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grief

I filed for a divorce on July 30 and my husband left on Aug 9th. I didnt want to divorce him but I didnt have a choice. He was never very good to my 2 boys and has done some pretty mean things to my oldest son. Of course his daughter iis only 9 and my kids are 13 and 18now. We met in Dec. 2006. Married in Dec. 2007. It's been so hard and I feel like Im grieving over him. We never fought about anything but our kids but my kids are a part of me and if he doesnt like them then he has to go, right????
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973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there, Well, I'd say you are doing the right thing mother to mother.  I wouldn't be with a man that was unkind to my children.  They do depend on us to be their advocate in life and to create a home atmosphere that is pro THEM verses being with a man that has a bone to pick with them.  

But that doesn't mean you are going to be immensly sad.  All people have their good and bad points as does all relationships.  Of course it wasn't all terrible----  but some things are deal breakers.  How he treats your sons is one of them.  

I would mourn this as one mourns any loss.  That means staying really busy, spend time with family and friends for support and to distract you, dive into the things that do make you happy---  hobbies, work, etc., keep a journal and exercise.  If the pain is constant or you feel you are getting depressed, then begin seeing a therapist for additional support.  

But I feel strongly that we must protect our kids and create a nice life for them including only having a partner in our life that accepts them and respects that they are your babies.  peace and luck to you
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1268057_tn?1399131913
Well.....I would say if he couldn't be decent to your children or doesn't like them, then he isn't the one for you.  

Did you all ever try counseling for this issue(s) with the children?  

Counseling for your feelings of grief in regards to your divorce would be ideal in this situation.  

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Avatar_f_tn
It's difficult to walk away from someone you love...but you did it and for the right reasons!  You're going to miss your husband for awhile but with time you will feel just fine.  Our children always come first and you did what was best for them and to keep them from having issues as adults.  You and your children are a package deal and that means he treats you all equally well, which he hasn't done.  You say the only thing you ever fought about were the kids, well that's a big thing to fight about!  You did the right thing and someday you'll love again.  Be patient with yourself, it's going to be okay.  I do wish you all the very best and we're always here for you.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ditto SpecialMom
Ditto Londres70

It's totally normal to grieve the loss of Your Marriage but find Your solace in the fact that You had the strength do do the right thing for Your Children.  So, allow YourSelf to grieve and know that it will get better in time.
My heart is heavy for You.
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Avatar_m_tn
Thanks so much for those very kind words and recognition. My family has always been very critical of my husband for the right reasons, but its hard to move on when I dont have GOOD support. I have seen a counselor through my employer  a few times and I need to go back. Last night I just sobbed crying and then I feel better for a while but not long. I know that I have done the right  thing and it will take a long time to get through this. I am certainly not interested in being in any more relationships. I went through my first marriage whom my kids are from.he is an alcoholic and was into drugs for a while so unfortunately my kids have never had a good father figure! on that note, I obviously attract the wrong type of men so I need to steer clear!
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