heartbroken and confused

i found out in April that my wife has been having an affair. We have been together for 12 years. Married for 7 of them and have 3 children.
Its not her first affair, she had one a few years back but we moved on from it and both openly put it down to a learning curve.
This time round is different tho. This is hardcore emotional abuse al round. His wife knows about it i know about it an whats more only 4 months in and our children know about it and they have all met each other even though both i and his wife requested not for the children to meet at an early stage. We were basicly told tough its going to happen... And it did.
My wife has been my best friend for many years. She has a ocd problem she pulls her hair she has done this since being a child and is bald so wears a wig. Odly her partner is un aware of this issue and their relationship is based on many lies and secrets. Im the quiet on in this whole mess. They all send group emails to eachother including to myself and his wife. Where they discuss the affair and the next move forward. Its cruel cold and calculating and i feel very much that my wife has been sucked into a bitter arguement berween him and his wife of which my wife is just a pawn its like a game to them.
He dosnt pay my wife any attention when they have dates together he manipulates it so his children tag along always blaming it on his wife.
Its strange my wife and him argue way more than we ever did they both admit they havnt had sex yet. I kind of agree as im sure the closeness of sex would reveal a wig.
I have been told that now they will be moving in together so my 3 children and his 4 children all sharing a house. Well he must have a mansion as my children have been teased with the crem dela crem yes a room each...so heres my dilema

My wife tells me costantly she loves me. She tells me her affair is like a car crash waiting to happen. My wife and i have been intimate during this affair well apart from the last 3 weeks as i moved out. I got fed up with the constant mind games.
She tells me she dosnt love him she isnt sexually attracted to him. But gets caught up in the mind games and she is ver very stubborn and wants the last word.
I feel this has led her to a sticky situation that she cant get out of.
Ive comforted my kids asked them to show respect to his kids. And i tell them im here for them and will always be.
But please someone help what do i do other than support my family when and if this mental car crash ever happens. That i have no control over

[TTinKKerBBell]

I'm sorry for what You have gone/are going through.  
I would do EVERYTHING I could to get my Children out of there.  "Being there" for Your Children is getting them out of the middle of this!!
Other than that, I can think of nothing to say.  This story dumbfounds me.  I will say I'm glad this woman is not my "best friend".  
Good Luck with Your Children

[mammo]

I'm sorry you've been through so much, but now it's up to YOU to start calling the shots!  Your wife has every excuse in the world, and her affairs won't stop with this man!  Actions speak louder than words and her actions are telling you a horrible story for you and your children.  She's not caught up in anything, she's playing you and you need to put an end to this.  Your children are going to grow up so emotionally scarred if you don't step in right now and get custody of them.  Look at what it's doing to you....think of the kids and get them out of that sick situation along with yourself!  The "mental car crash" just buys her time to find another man and why would you wait around for a woman like this?  This is not a healthy situation for anyone and why all of you would share in it is beyond me!  It's no longer about you or your wife, but your children.  This is the most bizarre thing I've ever read and to have your children in the middle of it is just wrong!  

[lisaob1]

hi,i must start by saying i think your very brave to have posted what you have...as my god...what on earth did you expect anybody to reply other than what they have..mammo and tink are dumbfounded and myself included..did you honestly think somebody would tell you it would all be ok..?  with respect as i dont know you,because if i did i would slap you silly...but..this is seriously wrong.it is that wrong i have to ask myself is ther two sides to this story..because its that hard to believe a woman..and mother can do this! and a man can put up with it.. i try to be diplomatic..but if what your saying is all very true and real then my advice is..RUN..RUN FOR THE HILLS..take charge of your life..look after the children and kick her right to the kerb and never look back

[overopiates]

At this point(and Im being viciously honest)if this situation is truelly as u say it is then from this point u need to go because u r the one who is letting this happen.U all have an email situation where all of u talk.WTF.Also u may not realize but u r taking up for ur cheating decietful wife by sayong that shes being basically used by the man to make his wife jealous.No u r being used as a fool.She doesnt love or respect u as a husband,friend or more importantly as the father of her kids.She needs help but thats no longer ur job.She is usong u to get her sexual needs met ONLY because she is embarrased to show that she wears a wig(if them saying theyre not intimate is even true).She is doing what we call having an emotional affair.In the process she is hurting u AND ur children.Its odd and crazy that ur  kods have met this married man.This whole thing is odd.If his wife is silly enough to put up with it let her but u dnt have too.She has a history of cheating.She isnt right for u and shouldnt b married.U seem to be scared to move on.It is scary but u deserve to have someone who loves u and is happy with u only not someone who makes u feel  inadequate.She can say she loves u blah blah blah.U r letting her do whatever she wants and she will only get worse.This is a form of emptional abuse in my eyes.If u cant realize on ur own know that anyone else hearing this finds it rediculous.GET OUT,MOVE ON

[lisaob1]

see there is no comment so i hope you sorted it out good luck

[michelle41292]

Yes, you have no control over this so guess what?  you need to be a man and get rid of her. She doesnt love you or she wouldnt be playing these mind games with you,emotional abuse!!!    what does this tell your kids?   this is how men and women treat one another?  Please get out of this situation and dont look back, you will be much happier and stronger!!!