we he ever come around?

I am currently 2 months pregnant, my "boyfriend" tells everyone else that he will be there for me and the baby, but What he says to me is completely different. Everyday it's different and it breaks my heart. I cry all the time, even though I know I will be a great mother. He puts me down and calls me names, says I cheat on him, but why would I? Hello I'm pregnant and have no desire to anyways but he doesn't understand that, so everything is a constant fight and I don't know What to do. I want him to be involved even though he treats me badly. Any advice? Please and thank you

[Londres70]

How long have you two been together and how old are you two?  

Was he acting this way before your pregnancy? i.e. verbally abusive

[AnnieBrooke]

It sounds like you two don't really have a relationship.  Be ready to be a single mom, sweetheart, since he is not going to conform to your ideal of a good dad for the baby or a good partner for you.  You'd be happier alone than with someone who says you cheat on him and puts you down.

[hailehlynn]

Almost a year, and we are young, the doctor told me I wouldn't be able to conceive and I never thought it was possible, he tells everyone else he will be there and me only sometimes. He gets jealous of my 8 month old niece too because my sister is a single mother, but I am fully prepared to raise this baby alone, I can except it. It's just hard because even though I feel like I'm nothing I still try to make it work because I care a lot. But thank you. And everyone keeps telling me to involve him in appts. But I can't because I know it will hurt to much when he says no. I'm just a wreck

[AnnieBrooke]

Like I said, better to be alone and know in advance that this is what reality will be, than to be supposedly "in a relationship" when he keeps putting you down and letting you down.  There are plenty of married women who have unsupportive or mean spouses, who would agree that it would be easier to be alone than to have to try to keep a crummy relationship alive that takes your time and emotional energy.  Good luck, you'll do fine if you don't rely on him for support.  He's telegraphing his future behavior already.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Sweetie, you worry me.  You say that you want him involved and want him to be with you "even though he treats you badly".  This is your starting point and the worry is not what HE will do but what YOU will do.  You have a guy in your life you certainly don't expect much from and are willing to  put up with whatever he dishes out and the scraps he gives you.  Don't you believe you deserve more than that from someone?  

Well, of course you do.  

I worry about a young woman who has settled so early on to try to hang onto a loveless relationship in which the other person is controlling, unkind, verbally abusive, and unreliable.  That is setting yourself up for a miserable life.

And that you WANT this and are worried he may walk away rather than saying 'BS to that"---------- worries me.  

Why do you think you expect so little from a partner?

I think Anniebrooke is exactly right that you need to prepare to be a single mother.  What type of work do you do?  Are you prepared to live somewhere and raise this baby on your own?  etc.

I don't think this guy will end up staying around.  I do think you need to establish paternity and get ready to ask for child support.  He may be saying to others this is his kid but not have any intentions of making a happy home with you and that is why he is different with friends than you.  And why you want him is the big mystery to me.  you should want more for yourself.  Everyone deserves to be loved and adored.  Doesn't sound like that is the case.  

wishing you loads of luck dear

[Londres70]

Well....dear, if he's there for the baby I will be totally shocked.  Involve him in the appts. when he doesn't want any part of this?  You can't make him go.

I am not sure why he doing this or acting like this.  You all haven't really been together that long plus you both are young.  He could feel like he was trapped into all this and he is not ready in any shape or form to be a father so young.  

Definitely get prepare for this baby coming and I would assume end this bf/gf thing with him (can't really call it any real relationship).  

Why would you be fighting to be with a verbally abusive guy?  That's basically what he is/who he is.  This would be an issue within yourself to figure out as I would think you would want better for you and your child.  

Hopefully you can get child support out of him....that's probably the most you will get out of him.  I hope he is employed and stays employed.  

All the best.  

