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My Dog Died- I'm So So Upset
My dog died Wednesday- She was perfection. She was only four. I honestly fed her good food , she was a good weight, I vaccinated her and treated her like a jewl. Mostly i really loved her.
She was a little unwell early in the day but i thought she was too warm because she was snuggled under the covers with me. She seemed to brighten up and i wasn't too worried..
Later that night she was snuggled on the chair with me and i noticed she was trebbling, i knew she was unwell. I called the vet but as it was late it took me 1 hour to get to see him.
By the time she got to the vet she was fully in shock, he put her on a drip but 12 hours later she died.
He said she had a rupture in her stomach. WHY!!
I'm so confused is this my fault. I'm so so upset.
I'm really greiving for her. Has this happened to anyone else. If i knew this could of happened i would of done EVERYTHING to prevent it.
She was a little unwell early in the day but i thought she was too warm because she was snuggled under the covers with me. She seemed to brighten up and i wasn't too worried..
Later that night she was snuggled on the chair with me and i noticed she was trebbling, i knew she was unwell. I called the vet but as it was late it took me 1 hour to get to see him.
By the time she got to the vet she was fully in shock, he put her on a drip but 12 hours later she died.
He said she had a rupture in her stomach. WHY!!
I'm so confused is this my fault. I'm so so upset.
I'm really greiving for her. Has this happened to anyone else. If i knew this could of happened i would of done EVERYTHING to prevent it.
COMMUNITY LEADER
For those who are mourning the death of a beloved dog, there are some websites which might bring some comfort.
http://forums.rainbowsbridge.com/?forum=150830
(Rainbows Bridge support Forum. Very kind people. All have suffered a great loss, and there is much love and support there)
http://dog2spirit.wordpress.com/
(A dog's life after death. An account of loving contacts after death. Written as a blog.)
http://do-animals-have-souls.info/
(A very open-minded presentation about animal Souls, what can occur after death, and the very unusual experiences of some dog-owners)
http://forums.rainbowsbridge.com/?forum=150830
(Rainbows Bridge support Forum. Very kind people. All have suffered a great loss, and there is much love and support there)
http://dog2spirit.wordpress.com/
(A dog's life after death. An account of loving contacts after death. Written as a blog.)
http://do-animals-have-souls.info/
(A very open-minded presentation about animal Souls, what can occur after death, and the very unusual experiences of some dog-owners)
All us who know the love of a dog, a family member, share you feeling of loss and empathizes completely, there is a tear in my eye and I'm an old guy who has lost several people and dogs over my lifetime.
How old was you little dog? I find some comfort when I experience a loss if I can reflect that the lost was after a long a full life. Life ends for us all at some point, the best we can hope for is a full time period for life and a happy and productive life. For people and dogs.
When the time is right, look for another dog if you have the time - consider a "rescue" dog as they really need a "forever" home and love.
How old was you little dog? I find some comfort when I experience a loss if I can reflect that the lost was after a long a full life. Life ends for us all at some point, the best we can hope for is a full time period for life and a happy and productive life. For people and dogs.
When the time is right, look for another dog if you have the time - consider a "rescue" dog as they really need a "forever" home and love.
Dear SalmarFol,
My little daxie passed away on Tuesday. When I got home on Saturday I could see something was not right as she didnt come to say hi. I never thought that what she had could be life threatening. I took her to the vet first thing on Sunday mornin and he said she had biliary. She had her jabs and he said she should be feeling better by the afternoon. By Monday morning she still wasn't well so I took her back. They gave her more jabs and sai she's developed jaundice as a result of the mediation and the biliary but he was so positive. I took her back that afternoon as she still hadn't even moved out of her basket the whole day. He said he'd put her on a drip and keep her the night. I felt so bad because she never went to anyone new and was such a scared little dog and even when people came round to the house she would just hide under my feet. On Tuesday morning I went to visit her and the vet was still so positive and he wasn't at all worried that she would make a full recovery. She passed away at about 10:00 am. I was holding her and the next thing she just started getting sick and she passed. I am devasted and my heart is shattered. I haven't been able to go home for too long and have been staying with my boyfriend who has been so understanding but I feel like this hole will never heal. There are moments I feel like I forget she's gone and it feels like she is just somewhere visiting and then reality hits me again and the tears just fall. I would give anything to have her back. She was my best friend. I keep thinking if only I'd taken her on Saturday Then she would still be with me. I know the guilt that you feel but I also know that if you are feeling as hurt and lost as I do then your Gabby was loved unconditionally every day of her life just like my Schnapps. If only we could turn back the clock.
