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is this the easy let down?
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is this the easy let down?

Ok here I go sorry if I ramble having a really hard time with this.so I'm married for 7 years been together for 11 we have two lovley kids a 6 year old girl an a 17 month old boy.this also could be posted in the addiction site I suppose. I've been disabled due to back surgery for about 5 years my pain dr jacked me up on a bunch of med.is how this all started long story short I have been in a fog bank an deppresed for a long while kinda pity party .in my fog I lost a lot of thing an let a lot of thing slip by not noticing .my wife started taking pills got addicted for about 2 years she almost overdosed several times before I was able to get her into a rehab. In rehab she meet some guy which I feel like he prayed upon her anyways I didn't handle her being gone for a month so well I was angry fustrated an trying to take care of our kids. Once she came home I was still taking my pain meds an that upset her I put them outside .but I then had a brief moment of clarity that I couldn't expect her to stay clean while I wasn't so I came home one night an flushed all pain med an am now off them they were cause problems with us so I removed the wedge. Now we are both sober an she. Still is working her program but this guy she started liking is going through this program with her an they getting closer an closer. I have found letters about her wanting to be with him an something stating she is in love with two men.an as I said I'm injured an not working which is another issue.I do get money so I'm not like totally suck her dry she pay more towards house n bills but I do give her money towards them to.she is now stating that seeing as we are both clean an trying to work a program it would be best if we seperate an see if we can work this out apart. But I know as soon as I find a job an move out ill be getting served papers she says she is being faithfull but I have caught her in situations that are not this other man has his life kinda together except he is an acoholic that has been in an out of rehab 3 or 4 time an she has taken my youngest son and stay at his house one night an I caught. Her I the lie I don't feel It safe for my kidss .she also tells me she is going to meeting an then her court card is not signed at the meeting an meeting is 11/2 hours an she is gone for 5 . She has been being untruthful to me for awhile. There is a bunch more I could write a novel. So what do I do I don't want to be in a unfaithful realationship but I also can't afford to get my own place. At this point in time.how does it work with divoce can she just force me to leave do I make her file before I move I know this is messed up for a man to be saying this but I haven't work on the books the whole time we have been married I've kinda been mr mom am I entited to alimony? Will me getting a part time job hamper that.also she has been so wrapped up in this program and other guy she is even really around for her kids as I said I've been the mommy an daddy to our kids for over 2 years my son calls me mommy and daddy which is another whole problem spilting up she is taking his care giver of hs whole life away. And she doesn't really know how to take care of him she gets angry he won't eat for her or go to sleep for her I have to do it.She has been pushing for me to rent a room but I'm not willing to do that because I won't be able to have my kids there what do I do I need at least a 1 bd apt really a 2 bd room cuz CA requires girls need there own room. This is such an ugly deal really need some advice thanks also I have a hard time with our kids an I'm in the trenches with them everyday she has been MIA for so long I really don't think she could handle it and work her program and keeP another realationship an work all of it an stay sober which she needs to be I am a broken shell of a man right now. Help please
7 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1386354841
hi and welcome. You really need to get back to work as you are financially depentant on her. You can collect alimony but will cost you in lawyers fees to do this properly. Step one to this whole mess is you getting financially self dependant. Its critical or your hands are tied.
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134578_tn?1404951303
Call the nearest law school and see if they have a free legal clinic.  Then ask about the chance of you getting full custody based on your being the primary caregiver of the kids.  It is possible that she will have to get a room somewhere, not you, and it is definitely possible that she will have to pay child support.  (Not alimony.)  But a lawyer is who can tell you all of this.  If you fear the kids will be raised poorly if she is sharing custody or has full custody, you need to do this.  In the meantime, stay clean.  Neither of you will look great to the courts, but she will look better and you worse if you are not clean.
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1998601_tn?1368139948
