psychotic ex and blackmail

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year, I finally worked up the courage to end our relationship due to one of his ex girlfriends/baby-mama because I didn't want to be involved with that drama. We've been broken up a little over a week and he seems to think I have left him for someone else, which is not the case at all. The past year, I will admit I sent him some pictures of myself, in my underwear and one nude one. He is so mad that I won't be with him that he has threatened to send these pictures of me out to people in his phone, which is what I like to think is blackmail... I really don't want to be with him, but I don't want him to send these pictures out, I trusted him with them... But I feel if I am not with him he will send them out and make my life hell, but if I am with him, I will not be happy. I need help, I don't know what to do.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I still think the pictures are secondary.  I do understand Your distress about the photos - I just think Your safety has to take precedence.  Unfortunate if he sends them out, yes indeed - but just the threat of sending them sounds like violent and volatile behavior to me.  It's mean, it's revengeful, it's hateful.  He's physically threatened Your Friend's Brother - that too is alarming.  I think You should report his behavior to the police - just to get a paper trail started that You're having problems with him.  If nothing comes of it, that's fine, but if he becomes more threatening then You will be able to show if it escalates.  It's not about "getting him", it's about letting the authorities know he's a potential problem.

[Londres70]

What scum.  He sure LOVES drama around him.  

Well...I am not sure what you can do in regards to these pictures he has of you unfortunately.  

How can you be so sure he won't send them out EVEN if you go back to him?  

[00mustang]

Because I know he is just doing it to scare me, and I'm playing along with it and making it look like it doesn't bother me, doing like reverse psychology on him, and told him "yeah you go right ahead and send those out to your friends, they will like what they see and they'll be calling me up, and i'll forget all about you." He is the type where if I'm not his, I can't be anyone's. I'm just ignoring him right now, and I'm pretty sure blackmail is illegal I just don't know what to do.

[mammo]

When you sent these photos to him...they became his.  What he is threatening to do with them speaks volumes about him, but you should have thought this one through before sending him the photos.  What's done is done and NOTHING is worth being with this type of a guy!  Cut your losses and move on...and respect yourself so that you don't fall victim to him again or anyone else.

[Londres70]

I don't think there is much you can do legally about this.  I would recommend finding out if you can ASAP.  

I am confused.  Are you back with him or not?  

I feel like I am missing something here.  

[Londres70]

Will agree with Mammo.  

[00mustang]

No I am not with him anymore, he keeps bugging me though and it doesn't help that he lives right down the street. I know what I did was wrong but I thought since he was my boyfriend it was alright, until he started becoming psycho.

[TTinKKerBBell]

This is very disturbing!!  Nude photos aside for a moment - the THREAT, the CONTROL is VERY alarming.  I WOULD NOT go back with this guy and I would take steps to secure my safety if this were me.  I think there is a very strong message in this threat and I would take it very seriously.  Beware and be aware!!  I apologize for sounding fearful but I think You should tread carefully with this guy.  I would report this simply to have it on file in case You have future problems with him.  This could be the beginning of a stalking behavior - You know, like "do it my way, or else" - I don't know, but it doesn't sound like normal behavior to me.

[00mustang]

I agree, and he is a very controlling guy. I felt trapped throughout the entire relationship and when his ex-girlfriend/baby mama started mentioning me on her facebook posts, I got fed up and found it was the perfect moment to leave, my reason for leaving being I don't want to be involved with his drama. They both claim he is going to sign his rights over so the drama with his "baggage" will "be gone" (even though a kid is a kid and can't just be "gone) and he thinks everything's going to be okay now. And he just texted me a few minutes ago saying he was going to beat the crap out of my best friend's brother because he knows what's going on and he's telling people about it and my ex got mad about that. I don't know what I should do. My parents know, I told most of my friends that if they recieve a picture of me to inform me immediately, but I'm not sure if I could get him for this or not.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I still think the pictures are secondary.  I do understand Your distress about the photos - I just think Your safety has to take precedence.  Unfortunate if he sends them out, yes indeed - but just the threat of sending them sounds like violent and volatile behavior to me.  It's mean, it's revengeful, it's hateful.  He's physically threatened Your Friend's Brother - that too is alarming.  I think You should report his behavior to the police - just to get a paper trail started that You're having problems with him.  If nothing comes of it, that's fine, but if he becomes more threatening then You will be able to show if it escalates.  It's not about "getting him", it's about letting the authorities know he's a potential problem.

[Londres70]

I thought there was more to the story than just was initially posted.  Tink is correct; the pics are secondary.  

As for the compromising photos.....nothing to be done legally.  Threatening people.......SOMETHING CAN AND SHOULD BE DONE.  

I would be going to the police or law authorities and try to get a HANDLE on this before someone is physicially hurt or worse.   Do your parents know the FULL story about this guy?  I would be trying to get a restraint order or something like that.  

BLOCK him from FB, etc. and have NO further contact with him. NONE.  

[specialmom]

Well, I'm guessing there was a bit of warning about the this guy and she still stuck with him and gave him nude photos.  Hon, you need to make better choices.  Not trying to be rude but in some ways you got yourself in this situation.  At the first sign of controling or drama, you should have said "see ya" and if you gave him nude photos of yourself right off the bat before knowing him very well------------  then that wasn't a good decision either and these are the consequences.  See what I'm saying?  We can claim that others do things to us but if we line ourselves up for it then we must accept our own responsibility.  

those pics are now his to taunt  you with all  he wants and I promise others will see them.  Know a guy that had pics of a couple of girls and he'd whip his phone out anywhere and show his 'collection' of photos.

That stinks for you but let it be a lesson.  

wishing you luck and I'd drop your issues of the photos and say do as you wish and block his number.  Stay away from him and cease all contact.  Otherwise you are playing along with him and you really don't have to.  The pic thing is done.  If he is threatening you in a stalking way---  you tell him "I'm taping this phone call.  I want you to stop contacting me immediately".  And if he does after that, get a restraining order.  
good luck

[00mustang]

An arrest was made this morning! For domestic violence and harassment towards me. He is spending 24 hours in jail, a temporary restraining order was issued, and in 2 weeks I have to go to court for a permanent one! I want to thank you all for the advice, I didn't think it would lead up to an arrest but it did but it is better off this way!

[Londres70]

OMG....are you ok dear?  Well...at least you have all this documented and you will have a restraining order.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

I know You didn't expect this but it's all good.  The police must see potential danger here and they know about these things.  They see this behavior and they see it escalate all the time.  At the very least he will know that You and the Police are take this seriously and the hope is this will cause him to back off and leave You alone.  It's never okay for a guy to do this but it's one thing when it's motivated in "spite" - what really bothered me about was the "blackmail", the "control" - wanting You to come back to him "or else".  I was concerned for Your safety and apparently the Police think that's an issue as well.  They realize more than You or I where these things can lead.  Please follow through with the permanent R.O. -  too often a woman backs down on pressing charges and ends up getting hurt.
Regards,
Tink

[00mustang]

Yeah, a lot happened yesterday with it. He, again, threatened to send out the pictures, he actually hacked into my Facebook, changed my password and was getting ready to post them on my profile. Fortunately we called the cops in time, they went over to just talk to him but he was laughing at the whole thing, the cop even said she could hear the evil in his laugh and he was being a cocky a-hole. He gets out of jail soon, with a restraining order already in place because it's domestic violence. I'm just still a little scared about what might happen next. It doesn't help that he lives down the street... :\ But thank you all.

[00mustang]

And yes I am fine, just a little psychologically not okay but physically I am fine.