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Wife has male friend?Private conversations
What are the rules with friends. My wife has a male friend, whom I didn't know talked to her during birthdays for several years now. Just resently, we had problems, and now she is talking to him every night. I am trying to stay positive about this, saying he is just a friend. She talks to her female friends in the house, but this male friend, only out in the car. It's 9pm, she is in the car and will be there for several hours. This is a nightly thing only. I don't know if she talks to him on facebook or during the day. I have been kicked off of her facebook after an argument. I don't have any female friends, stay busy as a firefighter and father on my off time. I am trying to stay positive about this. But this strange activity kills me, even though she says he is just a good friend.
What are the rules of Friends while married? What are the boundaries? Should I start looking for friends?
What are the rules of Friends while married? What are the boundaries? Should I start looking for friends?
That is infidelity. She crossed the boundaries!!! She needs to go and cant be trusted.
You can either give her a chance and if she doesn't want the chance walk away she is not worth it. She is a disgusting wife to be with if she rejects your offer. Believe me brother keep your faith in God and you will find better!!
You can either give her a chance and if she doesn't want the chance walk away she is not worth it. She is a disgusting wife to be with if she rejects your offer. Believe me brother keep your faith in God and you will find better!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hope you come back and tell us what happened! Hope all is well. That's so hard when a significant other lets us down like that. peace
Wow lol sorry we are southern folk if i pulled this crap sitting in my phone talking to a man out in my car after deleting my husband from my facrbook he would walk outside take my phone nicely from me and break it and then head on over to dudes house and have a good man to man talk with him about talking to another mans wife for hours. This isnt cool. Put your foot down, be a man and take back control over your house and marriage. Since she wants to be ghis way, change the locks, dont give her a key and anytime she goes outside to sit in her car like a teenager to talk to her "boyfriend" lock her out. Until the next morning, and evrrytime she does this you lock her out. If wants to act single then treat your house like its a single household.
You deserve better than this. Women are more emotional than physical and trust me i know from experience shes having an emotional affair with this man and has feelings for him and if you dont man up and take control back your going to look like an idiot to her and everyone else. Good luck
You deserve better than this. Women are more emotional than physical and trust me i know from experience shes having an emotional affair with this man and has feelings for him and if you dont man up and take control back your going to look like an idiot to her and everyone else. Good luck
Im sorry you are having to go through this, but I know exactly how you feel... exact same reason my marriage ended... when I found out he was cheating I tried to stay and work it out. for months I cried myself to sleep, tried to talk it out, just wanted to make sure the kids would be happy... but in the end I left... once that trust was gone I couldn't get it back and the kids could tell I wasn't happy. best decision I have ever made... but you should do what you think is best for your family and yourself. what she did is wrong but can you forgive her? can you trust her again?
She is about to cheat on you. Don't take that crap. There are no male friends when married. Any male friends need to speak to her in front of you. You tell her to knock that crap off or you are gone!!!! However, she will sneak around and talk to him anyways until they hook up.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm personally not sure you did the unthinkable by recording her. Now you know the truth. The ugly truth.
You can give her a chance to cut off all ties but watch closely. That is a major breech in trust. You'll have to decide if it is something you want to recover the relationship from for the kids or what the two of you had in the past. Really, counseling is the only way to get through this.
And the instant she tries to blame you for her bad choices, you know she isn't ready to really work on things. She has to own her deed and make amends. This doesn't mean you make her suffer forever though and if you choose to work on the relationship, you have to also do so sincerely.
some couples can recover from infidelity and others can't. I'm not sure which way this will go but I do wish you the very best of luck. peace
You can give her a chance to cut off all ties but watch closely. That is a major breech in trust. You'll have to decide if it is something you want to recover the relationship from for the kids or what the two of you had in the past. Really, counseling is the only way to get through this.
And the instant she tries to blame you for her bad choices, you know she isn't ready to really work on things. She has to own her deed and make amends. This doesn't mean you make her suffer forever though and if you choose to work on the relationship, you have to also do so sincerely.
some couples can recover from infidelity and others can't. I'm not sure which way this will go but I do wish you the very best of luck. peace
Just don't do anything extreme yet.
Would you two be willing to go to counseling? I would get a professional's opinion about all this and he/she could possibly help you work through all this that's if she is willing to end this relationship and work on the marriage.
Would you two be willing to go to counseling? I would get a professional's opinion about all this and he/she could possibly help you work through all this that's if she is willing to end this relationship and work on the marriage.
Sorry to here you are going through that BS. Been through that before.
So the question that needs to be answered is have they already been intimate? That should be your deciding factor as to which way to go with it. Believe me, I understand what emotional pain you are feeling. First thing find out how far this has gone and if so, how has it been going on.
So the question that needs to be answered is have they already been intimate? That should be your deciding factor as to which way to go with it. Believe me, I understand what emotional pain you are feeling. First thing find out how far this has gone and if so, how has it been going on.