I agree 100 % and is what I'm trying to do its just not that easy as I'm in constrution and since my injury I can return to my field I'm not completly depended on her . I do give her what I can. I just need to be able to afford a proper place for my kids and me. I can't just leave if I can't make it on my funds . My kids are so important to me like I said my son considers me mommy an daddy I can't abandon him or my daughter like that. I'm still kicking my meds. An they still want operate on me I'm in such a rough spot outcome is looking grimm. Do I force the divorce . I can't handle her being unfathful or do I try an move out and see what happens but as I have said she is already getting involed with another man an its killing me .she trys telling me its not about him she is just so resentful about things in the past I had to have the surgery I just didn't know of the turmoiL the recovery was going to do to our relationship I took all the responibility for the kids since my son was born to help so we didn't have any extra cost for daycare and stuff an she resents me for that to cuz he dosent know who his mommy is this all is so out of had I need a job but don't know if I handle it I still need surgery which I am opting out of I love my wife an family and don't want to lose them I want to work it out so bad I'm smothering her I'm trying to fix the thing that can I can fix but a lot of thing I can't I keep asking for god to show me the way an his will . Will be done I don't want to damage us any more but she is getting so far down the wrong road .I feel like if I can get out its the end but she says she doesn't know! She needs to see but her actions R see has already choosen the path but. Y won't she just divorce me wouldn't that just be easier I want to save us but I know me moving out is our end I don't know but I sure do thank you for ur input and I am working on the job thing
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1998601_tn?1368139948
Well annie that would be nice but its her house and her parents set it up when we got married so I would never be able to do anything about the house in case of divorce . But I would like to have custody but she is the stable income as I stated I've been out of work for to long and am in the process of getting a job. She is just so involed else where and she has a lot on her plate with work her program other guy she is rarely home like this morning she left at 600 didn't have to but did to go to a meeting with this gy then she goes to work and then back to her program with this guy sh will get home around 10045 tonite this is four days a week an on the other days when she should be at home she goes to a meeting and is gone almost all day most likly with other fellow and she think I'm stuiped I see it all thanks for input
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Avatar_f_tn
This sounds like a terrible situation and I'm sorry You are going through this.  I can't offer a "solution"
BUT
She is the one who wants the separation why not tell Her She is the one who has to leave?  Tell Her You don't want to disrupt Your Family (Your Children) so You're not leaving.
I know this would not mend the situation between You and Her but why should the Children suffer being without You?  She's not available for them -they need You.
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1998601_tn?1368139948
Well tink you r so correct this is a nightmare situation.Iwent pro-active and contacted an attorney and he said the same the what ever you do do not leave that house I am an have been primary care giver to our kids an he said leaving can effect custody if we divorce. About her leaving its her and her parents who's names are on the house also as I've stated I'm disabled and don't make enough to do it on my own. I also think she called her attoney yesterday because she started in with I'm going to start being in our kids lifes more and spending time with them. Which is what I've been asking for over a year an a half but then I was suppose to take them to a party from 3 to 5 last night she tells me she's going to take them an she did and as soon as she got home she says ok I'm going to go get my nails done she was gone for almost 3 hours comes home says she's tired an goes up to bed she just doesn't get it her schedule is so pack with this program she doesn't see them at all 4 days a week an on the days she can she disappears for rhrs here 5 hours there it really pains me to see her doing this to them . So as the attorney said I'm going dig my feet in an not go anywhere.also she has been starting to fall in love with a reoccuring alcohlic that she meet in her program he has been in n out of rehab several times she is making a lot of poor choices and I don't know if this guy relapse if he is an angry drunk he could beat her or our kids she not thinking clearly an I'm at a loss no that I'm off my meds I'm starting to feel like me again and I am loving her more then I ever have and want to fix this and ur right when I tell her I'm not going anywhere it may damage us past repair but that's what she wants not me so I need to think what's best for me n our kids until she either comes to her sense or we divorce I thank you for your input tink
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Avatar_f_tn
As You know, I agree with Your atty or maybe atty agrees with me? (sorry, this is no time for a joke but I couldn't resist)

I have another thought.  Not EVERY Parent support Their offspring when said offspring are hurting the GrandChildren.  If They know what is going on with Your Wife, hopefully the well being of the GrandChildren have priority with Them.  If You refuse to leave Your Children perhaps They will support Your Effort and Concern for the Children - If Their names are on the house, perhaps They will take steps so that the Children can remain in Their home with Their Daddy - hopefully They know what is going on with Their Daughter and that You are the hands on Parent.

Good Luck.  I hope You will keep us informed.
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