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kidney failure going down fast

how long can a yellow lab live without water and food with this condition? My dear Tracy have been not eating or drinking for two weeks! after week and half sick and due to not having money we took her to the vet and was then diagnosed with kidney failure; vet says kidneys are shot down. I am still waiting on some more money do what is right but wonder what is that? i am desperated watching her like this. Cant stop crying out of plain guilt since I have not being as best as i should have and now in front of her inminent lose, i cant even bear thinking of it !
Any help please; knowing what it have to be done is not good enough; she is still alive right now and in her looks she is scare to go; i think she knows what is going on; it is tearing me appart.
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1832268_tn?1326819610
I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

It sounds like you are trying to do the best you can.
I hope that you will be able to come up with enough money to help your dog with either medications or euthanasia. Perhaps you have something you could sell, or the vet will take payments. You could also ask your family and friends if they could loan you some money.

In the meantime, you need to try your best to remain calm when you are around her.  I know that it will be very difficult for you to do this, but do the best you can.  If you are nervous, and anxious, she will be too.  Do the best you can to keep her calm and comfortable.

Eating or drinking probably makes her feel nauseated, so If she does not want to eat or drink, do not try to force her to do so, however, be sure to keep some fresh water, and some food close by her, just in case she wants some.

If caught in it's early stages,Chronic Kidney Disease can be slowed down, and symptoms can be controlled, but Chronic Kidney Disease cannot be cured.

Most of the articles that I have read on the internet, say that Kidney Disease is not painful. It has even been called a "Gentle Death." On a personal level, I don't know that I would agree with that.
However, even though it may, or may not be painful, it will make your dog sick. Since the kidneys are not working, toxins and acids will start to build up in your dogs body. These will toxins will make your dog sick, and the acids will cause ulcers in the mouth, stomach, and intestines.  There are several inexpensive antacid and ulcer medications that your Vet can prescribe that will make your dog more comfortable, ( if you can get her to eat them, and keep them down.)
Fluid replacement therapy may also help your dog feel better for awhile, however, Fluid replacement therapy can get expensive for large dogs.

Once again, I am so sorry that you and your dog have to go through this.
My heart goes out to you, and both of you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Connie
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She is in the final stages; vet recommended to put her out to sleep. My only choice right now is to get some paycheck loan to cover the procedures, but I am also fighting the idea thus being very selfish; she would not eat or even try water, response has decreased and i am amaze she is still around after not eating for 2 weeks or drinking water, she retches but seldom vomits anymore; she went to the back yard this morning, tumbling from being very week and pee a litle but nothing came out as poop, she colapsed twice there and would stop if i try to help. She is just over 10 now and I regret never had her on insurance or regulars checks with vet; I always boasted that her health was iron; it is difficult for me to let her go knowing this soon is my fault, not hers; she seems to know it but also gives me the forgiveness look, which breaks my heart even more. I want to bath her and see if she would react to the leach to take her outside if her strenght permits; want us to take some pics before that trip to the vet; i will get my check next weekend but the question is if it is fair to let her live like this until then. I think my lesson is learned but i can bear it to be at this cost; if i only knew or realized it would be a little more quality of life that she deserves; instead i have to deal with myself and the guilt is horrible. I have always been like millions more a live by next check kind of person but that does not justify my selfishness towards her all these years and now all the sudden she is going.. I wish not to beat myself over it but true is i am to blame for her illness this early; she should have live a little longer. Even now, I am doing nothing more than complaint, caught up in the realization her life ifs declining fast and the money facts; my wife will borrow from her 401k check will come next week but i am debating if it is even aceptable to let her live all that time knowing how misserable she is; If she colapses into a coma it would afect me even more. Iam very confused and my focus is all over the place;
I dont even want to address the situation and fact that i am not doing enough for her even now. My dog and I we both need help; one is dying for real and i am dying inside with all this guilt eating me up !
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..meant leash....cant even coordinate words..one thing I forgot to mention is our schedule during the week Tracy is ALONE in the house while sick to top all. It is afecting me at work thinking if she would colapse and die alone in the house; i dont even know how would i react to that. It could happens any moment since nobody, even the vet can tell me a life expectancy!
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462827_tn?1333172552
What a heartbreaking situation.....I'm so sorry for you & your Tracy.....Please don't beat yourself up...Your doing the best you can...Take comfort in that....It sounds to me that Tracy is hanging on because you are so upset about losing her......That's what she is recognizing by the look on her face you speak about.....

I agree with your Vet...You need to let her go and not let this go on any longer.....Two weeks without food & water is a miserable condition......I understand the money situation, too.....I'm not trying to dismiss that....I personally would not want her in the house alone all week & risk the possibility of her dying alone.....That's just my opinion.....

She has been a faithful and loyal companion for 10 years......That's all we can really ask for.....How blessed you have been & she, to have a good home....

Would it be possible to contact your Vet, explain the situation & ask if you could pay them next week for services this week? Is there anyone that would loan you the money? Do you have anything you could sell or pawn?

In my experience, euthanasia services are not alarmly expensive......Please call your Vet & check with them and see if they can offer you any kind of help......Your Dear friend deserves this final peace in the arms of her loving family.....

