Divorce & Breakups Community
help needed pleasee
About This Community:

This patient support community is for discussions relating to divorce, breakups, anger, child custody, child support, conflict resolution, co-parenting, dating, depression, friends and family, legal, pets, property issues, remarriage, spousal support, and visitation.

Font Size:
A
A
A
Background:
Blank
Blank
Blank
Blank Blank

help needed pleasee

I never planned on having kids before I was married. But here I am now pregnant my boyfriend had proposed but now is constantly being indecisive . The baby is going to be here soon nov. 10th we were supposed to marry sept 15 am I wrong for not sticking around because he can't decide? Plus I live in Illinois he lives in Mississippi and he basically wants me to move my entire life just to play house being his girlfriend.
6 Comments Post a Comment
Blank
973741_tn?1342346373
Hi there and welcome.  Ugh, sorry this is hard!  Sounds confusing for sure.  

The issue at hand is that you are having a child together.  Rats, and double rats as that is always best when a couple takes steps to be committed and solid as a pair prior to pregnancy.  I know it doesn't always work that way and that sounds like the case here.

I do kind of agree with you about not leaving your support system and moving hours away from them.  If he is wishy washy, you don't want to get down to his hometown and be stuck alone.  If you two get engaged and you feel in love and like you want to pursue marriage, then that is different.  Sometimes we move to be with our partner---  but this relationship sounds iffy at best right now.  

Are you super convinced that having/keeping the baby is for the best?  I only ask because adoption can be such a wonderful option when timing is all off for having a baby.  It can be a real win win for someone that is struggling with a situation.  

But otherwise, I'd get a plan together on how you'll raise the baby alone but also factor in that you need to do everything you can to encourage a relationship between the dad and baby too.  Visitation, child support, etc.  

It sounds really hard and I hope it has a happy ending dear.  peace
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
Yes, its complicated because he can be extremely indecisive. I'm convinced that keeping the baby is the right thing. I love my child already , and so does he. I feel that it could be his mother influencing the wait around for marriage yall have years . Because she honestly doesn't want us even engaged .  We most likely will end up doing joint custody . Thank you for your advice (: I really appreciate it.  
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
I  suggest that You look V E R Y carefully at this situation as You describe it.  I note that You say He is extremely indecisive.  "Indecisive" can be disconcerting in the first place -  but You say "extremely indecisive".  Don't ignore Your use of the word "extremely".  Also, You say You are Pregnant now and the Baby is due in November and You plan to marry in September.  I question why September??, why not get married now??  You are pregnant now......why not marry now?? If this is good, and if this is right, why wait??

I think also it's worth Your S E R I O U S consideration if this is really His Mother's influence.  If that's the case, I assure You,  this sets the stage for Your future.......and/or if He's using His Mother as an "excuse" not to make a decision - well, that A L S O sets the stage for Your future.

Good Luck
Blank
Avatar_n_tn
September is just special , we met in September . Started dating and September & etc. Plus right now I'm home visiting family in Illinois. While he works and saves money for me and the baby to come back. Honestly idk. Because I suggested co-parenting living together so we can raise our baby . But he cries everytime I suggest breaking up.  Thanks for your advice I'm going to look into this more . Into what's really going on .
Blank
Avatar_f_tn
hi there.....i found myself in a very similar situation when i was pregnant with my son (now almost 7)
his father and i probably werent the best match looking back on it but at the time i thought it was right and getting married was something i felt pushed in to, he was unreliable and as i found out later not an honest person (that is putting it in the nicest possible terms)
My advice to you is do what your gut tells you, i so wish I'd listened to mine, our marriage only lasted a year and I've been raising my son by myself ever since without any help (financially or otherwise), dont get me wrong, i in no way regret having my son, he's is the BEST thing ive ever done and i wouldnt change that part for the world but marriage is definitely not the next logical step if it doesnt feel 100% right.....just take your time and make sure you both want the same things. Pregnancy hormones are also intoxicating! If i were you i'd have the baby, let things settle for a little after and then see how you feel.....good luck with everything and enjoy the blissful fall in to love with your first born, theres no feeling like it :)
Blank
5974753_tn?1379619227
I just read your thread and was curious how things were fairing for you all. September 15 is close to 2 weeks away now.
Blank
Post a Comment
To
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Divorce & Breakups Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
The 3 Essentials to Ending Emotiona...
Sep 18 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Control Emotional Eating with this ...
Sep 04 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
242532_tn?1269553979
Blank
Emotional Eating Control: How to St...
Aug 28 by Roger Gould, M.D.Blank
Top Relationships Answerers
1268057_tn?1399131913
Blank
Londres70
France
973741_tn?1342346373
Blank
specialmom
Avatar_f_tn
Blank
TTinKKerBBell
CA