[hailehlynn]

Thank you and I work 2 jobs. I just wanted him to be involved because it was something I never had growing up and I thought things could be different for my baby, don't get me wrong I love my dad but he wasn't there growing up and I don't want either of them missing out on each other, I know that's reaching for the stars.. I didn't get pregnant on purpose either which is What he assumes. I didnt think it was possible. And since things ate always

[hailehlynn]

Thank you and I work 2 jobs. I just wanted him to be involved because it was something I never had growing up and I thought things could be different for my baby, don't get me wrong I love my dad but he wasn't there growing up and I don't want either of them missing out on each other, I know that's reaching for the stars.. I didn't get pregnant on purpose either which is What he assumes. I didnt think it was possible. And since things ate always rocky, I didn't want a baby now you know it just happened. I honestly believe that he is bipolar because one minute he will start with me, I'll cry for a few then he will ask What's wrong. Does that sound right. ? But I know that me and the baby deserve better, but I really do appreciate all of your insight. Thanks

[specialmom]

Sweetie, do you have much support from your mom?  

When  you have the opportunity, I'd love for you to take part in some counseling because maybe the lack of father parenting when you were young has set you up to have very low expecations of men.  You want to break that pattern.  

Healthy thinking would make you angry at your boyfriend for being a jerk and not desperate for him to be around.  

Okay, so I want you to think about that.  You deserve to have someone LOVE you.  Not a person you say could be bipolar and is up and down, not someone that controls you, not someone that is unkind, not someone that comes and goes and is noncommital.  Okay, you deserve more.  Please realize that.  

[hailehlynn]

Thank you special mom and I will take your advice and talk to someone because deep down I know that touch ate right

[hailehlynn]

Yeah she is there for me, and I know that you are right and I will look into talking to someone I have wanted to for quite some time now. So that you

[janellin]

Darling your BF does not realize what he wants, he is afraid of the truth and reality that he is having a baby. He going around telling everyone this and that because it sounds good to the ear. He is obviously playing with your emotions. I believe that he acuse you of cheating and other stuff and treating you bad because he wants a excuse to leave you and the baby and you have a excuse for you to not have him involved and leave him. I advice you to leave him and go stay with your family and raise your baby in an enviroment of love.

[Kayannaboo]

This type of behavior is not healthy for you or for the baby and he ought to know that. Some men do a complete 360 after the birth of their child and if he does that, that would be great for the child. Its really wonderful for children to have two parents who are focused on them.

However, you and him being in a relationship is not a must especially if he is behaving in this manner. You are pregnant and need his support but all he is doing is adding stress to the situation. You neither need nor deserve that and you have to believe that. When a child gets thrown into the mix its not about you and him anymore, its about the baby and what is best for him/her. Honestly, I can only see him treating you worse, and this is quite sad. If you getting pregnant with his child after being told you would not be able to conceive is not enough for him to respect you, I don't know what will. You do not need someone who is going to ill treat you and accuse you constantly.

In the event that after the baby is born he still decides to behave inappropriately, being a single mother is not a death sentence. You would be quite surprised at the strength you muster up when you become a mother and is forced to stand on your own two feet.

Take care.

Anna

[lindahand]

Tough situation with no easy answers. I do know though that it is better for a child to be with a mother that has self respect. Has dignity. He doesn't treat you right and that has to stop. You can still involve him in the pregnancy and the child's life even if you aren't married or going out. You can both still love the child and not each other. Living with him is no guarantee he will be the dad you never had to your baby.

I've never been pregnant so I don't know exactly what you are going through that way, but I have been with a man that loved himself more than me. A man that did not treat me right, was not there for me when I needed him. A man who I let break me. Don't settle. There are good men out there, and having a baby now is not a deal breaker for many guys. I went from that guy to a guy that shows me each day what unconditional love is. He opens car doors, he tells me he loves me, he stands by my side when I am sick. He would have made a good dad if that was in God's plan for us. Unfortunately I am too sick to consider it.

My Dad lived with us, but he was never involved with us. Having him in the same house is no guarantee. My Dad escaped to his work and his friends, and when he was home the house was tense from yelling at us to be quiet. If your kids hear the two of you yelling all the time, him disrespecting you, that is what they will learn is okay treatment.

The only gift you need to give a child is love, your full heart, and you won't be able to do that with someone pounding on your self worth every single day.

You would have to learn to be co-parent's. I do think it is important to have him in the child's life as much as possible, but you do not have to be together for that to happen. Ultimately it is his choice whether or not he's going to be a good dad. And sometimes guys will surprise you, they see that little one and there is an instant change. But the love for the little one, may not translate into the kind of love you need to be healthy and fulfilled.

Take care and good luck. Demand of him the best, and if he doesn't live up to it - he's not worth your love.