hale2uf - Kidney Failure

Hale2uf - I'm posting your questions on a new thread so that it will hopefully get more notice and responses.  The "Kidney Failure" thread was getting so long that new issues were overlooked.
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To: Aggieone and All,
My baby girl Jetta was diagnosed with kidney failure 3 weeks ago.  For 5 days she was on IV flushing; she kept pulling out her IV.  It was recommended we transfer her to AVS [specialized medicine facility in Maitland, FL] with 24/7 care.  She was there for 5 more days.  They sent her home.  They are speculating that she may have lepto... one of her titers was borderline high [my reg vet says it's from the vaccine she had in Sept.] We have 3 other babies and no one else has it.  They want her to take antibiotics but, they make her sick because she doesn't eat enough.  I honestly do not believe she has lepto [very rare].  We spoke with her internist and she said to take her off the antibiotics for a few days until we see her tomorrow [Fri.].    
Jetta has lost so much weight.  Some days are good - she'll bark, eat something out of the 10,000 things I try to fix for her.  Today, we lie in bed together; no interest in eating so far this morning.
I'm fortunate to be able to devote 24/7 to her [my husband wants it that way].  We have 3 other dogs and my children are grown and on their own.
These are my anxiety issues:
1.  I can't eat [she can't - I feel guilty] and live for my next xanax.  I've lost nearly 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks.
2.  I know in my heart she will not recover from this - my husband is in denial.  He thinks it's like a virus she'll recover from.  He believes she beat this....  He's made an appt with a holistic vet - earliest date to get in is a week from Tues.
3.  Everyday I wake up sick to my stomach wondering how many things I need to cook during the course of the day to get her to eat a morsal.  I get so anxious and nausiated.
4.  Everyday is agonzing to see her like this.  To live by a clock of giving her another pill and sub'q fluids.
5.  I never leave her side.  How do others who have regular jobs do this?
6.  I have guilty feelings over I want it all to stop; the daily pain, agony, crying, wailing, the why...  but, the only way out is to put her to sleep.
I can't and won't until she cannot function...
How do I get through this?  Everyday every minute is depressing.  If I knew that what I was doing was going to get her better; I would feel different.  All I know is that I'm waiting for the inevitible and it's unbearable day in and day out.  
Help me.... this is torture.... how do I get through each day?
Sandy,

[Jaybay]

First, let me say that I understand the horror of dealing with kidney failure.  I lost my dog Chica to it in early January.  It's a daily roller coaster of one step forward and two steps back.  Here story is in a few journal entries on my profile if you care to read about how I dealt with it.  

You need to ask your vet about the extent of the damage, but it sounds like she's in serious, end-stage renal failure.  Even if the underlying cause is lepto, the damage to the kidneys has already been done and it is irreversible.  The only "treatment" is to keep meds on board for the nausea and try to preserve as much remaining function in the kidneys for as long as possible.

Many vets are still under the misguided impression that dogs in renal failure should have a no-protein, or low-protein diet because proteins are digested in the kidneys.  This leads to malnutrition issues because dogs must have protein for general health.  What you want is a more easily digestible form of protein that is low in phosphorus, and that means home cooking.  At this stage of the game, anything you can get your dog to eat is a victory.  Hard-boiled eggs, rice, dark meat poultry are generally good foods to try.  

I mention phosphorus because that is what you want to keep out of your dog as much as possible as it's very hard on the kidneys.  Calcium, in the form of Tums tablets, binds to phosphorus and sweeps it out of the body.  Start with one tablet twice a day and see if you get any improvement.  You may not notice anything much the first day or so, but keep on giving it.  Since your dog isn't eating, you'll have to pill her.  Just open her mouth with one hand and quickly poke it down her throat past the point where the tongue rises against the back of the mouth.  You won't hurt her.

Dogs in kidney failure get very "acidic" because the kidneys can no longer process out toxins, and their general blood acid levels rise.  I'm sure you've noticed she probably has what I called "kerosene breath" - that's just part of the illness due to the unfiltered toxins and high acid levels.  Give a pepcid or zantac tablet at least once a day to help with that.

