son and boyfriend

Hello, I need help!  I have been divorced for two years living on my own..... with my son 50 of the time.... he is 14 well now he is with me Sun night Thru Thursday Night for school purposes and goes to his dads on the weekends... I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now and they have met.... My boyfriend takes us to the movies and dinner.... even got him some xmas presents and took my son and me and my sons friend to his first concert... My son is not exactly grateful... he likes my boyfriend but i sense he is fighting it.. like he doesnt want to trust or is afraid.... he wants my son that is for us to have alone time and when i make myself available of course he is on the laptop or playing xbox or phone w friends you know normal teenager stuff and i am alone... What do i do so my boy is not jelous of boyfriend.... and include him in our activies.... my boyfriend and I would like to get married but i get afraid that my son will cause problems between us...

please anyone with some advice i would greatly appreciate it.
lovly

[dyblue]

   You just gave me hope good for you for finding love again.  I think he'll act out but you've been divorced for two years it's not like you found him soon as hubby left.  It will all work out.  Happy new year dear.  Blue.

[slow_healer]

I'm not so inclined to think that it will all work out, necessarily. This seems like a pretty serious issue for your son, so it's good that you're thinking about it now. Are there any support groups in your community for step-parents? There's a couple in my community (in BC, Canada) that provide very good tips and information specifically about how to help ex-spouses and children cope with a new step-parent (brochures, books, even counsellors). You never know - you might discover a way to help your son cope with the situation

I'm not a parent so I don't have better advice for you. Hopefully someone with more experience will post. But I wonder if your son could see your boyfriend and ex-husband getting along, he might feel that if his dad can relax around him, then maybe he can relax too? He probably feels pretty torn over who to be loyal to and how to coping with some strange man stealing his mom away. Have you reassurred him that he comes first, and even if you can a relationship that you will always make the time for your son?

[slow_healer]

I'm not so inclined to think that it will all work out, necessarily. This seems like a pretty serious issue for your son, so it's good that you're thinking about it now. Are there any support groups in your community for step-parents? There's a couple in my community (in BC, Canada) that provide very good tips and information specifically about how to help ex-spouses and children cope with a new step-parent (brochures, books, even counsellors). You never know - you might discover a way to help your son cope with the situation. Try calling your public library or even the non-emergency police station number. You'll probably get a better response from the library.

I'm not a parent so I don't have better advice for you. Hopefully someone with more experience will post. But I wonder if your son could see your boyfriend and ex-husband getting along, he might feel that if his dad can relax around him, then maybe he can relax too? He probably feels pretty torn over who to be loyal to and how to coping with some strange man stealing his mom away. Have you reassurred him that he comes first, and even if you can a relationship that you will always make the time for your son? The fact that he plays X-box and ignores you when he has your time sounds like denial - like he wants so hard to believe that things are stable and safe and never going to change. How well did he initially deal with you separating from your ex-husband?

[redneckmom]

I think you are moving too fast for your son.  And something you said is bothersome,  that your son will cause problems for your relationship.  How about your relationship causing problems for your son.  Slow down speed racer.  6 months is not a long time.  Your son needs time to adjust to this guy and to you and this guy being together.  I also think you need much more than 6 months to know if a guy is worth marrying  ESPECIALLY when you have a child to think about too.  Wait 4 years to get married and then your son will be more mature and you can focus more on your relationship with your boyfriend.