I will be praying for you & your family.....I hope time will heal your heart with your decisions.....Good luck & God Bless You.....Karla
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thanks Karla and all of you for the support. I just gave her a bath. She seems confortable, set up her bed all clean and that at least I know she have a little more of confort; my wife took some pics in the bathtub; Tracy just sat there but it felt like she enjoyed the bath, probably her last. Shes been really dirty for lying most of the time everywhere plus she have been vomiting on herself sometimes, still does but less frequent, usually on her legs and then she slips on it trying to get out; it is heart wrenching sight, not even gross but just plain sad to see how her body try to eliminate those toxins; i got her by my side on our bedroom which is her usual place even when the smell from her insides is almost unbearable, i can't just leave her outside the room, I rather turn around and cover my nose; i worry about my wife because she is even more sensible to that smell but i asked her to please stand it at least for these days knowing it will be over soon. she have nauseas constantly thus the smell is always there; i read about tums but at this point i am not sure it will work; it is too advance her internal decay. Tomorrow I will get a paycheck loan for $350 which is about the cost for the sleep procedure and cremation with viewing. i will drive her in my truck next week to the cemetery for the cremation, not because i want to save the $20 extra it cost but because it is the least and the last time i will ever drive her, even frozen in a blue bag. I talk to her whenever I can and encourage my kids 5 and 7 to do the same as I think they are too young to watch her go; my wife will probably be at work. All these preps are being written here just in case i decide myself to go forward with what is needed. All is there and the last thing i need i think is courage.
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1832268_tn?1326819610
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Since Tracy is in her final stages, it is time for you and your family to say good-bye to her.  You are doing the right thing.  
Do your best to keep her comfortable. She knows how much you all love her.
I am sorry that I do not have time for a longer reply, but I will get back to you later. I just wanted to touch base with you, and let you know that I'm thinking of you.
Connie
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Thanks Connie; I am making sure she is as confortable as can be under her circunstances; we clean her bed and yesterday i gave her last bath; after she seemed to feel more relaxed but she had couple of vomits episode this morning; we had cover her bed with a baby's wet proof blanket and her last 5 dog training pads around it (her training pads from when she was a puppy that i had saved since)
I feel drained even just got up and it is because i know i have to go out to get that loan and i know what that means.
Today I will try take her outside; there is a park near but i dont think we can make it that far; i want her to have a last mini activity day if her strenghts permits and a family gathering but my wife works until 5 pm so i will probably wait for her; right after that if all goes well with our final reunion with her, I will consider taking her to the vet later on; think they are open until 10 pm. i wish i had a vet coming here and give her something to sleep in her bed and administer the passing iv then; that would be a dream but the only vet in town who does this home calls works until 5 pm so my wife will not be able to attend. as i type this she is asleep and i can help but praying for a naturalsleep passing but it looks i will have to put her through the stress to go to the vet room. i know she knows what is going on. she went to the back yard yesterday by this time but today there is no sign she wants to leave her bed. to try take her outside i always "tease" her with her leash saying "you want to go out?" with exiting tone and she have always responded; getting on her feet fast; will see what happens as we might have to skip the park idea. If I could, i would have taken her to the lake for a last splash there; she used to go crazy with the water; not being able to do all this and my vet visits neglects is what is burden me with guilt. Also thinking that she expended most of her time in this world waiting for us in the house as we always working. I got her (she got me really, since was she who went crazy when she saw me, she made that decision!) after a breakout with my girl back then; since i was so lonely and heartbroken a frien suggested to get a dog to lighten my life; i was really depress and named Tracy, after my experience, in hopes her name reminded me for the longest time how bad my relation was and to not do it again; well, she not only manage to address my personal problems; she exceeded at it; by a year after i got her, i was healed and did not wanted to get into any relationship; concentrated on work, my everyday rutines and my puppy for another year when i met my wife. Tracy was 2 when my wife and i met. my wife is not exeptionally crazy about her because she thinks i love the dog more than her :) even i explain it is a way different kind of love; each have saved me in different ways; one thing is for sure; Tracy love her and shows it with some preferences, like she likes her to open the door for her to go out and over a year ago we had a chihuahua gifted to my girls which was my wife's dog; and Tracy used to follow him on his plays and would let him sleep on top of her; She's been nothing but good and i wish i could be half as good in my life and personal actions and decision as she have been. she is not "just a dog" but a  98 pounds school in 4 legs and death seems to be a very hard punish for all her love and dedication, humanity acts aside. i had always wished and prayed when she was a puppy not to have to go through this very day; i had prayed for the Lord to take me first but the Lord gave me a whole family instead; Tracy was there to receive them all; giving her approval and unconditional love; i wanted her to be in this family the longest possible but i neglected the very things important in life for that to happens; her medical care. My days for the last few days start with me asking her for forgivness for me being so "human" and praying i get the strenght i need to pull through because i got a pack behind still to take care of and do not have the luxury of falling appart.
No wonder why pople oftem say this is one of their most difficult decisions they ever made. It is our very "human" self what fights and gets in the way to let go of those we love the most.
I am still so blind, and for that too i ask forgiveness every day.
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Thought about you & Tracy all night..... I'm thinking about you today & hoping that new strength will prevail......Sincerely, Karla
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1916673_tn?1417697282
Hi. I have just caught up with your posts ... and I feel so deeply for what you are going through. This situation is exactly the same as my own and what I went through with my own dog last November. Final stage kidney failure is a cruel illness and it must be heart wrenching to watch this happen to your best friend. I know how difficult it is trying to decide whether euthanasia is the right thing, but in your case, it really is the right thing - it is the last truly caring thing you can do for Tracy.

While she may not be in a huge amount of pain (though to be honest, dogs don't always show the pain they may be in, so even this cannot be asumed), she will certainly be feeling weak, exhausted and confused. She will probably know that she is slowly dying - and therefore, sadly, she will be suffering. There is no chance of recovery (kidney disease cannot be cured, though in the early stages, it can be controlled and slowed down), so the longer you leave things the worse she will get. The smell you talk about is probably her breath - and the smell is from the toxins building up inside her body.

I hope you can muster enough strength to take her to the vet, as you have suggested, tomorrow morning. I know how hard that will be, but it really is the kindest thing you can do for her right now.

My heart goes out to you - and to Tracy. Please don't leave this any longer. If Tracy could talk, she would ask you to end her suffering - and she will understand that everything you have done and will do are done out of love, compassion and kindness.

You don't need to ask for forgiveness. There is nothing that needs forgiving. This is just an illness that happens all too often to far too many dogs at the end of their lives - there is nothing that can be done to stop it and there is nothing anyone could have done to prevent it happening. Come back and talk to us here at any time. There is always someone here that understands what you are going through and empathises totally with the doubts and concerns you might have. Best wishes, Tony
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Thank you Tony, Karla and all you guys and gals in the posts; I was talking to Tracy just moments ago, she love to hear me baby talking to her; couldnt hack it and walked away crying to the master bath; she managed to raise her head to look at me and was like "whats all the cry for? Are you ok?" it was so funny, so i came back wiping tears and laghling at same time. It is amazing how they still manage to do their magic in the hardest of moments. I agree it have to stop and i will have to find the push or kick in the rear to put it in motion, for her.
On side note my wife chihuahua was lost after comming from a walk in the park because he was out of his leash and just run away; we never found him his name is Sparky; he used to bite tracy's legs and tail and ears all the time playing and even she is an adult dog she used to play along; i got them on video it is hilarious and then he just would jump on her back and used to fall asleep.
i will keep you guys posted on what is going on as time unfolds.
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675347_tn?1365464245
There are many families like yours, hard working, live from pay check to pay check. And their dog has to stay in the house while they are at work. Now, though this is not ideal (Okay -a Heaven for dogs is running chasing rabbits all day....but they can't all do what they want, neither can humans. We can't all live Heaven on Earth, and neither can our dogs) -though it's not ideal, the dog gets used to it. That way of life becomes "Life". Dogs sleep, dream, watch out the window at things that pass by, dream a little more...they go into a whole different time-frame, which most likely feels nothing like the working-day of their human owner.
Then when their owner comes home they are very happy, and run and play, and go outside, and eat dinner. Then they have the evening together.
That becomes the dog's world. And do you think the dog would give that up? No way.
So please don't fret that you had to leave her alone while you had to go out to earn a living. That couldn't be helped at all.
As for right now...is it possible for you to take a few days off work? Some companies allow a certain number of days' holiday per year which can be taken anytime...is that possible? So you can be with Tracy every moment in her last few days.
You know, if it were me, I would say a relative of mine or family member was seriously ill, and you need a few days compassionate leave. (don't know if the place you work will give you that, but they might) That would help take some pressure off so you can focus.
That's not a lie. Tracy is a family member.
That would work if you still got paid for those days of course....