While renal failure isn't necessarily a painful condition, it is extremely miserable because of the constant nausea.  Most vets start with reglan (metoclopromadine) pills to treat nausea.  Reglan is metabolized in the kidneys.  Since the kidneys are working, you will probably see some rather frightening side-effects.  Chica became extremely restless and had awful tremors once her kidneys reached the end of their functioning.  It was the reglan.  I learned after her death that those side-effects can be counter-acted with a dose of benadryl.  The other nausea meds available were so ridiculously expensive that we had to find another way to treat it.  We discovered that reglan injections resulted in no side-effects and did a good job on Chica's nausea.  I'm just grateful my husband had experience giving himself allergy injections and had no problem injecting Chica.  The vet drew up about a dozen syringes for us and we'd give her a shot twice a day.

Just to give you an idea of what to expect, the textbook cases death from kidney failure say that the dog will finally lose all sense of who she is, where she is and what is happening.  The reason for this is that the toxins in the blood finally get so high that they cross the blood-brain barrier and the patient loses her sense of reality and existence.  That blessing was denied to Chica.  She never gave up and her mind was fully intact until the end when we finally had to end her suffering.

You know your dog.  Since your husband is in denial (much like my own husband) you're going to have to be the strong one here and look at this situation as objectively as possible.  The brutal truth is that there is no cure for kidney failure.  Once those cells are destroyed, they're gone forever and they don't regenerate.  It's up to you to determine if your girl has no quality of life left and when the time is right to let her go.  You must understand that putting her to sleep is doing her a favor.  God bless you.  I know it's nothing short of agony to go through this.

[bearsmomma]

Sandy

I'm so sorry for you and your baby.  You need to keep yourself well so you can help her though.

Do you have a homeopathic vet in your area?  Let me tell you what I've been through with Bear and how I've helped him.  He is doing great now.

We found out in Jan the vet thinks he has cancer on right front elbow joint.  Bear started going down hill fast.  He couldn't get up or down on his own and couldn't even hold his leg up so he could walk on three.  He had to drag it.  My stomache was in knots.  I couldn't stand to see him this way.  I couldn't stand his pain.  The vet gave him previcox for the pain..it helped some.  He started leaking urine, then it was pouring from him... he had no controll over it.  He had no energy..wouldn't even chew on a bone.  He was drinking an over abundance of water so my vet did a urinanalisis and blood work to find out why he was leaking urine.  He called me over the phone and told me everything looked pretty good but the kidneys were a little high but we would keep and eye on them.  He thought maybe there could be another tumor pressing against his bladder.

I read on the internet that his spine could be out of place and causing the incontanance.  So I took him to a homeopathic vet to get a chiropractic adjustment on him.  Thank God I did.  I took all Bear's medical records with me.  The homeopathic vet was very upset about his kidneys.  He gave him something right that minute for his kidneys, and showed me a chart he had that had all kinds of medications listed on it and their side effects.  Right there beside previcox was renal failure.  He also adjusted his spine, sent me home with some pure remedy pill, pills for pain, a chinese herb, some pills for his kidneys, pills to boost his imune system, and some drops for the incontanace.  All of this is homeopathic and doesn't have any side effects  All this only cost $75.00.  I couldn't believe it.  In three days  he wasn't even dripping urine and he wasn't drinking gallons of water.  He had a little more energy, but still had a lot of pain in his leg.  We did acupunture next that really helped... he could put pressure on his leg.

Shortly after I took Bear to the homeopathic vet I also started giving him ESSIAC tea.  Its for people and it is supposed to cure cancer.  It is a great detox tea....that is why I'm telling you about it.  It is good for liver, kidneys, you name it.  Bear has been on it for a month now and everyone can not believe it.  People come to our house and say, "Wow, look at Bear, running aroud like a pup."  Thats right.....he can even run.  When he walks, he still limps though.  His elbow joint still looks swollen but it has softened up some and is smaller.  As for the kidneys we wont know for sure until we do more blood work, but he doesn't drink so much water now and that is a good sign.

I add blood root to Bears tea because he has cancer.  You would only have to give your dog the tea.  You can find it at www.plantcures.com click on the left on all products clinically tested then click on cancer on the left then scroll down to ojibwa tea.