If she at the point of no return then dont wait. Go on the aggressive and take control of your life. Use the recordings as evidence and file with the courts. Take the children, the house and just maybe what she is doing is illegal as marriage is a legal contract and there are laws on the books against infidelity. Dont let her call all the shots and as for this other guy, talk to the police about restraining orders.
So I have been beating my self to death mentally with this. My wife tells me that he helps her with her homework (2am?) and that they talk about us. Everyone of you were right.
I did the unthinkable. So I left my phone in the car and on voice recorder. It's all true. She was making sexual gestures, called him sweetheart, talked about making him breakfast, and trying to figure out when they can see eachother again. We have 2 kids, that don't want to be separated. Yes we had problems, but I have never gone outside of the marriage.
The problem is I still have the recording and can't stop going back to listening to it. My insides feel like they are ripped out. Because of my kids, I don't know what to do. I told her I would still forgive, but she must cut ties. I don't feel confident this is going to happen.
I did the unthinkable. So I left my phone in the car and on voice recorder. It's all true. She was making sexual gestures, called him sweetheart, talked about making him breakfast, and trying to figure out when they can see eachother again. We have 2 kids, that don't want to be separated. Yes we had problems, but I have never gone outside of the marriage.
The problem is I still have the recording and can't stop going back to listening to it. My insides feel like they are ripped out. Because of my kids, I don't know what to do. I told her I would still forgive, but she must cut ties. I don't feel confident this is going to happen.
Hi and sorry as can tell this is very upsetting and your walking on egg shells. It is her duty as a wife to let you know all the goings on in her life and absolutly has no right to be doing this.
If this were me i would get the phone number and give him a call. He has to know that there is a husband in the shadows who is not taking this well. I would certainly make a big deal about this and the bottom line is if she would rather be with him then walk. She is very aware that this is bothering you deep in our soul and appears not to care she is tearing you up inside..
Such silly childish behavior on her part.
The only other reason she is doing this would be an attention getter from you. Maybe shes doing this as a wake up call for you but bottom line is not right.
If this were me i would get the phone number and give him a call. He has to know that there is a husband in the shadows who is not taking this well. I would certainly make a big deal about this and the bottom line is if she would rather be with him then walk. She is very aware that this is bothering you deep in our soul and appears not to care she is tearing you up inside..
Such silly childish behavior on her part.
The only other reason she is doing this would be an attention getter from you. Maybe shes doing this as a wake up call for you but bottom line is not right.
I agree with both of the above.
A Wife should not have a "private" conversation with a male "friend" EVEN IF there are problems in a Marriage. A Wife should not be saying anything to another Man that She would not say in the presence of Her Husband. If She thinks 'somehow' talking with Him will help with Your "recent problems", He should be invited to talk and be friends with both of You - together.
I'm pretty certain She would feel the same way if You were PRIVATELY 'confiding' in a female friend.
A Wife should not have a "private" conversation with a male "friend" EVEN IF there are problems in a Marriage. A Wife should not be saying anything to another Man that She would not say in the presence of Her Husband. If She thinks 'somehow' talking with Him will help with Your "recent problems", He should be invited to talk and be friends with both of You - together.
I'm pretty certain She would feel the same way if You were PRIVATELY 'confiding' in a female friend.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, and welcome. I agree. I think she is outside a comfortable boundary that A. she has a secret male friend that you are not able to be friends with as well. B. sounds like an emotional affair to me. C. her activity level with him increased as you two had issues. That's not fair to you,
I would tell her that she either works on the relationship or it will not work. And if she won't work on it, then she must go. That seems harsh but otherwise, she will continue will continue to try to have both of you,
I'd let her know that you are not okay with the friend--- as it is not a friend, If it is a friend, invite him over to dinner so you can be friends too. Otherwise, he is ANOTHER man and she's having an emotional affair. And it stops or the relationship will not work.
But I guess you do have to decide what you will put up with before this because this very well could end the relationship. I personally would take that step because I would think it wasn't much of a relationship as it was by the way she is treating you and connected to another man. But YOU have to make that decision. good luck
I would tell her that she either works on the relationship or it will not work. And if she won't work on it, then she must go. That seems harsh but otherwise, she will continue will continue to try to have both of you,
I'd let her know that you are not okay with the friend--- as it is not a friend, If it is a friend, invite him over to dinner so you can be friends too. Otherwise, he is ANOTHER man and she's having an emotional affair. And it stops or the relationship will not work.
But I guess you do have to decide what you will put up with before this because this very well could end the relationship. I personally would take that step because I would think it wasn't much of a relationship as it was by the way she is treating you and connected to another man. But YOU have to make that decision. good luck
If I were you I would be upset! I personally feel like when you are married you don't need or have close friends of the opposite sex. I would sit down with her and ask her what she is getting from the relationship and tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.
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