I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
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I could take a day or two if needed i think; problem is i work on contract and only reduced 31 hours per week and have a family; can't really afford to take off. My wife is pressuring to get it done today; she have never care for the dog much; i don't blame her, I am the owner not her, however she is the one who paid for the vet visit that resulted in Tracy's diagnostic after almost two weeks fighting with me literally because she wanted me to take her sooner but the money was no there to run all test she needed; finally we took her in and out of a bill that was $900.00 we content with basic blood pannel and some sub-q packs for hydratation. The vet recommended Tracy to saty that night but we could not afford it. Next day when results came in everything turned 360 degrees and the vet was clear that even if i had brought her in when she started not eating or drinking, by that time it was already too late anyways to extend her quality of live, thus recommended to put her to sleep since from there it is all downhill for her.
Now I wanted for us to have a final day in the park or outside with Tracy so we can take pics and say goodbyes in a normal as possible way and take her to an emergency clinic open 24 hour later on and do the procedure but my wife is more concern she have to go to church for her two hour every saturday studies; this is more important than the dog and she revs at me for not doing it just now, citing the dog is suffering and monday becomes work and how horrible I am for just waiting it so long and all that jazz which some of it i deserve anyways; point is she refuses to cooperate even when she is the one paying for whats going on. We both got sick parents in outr family; her mom just got diagnosed with pevis cancer and my dad have been diagnosed prostetic and godbladder cancer; all this happenning before Tracy was noticeable sick. People are who they are. i am trying not to judge her, nor can I feel at ease with her preasures; initially i was hoping she will go with me to the clinic but it is obvious she does not have that in plans for i will go with my dog and be there for her which is what matters; after all, my wife and the rest of the family came after me and Tracy already had a bond founded. My two little girls are too young to go to this kind of ordeal; they may be present on the cremation viewing but not when the dog passes. What bothers me is Tracy love my wife in a very special way; the dog would always cherish her comming from work and beg for her to open the patio door to go out; that was her thing; my wife always asked me if i already let her out but even if Tracy went outside before she came, this was a routine for the dog that my wife never understood or appreciated, i dare to say. It is difficult to see in peoples heart but we know who is who on our most difficult mpoments by their actions signature; that never fails.
I could let Tracy convalescent in the house until the Lord decides the exact time, but it is no fair to Tracy. She has giving me more than what i deserve; so has my wife dont get me wrong but for my wife to prefer to attend to church and throw a trantun to control over this fact it just makes my stomach turns worst than when i am next to Tracy and she gets her nauseas and her vomits episodes. I am not saying she does not love tracy but if she does, she's got a certainly extrange way to show it. I can't say much about others since i myself was not the best owner Tracy could have hope for, but she did not care and loved me any ways; I think the least i could do for her is be there until the end no matter what and without a rush to end her life and expected my wife to feel the same.
I am sad and glad at the same time to find out how wrong i am.
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Support is not a word very understood for some people; thanks god for this site and all of you in here, who are or went through same oedeal.
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Your posts are making me cry.....Thank you for loving Tracy as much as you do......We're here for you when you need.......My heart is breaking for you & your girl..........Please, let us know.......Karla
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675347_tn?1365464245
Listen. Never mind the special photos in the park. Tracy may feel so very rotten, she won't feel up to that anyway. You just take a few pictures of her when she looks up at you and wags, as I'm sure she will. Because she loves you. SHE doesn't judge you either. She just loves you. She is ready now, for her Spirit-journey which all Souls take.
She wants you to hold her, stroke her quietly, thank her for the years of her love, thank her for being there for you. Although she is fond of your wife, she will have the strongest bond with you. Tell he you are going to help her make her Spirit journey, that you will go with her to the gateway, and that you WILL meet again when it is time.