I actually read a book on the tea and called the herbalist who helped write the book to ask him questions.  He told me about the web site.  When the book was written there wasn't a websit.  He's the one pictured there on the site.  You can even call him and ask him what to do for your dog.  You are supposed to drink 8 oz 2x a day on empty stomache, but he told me 2 use 1/2 the amount of water when preparing the tea because it would be too hard to get Bear to take 8 oz.  So I give hime 4 oz in the morning and at night with a syringe.  It is 40.00 for a month supply.  Bear started improving so fast that lately I've been giving it to him once a day to see how he does with that.  So my month supply has lasted me longer than a month.

I think this tea in combination with everything the vet gave me, plus I changed Bears diet to a no grain dog food has really made a difference.

I was saying "I can't believe how fast he's gone downhill", now I'm saying, " I can't believe how fast he's improved".

I hope you order the tea and try it.  I urge you to call the herbalist too, he's very nice and can give you some suggestions.  He mailed my stuff out the same day I talked to him.

I will be praying for you and Jetta.  Keep me us posted on how you are both doing.  Oh you should take this tea too I read in the book it is good for the nervouse system and anxiety.  You wouldn't believe all that it is good for.  Good luck and God bless.

[hale2uf]

Thank you for your kindness in responding and for the info.

Jetta is on metoclopromadine, AMLODIPINE, BENZAPRIL, PEPCID A/C, compounded Aspirin and subq fluid.

I asked the vet if I could give her pepto-bismol or something else besides the Pepcid a/c; she said no.

I have a hard time giving her the pills; and my husband puts the subq fluid needle in her.  I could not give shots.  I did find a pill popper [this is a life saver] @ Petsmart; the cramming of pills down her throat constantly was awful.

As far as eating; I've found she  is a fast food girl - Boston Market chicken and turkey, Olive Garden spaghetti; chicken nuggets...yuck.  But, anything goes.  I cooked salmon today, chicken thigh meat; morning star chicken patties; tater tots.... so far nothing has worked. for today.  I did give her 1 cc of Nutri-Cal supplement.    Later I will try oatmeal and applesauce.  What do you do when they won't eat?  How many things do you try in one day?  Things she ate 1 or 2 days ago she won't touch now.

I bring her outside on the patio/pool area just to smell the breeze and to get fresh air.  She loves the cold floor.

You would think that after beating breast cancer I would be strong enough to handle this.  I am not....  I don't know what to do.... anything I do isn't going to change it....  that's what so hard.  

[suzi-q]

I am so sorry for what you are going through.  My Tiffy had to be put down for other reasons and the beginning of renal failure was the final straw. She had advanced heart disease and treating them both together was a double edge sword.  My Tiffy stopped eating (which was what she LOVED to do most of all) and that was when I said enough is enough.  It is never an easy decision to make.  You don't know if you are selfish for keeping them alive, or selfish for putting them to sleep.  I felt very guilty for a number of reasons for putting my dog down even though my vet (who treated Tiffy her whole life) told me it was the right thing to do.  When your life becomes totally encompassing by your beloved pet you are very torn on your emotions.  That is how I felt.  

As others have said, YOU know your dog.  YOU will know when it is time: and you do.  Somehow, you just do.  YOU know the quality of life your dog has had and you know when she has had enough.  You will constantly second guess your decision but know that you are right.  And when the time comes: you will get through that also.  How?  I still don't know how I did it , but I did.  I think God and your pup give you the strength to make that selfless act that gives them (as Jaybay called it) their greatest reward.  May God grant you strength and comfort at this most difficult time.

[Jaybay]

You're doing everything you can to keep her as comfortable as possible, and that is all you can do now.  Dogs can take Pepto (I gave it to my first dog who had horrible gas) but I think your vet doesn't want you to use it now because it would interfere with absorbtion of some of the meds she's on.  Nausea and vomiting are the hands-down, absolute WORST symptoms of renal failure, and the hardest to keep under any kind of control.  Have you noticed any of the reactions I mentioned with the metoclopromadine?  Any restlessness or tremors?  If not, just keep an eye out on her behavior and have some benadryl handy.  My vet was totally unaware of the extra-pyramidal reaction until I found the study for him on the internet.  You can always try injections if tremors get started.  There's just something about bypassing absorbtion in the gi-tract that makes the restlessness and tremors worse than if it's injected.