My little daxie passed away on Tuesday. When I got home on Saturday I could see something was not right as she didnt come to say hi. I never thought that what she had could be life threatening. I took her to the vet first thing on Sunday mornin and he said she had biliary. She had her jabs and he said she should be feeling better by the afternoon. By Monday morning she still wasn't well so I took her back. They gave her more jabs and sai she's developed jaundice as a result of the mediation and the biliary but he was so positive. I took her back that afternoon as she still hadn't even moved out of her basket the whole day. He said he'd put her on a drip and keep her the night. I felt so bad because she never went to anyone new and was such a scared little dog and even when people came round to the house she would just hide under my feet. On Tuesday morning I went to visit her and the vet was still so positive and he wasn't at all worried that she would make a full recovery. She passed away at about 10:00 am. I was holding her and the next thing she just started getting sick and she passed. I am devasted and my heart is shattered. I haven't been able to go home for too long and have been staying with my boyfriend who has been so understanding but I feel like this hole will never heal. There are moments I feel like I forget she's gone and it feels like she is just somewhere visiting and then reality hits me again and the tears just fall. I would give anything to have her back. She was my best friend. I keep thinking if only I'd taken her on Saturday Then she would still be with me. I know the guilt that you feel but I also know that if you are feeling as hurt and lost as I do then your Gabby was loved unconditionally every day of her life just like my Schnapps. If only we could turn back the clock.
I am so sorry for your loss. My little Schnapps passed yesterday from biliary which led to jaundice. My heart is shattered and I am just devasted. I know that the vet did all he could as she got sick on Saturday and I took her to the et on Sunday morning. I just feel so awful because he said she would be fine! We went home after the jabs on Sunday and Monday she still wasn't well so I took her back they gave her more jabs the poor thing and by the afternoon she still wasn't good so I took her back and they hospitalised her. I could hardly sleep as she was always with me in my bed and was so afraid of other people or new places. Even when people came to visit she would just sit inbetween my feet or on my lap because she didnt like new people. I felt so guilty leaving her at the vet for the night I just wanted to call and go there. I went there early Tuesday and just held her and told her how much I love her and how everything would be ok. The vet was positive and said he just wanted to keep her one more night a they were flushing her system. Half an hour later she started vomiting and I still thought she would be ok. She passed away and now the tears just don't stop. I loved her so much she was my best friend and always there for me. She was my best friend and I just feel like this hole will be here in my heart forever. I just need her. I am normally really level headed and not all that emotional but I miss her so much! I read your post and it made me feel that it's ok to miss her so much. If only we could turn back the clock.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I know. It's worse when it happens quickly like that, and she was so young too. You want to blame yourself I'm sure. But from what you said, I can't see you did anything wrong. It could well be what Ghilly suggested -a gastric torsion. Those things can happen in the blink of an eye, and are so deadly dangerous, even dogs that get the best attention don't always make it through. And the worst thing is there's no warning, it just happens, and the cause can't always be pinned down.
But believe me, I can't see anything YOU did wrong. You got her to the vet as fast as you could, you got help for her.
But believe me, I can't see anything YOU did wrong. You got her to the vet as fast as you could, you got help for her.
Hi ginger899
You understand the deep deep bond I have with my Gabby.. I would live on the streets, I would sell everything I have. I just want her in my arms. I want to look at her and snuggle her.
Life & death, Its all beyond our understanding. I always try figure out how all souls from all time are "around".... My thoughts about "beyond" gives me anxiety, its confusing.
I know what you are saying....Its scary to think that love is only a chemical reaction- It can't be, its too powerful, its overwhelming ---it has to be a spirtual feeling. Love can't end....
I wish I had more comfort in a strong belief but nowadays we are all thought to question things. When something is beyond our understanding its natural to question it. But deep deep down I do feel that there is more..Gabby is my soulmate. She is the love of my life. She is a soul that I will love forever. I know she is waiting for me and I won't forget her.
Right now I feel so alone- I feel so sad. Why did this happen to her. ??? I loved her too much to lose her. I feel empty. I would never hurt her. I acted as soon as I saw her looking uncomfortable.,It was so quick.
