Hi, am a person who faced lot of problems from my inlaws right from the day i was married. its been 10yrs since i got married.
until now my husband never took any steps to help or solve this issue. he very well knew any problems raised by his family members am not at fault.
he is scared to talk to his family to help me so he ignored me and finally we broke up almost 8yrs back.but havent divorced yet.
he threatened me that i shouldnot tell any problems am facing else he will divorce me. so i didnt tell my parents anything about it for 2yrs.
later after two yrs when things went out of hand i told them they trusted me and helped me.
its for my parents request i was staying along with him in his house with my child ignoring every problems they raise against me.
My husband very well knew i am not at mistake at any cause but his family is more important than me and his child so he ignored us.
so i always stay calm to whatever they do or blame me, thinking though it cannot solve problems anymore atleast i can live with peace.
since today i havent spoken a word replyback whenever they blame me or fight with me thinking it will reduce problems but what happened was otherwise.
my parents supported me a lot. helped me a lot. but later they changed my parents mind also.
my inlaws always cry cry make a scene and complain about me to my family always until today. they even told my parents they were forced to try suicide cause of me.
my parents lost trust in me when they used such a word against me. my parents even beat me up listening to their words.
my in-laws used my silence as a reason to find fault at me again and spoilt my life, my name with my parents,my family and in society.
My parents never bothered about me cause they think relationship with daughter ends up once they are married.
they dont want to spoil their name fighting or helping me out.
even my parents and siblings are against me listening to them now.
They also say they cant question them cause they cant lose their respect in the society.
you are almost 32 now so no point living a life hereafter so better stay calm as you were until these 10yrs.
if not we will not consider you as our family member. we will spoil your name in our own society and get him married again then you have to die out of shame and nobosy will help you out, so be careful and live your life sameway as these yrs is what my parents say now.
my husband never took any steps reg. this, he just walk away blaming me along with them though he knows am not at fault.
he even dont want to prove me to my parents that am not at fault. i even cried a lot fought a lot begging him to prove to my parents that am not fault these 10yrs.
he havent and finally i told i goto police then he agreed to prove to my parents. but he just told my parents she is not at fault all these yrs.
but my parents now refuse to believe whatever he says. my parents say i have threatened him to talk this way.
my parents claim he is a good person and am the worst person now. they even talk like this to my relatives.
now things have gone worse that my family also ignored me totally. i really feel shame to live in this society i cant prove that am not at fault.
i lost everything except my child. am living in overseas moreover past 10yrs.still this continues.
I have asked my husband that when u dont want to help me or prove me am not at fault to others then divorce me.
so far u have spoilt my life for 10yrs and i havent lived my life so far, he says he cant give divorce sametime he even cant prove to my family and others that am not at fault also.
i need help to come out of this.
he wants me to take the blame for his whole family. he says he needs them at any cost.
i said then leave me, i have lost my whole life but he is not ready to talk or take any steps cause he knows i'll say everything when case moves to court.
he wants me to initiate divorce or any procedure where he is not ready to initiate anything as that might create a bad image of him.
ans so he can easily blame me again with proof that she is the one who needs divorce so she is at fault.
i am really helpless. my parents also not ready to help me they left me.
can anyone help me? but even today i can prove that am not at fault.
but both my husband and parents not letting me to talk or prove anything anywhere cause they dont want to lose respect in the society rather they want me to lose everything for them.
i cant take this anymore. i need help. pls help me. they dont even help me financially also. i was working temporarily so i was managing myself financially for my child. but as of now am home using my savings.
I am not sure what his family is blaming you for? Is there not any way you can try and talk with them and work this out? My concern is that even if he does leave you, you will probably not be able to take your child. They sound like they have a lot of power of this society in which you live. I am sorry you are going through all of this. In your culture, I think it would be very difficult for your husband to turn his back on his family. Maybe even dangerous? Sounds like he is kind of stuck in a bad place also. It is difficult for either person to chose their husband/wife over family and causes problems in any culture. Does he still say he loves you? Do you still love him?
ok they blame me for each and everything i do even i dont do. first of all its after marriage i came to know noone was interested in the marriage as my husband was forced to marry his niece. my husband was not interested in her so he married which was purely an arranged marriage. they blame me for bringing less money and dowry. though i am from a well settled family, i dont like this stuff so i refused getting money from my parents. they blame me for ach and everything i talk i do i walk or i sit everything. they just try finding faults in everything. but they didnt get a chance so far. so they lie on everything about me to my husband and family. he trusted them and chased me threatened me many times. later they made my family also believe threatening my parents that the whole family will commit suicide cos of me. from then my parents worried about me and my life and wanted me to go with it.i refused. so my parents angry ans turned against me. his mom wanted me to walk away from her son and family. she told me face to face. whatever probs created by my husband's family my husband insists me not to say where he'll give me divorce. he dont love me and i dont love him same asap their family. we brokeup 8yrs back itself. but staying with him still in the same house for the sake of the society and my family. now everything has turned against me. they are not ready to admit anything. but instead they expect me to accept all the mistakes and blame they put on me. am not ready for it. i am ready to face and want to go through whatever problems are created. but everything they do and talk is tricky for name sake. i know if i agree to them, its not only that i get a bad name, lose my self-respect again i have to start myself to live as a slave. where i dont want to give up my self-respect. enough of losing everything all these years. they keep creating problems for me whatever matter it is. they even not ready to sit and talk. instead they want me to go for a counselling or mental hospital. see things are out of hands now. now again they do the same thing. they'll never stop this from happening.
I hope you are well. I know this is an older post but have you found a solution? Have you tried sitting down with both families and talking and trying to find out what you can do to fix the problems? Or are you so unhappy would you rather not be there? Can you leave the country and take your daughter and start a new life? Sounds to me if you stay his family and yours will only make yours and your daughters life terrible. I hope you are ok and you find peace. Good luck.
I agree with Trudie. This is a really hard situation for me to advise on as my culture is so different. We can walk out of situations that are toxic or unhappy. Is that something that is EVER an option where you are?
Wow I just have2say as nieve as I may sound I didn't realize this sort of life still exsisted to this level with dowry etc.Its very odd to me also I wish she had explained what things r being said,going on,what she is getting blamed for(also where do people marry there neices legally nowadays).CONFUSED&CULTURE SHOCK!!
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