Like you, I was terrified watching Chica starve to death.  Was it kinder to end her suffering (if a bit early) or let her starve?  Some people try to force feed, but I just can't agree with that as a solution.  Dogs know when they can and can't eat, and it would probably just come back up anyway.  You don't want to risk more vomiting and more fluid loss and electrolyte imbalance.  If she likes ice chips, try freezing some pedialyte or even gatorade to help keep the electrolytes up.  The odd thing with Chica was that she stayed hydrated until the last 36 hours when she completely stopped everything.  Her electrolytes were in the normal range the whole time, so we never had to worry about sub-q fluids.

On the food issue, I offered several different things several times a day.  You get to know when they may be up for trying and when it's impossible.  We had a time where Chica would eat about anything I cooked myself in small amounts, but that didn't last long.  You're at the point where ANYthing you can get into is better than nothing, and timing doesn't matter.  Even chicken broth is better than nothing even though there's few calories in it.  

Since your baby has not eaten in 2 days, it sounds like you need to prepare yourself for the end.  Think about all the things she loved to do before she got sick.  When there is nothing left, it's time to think about helping her to an easy ending.  Saying goodbye is something that we all must go through when we decide to love an animal and take her into our lives and hearts.  That's what makes critter people so very special.  We do this knowing we will outlive them and be heartbroken, but we do it over and over again out of love.  I so wish I had some words of wisdom to help you through this, but it's such a very personal thing.  Somehow, we all find a way to survive it, grieve, and do it again.  

Difficult as Chica was, we miss her every day.  If she hadn't been the problem-child she was, we would never have had to learn as much about dogs as we know now.  I feel like we honor her life by adopting another dog and putting that knowledge to good use.  Had Chica not died of kidney failure, I couldn't speak of it to you now, so she is still helping others even though she's gone.   Do what you must to keep her as comfortable as you can, and have no regrets over what will come.  We're all here for you.  :-)

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

does anyone knowwhat cause the kidney failer, how can we avoid this in a dog, if i ever get one i would like to know what not to feed or do to stop this or is it something they just get?

[Jaybay]

Kidney failure can happen in a number of ways, but most cases I've heard of are simply related to old age.  Bacterial infections like leptospirosis can destroy kidney tissue along with toxins, tumors or even congenital problems.  The Chinese haven't helped either since they've been poisoning our pets with melamine for some time before it was detected.  The melamine caused kidney failure in many cats and dogs that ate it, and it even turned up in my cockatiel's food.  I didn't learn about the recall until it was too late.  He's still alive, but not doing well at all.

Anyway, kidney failure isn't something you can prevent with diet, but maintaining good general health and nutrition always helps.  After the Chinese recall fiascos, I've been reading food labels a lot more closely.  If any pet food lists "by-products" I don't buy it.  That's all the stuff like beaks, feathers, innards, ears, snouts, hooves and meat from sick animals that won't pass inspection for human consumption.  If it's not fit for me to eat, it's not fit for my dogs.

If it's detected early enough, chronic kidney failure can be managed pretty well with some effort.  The problem is that it's something you have to be looking for.  By the time symptoms show up to the point that we get worried, it's usually pretty well under way.  After losing Chica, we've decided that our dogs are getting full blood workups every year once they reach 8 years of age and are in the "senior" category.  I'll never get caught unprepared again.  :-)

[aggieone]