You understand the deep deep bond I have with my Gabby.. I would live on the streets, I would sell everything I have. I just want her in my arms. I want to look at her and snuggle her.
Life & death, Its all beyond our understanding. I always try figure out how all souls from all time are "around".... My thoughts about "beyond" gives me anxiety, its confusing.
I know what you are saying....Its scary to think that love is only a chemical reaction- It can't be, its too powerful, its overwhelming ---it has to be a spirtual feeling. Love can't end....
I wish I had more comfort in a strong belief but nowadays we are all thought to question things. When something is beyond our understanding its natural to question it. But deep deep down I do feel that there is more..Gabby is my soulmate. She is the love of my life. She is a soul that I will love forever. I know she is waiting for me and I won't forget her.
Right now I feel so alone- I feel so sad. Why did this happen to her. ??? I loved her too much to lose her. I feel empty. I would never hurt her. I acted as soon as I saw her looking uncomfortable.,It was so quick.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I feel the same about my dog that you feel about Gabby. There's a special bond with another Soul, a really deep and special bond, difficult to describe. I feel I could go anywhere, be anything, or nothing, sleep anywhere, be rich, be poor, go without food,....anything so long as she was with me. I felt that once for a Human, but their love was not the same as my dog's. Theirs passed away, my dog's never ever would, even if we lived a thousand years. How strange.
I know everything in this world is mortal, and has to be born, live and die, even rocks, leaves on the trees, mountains and rivers... but it sometimes doesn't make sense to me that a thing such as love, or a special bond, can be just destroyed or disappear!
Then I think -it can't! It's impossible for something so meaningful to be destroyed. A Soul is energy, and energy cannot be destroyed. It can change form, it can move here or there, but it can't be annihilated!
But of course, I too get scared about loss, and death taking a loved one, because although I have had so many strange experiences showing me other realities, I still have doubts sometimes about exactly what exists in that mystery beyond life. The real pure knowledge is behind a veil.
I often think that our Ancient ancestors were (and many tribal people today still are) better off than us spiritually. Their rituals reach into the Spirit World. They had comfort in their belief -or shamanic knowledge- of death, and the beyond. Even the ancient Egyptians mummified the bodies of companion animals, giving them the same honours in death as humans. They grieved the loss of friend or family who were no longer alive with them, but did not despair, knowing there was a Beyond, and all Souls went to it.
I know everything in this world is mortal, and has to be born, live and die, even rocks, leaves on the trees, mountains and rivers... but it sometimes doesn't make sense to me that a thing such as love, or a special bond, can be just destroyed or disappear!
Then I think -it can't! It's impossible for something so meaningful to be destroyed. A Soul is energy, and energy cannot be destroyed. It can change form, it can move here or there, but it can't be annihilated!
But of course, I too get scared about loss, and death taking a loved one, because although I have had so many strange experiences showing me other realities, I still have doubts sometimes about exactly what exists in that mystery beyond life. The real pure knowledge is behind a veil.
I often think that our Ancient ancestors were (and many tribal people today still are) better off than us spiritually. Their rituals reach into the Spirit World. They had comfort in their belief -or shamanic knowledge- of death, and the beyond. Even the ancient Egyptians mummified the bodies of companion animals, giving them the same honours in death as humans. They grieved the loss of friend or family who were no longer alive with them, but did not despair, knowing there was a Beyond, and all Souls went to it.
Your appreciation and love for Tracy is obvious.
Life is difficult and people are complex. I am sorry you didn't get the support you needed when Tracy died. It must of made the grief so hard to deal with. People are very odd and their actions are often unexplainable, nobody is perfect, I'm sure your wife is not a bad person, she is just not the same as you and just as you don't understand her at times, she doesn't understand you. Insecurity can be overwhelming.
My husband also felt uncomfortable with the bond I had with Gabby, she slept in the bed with us most nights. Gabby loved my husband, she was excited to see him return from work, he would walk her when I was tired or busy and I know he is missing her now. He loves me and doesn't want to see me hurting but he doesnt understand the deepness of my greif. To him she was just a dog to me she was a soul, a wonderful living feeling soul, I loved her completely and always will. I can't expect him to understand the bond me and Gabby had because it was between me and Gabby. We had our own world.
