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Help with a Grieving dog
Hi, I would love to hear if anyone has got any advice for me on how to help my beloved furfriend,
this is what happened: up until a week ago I owned or should I say I was owned by 2 basset hounds (father and son),
Sadsam 11 and Harvey 9,
Last monday reluctantly we had to take sam to the vets a few age related probems mainly his walking, he was really slow and his back legs were wobbly, and unfortunately the vet advised us that it would be kinder for him to put him to sleep, the other option was to put him on an aggressive course of steroids but that the outcome would be the same, heartbroken we agreed with the vet, he had had a brilliant life, everything a dog could ever want, no exspence spared, and I know he was very happy, we decided to leave him at the vets as he was a large heavy basset and have his ashes returned once he had been cremated, the next few days were hard, especially when I was walking Harvey and bumped into other dogwalkers and naturally they asked where the other one was,
I was surprised with Harveys behaviour as he has never been alone from birth, I owned both his mum and dad and when his mum (Honey) passed after a bad reaction to a sting we were advised to bring her home and let sam & Harvey see her so that they would understand what had happened to her, they both sniffed her, sam snuggled up to her and harvey just carried on with the (enough about her, what about me attitude), Honey was then taken to be cremated and her ashes returned, for about a week after both Sam & Harvey were unusually quiet and off their food
but as their was a dog nearby in season we were'nt sure if they were grieving or in love,
life soon got back to normal and until last week they plodded on together, although smaller & younger Harvey was in charge, until a couple of days ago Harvey didn't seem bothered that he was the only one, but suddenly at night within an hour of going to bed he has started barking constantly, he seems to be frantic his heart racing and as soon as I lay down with him he falls fast asleep, ( I would let him sleep with us in our room but 3 years ago he suffered a slipdisc in his back from going up and down stairs and jumping off the sofa which left him suddenly paralysed from the waist down, we feared the worse but with physio and loads of tlc he slowly progressed to walking again unaided and within a year he was 99% better, he is too heavy to lift up & down, so the only way to have a good nights sleep is for me to sleep downstairs with him on the floor, which is not really practical, I've read where some dogs that have lived with another all their lives passed away not long after their friends passing, I can't imagine losing Harvey so soon after losing sam but don't know what to do, I don't think it would be fair on Harvey adopting another dog, as I think they would have to go through the stage of deciding which
one is the dominant one, even though harveys not a fighter he likes to be the one in charge, and this would be too much for him at his age plus the risk of damaging his back again,
We have tried to ignore him and not give in to him but the barking gets more frantic until its a full howl, he is fine through the day it is just at night, I have ordered a new bed for him one of those petcave types as he likes to be covered & a lovely new faux fur blanket hoping this will do the trick, if anyone else has had this problem and has got any advice please let me know, also will it get easier or do you think or should I look into investing in one of those foldaway beds that I will have to sleep on for the rest of harveys life,
all advice wellcome
this is what happened: up until a week ago I owned or should I say I was owned by 2 basset hounds (father and son),
Sadsam 11 and Harvey 9,
Last monday reluctantly we had to take sam to the vets a few age related probems mainly his walking, he was really slow and his back legs were wobbly, and unfortunately the vet advised us that it would be kinder for him to put him to sleep, the other option was to put him on an aggressive course of steroids but that the outcome would be the same, heartbroken we agreed with the vet, he had had a brilliant life, everything a dog could ever want, no exspence spared, and I know he was very happy, we decided to leave him at the vets as he was a large heavy basset and have his ashes returned once he had been cremated, the next few days were hard, especially when I was walking Harvey and bumped into other dogwalkers and naturally they asked where the other one was,
I was surprised with Harveys behaviour as he has never been alone from birth, I owned both his mum and dad and when his mum (Honey) passed after a bad reaction to a sting we were advised to bring her home and let sam & Harvey see her so that they would understand what had happened to her, they both sniffed her, sam snuggled up to her and harvey just carried on with the (enough about her, what about me attitude), Honey was then taken to be cremated and her ashes returned, for about a week after both Sam & Harvey were unusually quiet and off their food
but as their was a dog nearby in season we were'nt sure if they were grieving or in love,
life soon got back to normal and until last week they plodded on together, although smaller & younger Harvey was in charge, until a couple of days ago Harvey didn't seem bothered that he was the only one, but suddenly at night within an hour of going to bed he has started barking constantly, he seems to be frantic his heart racing and as soon as I lay down with him he falls fast asleep, ( I would let him sleep with us in our room but 3 years ago he suffered a slipdisc in his back from going up and down stairs and jumping off the sofa which left him suddenly paralysed from the waist down, we feared the worse but with physio and loads of tlc he slowly progressed to walking again unaided and within a year he was 99% better, he is too heavy to lift up & down, so the only way to have a good nights sleep is for me to sleep downstairs with him on the floor, which is not really practical, I've read where some dogs that have lived with another all their lives passed away not long after their friends passing, I can't imagine losing Harvey so soon after losing sam but don't know what to do, I don't think it would be fair on Harvey adopting another dog, as I think they would have to go through the stage of deciding which
one is the dominant one, even though harveys not a fighter he likes to be the one in charge, and this would be too much for him at his age plus the risk of damaging his back again,
We have tried to ignore him and not give in to him but the barking gets more frantic until its a full howl, he is fine through the day it is just at night, I have ordered a new bed for him one of those petcave types as he likes to be covered & a lovely new faux fur blanket hoping this will do the trick, if anyone else has had this problem and has got any advice please let me know, also will it get easier or do you think or should I look into investing in one of those foldaway beds that I will have to sleep on for the rest of harveys life,
all advice wellcome
Hi Jayne. Yes, goodbyes really are hard. I empathise, totally. Please do let me know how things go ... I'm often here (daily at least), and always ready to chat. What you said about feeling like something inside has died sounds very familiar. I felt the same thing. And in truth, our best friends become such a big part of us, it's no surprise we feel that way when they have to leave us.