Wow, I am reliving this all over with you.  Kidney failure in your babiy is a horrible thing.  Did you read all of Sandy' story and what Sandy Grace and I went through the last hours of her life?  Also, read Jaybays'.  This will help you understand what you will face every  day.  It is cold and cruel, but the desperation is horrible and it feels like you  and your baby are so alone iin this.  My husband was in denial, and had hurt his back so he could not help me lift Sandy when she was so sick and could not stand on her own.  I was almost furious at him because I needed that support.  He loved her so much, but could not do a thing but rub her  and tell her how much he loved her.  He could not even bend over to give her ice chips or a syringe of anything she needed.  You feel like a mother trying to help a child and you can't do anything.   I,  like you,  spent every minute  researching, talking to the vets to see what I could give her that would stay down and nourish her body, allow her to stay with me longer, I was obsessed with trying to save her.  The minute she threw something up, I would start all over again trying to feed her something that would stay down.   After they are in the 4t stage  renal failure, there is not much you can do but try to keep them comfortable.  I  like you could not to eat because Sandy Grace could not eat and keep it down.  It wears on you more that you will imagine until your precious baby is gone.  I know you are not sleeping, I know you think about what you  could possible do to help her all the time.  Like I said in Sandy Grace's story, everyone in my life was worried about me because I was obsessed about making her more comfortable and trying to find a way to keep her with us.  When I went to the grocery store to get more things to fix for her,

You know your baby, and she will tell you, (I promise you will know) when she is ready to go.  Listen to her, you will feel so much better about your decision whatever it may be.

I could tell you to look after yourself during these horrible times, but it would be pointless.  Even as you try to seelp, you will awaken ever few minutes in a start because you are afraid when you touch her, she will not be breathing.   You never think about yourself when your baby is so sick.  Desperation takes over and you will do everything you can until the end.    I finally stopped trying to give her fluids a few hours before she died.  I could go on and on about the agony both you and your baby are going through right now, but I don't have to describe it as you are living it minute to minute.  Just hold her and tell her how much you love her and what a good baby she has been, she will understand you and tell her when it is time, it is O.K. to go.

I wish I could be encouraging, but there is no cure, only temporary solutions that will last for just a moment.  I want you to know we are here for you and will be here for as long as you need us.  Understand that our mother instinct takes over when we have sick babies and our husbands live in denial.  We have to understand that, as we face so much of this alone.  The love of your family, friends and husbands will support, but I know how alone you feel right now.  Our friends on this site KNOW what you are going through, and this is by far the most love and support you will get because we lived and are still living your pain with you.  A"ggieone

[hale2uf]

Dear Friends

As the sun was setting Friday, Steve and I held our little baby girl in our bed [where she will sleep with us forever] as we released her into God's arms.  

We miss her so very much; but, there came the time where all the daily pills and injections of fluids were never going to make her well again.  She couldn't eat; her nausea was too great.  We couldn't watch this beautiful angel of ours continue on this horrible path.

We grieve, cry and wonder why this happened to her.

Please know that I appreciate your replies; as it comforts me so.    I ask that you ask God to heal our broken, painful hearts.  I'm glad I found you all to help me.  As I can feel your hugs and your tears that cry with me.

I will check back in a day or two... I'm still numb and in a daze and have no sense of putting anything together; including words.  

Sandy

[suzi-q]

May your baby rest in peace.  I am so sorry for your loss.  It is such a hard thing to go through.  I hope that soon your tears and broken heart are replaced with all of the wonderful memories.  God bless all of you.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

Am so sorry i feel your pain, its so hard to belive they are gone. i know its not easy but try and think of nothing but good with your baby, ya was great parents and she was well loved,she had a great life that ya gave her so be proud and remember all the good times. ya will be in my prayers

[chrissy1029]

Hello, I just thought I would write and let everyone know that my husband and I are starting to get better., As  some of you all know, we lost our beloved baby Thor March 29, 2008. Tommorrow will be three weeks, we had him cremated so every day when my husband comes home I light candles for him and tell him "Daddy's home". Everyday Thor and I would wait for Daddy to come home and I made a big deal out of it just to get Thor all excited so lighting the candles for him is just a way for me to have something normal in my life. To this day I still wake up looking for him and sometimes I truly think he is still here right at my feet. I know we did the right thing by him but I miss him terrible. I want to thank all of you for "just being there" especially when we found out he was in kidney failure. I dont think I would be as strong now if it wasn't for you, so again THANKK YOU!!!!
Always grateful, Chrissy1029

[Jaybay]

What a lovely memorial for Thor.  :-)  We all understand how awful the "house of depression" is at times like this, but time really does heal the wounds.  For me, I have to keep trying to remember all the good times when awful memories of the end get too intense.  

