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am i doing the right thing
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am i doing the right thing

I had been dating a girl whom i met through a friend about 2 years ago. We were never the bf or gf couple, i would date other people and she could to. In October we decided to officially be bf and gf, by that time she lived 5 hours away with some friends and we would take turns traveling to see each other, by Dec. her friends wanted her to move out, her and her 2 children, boy and a girl he is 5 and she is 7, so i told her not to worry come over here and live with me. The 5 yr old is on his last treatments for leukimia, so since dec, till now i have lost my mind with both children, the little girl is so far behind in school, that i come home from work and would find myself having to help a child who seems to have never learned nothing and the son is uncontrollable screams, tried hitting me several times and pretty much was never taught dicipline cause of his condition that started when he was 2, i have a 12 year old whom i was very strict with and i try teach them this to them and i cant. my gf says i have to try and i am like, it has been 3 months, the father does not pay childsupport, i do pay for my son and am the only one working till today, she got a job, and i feel like i cant take it no more, am i doing wrong by leaving, i told her i will keep helpin with expenses until she is fine with her new employer. I love her, but i cant cope with the kids, i think of how well behaved my son was and how he was at school, and with my gf, I dont even want to shop with them cause her son usually well scream or cry jump, anything to have his way. I told my gf that i cant stand the kids no more, and that its not healthy for us to be living together, i am going crazy, i dont even concentrate at work and my boss tells me that i am not the same happy outgoing person that i was.
6 Comments Post a Comment
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134578_tn?1383690151
Frankly, I don't blame you.  It is kind of you to keep helping her financially until she is in for sure with her new job (give her a deadline on that, like 3 or 6 months, to be sure she really tries).  I sympathize with her very much, but unless you are her husband, the kids are not your ultimate responsibility.  She will have to find help from family or social services if she still needs it when you are not there, but really she cannot expect you to carry her burdens if you are going out of your mind.  Tell your boss that you have had troubles at home but they are going away, so you don't lose your own job.
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Avatar_f_tn
I echo AnnieBrooke.

You are a good Man and My Heart is Heavy for You.
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973741_tn?1342346373
I do agree about helping her.  I do just want to add though that I feel very bad for any mother that has a child facing a life threatening illness.  That diagnosis could push anyone into a tailspin.  What the kids were/are doing in my mind should be forgiven as a boy on his last treatment for leukemia has a LOT going on including not feeling well.  A mother also has a ton of worry as she doesn't yet know if the child will be fully in remission or not.  And it is my understanding that treatment for leukemia is long so if he is on his last one, they've been at this awhile.  And therefore, the daughter sadly has probably been neglected a bit due to health of her brother (and being put in place to place, moving around so much).  Very sad situation.  I'm sure some of this was going on when you chose to get serious with her.  Were you not around her and her kids when dating?  

anyway, it is reasonable to realize you don't want to live in such a situation and exiting in a kind manner sounds like a good plan. peace and luck
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Avatar_f_tn
I echo SpecialMom, too!!

My Heart is Also Heavy for this Mother and Her Children!!
This is very sad. Be grateful that You have choice. They do not.

I commend You for feeling such Kindness for Them and Your Willingness to Help even now.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thank you for the comment, he is on his last treatment, which will be in Sept.of this year and he has made his wish already, for disney. When we dated in the almost 1yr 1/2 we dated,i only saw them twice. the reason was i told her i dont want to get them used to me and then i might or u might leave and it might affect them, when i asked her to come to llive with me, was in one of her most difficult times, her ex-husband would cheat on her and since her  5yr old had this illness he never bothered to help her with her trips to MD Anderson in Houston, so my heart went out to them to help, by dec. we were bf & gf, i never thought it would be this hard for me, i took care of my terminally ill father for 8 months, and it was hard, i went through a divorce when my son was 8 yrs old and ive always kept with him, so i felt ive dealt with a person fighting cancer, and practically would be helpin my son after my work to better himself with his homework, and figured the little girl, has mom, and the boy too, but she wanted me to carry the burden with her and i just cant, i jumped into this so fast,to help her, i never really knew the kids until day 1 of living together. Her sadness is also because she thinks i want to date and be single again, and i have told her, i want us to maintain our relationship but living apart and maybe as we see each other on weekends ill have a better chance to connect with them a lot better than in the beigning , i l dont know if itll work, but i do love this woman, and she is havin a hard time understanding, and i had mentioned, i am going to help her financially, becuase her ex refuses to help her, and does not pay childsupport. I dont want her to have a hard time.
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134578_tn?1383690151
Someone cannot just refuse to pay child support.  One of the things you should help her with is getting to a Legal Aid group to get her ex husband sued for back child support.  What a pig.
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