Then you just take her, on your own, and quietly.Exactly when YOU feel it's the right moment. Never mind what everyone else is doing. Let them do it. Tracy would rather it was you. Just you. It will be the hardest thing you've ever had to do. Believe me I know. But you are doing this out of compassion from the bottom of your heart.
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Thanks Karla; very sorry about the crying, it not my intention either but it is really a sad spot. i have been in the room with Tracy telling her about you guys in here; she seemed to understand, bet she would thank you too if she could talk. I will keep posting.
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Well said; couldn't put it better myself; that is what i have been doing; talking to her and doing all stuff i know she love so much and i get her response when she closes her eyes and stops shaking and her breathing calms a little. Soon i will post a pic of her from when she was 2 YO.
About the park plans it depends if she reacts to the leash but i have my doubts; my wife have also been taking some pics when she have been upbeat and then yesterday as i was giving her the bath. At this very moment before i started posting she is laying down in her bed and looks very calm; she's been resting mostly all day last vomit episode was by 10 am which by now it isnt that much to get out because nothing have been going in since forever. I know she is ready; she is waiting for me and it is coming to that moment. i am 95% convinced there is no reason not to do it tonight unless out of plain selfishness. Tracy was born 11/08/01, I bought her on 03/18/02 and shes been very special in this world for exactly 10 years, 4 months and 23 days. she atarted to show the beginning of the end precicely by March 18, or around, exactly 10 years after being with me. She was, is and always be special and unique; that is what i have been telling her and will wisper again to her as she will falls aslep.
I will transfer her ashes to an special wood urn i will make myself, being a professional trim carpenter for over 20 years, even that is not what i do for a living now.
I have chosen the following fhrase to engrave on it:
"Death is not true when all life deeds have been suscessfully accomplished"
This is the exact phrase that sits engraved in an open marmol book in my family's plot.
Just like a person would have earned it, she have earned it too.
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I uploaded her pic in my profile; she does not look very different now; Dogs have an amazing personality of their own, each one unique.
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I just read about the purina food in the forum; when I try to follow the link it says the page is not found. Tracy have been fed on purina for years now; i usually buy her bags at walmart; matter of fact is there is a 25% of her last bag leftover.
Could it be she was poisoned and the vet misdiagnosed her? i saw the elevated counts on the basic blood panel for her kidneys, but what if she was poisoned; can she be still saved?
She got up when my wife came from work; she is sitting on the front door which is open looking outside into the fading day which will probably be her last; we took some more pics and i recrded a video giving her thanks again; came to the machine to check these post and read about the poisin.. any ideas before it is too late? Tracy was looking like she is done for and ready all day but now she is a little better upbeat; i would never forgive myself if i kill my dog to find out there were alternatives and she probably was poisoned; is there any test to be done?, run as emergency before euthanasia? any help please on this i will be checking the post before i go but will also ask the vet even when i know vets are in bed with foods companys and will never go against them rather probably deny everything; it really ***** big time. i am praying for god to help us if there is a way to save her; to guide me to it.
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1832268_tn?1326819610
Oh dear,
It looks like you have had a long day. I am so thankful that other forum members have been here for you.
I have been wondering how things were going for you today.
I have read all of the posts, and I understand that you are now wondering if your dog has been getting poisoned by her dogfood. And you wonder if it is possible that she could still be saved.  With these questions in your mind, I would suggest you talk to your vet about this possibility. Your vet would be the best person to answer these questions for you. Take the time to talk to Tracy's Vet in length about her kidney damage. It will help you to make a better more informed decision.
I know you will only do what you think is best for Tracy.
My Thoughts and Prayers will be with you both.
Connie
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Thanks again for your support. I went out to get money and I got $400 to pay next wed or sat when i get paid but once i walk in the house and told my wife it is time, she started crying, so did I; then she said well it is late (9.30 pm) and our daughters will go to bed very late if we go to emergency care now, plus the trauma, do you think it is better tomorrow just look at her she seems to be doing ok for now (she got out her bed where she was postrated all day almost and got in the middle of the hallway, where she had another vomit episode, this one still yellow but kind of tick, no blood yet and with a horrid smell, which indicates how she is just rotting inside; i sat there and cried some more; Tracy looked at me; and i would swear she was trying to make me feel better! every bit of my own self resist to "take her out of the house" because i know there is no comming back and maybe i am feeding false hopes but "what if" keeps messing me up. She only throwed out at 10.00 am some retching during the day and again about 8.30 pm of course no water or food or even go outside today at all. i hear they die when they cant produce urine. If an attack, zeisure or vomit uncontrolable happens during night time I would have to carry her to the animal hospital myself; she is about 90 pounds and i can barely lift her up, and when trying it brings nausea on her and retchings. We took some pics this afternoon after my wife came from work; i recorded a video saying my goodbyes and my older daughter wrote her a letter; the kids are aware whats coming but I think their sweet inocence does not let them understand the exact meaning of her not being there anymore. true to be told and bluntly put i just lack the balls to do it and again i ask Tracy and god forgiveness for making her suffer more at expense of my confort of her being still on earth; it is like if all the sudden a cure or an event would happen and she will live a little more like 2 or 3 more years as she should?
Maybe i am hammering myself too much but every time i have the impulse to take her there i break down. sometimes being a cold hearted person is a good perk to have; this would be a good example. May the lord give me the strenght i need to get this deal done and may the Lord not let her die out of collapse and coma or zeisure here at home; and if it will be that way, even when i want to hold her in my hands and against my body, she could just pass on her sleep here without stress of hospital room or trips, while we all sleep; I would go crazy probably anyways but it is more acceptable than watching her go under stress.
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The passing procedure is $133 in the 24 hour pet hospital here in town where they told me they can hold her body until i make the appointment with pet cemetery for cremation; I would drive her in my truck one last time her frozen body; they need couple of day to taw her and the cremation has a viewing which we all will attend; my kids school is off next week. cremation is $181 for her size plus $20 more for viewing. I think $400 even can cover some gas for my truck for the trip which is like 20 miles.
i get chills down my spine writing all this, and my eyes are welling tears; that bad !
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1916673_tn?1417697282
I know only too well how dreadfully difficult this is for you. But ... and this is important ... she is not going to get better, she is only going to get worse, sad and horrible though it is for me to say that. The kindest thing would be to get her to your vet as soon as you can and put her out of her suffering. Once done, this will also prove to be a relief for you and your family, because you will know she is no longer suffering. Your baby needs you to be strong, for her. I am so very sorry for you - and for Tracy. You have given her a good life, one filled with love and kindness - but her life is now at an end, and if she could talk she would thank you for giving her such a wonderful life, but she would probably also ask you to help her out of her suffering and into sleep. Big hugs from the UK, Tony
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I know how much you want a miracle. I know how much you are hoping that Tracy can be saved. But Tracy's kidneys are badly damaged, and failing her.
Trying to save her would required a couple of days of intravenous fluid therapy. And if she were strong enough to withstand  that, you would still have to provide her with medications, daily fluid replacement with sub-q's and a kidney diet for the rest of her life.
Kidney damage cannot be reversed, it can be slowed down, but eventually the kidneys get to the point of completely shutting down. This is determined by lab values. Bun and Creatinine, phosphorus....etc.
When your dog is in stage 4. It is the final stage. At this stage, To put Tracy through 2 days of IV therapy, may or may not buy her a little more time, or, It may do no good at all.  
Please keep in mind, that I am not a veterinarian, I am just a life long dog lover, who lost my 15 year old Yorkie to kidney disease. I had her euthanized 6 months ago.
Again, I urge you....if you have any doubts or questions about how serious you dogs condition is, talk to your vet.
Like you I hoped and prayed that a miracle would happen, we have all wished for that when we know our dogs are dying. We know how much you love her and don't want her to leave.
You know it is Time for Tracy to leave you. It is up to you to decide how she will leave. Natural death or euthanasia is personal decision, and it will be the hardest decision you ever have to make for Tracy. Tracy knows that you only ALWAYS want to do what you think is best for her. No matter what your choice is, remember that you choose it out of love.
My heart goes out to you, I know how difficult this is....you have my support and prayers.
Give Tracy a hug from me....Hugs to you and your family too.
Connie

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Thanks Connie, also my thanks to Tony and all for support. Tracy is still with us but about 5.00am today she managed to stand from her bed and with visible difficulty, walk to the other side of the bedroom by my wife's side of the bed; hel rear leg failed her there and she fell and started retching once more; she vomit a little but then she had a zeisure too while retching that lasted few seconds. i holded her head did not even tried to carry her back to bed; seems like she wants to lay there in the bare wooden floor of the bedroom and she is still there now; she has no moved much since with some retching at times but nothing comming out. We went to bed crying last night. Today i will make an extraordinary effort to take her to the vet once my wife comes from work; i asked if she could leave half hour earlier we would be the last costumers at the one closed to home. otherwise we will have to take her to the 24 hour hospital. I type all this words and deep inside i feel like lying to all of you for I really do not want to do what I need to do; i had difficulty getting out of bed; i was glued to it and my body felt an strange sensetion of being sick even i am not and i wonder if my soul is tuning in with Tracy's, trying to make me understand what she is going through.
I will expend whatever time i can with her talking to her again and caresing; will give her your hugh.
I am very proud of the fight she is putting out for life; when i call her or my wife she makes effort to move a leg or a give an indication of response but with all these days of that evil on her without water or food is aweful to see her like this; She is a fighter, and the cost of her treatment just to try I would shed in an instant should i have the money there; I could get $2000 loan for one of my car's titles and just get to the vet and do it, but was the vet herself who told me, even if i was millionare and pured money into her she would live longer and would get to funtion but the decease will end her life anyways; simple put; money cant buy health, we all know this fact. I am trying to keep my senses here and fight the urge to do this, because with our economy and present situation could bring our finantial collapse; amount to repay is $3000 for that loan!! If i just coulg get a no interest loan!
My wife is borrowing from her 401k to pay back the $400 i took yesterday and the rest will send to her own mother wh is going to start quimio teraphy.
We all this behind us, Tracy is doomed and I am stuck in letting the decision flow because i know in my heart she could be here a little longer and i know also every minute in earth is precious; even for the sickest creature and finally I always critisizing how we are always fast to judge all situations and how we all play god at one point or another, part of our human nature i guess and I like to boast how I try to be different and let the Lord make the decision; now i am faced with a life or death decision and it should be as easy as do it out of love and compassion. I am soo sorry but I need to believe this concept before i can just put it in practice and that is why Tracy still live; some times she does not look that misserable; how can i just grab her then and put it to her death??
Sorry to be stuck on myself, as the day unfolds, i will keep updates. Again than you all for prayers and support; we all need them and are very much appreciated.
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I am so very sorry that you are going through this.  It's never easy to say goodbye to a beloved pet.