I completely understand what you are saying about how you loved (love)Tracy, I love Gabby so much because she never made me feel bad about myself, she never judged me. I will never be able to put it into words how much i love and miss her. I want to scream, I am so confused and hurt and I feel so awful there are no words big enough or powerful enough to discribe my greif and love. I know you feel the same for Tracy.
Gabby like all dogs had her own personality and she was super affectionate and very clever. She knew when I was feeling bad. She was sent by God i just don't know why she was taken away. I often think dogs have it all figured out. The bond we feel with our dogs is real. They do not judge use, it pure unconditional love. It a wonderful thing it reassures us, its comforting.
I miss her :(
Life is difficult and people are complex. I am sorry you didn't get the support you needed when Tracy died. It must of made the grief so hard to deal with. People are very odd and their actions are often unexplainable, nobody is perfect, I'm sure your wife is not a bad person, she is just not the same as you and just as you don't understand her at times, she doesn't understand you. Insecurity can be overwhelming.
My husband also felt uncomfortable with the bond I had with Gabby, she slept in the bed with us most nights. Gabby loved my husband, she was excited to see him return from work, he would walk her when I was tired or busy and I know he is missing her now. He loves me and doesn't want to see me hurting but he doesnt understand the deepness of my greif. To him she was just a dog to me she was a soul, a wonderful living feeling soul, I loved her completely and always will. I can't expect him to understand the bond me and Gabby had because it was between me and Gabby. We had our own world.
I completely understand what you are saying about how you loved (love)Tracy, I love Gabby so much because she never made me feel bad about myself, she never judged me. I will never be able to put it into words how much i love and miss her. I want to scream, I am so confused and hurt and I feel so awful there are no words big enough or powerful enough to discribe my greif and love. I know you feel the same for Tracy.
Gabby like all dogs had her own personality and she was super affectionate and very clever. She knew when I was feeling bad. She was sent by God i just don't know why she was taken away. I often think dogs have it all figured out. The bond we feel with our dogs is real. They do not judge use, it pure unconditional love. It a wonderful thing it reassures us, its comforting.
I miss her :(
Thank You Ghilly
It was this day last week she became sick. I am still crying like a baby and i expect to for some time.Thank you for informing me about bloat. Its a heartbreaking thing. She had her annual check up on Valentines Day and she was fine. Its so hard to think that my best friend is gone.
I truely hope I will see her again, she had a wonderful kind soul.
Thank you for the time you spent sending me this message & for your thoughts.
It was this day last week she became sick. I am still crying like a baby and i expect to for some time.Thank you for informing me about bloat. Its a heartbreaking thing. She had her annual check up on Valentines Day and she was fine. Its so hard to think that my best friend is gone.
I truely hope I will see her again, she had a wonderful kind soul.
Thank you for the time you spent sending me this message & for your thoughts.
Gabby is at the rainbow bridge now, probably playing with Tracy at some point; no more pains or down time as they wait for us when our time comes we will see them again.
I have Tracy's plastic urn up in my office furniture, since i spend most of my time home there I can just look up from time to time and always "see her" Also it gives me some confort her remains are in a "high" place; it feels like she is still watching over me.
I am married too, I have 2 wonderful dauthers, very smart for their ages 5 and 7, but Tracy came to me also in a very difficult time when i was all by my lonesone fighting deep depression as consecuence; not only she lifted my spirit and turned me around and/or provided the attention I needed back then, she saved me from myself at that time; how could I ever forget that? I met my wife when I already had Tracy for almost 2 years, then our family growed. She was truly sent to me by the Lord to spare me, to watch over me; she didnt say a word, yet, she told me a great deal just by looking into my eyes. My family here are my daughters and my wife; my daughters are too little to understand my grieve and I do not show it in front of them; my wife never liked the bond i share with Tracy; while she love animals in her own ways, she feels i love tracy "more" than her. She has given proof over and over of her insecurity with constants attacks even after seeing me cry like a child for my loss and even after explaining her what the dog means for me and her importance; without Tracy, there would probably wont be any family now at all; Tracy is not more important than my actual family; she is important in a very special way for me; unfortunately, not so for my wife; to each their own.
