irrational????

My boyfriend "Sam" travels a lot for his job. I'm staying at home with his children full time. I don't mind being a parent, I do mind taking on full responsibility for the kids  while sam is working. I understand that it is his job. But the thing thats gets me the most is, for starters he wanted his kids full time and has faught for them. And hes going to get them. But he still wants this job that takes him all over the place while I maintain a stay at home step mom status. Like I said I don't mind being a parent, it just I stay at home all of the time while when he travels and lives it up on his company's money. He thinks that me being with the kids an being the main parent is a small price to pay for the bills to be paid off.  So I think that since he wanted this family he needs to find a job so that he can actually be home. Im torn I love him and the kids but I've put my own life on hold so that he can get ahead in life and I dont think he  would be willing to find another job. What do I do? Should I get out? Am I the one who is being irrational? please help my minds going to burst.

[MrsOckert]

I think it's unfair of him to drop this situation in your lap.  They are his kids and he should be around to help raise them and be the disciplinarian.

What should you do????  That I don't have a clue about.  What are you comfortable doing?

[sweetpea23]

the only reason I feel like I have to play mom is because, real mom has other priorities. And yes i guess I DO feel guilty for leaving, not because I owe him but because I feel if I have the right mind to teach  and nurture the kids the way they need. And they don't deserve to be confused and hurt because they don't understand that mom only comes and goes as she pleases. And my own mother would agree with you

[jo929]

You are 22> just living with the guy. taking care of his children for nothing, even a babysitter gets paid what can you see to love about a guy that is gone all of the time, plus, you do not owe him anything. It souinds like you are something he is uising, He needs to be a parent to these children and help raise them, they are his children not yours. now is the time to talk to yourself and then come up with an answer, you are very young to be thrown into a situation like this, and i bet he is much older than you, and knows just how to get around you,  Of course you love the kids, and you can also teach other kids ,no they do not need to be confused, but i imagine they are about where is momy and daddy, but they do know who their mommy is, and it is not you, you just take care of them, i know you love them, but they have a mother.. and a father, and you will always be a step mom which is fine, but you are not even the step mother, and the mother will be in their lives as long as she lives  I do hope you do not think thati am coming down to hard, but you are young, and and it does appear that he just loves to be away, i could be wronmg about him, i do hope that i am, but these things have happened before to others I am thinking of your life, as i write this   Lots of luck  jo

[treazzure007]

yo!  why did you even begin taking care of HIS kids in the first place???  what was the whole purpose of him gaining custody if he didn't want to be there taking care of them.  parenting is HIS first job.  him having a busy career is no excuse, he should have thought about that before HE had the kids

he'd have to either give those kids back to their mother, put them in some wonderful daycares, afterschool programs, and/or afterschool extra-curricular activites, or hire a nanny with all of his hard earned money - that's what i'd tell him if i were you

[beautifulbritty712]

What is he like when he is home? How does he treat you and his children? Jobs are hard to find now and if he has a good paying job he has to travel for it would be unfair to ask him to quit in this economy. I would say it depends on how he is when he does have time at home, is he a good dad/ boyfriend? Or does he just expect you to care for them all the time? Also, did you know about his job and him wanting his kids before you moved in? If so I would say it is an unspoken agreement- he's taking care of you, paying your bills. Does he buy you things or let you buy stuff you want? If he asked you to move in and he would take care of you then afterward the kids came into the picture I would say you have something to talk to him about. But if this is important to him- having a stay at home gf to care for his kids- and you refuse to do this, I'm sure a lot of women in bad situations would do it and I'm sure he knows this. I'm not trying to be mean at all but a few years ago I would have jumped on a chance like this. If you refuse to watch the kids I'd be ready to either get a job and pay some bills or be ready for the day he comes home with somebody else- not the nicest thing to say and maybe he's not like this at all. I don't know him.

[beautifulbritty712]

I had a babysitting job, the state payed me about 300  every 2 weeks to watch 2 kids. I lived with who I babysat for and after paying 1/2 the rent, bills, buying my own groceries and putting gas in my car I had no money left. But I was happy to have my bills paid and a place to stay.

[SeriousSam]

I thought South Carolina was one of the hardest hit states so fars as jobs.  Just to play devils advocate are there closer jobs that will pay the bills?

[kathy434]

To start off, it is not your responsibility to worry where he chooses to find a job, but that he returns home and assumes the responsibility of being  the parent he fought to be.  He is sending double messages about his true intentions.  He wants it both ways.

You are not getting anything from this guy.  You are not married to him, or paid by him, or live with him.  You just got stuck taking care of the responsibilities that aren't even yours to be dealing with.    You need to call this guy, tell him he has one day to get his butt home and take over his own job as a parent, without you.

You need to get on with your life, for heavens sakes.  You should be in college, getting your education and developing your career in something that you are interested in, happy, and you can make a good living at doing.  You don't have time to be wasting right now.  You need a job where you earn an income.  You also need to get some further education so you can financially take care of yourself the way it ought to be.

This guy who is flying all over the world needs to get his act together and stop using you, and start taking care of his responsibilities.  You have got to be the one to draw the line on this farce now, and get out and move on to greener pastures for yourself.  Don't ever get caught up in this arrangement again.  If he tries to talk you out of leaving, well just inform him that you are, and that you are contact social services to come get his kids.  He will be home before dinner !  And be true to your word.  Leave.