It's very obvious how much you love Tracy.  There is no doubt in my mind that she knows this as well.  As difficult as this decision is to make, you are doing the right thing.  

You are giving her the ultimate gift, you are freeing her from the bonds of her sickness.  It is heartbreaking right now, and truly, as much as you have loved each other that's the only way that it could be.  But with time you will be able to think of her without tears and sorrow, and smile when you remember some of the silly things that she did or ways she would cheer you up when you were down.  She'll never be away from you as long as you keep her in your heart.  And you WILL see her again someday, remember that.

You are in my thoughts.

Ghilly
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Thank you Ghilly for your support; we missed our chance to put her to sleep before couple of clinics close today by 5 pm; we will discuss wheter to take her later on to the 24 hour clinic which charges double for the procedure or to wait until tomorrow; i dont see me waiting any longer she needs to rest; she desrves and she have earned it; it just break me when i feel week to just go do it; I will see what my wife thinks and try to get it done. we couldn't do it yesterday we both lost control and cried and decided to wait until today.
I got a person in here who criticazed my actions in a very destructive and careless way; i responded her to stay away and reported her comments. Now those comments were erased by the webmaster as well as my response to her which was not very nice at all.
If we can agree to hack the high price of the urgent care we will go there; otherwise i will ask for next week off at work and stay by her side until it is done or God takes her on his own plan. My baby is laying in her bed strenghtless; i come and go every oftem and talk to her but there is no more much reaction anymore; she have been ready for a while but i am not really ready; it just ***** the whole deal; especially for my beloved Tracy. i sont stop asking her for forgiveness; cant ask enough.
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Tracy came to this world on November 8, 2001; I bought her for $400.00 on March 18, 2002. After an outstanding life and job as a companion pet, where she have earned an special and indisputable place in my heart, I sold her to death for $138.00 on April 1, 2012. I signed her death sentence at 8.22 pm Pacific time and she passed away, still fighting for her life a little about 9.45 pm.
I still feel I betrayed her; several times during the clinic visit she would raise her head and look straight into my eyes; she seemed to be asking for me to help her out of there; when I was conforting her and talking in her ear; her breathing was faster than normal, which indicates anxiety; she knew why she was there and I stayed for about 30 minutes clinged to her boddy wailling I was sorry; that is all i could manage to wail out; it stil resonates in my head; i have asked for forgiveness over and over and i just hope she will visit me in my dreams and let me know she is ok and she forgives me for killing her. I will post more dtails of this episode; I feel words are not enough to describe what it felt and I find myself acting robotic after all this; I had, we had time with each others, good and not so good sometimes when she was acting like a dog :) but it is not enough and she being gone and knowing she is not suffering her illness, does not bring confort to my heart yet; i can't even explain the contradiction I feel, only i know and do not expect anyone to understand or even try; each situation is unique as each one of us are. i do not feel i have done a humane act, and after all what is humane? giving up and making a decision for someone or something to justify ending its life? just because it is the right thing to do? what is that? what is the right thing? she could come home tonight and suffer from her terminal illness but she was happy to still be with me like that; and i saw that in her eyes when i just have signed her death sentence and i took it away from her and for that, I cant feel closure. I have feared this would be the case, when putting her down came to the table as a possibility. My 7 years old cried her heart out when she walked in the room and after thinking she was ok in the gourney, I explained she was now in heaven; My kid told me then in desperated cry ahe was thinking we were going to a regular visit, even when I explained to her what were we going to do; her question was "why did you let that happened?" I am still asking myself.
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I do know how you feel. It's hard not to feel guilty when we are brave enough to 'do the right thing' for our dogs, even though it hurts us like hell to do it. All I can say is, there isn't another dog owner on here that doesn't go through the same emotional turmoil. But ... you did it, not for yourself, but for Tracy. Remember that.

Run free Tracy. No more suffering. Big hugs and sincere sondolences to you and your family, Tony
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Thanks Tony; I will keep posting some more later on; I had taken pics and videos; also took the final video but the camera stopped filming right before she was given the shots I was in the room with her ready to get the shots for 50 minutes; the video recorded 44 minutes; before we all were in the room with her it was very slow as i wasnt sure and had my wife hustling because the time; I think the shots were way too fast; propofol first she slowed down her breathing and almost perceptible then doc started inmediately the drugs; i told him to stop once he started pushing it; I wanted to make sure she was asleep for few seconds then gave him a go; I heard and felt her fight with rough breathing for few seconds and i then broke down right when the doctor said her heart stopped right after her breathing for i had my finger a centimeter from her nose. I am 47, a grown up man or so i like to think of myself as such and i tell you my wife left the room since she didnt beared to hear me wail like the way I did; i most have sounded aweful but I didnt care; the only time in my life i had felt so misserable was when i was 14 years old and lost my then 42 years old godmother to a wrong surgery practiced on her heart that killed her.
right now i feel empty, drained and not releivev yet; after driving home I cleaned her bed did some laundry explained my seven years old about Tracy being by now probably in Rainbow Bridge, trying to consoled her as she went to bed wailing too; after i sat on the tv; watched the news, they are even more depressing so i started to watch a Netflix comedy that I couldnt laugh and had to turn off in the middle. I called sick to work tomorrow and let them know I will let them know when I am ready to work; If I get fire, i do not care, hopefully i wont, but i am a costumer Service field engineer and i am not about to face my costumers with a fake smile; it just does not work that way.
My wife said "all this for a dog?" of course; she would never understand how in heavens Tracy was more than a dog to me.
I regret now not taking a title loan for $2000 (to pay $3000!!!) and got her on IVs and treatments and whatever could have saved her few more days or weeks or whenever the Lord decided. Of course it is too late to follow my internal voices; I let myself convince I am doing the right thing; for Tracy there is no more suffering and i am glad for that but if only all you saw her eyes and the way she looked at me several times at those moments !!....I am shutting down...will continue tomorrow
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Please don't have regrets. You have done the right thing at the right time. I know you feel dreadful, but in time, your grief will pass. Tomorrow you will feel just a little bit better than today, next week, better than this week - and eventually, while Tracy will never be forgotten, you will be able to get back to normal life with its routines, its ups and its downs. Be thankful that you were brave enough to help Tracy out of her suffering. You didn't let her down, quite the reverse, you did what had to be done in the end - out of compassion and love for your dog.