Both Travis and Chica were cremated, and are now in a good place with us in our family room.  Travis was the first dog we lost, and our intial intentions were to place his ashes in his favorite spot in our yard.  Well, time went by and I just couldn't find the right time to do it.  My husband couldn't bear to think about it all.  (Why is it that we women have to always be the strong ones and make these kinds of decisions?)  After a couple of years, I realized I didn't want to leave him here knowing that we will eventually move.  I actually have it in my will that any cremated pet remains shall be placed in the casket with me when I go.  Who says I can't take them with me?  :-)

[lcodat]

Thank you for sharing your story.  I've just started down this path and the vets seem reluctant to tell me what the end stage of this disease will be.  They just tell me there is no cure and the prognsosis is not good.  We could go weeks, months, maybe a year before the end.  I just want to know what the end will look like so I will know I'm making the right decision rather than robbing my Bear of his life.  The stories here let me know I'm not the only one with a broken heart over this sort of news.  We're on our second round of fluids.  He responded really well to the first round, had a great week, but by  the end of the week, he didn't want eat again and his urea breath was back.  He's shedding like crazy.  But otherwise, he's himself...and that's why I can't get my mind around the fact that he's dying...because he's himself.  He still wanted to play with that puppy in the lobby the other morning when we checked in for the second round of fluids!  He's dragging me all over the property when I go visit him and walk him.  I don't know how I will know.  And that's how I found your discussion.

[Kc904]

I feel your pain... I am in the same situation but actually worse.. I have been devoting my 24/7 for my little terrier who is almost 17! Today she spit out pools of blood and was rushed to the ER, on top of the renal failure, heart murmur, seizures, collapsing trachea and now she has abscessed teeth. I want to fix her teeth, but that is not without risks.. But if I don't.. Her infection of the rotten teeth/abscessed teeth will eventually spread in her bloodstream and not to mention her heart and kidney will be effected as well. She was doing so well until last week, and I am not sure what to do now!

Should I put her under so the vet can fix her teeth? Or should I not do it? And see her suffer either way? On top of it, my dad is also in denial about the whole thing! He would probably hate me forever if my dog die on the surgery table! He thinks that antibiotic will solve the abscessed teeth!! But I know it won't, and soon or later it might claim her life!!!!

I don't know what to do and I feel I am totally lost!

I am writing you to let you know that you are not alone, and I totally understand what you are going through! Because I face the same 24/7.
Please take care of yourself so you have energy to care for your beloved pup! You are his/ her world, and it can only count on you to survive this ordeal.

Please know that people are praying for you and your dog! And you just have to believe one day everything is going to be ok!! Don't give up your faith or your pup!!

Big hug!!
Kc

[tonyb286]

Reading the forum is like reading emotions and experiences of my own situation over the last few days. On Thursday last, our beautiful 12yr old lurcher BB was diagnosed with the late stage of kidney failure, with only about 25% of kidneys functioning. On that day she was generally ok, walked along the beach, ran a little, ate her usual full meal, though she had been a bit off her food over the prior month. Just 4 days later an we are near the end. She has lost an enormous amount of weight, can't stand up without me helping support her and hasn't eaten anything for 2 days now. We've tried cooked chicken, beef, fish and everything that up to last week she used to gulp down quite happily. I would never believe a dog could deteriorate so quickly and by such degrees every day. When we were at the vets on Thursday, he suggested euthanasia, but said we could have a week with her to make this decision. On that day, the decision seemed inappropriate, but today I know that she is starting to suffer and I must prevent that at all costs. Tomorrow, we are having the vet come to our home for the dreaded deed to be done - and I have never cried so much or felt so utterly helpless. BB has been an extraordinary dog, coping with the traumas of seperating from my partner a few years ago, dealing with lots of disruption, moving home, taking in a 2nd (slightly mad) rescue dog and has been my ever faithful companion, friend, soulmate. I love her so much, it is tearing me apart to see how she is today. All I want to do is help her - but there is nothing that I can do, other than end her suffering. All that said, I wouldn't change a thing, this is the cost of the unconditional love I have had from my BB over the last 12 years. Though it is painful now, there have been so many happy times.

