my in laws have manipulated my husband against me and he wants a divorce

hi
           i have been married for 11 years now and i have two children a son 3 yrs,
           and a daughter 7 yrs. mine was a arranged marriage,for the initial 2 yrs mine
           was a very happy marriage in which my husband was very understanding and he always
           listened to every word that i would say which did not go well with my in laws they never
          liked him having affection towards me rather they would try to create misunderstandings
          between us.

                            during both my pregnancies my husband tried to be supportive but my in laws would
                             speak ill about me to him who would be out at work whole day and
                            when he would be back he would try to believe me but my in laws would
                            convince him that i was the one who was at fault which would make him
                            believe them.since then my father in law at various occasions have illtreated
                            me and asked me to leave the house which i have once as i was also angry
                          at my husband for not taking my side,but then my husband came and made up
                           for it and we began to live happily that was again not taken well by my inlaws
                           they again created problems in our lives by telling my husband that i was not
                         the  right girl for him and he should leave me and the kids. now my husband
                           has left me in my mothers house with both the children and has applied
                          for a divorce without my consent and my in laws are supporting him.
                          my husband used to adore the kids but after my father in law poisened his
                          mind he does not even care for them,even after the divorce was applied
                        i went to meet him(we are living long distance)with both my children,
                        but my in laws illtreated us and abused us ,and told us that they would
                       throw me and the kids out of the house they did not let my husband visit us
                     during our stay for four days.then my father in law very cleverly got the best
                    lawyer and got a temporary injunction against me and the kids as he mentioned
                      in the summon that he disowns his son as the flats are in his name .this was
                     not for his son but for me and the children,i could not believe he could
                     fall to such great heights .i had gone to re concile for the children and the love
                    that was there once upon a time but they played such a dirty game .
                                       my husband is just a puppet in their hands.now as i have come back to
                                       my mothers house i have been advised by my lawyer to file a restition
                                      as i am a peaceful person i do not want to go in for any criminal cases
                                       though they have done wrong to me.i want to fight in the civil law.
                                     hoping one day my husband will understand the ill minds of my in laws
                                     and come back to me and the kids.
                          

[AnnieBrooke]

Good luck.  Do what you need to do to retain your dignity as a person and be a good role model for your kids.  I've heard of worse, of the woman actually being tortured or killed by in-laws.  I am glad you are safe where you are.  Be advised by your lawyer and don't back down, your children deserve to see you as a strong woman with only their best interests at heart.

[specialmom]

Yes, this is a terrible story and I'm sorry this has happened to you.  Agree with Anniebrooke.  Go ahead and do what it takes in the civil court to gain restitution and go on with a peaceful life.  Perhaps someday your husband will understand what they've done . . . esentially ruined a family.  I feel badly for you and your children.  Stay at your mom's and try to find outlets for the hurt and anger.  His in laws sound like beasts and he gave in to them.  Very sorry about that.  good luck dear.

[TTinKKerBBell]

You said this is an "arranged" Marriage.  Who arranged this Marriage?  I do not understand the culture that "arranges" Marriages, but I do respect the standards and beliefs of others.
My question is - who? arranges the Marriages?  I would think that His parents and Yours as well, would be involved with the arrangement?  I also would think all parents would wish, hope, expect, and even be willing to contribute to whatever it might take for the arranged marriage to be a success?  Correct if I misunderstand. Was this marriage "arranged" without their input?
I'm sincere, I truley would like to understand this situation.

[lindahand]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would take every action needed to secure your financial stability. I don't know the system in India, but I would try to ensure that he is paying monthly support. I don't know if that is what you mean by 'civil law'. He has done you a great wrong, and you deserve everything legally entitled to you under your laws.

[localbloom]

I feel for you. A similar situation happened to me within just four and a half months of my marriage, where my in-laws and my husband hounded me out of the house. I immediately went to the police and gave them the details about the manipulative tendencies of my in-laws and husband. The police advised me to move to a safer location, since such cases have a tendency to escalate. I have been out of touch with my husband and his family for more than three and a half months and they haven't tried to contact me except for asking me to collect my belongings from their house. I did take the police to do so, since that's what I was advised.
For those who are reading this thread, I would request your suggestion. Do you think I should try striking a conversation with this man after being out of touch for three months. I don't wish to go back to hell, but I think separation might be a good option. Talking to him, is it something I should consider? Thank you in advance

[sugarbrown320]

Hi Localbloom

Are you based in India or UK/ USA? I am also in the same situation, my husband dropped me for the 2nd time 6 weeks ago, and says if i apologise he will take me back, but has hurled nothing but abuse to me and my family. i would apologise if i did something wrong, but the drama and lies that have been created makes me think they could accuse me of something bigger in the future. All my belongings are there as he told me to go to my mothers straight from work. I cannot believe the guy i fell in love with who i have known for 10 years before we got married has been brainwashed and believes i am a liar. he is filing for divorce and doesnt even want to meet me. Only if i come back apologising and that too he has the condition of not wanting to have anything to do with my family.

[eternity1234]

hello vishi,

I am sorry to hear what you are going thru.
I sincerely wish that you be in a better situation soon enough.
Also,I sincerely feel that,you should try to get independent,get a job ;your kids will be taken care by your mom.

Also try since you are not able to reach your husband directly,do it through some friends;do not lose hope;

If you did not have children,then I would ask you never to look back to a man who cannot stand for his family(wife and children);
he is not worth wasting your life;
But as I read your post,I found that ,he has been good to you most of the time when his parents were not involved,for this reason ask your close friends or family to approach him;

Is still nothing works,just know it howver good that man was initially,he is not  man enough(for he is abandoning his children);he is not worth the pain;get a job and take care of yourself nd familiy;

I pray that he be a good person and comes to his senses,if not leave him ,he is not worth it; there are many people in the same boat,stay srong and happiness will find you;have a positive mind;do post.