Stay strong.
Tony
Stay strong.
Tony
Thankyou Tony,
It really is hard to say goodbye but then it's even harder to see them suffer,
I know it was for the best but it is still heartbreaking, I feel as if something inside has died in me so poor Harvey will be picking up on my sadness as well as dealing with being on his own for the first time in his life,
It really does all make sense what you have said, I will give the brief comforting a go,
I'll give it a week or two and let you know how we get on,
Thanks again for your help,
Jayne
It really is hard to say goodbye but then it's even harder to see them suffer,
I know it was for the best but it is still heartbreaking, I feel as if something inside has died in me so poor Harvey will be picking up on my sadness as well as dealing with being on his own for the first time in his life,
It really does all make sense what you have said, I will give the brief comforting a go,
I'll give it a week or two and let you know how we get on,
Thanks again for your help,
Jayne
Hi. First of all, please accept my sincerest condolences for your loss. It sounds like Sam had a fabulous life with you, smothered in love, care and attention. What dog could ask for more.
Some will tell you that dogs don't grieve like humans do, but frankly, I think that's rubbish. They may not suffer the same huge feelings of grief, remembering happy and sad times from a life shared, but they certainly can get severely depressed, anxious and out-of-sorts due to the loss of a companion and pack member. The good news is, they can also recover from it, given time and lots of reassurance.
The other major element here is that dogs invariably look to the Alpha of the pack for comfort, confidence and protection. Harvey may previously have looked to Sam for some of these elements, but he would also look to you for most of it. It is completely understandable that your emotional state has been sent askew with Sam's passing, routines have been altered and there will be an air of sadness and anxiety in the household. Harvey will feed off these emotions, and react accordingly - in addition to the grief and uncertainty he may already be feeling due to Sam no longer being there. Remember too, that you know what has happened, but Harvey doesn't, necessarily. All he knows is that Sam is no longer there.
So, the answer I think is to take this day-by-day, try to reassure Harvey, but don't go overboard. Sleeping with him may very well cause far more anxiety, so I would try to offer him comfort if he's howling, but make that a very brief "okay boy, don't worry" and then go back to your own room to sleep. This may go on for several days, but the more you can try to stay calm and "normal" (you know what I mean) around Harvey, the quicker he will adapt to the new situation.
Bassets are fabulous dogs, but they are also strong pack hounds, so getting him out and about hopefully with other dogs he can socialise with would be a great advantage.
A couple of years ago we had our two rescues, BB and Giro. BB sadly passed away at 12yrs old with kidney failure. Giro was allowed to see her become ill and was in the room when she passed away, so he knew what had happened. It still took him several days to start to get back to normal ... and to stop standing to attention at the front door, looking for BB's return. It was heartbreaking to watch him, but gradually, with reassurance, his anxiety and grief mellowed (as did ours). Today, we have another rescue (a greyhound called Sally) and although the two dogs get along fine, the relationship is completely different between them and certainly no where near as close as it was with BB.
All dogs are different. And all situations are different When a pack member passes away, it's a learning curve for both humans and for any canine companions. I'm sure thing will settle down. Just be patient and don't worry too much. Harvey will be fine.
Tony
Some will tell you that dogs don't grieve like humans do, but frankly, I think that's rubbish. They may not suffer the same huge feelings of grief, remembering happy and sad times from a life shared, but they certainly can get severely depressed, anxious and out-of-sorts due to the loss of a companion and pack member. The good news is, they can also recover from it, given time and lots of reassurance.
The other major element here is that dogs invariably look to the Alpha of the pack for comfort, confidence and protection. Harvey may previously have looked to Sam for some of these elements, but he would also look to you for most of it. It is completely understandable that your emotional state has been sent askew with Sam's passing, routines have been altered and there will be an air of sadness and anxiety in the household. Harvey will feed off these emotions, and react accordingly - in addition to the grief and uncertainty he may already be feeling due to Sam no longer being there. Remember too, that you know what has happened, but Harvey doesn't, necessarily. All he knows is that Sam is no longer there.
So, the answer I think is to take this day-by-day, try to reassure Harvey, but don't go overboard. Sleeping with him may very well cause far more anxiety, so I would try to offer him comfort if he's howling, but make that a very brief "okay boy, don't worry" and then go back to your own room to sleep. This may go on for several days, but the more you can try to stay calm and "normal" (you know what I mean) around Harvey, the quicker he will adapt to the new situation.
Bassets are fabulous dogs, but they are also strong pack hounds, so getting him out and about hopefully with other dogs he can socialise with would be a great advantage.
A couple of years ago we had our two rescues, BB and Giro. BB sadly passed away at 12yrs old with kidney failure. Giro was allowed to see her become ill and was in the room when she passed away, so he knew what had happened. It still took him several days to start to get back to normal ... and to stop standing to attention at the front door, looking for BB's return. It was heartbreaking to watch him, but gradually, with reassurance, his anxiety and grief mellowed (as did ours). Today, we have another rescue (a greyhound called Sally) and although the two dogs get along fine, the relationship is completely different between them and certainly no where near as close as it was with BB.
All dogs are different. And all situations are different When a pack member passes away, it's a learning curve for both humans and for any canine companions. I'm sure thing will settle down. Just be patient and don't worry too much. Harvey will be fine.
Tony
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