Tracy also stood by me (of course) valiently and being her own self another time back in 2010 when my wife wanted to divorce me; at that time was because she was led to believe she could get a loan for a house if she was on her own; having better chances because of my credit not being so good. When I met my wife; she was an alien here with nothing more than a turist visa and a dream. Our relation gave our daughters for what i am very grateful and honor; more proof from the Lord for us; I just did what I supposed to do, still do today and will do always; to take care of them the best I can and it hurts like hell not to be understood by the very person whom should be number 1 by my side. I just hope karma will not play with her; it would be aweful.
When I was 22 years old I lost a dear friend to bone cancer; he was 22 also and his death was difficult to bear; still is today; we had dreams together of playing in a rock band we were together and we were pals from way back in school; I admired him for his talents and his "just" ways of thinking and his desires of freedom from anything and everything. I was, still are affected to a great degree from this loss; i was just a friend but even with all this said, I feel more affected today with my dog loss that I can remember when my friend Carlos left us. Carlos told me back then in his dying bed "take a look at me like this here and promise me you will live for both of us for as long as you can; always live your life and do what you want or what you can; do not let anyone dictate the way you should live your life, because look at me now" There was no tears at that time; it was his advise that i have followed best i can till today I am 47.
Tracy was a lot more for me than anyone can understand; that does not mean I do not love others; i just love them in a different way.
Hang in there; little by little you will start seen Gabby the same way and will feel a little better; if there is such a term with this kind of loss
I have Tracy's plastic urn up in my office furniture, since i spend most of my time home there I can just look up from time to time and always "see her" Also it gives me some confort her remains are in a "high" place; it feels like she is still watching over me.
I am married too, I have 2 wonderful dauthers, very smart for their ages 5 and 7, but Tracy came to me also in a very difficult time when i was all by my lonesone fighting deep depression as consecuence; not only she lifted my spirit and turned me around and/or provided the attention I needed back then, she saved me from myself at that time; how could I ever forget that? I met my wife when I already had Tracy for almost 2 years, then our family growed. She was truly sent to me by the Lord to spare me, to watch over me; she didnt say a word, yet, she told me a great deal just by looking into my eyes. My family here are my daughters and my wife; my daughters are too little to understand my grieve and I do not show it in front of them; my wife never liked the bond i share with Tracy; while she love animals in her own ways, she feels i love tracy "more" than her. She has given proof over and over of her insecurity with constants attacks even after seeing me cry like a child for my loss and even after explaining her what the dog means for me and her importance; without Tracy, there would probably wont be any family now at all; Tracy is not more important than my actual family; she is important in a very special way for me; unfortunately, not so for my wife; to each their own.
Tracy also stood by me (of course) valiently and being her own self another time back in 2010 when my wife wanted to divorce me; at that time was because she was led to believe she could get a loan for a house if she was on her own; having better chances because of my credit not being so good. When I met my wife; she was an alien here with nothing more than a turist visa and a dream. Our relation gave our daughters for what i am very grateful and honor; more proof from the Lord for us; I just did what I supposed to do, still do today and will do always; to take care of them the best I can and it hurts like hell not to be understood by the very person whom should be number 1 by my side. I just hope karma will not play with her; it would be aweful.
When I was 22 years old I lost a dear friend to bone cancer; he was 22 also and his death was difficult to bear; still is today; we had dreams together of playing in a rock band we were together and we were pals from way back in school; I admired him for his talents and his "just" ways of thinking and his desires of freedom from anything and everything. I was, still are affected to a great degree from this loss; i was just a friend but even with all this said, I feel more affected today with my dog loss that I can remember when my friend Carlos left us. Carlos told me back then in his dying bed "take a look at me like this here and promise me you will live for both of us for as long as you can; always live your life and do what you want or what you can; do not let anyone dictate the way you should live your life, because look at me now" There was no tears at that time; it was his advise that i have followed best i can till today I am 47.
Tracy was a lot more for me than anyone can understand; that does not mean I do not love others; i just love them in a different way.
Hang in there; little by little you will start seen Gabby the same way and will feel a little better; if there is such a term with this kind of loss
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking to lose our beloved dogs at any age, but it is so much more difficult to accept when they are young should have so many more years ahead of them.
It is possible that your dog had developed something called gastric dilatation and volvulus, more commonly known as bloat. If bloat is not discovered and surgery is not performed almost immediately, death is a certainty within just a few hours. When a dog bloats, what basically happens is that the stomach flips over and switches positions with the spleen. This causes the stomach to be sealed off so that even though the dog may try to vomit, nothing comes out but a whitish foamy slime. If the stomach is distended enough or if the spleen is damaged enough during the flipping procedure, a rupture can certainly occur which would mean almost instantaneous death.