[Misfits4Me]

Welcome Tony...I'm so sorry that you've found us under these circumstances....My heart goes out to you as you make the unselfish decision for your girl.....

There is another thread here that you may be interested in reading....It's very lengthy though, so you may not be interested......I have bumped it up to the first page so you can find it easier.....It will be titled "4th Stage Renal Failure in my Dog"...You will find that you are not alone on this one & it may help you alittle....

Again, I will be praying for you & hope that  those "Happy Times" you speak of, will help heal your heart......Sincerely, Karla

[tonyb286]

Thanks Karla. I will read it in full, if only to further educate me about what has happened to my wonderful BB and, maybe, prevent it happening to others by spreading the information I have obtained about kidney problems in dogs over the last few days. In truth, I have been grasping at straws, hoping to find something to help her ... but it has gradually become very clear over the last 4 days that my best friend and companion has gone beyond the helping stage. It is heart wrenching. But I do know what has to be done.

[ginger899]

Dear Tony,
I am so sorry.
You will have the strength to do what she needs you to do when the time is right. You will have to think like a dog. In the moment.
That's the trouble with these angels.....they leave us with broken hearts.
But what they show us while they are with us -that's priceless.
God bless her lovely spirit. If you need any support after she has passed, please do come back. I don't think there's one of us here who wouldn't understand what you are going through.

"It's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

[tonyb286]

Thanks. I said those very words to my ex-partner, with whome I got BB 12 years ago and who came yesterday to visit specially to say goodbye to her. No matter how much heartache or pain this is causing me, it is inconsequential to the happiness and support she has given me throughout her dreadfully short life. I didn't want yesterday to end, and certainly didn't want today to begin, yet I was up at 5am, unable to settle or sleep very much. I will be back later in the day. Thank you for your support ... and thank you to any doggy owners/carers who read this ... you are so needed in this world.

[tonyb286]

My beautiful girl passed away at 4.30 this afternoon, in her own bed at home and in my arms. She is no longer in pain. Though I am utterly heartbroken, I am also relieved that she is not suffering any more. I will miss her more than words can describe. Thank you for your support over the last day or so. It has truly meant so much and I intend remaining on the site and the forums to return some of the kindness shown, in BB's honour.

[Misfits4Me]

Hello Tony.....I thought about you and BB all night and know you hated to see the morning come......I remember the feeling all too well....I'm glad you had the courage to end her suffering, although IMO, it's one of the hardest things you will ever have to do!

I'm also glad she's at peace and how fortunate to have such a faithful companion for 12 years.....My heart goes out to you as you adjust to now a quiet house.....This one is hard! There will be signs of her coming to visit you....You might think you imagine it, but it will be real.....You may not realize it at the time, but will be able to look back and make the connection...Then you will know!

I'm glad you found us so we could offer a little comfort for a few hours.....You sound like a wonderful pet parent & the world needs more like you....

Please know you are in my thoughts & I'm delighted that you intend to hang around here......I wish you peace......Sincerely, Karla

~~~Run Free BB~~~You Were Much Loved~~~One of The Lucky Ones~~~

[tonyb286]

Oh Karla, thank you so much for your message. I cried buckets when I read it, but in a nice way. You are so right, waking up was horrible, remembering and then preparing to go outside the bedroom to a house without BB in it. And today, everything is a first, all the usual routines with her being part of them. It is absolutely heart wrenching. And today I should at least hoover the living room, which hasn't been touched for over a week and the rugs are getting ready to crawl out the room of their own accord. But I can't do it today, because it feels like I am removing the last of BB's hairs, I may not do it tomorrow either, though I know these things have to be done sooner or later.

Thank you for being there. And for understanding. Your kind words mean so much. I wish all us doggy lovers could get together and give each other a giant hug at times like these.

[jennawc]

i just wanted to say that while i went through this with my best friend rizzla june- oct 2010, this forum helped me a lot!! i just came accross the link again in my email account and wanted to say thank you to everyone...