The grief we feel for our dogs is deeper than most, sometimes even deeper than for a close relative. That's because, even though they are in our lives for all too brief a time, they share so much of their lives with us and we share so much of our lives with them. Try to remember the wonderful life you gave Tracy - and believe me when I say, if she could she would tell you, she would say you were a wonderful dad and she was so grateful of the times you had together.

There are so many dogs in the world that live pitiful lives, often without anyone caring for them. They go hungry and suffer illness without anyone intervening. Tracy was so lucky to have found you - and you were lucky to have found her. The bond between you will last forever - long after this dreadful period of grief has ended - and eventually you will smile when thinking about her and the experiences you both were fortunate enough to share with each other.

Your wife may not fully understand. But that's okay. We are all slightly different - and react to loss in different ways. People on here do understand and empathise, so please feel free to come back to talk about your feelings and about Tracy as often as you want. There will always be a sympathetic ear here. Tony
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To lose a beloved pet is one of the most devastating life experiences. Please remember the good times you enjoyed with your beloved Tracy and know that she is in a far, far better place. I truly believe that God has a special place for His animals and that she is at peace now and having a ball!
What Tony has said above is so true in many respects. I think that I possibly grieved more when my very first Irish Setter died than when my Mom passed away a few months before that. I am sure it's because we can't explain to them what is going on and we feel so guilty about taking the euthanasia decision - even when we KNOW it is our beloved pet's best interests.
Just hang in there. Louise
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What you and your family have just been through is one of the toughest most heartbreaking things. But you had the strength and bravery to give your Tracy the very last thing in this World that you could give her -freedom from pain and sickness.
Bless you. I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. Tears in my eyes.
Bless your beautiful Spirit, Tracy.
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I find myself at a loss for words, and utterly heartbroken.
I have struggled with my decision to have TwoBits euthanized, and that was 6 and 1/2 months ago, I do understand why you feel guilty. You feel like you betrayed her and let her down. You feel like you have robbed her of part of her life, you do feel like you killed her.
So here I am 6 and 1/2 months later, and I still find myself feeling that way.  I will honestly tell you that it has been a struggle for me to find comfort and reasoning for what I did. Like you, I have asked for forgiveness many many times.
I know you are wondering if you did the right thing. Your heart says you did, but your head questions your actions.
You will struggle with your conscience, like I have with mine.
I know these words are not comforting for you, but I also know that it will help you, if you know how much I understand what you are feeling.

My Husband and I would have given every penny we had to keep her here longer, if it would have made her happier and healthier. But as your vet told you, all the money in the world can't buy back your health. She may have still been alive, but she would not have been happy, and she would have not been healthy. In fact, she would have been much much sicker. Instead of prolonging her happiness, we would have prolonged her misery.

The only thing more precious than life is love. Without love, the time we spend on this earth is meaningless. But even love comes with a price and the price is suffering. In the end, someone must pay.
Yes, we love our dogs enough to end their suffering, even though we know that we will be the ones to suffer with our decision. We love them so much, that we are willing to suffer for them. We will carry this burden with us for the rest of our lives. But I believe it is a small price to pay, to know that our dogs did not have to suffer. Yes, we love them that much.
Yes, we did kill our dogs. But God was watching, and he knew that our actions were out of mercy, compassion and love.

I know how difficult the next few months will be for you, please feel free to express yourself here. There are so many of us who understand what you are going through.

Tracy was a lucky dog to be loved so much. God bless her beautiful Spirit and Soul.
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.
Connie




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Thanks all of you guys and gals for your support. I have scheduled her cremation services with a watch for next Friday @ 10.00 am. Right after this posting I will take my kids with the babysitter and will pick Tracy's body from the hospital to drive her to the pet cemetery where the service will take place; this will be last time I will se her in real body form and i was recommended not to see her but my heart is already defying that recomendation. Right after the passed I was clinged to her for near half hour that I couldnt control or stop crying, wailing and I did not care if i was being loud; i cried before her death so many times in silence for my kids and wife not to see it; my kids were outside in the parking lot when this was happening. I gave tracy several kisses on her cheek she didnt even felt that dead at all besides all the kisses I could give her while alive! I will let my heart dictate; if it says I should see her or not in a frozen state. in The viewing the lady from the cemetery office says not only we can see her but we can touch her before she enters the furnace. Those moments I think may bring some closure later on past some time; to know i did what I wanted to do as far as last contacts with her alive and even after death.
While i understand what you all saying and that most be the logic, Tracy did not wanted to leave me; i know it in my heart and it is tearing me apart; she was afraid to be in the clinic, her breathing was anxious and few times i cried, she would look up and tried to give me confort but her eyes, oh those eyes are the maximun expression of one's soul; i could read them clear like water; telling me please can we go home? I did not get the feeling she was at peace after the propofol the doctor started the drugs too fast I stopped him with 3 or 4 ml already pushed in to make sure she was asleep; then he said "oh yes, shes sleeping, this is almost instant" then i gave him my ok; he pushed the drugs in meantime she starting to fight it with rough breating while i clinged to her broken and in few secs I felt her breating stop and almost instant the doctor said her heart stopped too; still she seemed to rough breath once more; call me crazy but that is not what i call peaceful; it is very disturbing given the circunstances and only me to blame for giving such command; i cant help but keep feeling I repayed all her years of loyalty and love with an execution, and not a very nice one too; if it takes few seconds to die, how can we call it "at peace" She is at peace now, no more retching, missery, disconfort and pain, but trust me when i tell you this brave soul have gone through hell itself just to stay a little longer next to me and that is what i read in her eyes; and i wish I am wrong but if I am wrong; why i can't feel any peace and why am i with so much regret?
Someone once said dogs or animals do not have souls; i read it somewhere; I completely desagree; I saw into those eyes in her very soul and regardless her condition and what was "right", she wanted to stay even if she had to suffer more; I do not think i could have let her suffer anylonger; she already suffer that decease until the very end. Unfortunately, i was recording those last moments but the camera stopped right before the final actions; so I can not prove my point to anyone; only me and Tracy know. The doctor and the clinic, even when they all were very professional and compasinated and in general very nice and understandable with us.
If I am here writting this, i think the Lord knows i can manage.
for now i hope so, but i really dont know yet; i need closure, or i will never forgive myself.
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Picked up my baby's body @ 2.50pm and drove her to the pet cemetery. Scheduled for Friday 9.00 am 1 hour with her in the private little capilla, then cremation at 10.00 with viewing how her body is put inside the furnace. I am told i can probably pick her ashes after 2.00 pm same day
Her body wa inside a black bag in a fetal position semi-frozen; i still kissed the bag several times before she was hauled away to the pet cemetery cooler. I broke in tears while embracing the bag and her whole body in it and felt the same guilt that is like a knife through my heart; I am so sorry Tracy to have done this to you, fair or not fair, it is no confort at this time for me to have lost you. My heart is broken and I hurt. I am sorry baby I have failed you like this; I know youn are in a better place; i will love you and remember you forever unti we meet again.
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Hi,
It is almost midnight here in Minnesota. I have just gotten home from work. I am very tired and ready to go to sleep, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.
I know how difficult this is for you. The day I had TwoBits euthanized, it did not go well for me either. I wish it would have gone better, and just like you, I wished I would not have let it happen.
When I start to think like that, I need to remind myself, that if somewhere deep in my heart, I didn't think it would have been the right thing to do, then I never would have done it.
I remember telling my Mother that I felt that I had her euthanized TwoBits too soon, and that I should have waited longer.
My Mother replied..."Connie, that's terrible for you too even say something like that!  I can't believe that you would have wanted her to get even sicker before she died!"
When she put it that way, I really had to stop and think about it. Mom was right, I would not have wanted TwoBits to get any sicker.