Please know that absolutely NONE of this is your fault! You did everything you could, including getting her to the vet as soon as you could. Since she was at the vet for 12 hours before she passed I would say that you more than succeeded in getting her there quickly enough. Sometimes, though, no matter how quickly we act on things, it's not possible to save them.
As much as it hurts right now, with time you will be able to remember her and smile or laugh at some of the funny things she used to do. The pain WILL fade, even though right now it feels like nothing will ever be right again. And you will see her again one day, of that I am certain. You are in my thoughts.
Ghilly
It is possible that your dog had developed something called gastric dilatation and volvulus, more commonly known as bloat. If bloat is not discovered and surgery is not performed almost immediately, death is a certainty within just a few hours. When a dog bloats, what basically happens is that the stomach flips over and switches positions with the spleen. This causes the stomach to be sealed off so that even though the dog may try to vomit, nothing comes out but a whitish foamy slime. If the stomach is distended enough or if the spleen is damaged enough during the flipping procedure, a rupture can certainly occur which would mean almost instantaneous death.
Please know that absolutely NONE of this is your fault! You did everything you could, including getting her to the vet as soon as you could. Since she was at the vet for 12 hours before she passed I would say that you more than succeeded in getting her there quickly enough. Sometimes, though, no matter how quickly we act on things, it's not possible to save them.
As much as it hurts right now, with time you will be able to remember her and smile or laugh at some of the funny things she used to do. The pain WILL fade, even though right now it feels like nothing will ever be right again. And you will see her again one day, of that I am certain. You are in my thoughts.
Ghilly
Thank you so much. I am sorry about your dog Tracy. I know it really hurts. 10 years is a long time and your greif shows how much you loved Tracy. She was a lucky soul to such love.
My dog was my best friend. I don't drink, so my nights were spent in with her. She was my baby. I called her my doggy daughter. Her name was Gabby and she was so gentle. She loved snuggles and attention.
I did have a dog before I got her. His name was Ben, he was a legend and much loved, he died aged 18. I never thought I would love a dog that much until Gabby came into my life. She was my soulmate and came into my life at a difficult time. She gave me such joy.
My time with her was far too short. I am married but have no children so she played the part. I am in shock. Complete greif
Thank you for you kind words.
My dog was my best friend. I don't drink, so my nights were spent in with her. She was my baby. I called her my doggy daughter. Her name was Gabby and she was so gentle. She loved snuggles and attention.
I did have a dog before I got her. His name was Ben, he was a legend and much loved, he died aged 18. I never thought I would love a dog that much until Gabby came into my life. She was my soulmate and came into my life at a difficult time. She gave me such joy.
My time with her was far too short. I am married but have no children so she played the part. I am in shock. Complete greif
Thank you for you kind words.
My condolences for your loss; I pray for you and family in this terrible times; I am mourning my Tracy too after she died, put to sleep on
april 1. At times I am ok, at times I am just so upset i rather be alone; my dog like yours and everyone in this forum; is our special babies; mine was 10 years old; she could have lived some more but left me all the sudden after discovered kidney failure final stages; to bring you some closure, you might want to get an autopsy; it would no bring you inmediate confort for your loss but at least you know what killed her/him. This is a wonderful place to let your grieving out; do not keep it inside you; it has helped me a little to talk to some folks in here; I have been able to get more support here than from my family. I hope you will not feel guilty for anything related with your companions death; it seems you loved her very much and she/he was lucky to had lived under your care; if for mere short years; she was loved and there is no questions or doubts about her/his love. I wish you well.
april 1. At times I am ok, at times I am just so upset i rather be alone; my dog like yours and everyone in this forum; is our special babies; mine was 10 years old; she could have lived some more but left me all the sudden after discovered kidney failure final stages; to bring you some closure, you might want to get an autopsy; it would no bring you inmediate confort for your loss but at least you know what killed her/him. This is a wonderful place to let your grieving out; do not keep it inside you; it has helped me a little to talk to some folks in here; I have been able to get more support here than from my family. I hope you will not feel guilty for anything related with your companions death; it seems you loved her very much and she/he was lucky to had lived under your care; if for mere short years; she was loved and there is no questions or doubts about her/his love. I wish you well.
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