post on 11/23 so many things have happened, things that i have begun to make some sense of.
He resented me because i was holding him back from doing what he really wanted.  New experiences, excitment, whatever.  
Then when i begun to see his interest grow in my niece i became insecure and alarmed by it.  When i approached him to talk about it his resentment of me by questioning the motives in the relationship with Shawn (my niece).  It turn into a fight.  Non productive energy spent.  More resentment.

At any rate after he had officially gone and said he intended to find work there and make his new life there.  He would still call me at night and talk about "getting the job wrapped up and come home"  All of a sudden is was like just another job and that he would just come home, sleep in his bed and have the same loving woman to take care of him.  
  It gave me false hope.  I hate to admit that because i hadn't been able to believe anythign he'd said in months.  The hope of something... but then he turned off his phone for three or four day and i left a pathetic message about how it was ok for him to follow his path, it's his path.  I would help him with his resume, and read off a list of jobs i thought he might like to do.  I told him i didn't want to end our relationship as enemies.  and said:  Please call me.   nothing, no respone
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1894410_tn?1364193655
The worst thing for us is we want to look at our ex as someone who couldn't possibly hurt us...WELL GOT NEWS....he is a selfish, untrustworthy piece of trash and I did not deserve the treatment I had.....I decidated 28 years to my husband.....and I was a good wife and mother....he HAS THE PROBLEM.....not us ladies.....if we had a the problem we wouldn't be on here trying to make sense of it all....remember dont be his victim.......be strong and as happy as you can in front of the kids....believe me it helps a lot and it is a lot better for the kids.....
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Avatar_f_tn
just remember at times these men will tell us what we want to hear and we can easly fall for them all over again. We have to remember that if we do give in, we will be in the same place a few miles down the road that we are in now. it took my husband leaving me 5 times to finaly toughen up and tell my self that i am worth so much more. I will not be his door mat. he left for the 5th time this past sunday hasnt called or contacted me. although its still fresh i will not take him back nor do i want to talk to him at all, yes i miss what we had, but not him, i tell myself that if he had truly loved me then he could not have walked out. This will continue to happen as long as i let it happen and honestly i love my self better than that.It just takes some getting use to because we shared our lifes with them. so everytime we have that lonely feeling wwe need to do something to stay busy. Just remember if he really loved you and the marriage, he would of never walked out.
a good song to listen to for modavation is shirley Merdock " I love me better than that" helped me through my first marriage and shes getting me through my second. God bless and good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
just remember at times these men will tell us what we want to hear and we can easly fall for them all over again. We have to remember that if we do give in, we will be in the same place a few miles down the road that we are in now. it took my husband leaving me 5 times to finaly toughen up and tell my self that i am worth so much more. I will not be his door mat. he left for the 5th time this past sunday hasnt called or contacted me. although its still fresh i will not take him back nor do i want to talk to him at all, yes i miss what we had, but not him, i tell myself that if he had truly loved me then he could not have walked out. This will continue to happen as long as i let it happen and honestly i love my self better than that.It just takes some getting use to because we shared our lifes with them. so everytime we have that lonely feeling wwe need to do something to stay busy. Just remember if he really loved you and the marriage, he would of never walked out.
a good song to listen to for modavation is shirley Merdock " I love me better than that" helped me through my first marriage and shes getting me through my second. God bless and good luck.
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