I can tell you, that no matter when or how our dogs die,whether by accident, natural causes, or euthanasia, They ALWAYS leave too soon, and we ALWAYS  wish that we would have done something different. ALWAYS.

My thoughts are with you.  
May I ask you what your name is...?

Connie
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I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Tracy.

There is something that you should understand, that may help to bring you some small comfort.  Too many vets do not take the time to explain this to their clients before a euthanization and as a result, people end up torturing themselves over what they did not understand.

When the pet is administered the euthanasia solution, the owner may think that the dog is fighting to stay alive because the eyes don't close.  This is completely normal and once the solution is injected into the vein, it is literally only about 2 to 3 seconds as the pet moves from being given a large dose of anesthesia into a state of complete unawareness.  The state of consciousness of the pet before the euthanasia solution is injected is an even deeper sleep than it would experience if anesthetized for a surgery.  There is ABSOLUTELY no sense of awareness of anything around them.  From the point of a deep anesthetic sleep to the point where the brain shuts down, the heart stops beating and the breathing stops takes approximately another 30 seconds.  In animals that have compromised blood flow due to heart failure it may take a bit longer for the body to move the solution through.

There is what appears to the owner to be a gasping for breath.  This is not what it appears to be.  This is called agonal breathing, it is more of a muscle spasm than an attempt at breathing.  The dog is completely unaware of this action, it is a total reflex action.

Some dogs vocalize.  Again, this is not a vocalization that is being consciously generated by the pet.  This is a possible result of the brain shutting down.

There can also be muscle twitches and other involuntary movements that occur as the central nervous system is closed down.  The pet is completely unaware of these movements and in most cases is already gone when they happen.

Distraught owners will torture themselves over these involuntary reactions, wondering if they did the right thing and convincing themselves that the pet was somehow attempting to "fight" the euthanization.  Any vet worth his salt will sit with the family before performing the euthanasia and will educate them as to what may or may not happen so that they are not traumatized by what they may see.  

It's so important for owners facing euthanizing their beloved pets to understand just how this process works.  I feel so badly for the ones whose vet didn't take the time to sit with them and explain the process beforehand, because it takes every bit of courage we have to arrive at the decision to do this, and to allow someone to simply draw their own conclusions about what may happen during the procedure, only to use that to torture themselves later over their decision, is, in my opinion, unconscionable.

I hope that as painful as this may have been for those who have recently had to make this horrendous decision to read, that it at least puts your minds at ease knowing that before anything other than the tranquilizer was injected into your beloved friends, they were very much unaware of anything that was happening around them.  Nobody enters into this lightly and they should not have to suffer for their decision when a simple explanation can show them that their pet did, indeed, have an easy passing, releasing them from the disease that had claimed their quality of life.  I hope this was of some help.

