Dog is in grief. What will help him.

[SalMarFol]

Dexter is really missing Gabby. So much he seems depressed??

As I have posted about before my little beauty Gabby died on the 18th of April. It's been hard. Gabby was an only dog for years but due to my busy work/college life I got her a friend to keep her company during the day.Gabby loved the company of most other dogs and i was confident she would welcome a new dog into her home, so I got Dexter, a little terrier.

Gabby and Dexter were together 24/7. They were both full of energy and had lots of fun together. They both snuggeld me on the couch and neither of them seem jealous, they were friends. Dexter is only 5 months old and ever since Gabby died he just sleeps. He had no energy...If i let him out to go toilet he panics if I leave him out for an extra few minutes. His eating but he seems depressed. It seems like his missing her. But his so young and new to the home is this really possible.. He does sniff around the house as if his looking for her..

My husband suggested that I go the the animal rescue center and get a dog to keep Dexter company but I am not ready. I am still very upset about Gabby and will be for some time. She was my best friend & soulmate..
Am I cruel to not get Dexter a friend. Am I selfish? Is there anything I can do to help Dexter. I must also add that ever since Gabby died Dexter is refusing to walk on the lead, He would always go for walks when Gabby was around. He won't leave my side and a neighbour informed me that when we leave for work he barks all day, this is horrible. Poor Dexter.

[tonyb286]

Hi. Just checking in on you, your husband and Dexter ... losing a faithful member of the family takes its toll on us and I am sure you are all feeling very down right now. Let the grief work its way through naturally. It does get better with time, but the loss of a dog (in my opinion and in my experience) runs very deep indeed, and often deeper even than when we lose human friends and family. Part of this - again my opinion only - is because even when a dog reaches old age, it is still only a child's age in human terms, so the anticipation of loss comes sometimes as a shock, often unexpected and all the more hurtful. Also, we tend to spend much of our lives with our dogs, and often spend more time than with our partner, a friend or a close relative - and of course our dogs are our faithful, loyal, loving companion and the one we tell our innermost secrets to. They give us so much - and we share so much with them.

I hope you manage to find a suitable addition to your family and a companion for Dexter, but if not today, maybe another day. Don't rush this. There's always plenty of time to work this through. Whatever you decide, please keep us updated and feel free to talk about Gabby as often or as much as you feel you want or need to. Big hugs from the UK, Tony

[forgottensick]

I`m glad you decided to get another companion for Dexter. He will be happy to have someone to relate to. My wife and I  have sent many of our pets home to heaven in the past few years and we truely miss each one of them. They all had their own personality and could never be replaced. We consider it an honor to have been able to share in their lives. We learned something from each one of them too. Things like unconditional love, forgiveness and compassion. We have this saying that if dogs don`t go to heaven, then we want to go where they go when we die. Your Gabby can`t ever be replaced. But there are other dogs that need and deserve to recieve the same love from you that Gabby did and Dexter does. God bless you for being such careing pet parents.

[TwoBitsMom]

I am so sorry to hear about Gabby, please accept my heartfelt sympathy.
As far as replacing her goes, that is impossible. You cannot replace her in your life, any more than your can replace her in Dexter's life.
The fact that you are considering getting another dog, does not mean that it will be a replacement for Gabby.  I know Gabby is part of your family, and the new dog will not be a "replacement."  The new dog will be an "Addition"  to your family.
As much as it is an adjustment for you, your husband, and Dexter to be without Gabby, it will be an equally big adjustment to bring another dog into the picture, so please be sure you are ready.
Whenever you do decide to get another dog, it sounds like he or she will be very lucky to be part of your family.
God Bless Gabby's Beautiful Spirit and Soul, she is loved.
Connie

[SalMarFol]

Thank You Both

I read both comments and it would be nice to get Dexter a companion, he is going to have issues if I don't try help him. I am bringing him to the Shelter tomorrow to start the process of finding him a friend. This is in NO WAY  replacing Gabby in my life but she needs to be replaced in Dexters life. I was only thinking of myself. My husband actually shed tears for Gabby on Sunday and it became very clear to me that she wasn't just my dog she was part of OUR family. Dexter is also our family and we need to take care of him.

Thank you again

[tonyb286]

Dogs do not actually get depressed in the same way that humans do. Nor do they grieve in the same way. However, they are inherrantly pack orientated, so any change to the pack can cause problems of one kind or another, including a heightened sense of isolation and anxiety. There are two problems in your case, which may explain Dexter's behaviour ... firstly, dogs pick up on the human alpha's (that's you) emotions very quickly - and they react to it and/or reflect it, because they are effectively being told this is how they are expected to behave. So, if you are still grieving, Dexter will undoubtedly absorb your emotions and reflect them in his own behaviour. Second, Dexter is still a very young pup, so he may be having some separation anxiety problems, which you need to read up on, as comforting him excessively may actually exaccerbate the problem.

Finally, it is still very soon after Gabby's passing ... so I am sure the whole household is feeling sad and emotions still running high. In a few weeks time, things will probably seem a little better. Try not to panic about Dexter's behaviour, just keep reassuring him that everything will be ok. Yes, it would be nice to get him a companion, but this should only be done if and when you feel entirely comfortable with the notion. Tony

[forgottensick]

  Animals have feeling as much as humans do. Gabby was everything to Dexter too. She is who was in his life ALL the time. I`m sure he is very depressed and very lonely. He is still a baby and NEEDS to have somebody around or he will end up with issues. I understand completely how you feel, but you need to remember that you have your husband and friends, etc. Dexter now has nobody but you, when you are there and paying attention to him. His heart is broken too. Please get him another friend. This is breaking my heart just thinking about Dexter`s feelings now. I have 2 weiner dogs and I know that if something happened to one of them, the other would be totaly lost. They love eachother so much and are together all the time. THEY have EACHOTHER 24/7.  I know how I would feel if my wife died. How would you feel if you lost your husband and he was all YOU had 24/7???   What would Gabby want?  Would she want Dexter to be alone with a broken heart??  I`ll bet not.