at loss

i have been re- married for the past 6 years, due to my husband's work we have moved quite a lot, while we were still living in our country of origin, i was working as a lawyer, in third world countries this is not as lucrative as in the USA, but u can still make a decent living, as i was , good enough to support my three children from a previous marriage, while having a limited amount of luxuries in our lives.  when the time came to move from our country, i had to leave my children behind, since this was better for their education at the time. then we didnt have children of our own , and my husband's two children from a previous marriage remained back home with their mother, and he is FULLY financially responsible for them.  move forward in time, we are living in the states for over three years now, we have a son, and my older daughter is the first one to go to   college. due to our imigration status, i can not work in the USA, (althought i completed my paralegal school, while pregnant with my son in 2005) , my ex husband has been forthcoming to pay for my daughter's college to the full extent of his possibilities, but this year he has fallen short, so i sought a financial plan in order to pay for her tuition (she is a junior, straight A, Dean's list student etc) i have been paying monthly installments(this is the first month ). this is the problem, today my daughter forwards me an email, where my husband tells her to get financial aid ASAP, but doesnt cc'ed me in the mail or nothing, my daughter  very concerned calls me , and im at loss as to my situation. this is emotionally and financially painful. i believed we were a partnership, and that while i was staying home caring for our son, i was entitled to funds for my older children's education. we live in a community state, and were married under the laws here. also, my husband makes a very VERY good income, good enough that in the past three years, we have one home paid in full, another paid over 1/2 the mortgage, some land lots, drive luxury cars, travel anything u can imagine. so, im stuck, i cant work, i feel trapped, and i dont know how to handle the situation without just packing up and saying bye bye. im hurt. im dissapointed in him and in myself, for being as naive as to believe that he would value my contribution to our family as a stay at home mom, and recognizing that my children also have financial needs. sorry for the babbling, this is too recent, and im too upset. any thoughts?

[jo929]

I answered this in another column, but i have been thinking some since then, did he agree to support your other children,? did he agree to help with their college,? if he makes a lot of money, he shoukl be kind enough to help, but if there was no agreement,, or no discussion, of these things then i, think the biological father should do his duty towards his children,even tho you have a son with your present husband, that is no reason to think that he would help the others,. unless you had a prior agreement, I can understand your frustration and have you talked with him, also i think you said your daughter was almost 20 if she is she can get a part time job and student loans, my children worked after school for 3 hours, and all 3 had a summer job, as i did not make much, and they did not complain, i think it  teaches them something, that they cant expect every thing to be handed out to them,also it gives them character, so to speak, I think maybe it might be the biological father that needs to support them, if they need it, it is a shame that all can not share in the luxury, and college is important,now days as you cant get a good job without one so talk with him, and if he wont budge, then if you still love him, i guess you put up with it, and if you do not, you will know what to do   I wish all of you lots of luck  jo