Your not a SINGLE parent

[SeriousSam]

Is anyone else seriously irked by the phrase "Single parent with kids"?

It seems their should be a distinction as it implies and encourages a person to leave out that whatever the parents dating status that the other parent, usually the father is uninvolved with the kids, and willingly so.

Yet when a study was done in California they found 85% of mothers actively wanted to get the DAD out of the kids life and their life so that they could get back into the dating game.  Oddly almost no one wanted to give up the child support but...  Anyway back on topic.

What alternatives do you fellow (and usually stark raving mad) members of medhelp should the active and attached parent of kids be called?  And how should we fix this problem of "paycheck donors" who usually are discouraged in fact if not in lip service from spending more time with their children?

[Cherie762]

I think parent should maintain the name of Mom and Dad, or in my cas its Mom and Daddy, the boys have always called their father Daddy and when i speak of him to kids that what I call him. I hope Im not to iggnorant or delusional. I hope to co-parent our children even when residing in seperate homes,,Im not sure but I think its necessary for custodial parent to have a written vistation schedule, is that right? My sons Daddy can come and take them to dinner, fishing golfing etc when ever he wants, the only excetion would be if they where ill or had a prior commitment like a date ( LOL the ones gonna be 16 soon has a little girlfriend they dont really date but ya know what I mean)..I would let it be the kids choice...and even if I grow to hate my soon to be ex, which I hope does not happen my priority is my kids happiness, I will bite my toungue till it bleeds before i bad mouth Daddy to them.

BTW Im not mad as in angry or mad as in looney Im just accepting that we have grown apart and neither of use love each other, we wish each other no ill will, I hope we can be able to speak nicely to each other on phone etc,,I hope if hes in abind and needs help he would ask me,,,ie. like if he had acr troubles and needed a ride IDK,,if he needed surgery and needed help I would try to be friendly,,He says he would do the same,,,this is just begining though IDK

It sounds like you have problems w visitation of your children, is that the case? Are there groups for Fathers rights or something that could help you? are your children boys or girls ,,,how old, I can see you care deeply and love your kids, all the best Sam I wish things to get better for you. Prayers, and Hugs, Cherie

[redheadaussie]

I have the opposite problem! I wanted my ex to be involved with the kids, he would be so horrible to them when he did spend time with them. He took it to be a great time to rant and rave and put me down. (Mind you he had the affair not me! He left to be with the new woman and have kids to her. )
My two sons especially needed a dad in their lives but he was just being horrible to them.  Putting them down for lack of sporting ability,etc.
Sadly he cut off the child support at a time when we most needed it. I had undiagnosed thyroid auto-immune disease, was sleeping all the time,  had a mortgage nearly paid off, (he was going to get half settlement if and when I ever sold the house) and a child needing a life saving operation!
  I think he cut his nose off to spite his face. I sold the house as the bank was wanting it. Paid them out, and had bugger all money left over. I gave him around $20,000 as settlement (could have got a lot more had he kept the child support up) and he has now lost the love of his now adult children. They hate his guts!
Makes me sad to think that it is often the women who get very vindictive and nasty toward the ex husbands, but I truly could not have cared less about his wife and kiddies. I just wanted my kids to have a good relationship with their dad, step-mum and half brother and sister....
  Makes me sad to know he is a bitter and angry man who is now having problems in that second marriage and has his new kiddies having problems at school for bullying etc.
  Here in Australia we have  similar but different system to yours. I had Family Law Court orders to relinquish the children every 2nd weekend, and when he assaulted me and I denied him access, it was I, not he, who was told I would be arrested for not allowing him to see the children.I explained he had over a two year period become violent towards myself and the children and I was concerned he would injure them or worse..Basically got told Bad Luck!
  He did get better again but by then the damage had been done and the children older and they started to refuse to go with him. I have no family where I live and had lost alot of friends and desperately needed a break from the kids, but they wouldn't go. He told me the only reason he was taking them in the first place was because he was ordered to by the courts. Great fathering!
  I hate the Single Parent label. Here it makes people think of low income socially disadvantaged women who booze and do drugs. I say to people I am Divorced raising 3 kids.
  I don't think there will be a good solution to the shared raising of the children if their has not been at least some rules set down. I do believe if the father is denied access to the children then he should not have to pay. I believe if he never shows up to give a damn then he should pay.  My close friend kept denying her ex husband rights to see the children and he was very hurt. ( I was often at the house when he would arrive as per agreement) She would call his new woman all sorts of lovely Italian swear words and the kids called the new woman those too. I always felt that was totally uncalled for. He eventually stopped paying child support and she went mental. I shudder the think that I, as a female, have so many of my gender behave so inexcusably.
    As for your comment about the stark raving mad members of medhelp...I am sure you meant it tongue in cheek, but often people take things to heart. If you want a fight I think you are going to get one! Other wise it might be worth your while to make it clear you are joking. (If that is the case, of course!)
  Cheers!

[empowered2dream]

I think the term is derived from an coordination of words that make it a simple sentence to describe a parents status. It may be impersonal, but one can feel free to chose the words they like.

I think some of the other descriptions may sound worse

Unmarried parent
Unwed parent
Divorced Parent

Maybe seperating those by saying

Single
Parent

Dating Parent -Nah that sounds like you are attached and dating around

Unattached Parent

I think you should always chose what makes you feel comfortable.

Proud Parent is what I would use if you are on a dating site, the words you describe yourself might already state you are single.

You really aren't a single parent though, you didnt create the child alone and the father or mother IS also responsible for the child, so technically in parenting you are never single, just in relationship status.. hmm so I would say just seperate the two words and it sounds much better :)

What angers me about MD is things are not fair concerning mothers and fathers and even good and bad parents. They violate your rights in many ways and they consider you guilty until proven innocent all the while refusing to look at the evidence you brought. You literally have to take the case to court and then many of my male friends who are good parents got screwed anyways. In our case my husband has always helped with his kids, always paid her and she lied and filed a false claim on him, then lied to the kids and told them it was money for her, not for them. She spent the first amount on herself and the law says she doesn't have to provide receipts and it's really hard to prove unless she suddenly gets something out of her income means for herself that she did anything wrong. Our lawyer angered me when he said yep she can buy a sports car with it and nothing can be done. That's BS because there is a law stating if you can prove the money is not being used on the kids you can take her back to court.

He called her up and told her he better see the things she wanted for the kids, tv, internet and an emergency phone, some new clothes, whatever or she is going back to court. She said she lied to them, because she was mad at him. OMG, no she spent it on herself and the kids have nothing to show for it after a month and a half of getting paid! She is not single, she got married and whined she needed it for her rent. He reminded her she has a husband to ask him to help! OMG she doesn't even recognise she is married! Mark said she is doing the exact same things to this man, she did to him, so we shall see if she cheats, drains him dry and then abandons him and the kids...

Oh well, I just hope she stops bugging us.