will I ever get over the anger

I hate my ex husband.He would call ever day and we would talk 2 hrs long.I could do that because I would drink and did not care about anything.Now that I don't drink I told my ex to stop calling me unless it was to do with our child.Will i ever get over the pain of the hurt he caused me.He wants to be friends I can't talk to him without wanting to tell him off.I never thought I could hate so much.This pain now that I am not drinking causes problems in my relationship I am in now.How do I move on,and will I ever?

[EmilyPost]

There's a book on anger I highly recommend, but it's a heavy book. It's called, "Facing the Fire," by Lohn Lee. His theory about anger and I agree whole heartedly with him is that it is a physical emotion that needs to be physically expressed. Obviously not while anyone else is around. But screaming in your car, beating the sofa with pillows when no one is home ... he gives exercises and explains why anger is so repressed and misunderstood, His book helped me get thru some of the anger that was keeping unnecessary weight on my body. The book really helped because I never understood before that anger was an emotion that needed workouts and ohysical movement to effectively "let it go." I hope that helps you. It helped me.

Best thoughts!
Emily

[nyychic]

Y do you hate him so much?

[Helpless_Mom]

I agree you need to find a way to forgive him. I totally understand because I was in the same shoes for a long time. It's hard because you want to get back at him for all that he did to you. But as you see it is still controling you, and need to let it go. Since you get so angry and can't talk to him try writing him a letter about how you feel about the hurt he left behind. Just state your feelings, it helps to let it out. If you need him to know those feelings to let go of it, then mail it to him. Tell him its part of your healing process, if he truly wants to be friends he may say he is sorry. You may even be shocked to find out he never knew how you felt about some stuff. I was. My ex admitted to being a bad husband, and he knew he lost the best thing he ever had. (Yes you could have knocked me over with a feather) You may never be friends but you can let go of the anger and resentment to move on with your life.

[nnicky]

hey Gwen,

I know what you are going through and its not easy.How are you doing today?


You really have to stop the Hate thing, all it does is rebound straight back to you and cause all sorts of other problems and issues. Yes get angry, yes get mad and yes cry and scream and acknowledge your pain. However you have got to start loving you and until you do you will not recover your soul. If I were you I would do a search and  type in Dapeek Chopra. He is a great guy and an amazing mentor and author. Just pick one of his books or commentaries. It will help I assure you.

Good luck NNicky

[gwen2002]

I am going to try to read those books.Thanks for that advice.Why I hate my ex so much,marriage to me was supose to be forever.I loved him.Did anything and everything for him.about five years into it he told me he had feelings for his best friend.He wanted to have a threesome.He could not explain it but he loved me but also had strong feelings for his best friend.The problem with it all was his best friend was a guy,a straight guy that had no clue his best friend wanted to have sex with him and lie to him and tell him I want the threesome (NO it did not happen).He stood up as bestman for his friend at his wedding,I refused to go to the wedding becuz he said when they ask if anyone is against the wedding he said he should say yes him and laughed.It hurt I never laughed i cried inside.He did everything for his friend,his friend needed a ride he took him,I was not able to smoke in his car his friend could,our child and I  could not chew gum in his car his friend could.This is only some things that went on and on,I left even though it was hard to I could not live being jealous over another man! Please keep the advice coming for I have been smoke free since April 17,and now working on my drinking which has been going GREAT!!! I love the advice it makes me not feel so alone!!! thanks to all.

[nnicky]

Great you are being positive.

Listen , I was in a terrible realationship for 20 years. My wife left me for another guy without a glance over her shoulder.I did everything to keep her happy and the day I said enough and tried to communicate and ask for a compromise... she was off. And she stole my money, abandoned the kids.  We lost our home... it goes on.

So I do not hate her. I did, but now that I dont, I am so much happier. Its her life, she will have to live with the consequences. We cant control anyone. We can only control our reactions to their behaviour. So yes its hard when we give and are let down. Just make sure the next person you give love to is deserving. Like me learn to love yourself.

Try not to replace the old with a new upgraded version. Many people tend to jump in to forget, or to "show them". Sometimes it is better to b on your own for a wee while. Then instead of duplicating or transferring old love you can build new love from a better place. A place from where you have learned and where any new partner wont be placed under a lot of stress because of your old past relationships..try to live in the present. To live in a memory of the past and unpleasant events is madness. Think about it, would you reopen a scab on a scar which is healing nicely. Thats what you do when you solidify thoughts of the past and make them real and important. Let the scab form dont pick it and live in the present.:)

Also we are never alone...we are all connected.

[SeriousSam]

Just out of curiousity?  Why do you the child if your an alcoholic?

[SeriousSam]

Sorry missed a word.  Just out of curiousity?  Why do you have the child if your an alcoholic?

[gwen2002]

For whatever reason u want to no that for its becuz in our marriage he had nothing to do with the child why would he want him,to this day he gets his child 4 days out of a whole month.There are lots of people out there who are or were alcoholics that don't make them bad people or bad parents.

[SeriousSam]

However it's very easy to tell which people had parents who were alcoholics because of certain personality "tags" that the children end up being marked with.

[nnicky]

Hey guys ease up.

This is about support and understanding. There is no point going into the details. You said he said, it was it wasnt. This means that. Who cares?

Itsabout moving on and seeing the bigger picture.

[SeriousSam]

But does telling someone fuzzy lies because they want to hear them really help anyone?