Ghilly
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Thank you Connie for your kind words and your support. My name is Rody. we live in Las Vegas; we moved here in 2006 from Florida. tracy was born there so was my first daughter. Here in Vegas after many sacrifices i manage to finally provide a house for my family; with nice back yard and space for the kids and for Tracy; i regret she only enyoyed it for only a little under 4 years. As I was walking through the pet cemetery grounds here; i read several inscriptions and engraves in many of the tombstones some of them made me cry like a child as they so much reflects whats in my heart. I decided to take off work at least for this week, money aside which we need it more than anything now, it also played a role in this tale; we did not had enough for me to take Tracy right away when she started not touching her food or drinking water with the vomits; i was completely ignorant of the grave danger she was in and my wife was thinking maybe she got a virus or food poison. only 3 weeks later and after only 3 days of diagnosed with KF my baby girl is sitting cold in a freezer and i know in my heart she could be here, she would prefer that even when she was suffering and i would have done anything to comply with her wishes; i tell you i saw in her eyes and she did not wanted to die but i kept pushing it because would be the right thing and everyone says so, because my wife wanted to go home and did not have time to be 'back and forth" with the situation; i went with my head and not with my heart and it hurts like hell but nobody understand because it was my decision. I have fallen into depression i know my body and i can feel it. Had disagreement with my wife because my decision to take off work which they could fire me, and we would be in a lot of trouble if that happens but I spoke with my doctor here and after describing whats going on he recommended rest for the rest of the week; i have a cremation still to go through and i am suppose to shake all off and paint a smile and act like is not happening? If that is the way we humans deal with these situations i am proud to be an alien because i cant, but i cant even discuss it with my own family on top of everything. the whole ordeal ***** and i am trying to live minute by minute and hour by hour with no rush on myself but that too would be wrong apparently.I cant look at parts of the house without feeling a rush in my heart that brings me to sudden tears, for some minutes and i cant, nor I want to take away anything that makes me remember Tracy I just need time to heal like all of us in situations like this and close support which unfortunately for whatever reasons i do not have.
This forum and all of you here is a real blessing for you all are my support when i find confort in typing what if otherwise tell to the people around me here will raise concerns and create unpleasure situations.
I will keep posting until I get better, thanks again for all the support; i would like to think that Tracy would thank you guys too from where she is if she could.
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Thank you for the forensic explanation on how it works; the vet did explained the proccess and i have all on video, except for the actual procedure where the camera just shut down on its own; it was so horrible, so terrible my experience that i think the lord watched over me and did not allowed the recording to finish; I had that final recording rolling for 29 minutes; in the next 3 or 4 minutes my Tracy had already passed; even with these facts and even after your exellent explanation and that from the vet, even after all that, I still cant come to closure, not for the now. I will keep posting my own progress here and will use the forum as a tool to fight my despair; at least nobody cant say i am not trying to level up; but it would take time. Not an hour pass that i do not ask forgiveness and regret her gone in this way. i will pray for all of our healing and for those who approach this procedure not to fall into what i am feeling; not a pretty picture not to be entirely convinced. forgive me if i still sound too stuborn. No intentions on that course.
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Grief takes time to work its way through. And we are all different. Some of us are still grieving about our beloved pets from years ago. The special bond between humans and dogs should not be underestimated. It runs very deep. Tracy wouldn't want you to feel this way, although I know there is nothing you can do about it right now. In time, you will feel better - and you will then be able to remember the wonderful life Tracy shared with you and find comfort in your memories of her. Feel free to keep posting here as often and as much as you want or need to. Big hugs from the UK, Tony
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Thank you Tony:
Big part of  the problem is my wife doesnt feel the dog is a part of the family; not completely; so she does not understand why the fuzz about it; her words of confort are "shes already gone and she is resting in peace, move on, life goes on" even when it is the absolute true, i feel i want to yell out is not that easy and fast ok? same for some of my coworkers; they are asking are you in today whats going on, we got calls comming in and such..nobody ever says anything that hints an understanding or an attempt to do it. One of my coworkers came by my house yesterday morning to pick up parts to continue doing some of my jobs; he saw my distress and he agreed with me as he lost a lab 6 years ago and remembers the ordeal him and his then 10 years old daughter went through; he understood i have to take some time off and that it is not safe to drive around or interact with costumers, when your memory flash saw episodes that makes you just pour tears with not advise and control; I hope and better to get a grip this week but i still have her funeral service and just to think about it turns my stomach with lot and lot of regrets and guilt. waking up i get sick and nauseous in the morning, today and yesterday was like that and today i woke up with a very bad headache; i know depression is sitting in, i can understand its symptoms. It is unfortunate for me that people around me cant, I need all the support that I can get to beat this state of mind but I also understand Tracy was special to me and not nescesary had to be special to my wife or kids; to them she was the family pet but first she was 'daddy's" pet that is how I justify their life going around normally and I am glad for them. I am having hard time shaking off my grieving mood and be normal again.
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Tony is right.  Everyone grieves in their own way.  You will find your own way to come to grips with what has happened.

If only our furry ones could talk, then they could tell us exactly what they are feeling instead of leaving us guessing at how it must be.  The problem with dogs and cats is that wild instinct of theirs to hide any signs of illness or pain, because in the wild, to show sickness or pain is to become the mark of a predator.  Predators prey on the weak and the sick, so animals instinctively hide all these signs, many times until it is too late to help them.

Cats are a lot worse when it comes to this than dogs are, and birds have the whole bunch beaten by a country mile.  Our pets can be amazingly stoic in the face of pain and sickness, and by the time they stop eating or show other signs of serious illness, they are past being able to save them without a miracle.  Your beautiful Tracy only stopped eating only three weeks ago.  Even if you had taken her to the vet after the very first time she missed a meal, if she had gone downhill this badly in three weeks, Rody, there is nothing you could have done that would have saved her.  The kidney disease had simply progressed too far.  

Just remember that we are all only human.  We can only do what we can do.  If love were a cure-all, none of us would ever have to say goodbye to our beloved pets, but God has other plans for them.  We just have to trust that what has happened was what was supposed to happen.  You'll see Tracy again, just as we will all someday be reunited with those we have lost.  But for now we just all have to soldier on until we do whatever it is we were put here to do.  

You are in my prayers, that you are able to find peace, and are someday able to make sense of all of this.  Until then, you are among friends here who are willing to listen and offer whatever words of comfort we can to try to help you feel better.

Godspeed sweet Tracy.  Rody, you are in my thoughts.

Ghilly
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Hello Rody...I'm still thinking about you, too.....I haven't missed any of your posts,  just didn't think I could add anything that others have not already said.....

I have thought about you & Tracy since the beginning & continue to do so....

Things will get better (Although impossible to grasp at the moment), but it will happen.....In my mind, you did exactly what you needed to do......As hard as it is, it WAS the right decision.....

I'm glad you find comfort here on this forum...I tend to believe that we who have lived through this are the best prepared to help others......It seems to work.....

I wish you Peace and comfort for today......Your in my prayers.......Karla

"Rest In Peace Tracy"


                  "The Rainbow Bridge"

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
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Hi Rody...
I know first hand how hurt you feel because your wife does not seem to understand your grief. My husband was the same way. I know he loved and cared for TwoBits, as much as I did, but about a week after she died, it became apparent to me that he did not want to discuss the subject with me anymore. He even went so far as to shout at me...he said things that were hurtful to me. At that point, it was apparent to me, that he was also very hurt by what had happened, and it was painfully obvious to me, that he could not, nor did not, want to discuss it with me anymore. We no longer spoke to each other that day. The next morning I told him that what he said to me was mean and hurtful...he apologized very sincerely. I realized that It was enough for him to have to deal with his own grief, let alone having to deal with mine as well. Afterall, he felt we did the right thing to euthanise TwoBits, and I am sure it was making him uncomfortable to see me crying all the time and listen to my doubts about the whole thing.  I think my grief was just too much for him to deal with, and he didn't know how to help me. So, anyway, to make a long story somewhat short, I told him that I wouldn't bother him with it anymore. I realized that I was expecting more from him than he is able to give. I am also smart enough to know that it does absolutely no good to talk to someone about my feelings, when it is apparent that they don't understand how I feel.  I mean really, feelings aren't something that you can explain...they are something you have to feel...I guess that's why we call them feelings...!  ( See, I told you I was smart..! )

Thank goodness for all the doggie lovers here on Medhelp...!
Sometimes my Hubby and my friends think it would be best if I never looked at this forum again. They know how often the postings like yours, will make me cry.  I know they only have my best interest at heart, and I do take a break from here once in a while. But, I always come back, because I know this is the one place where people truly do understand and are willing to offer support.

I am glad my Husband has been able to overcome his grief much more quickly than I have. It does help me, and gives me strength.  We all deal with grief in our own way, as well as our own time.
I know the road ahead of you will be long...(as it was for me,)  but there is an old saying that says..."To know the road ahead, ask those coming back."  So I am here to tell you that I have traveled the road ahead, and I have climbed it's highest hill....sure, it's taken me 6 months, but I am happy to report, that I am on my way back. It has not been an easy journey, but I can tell you that the less you look back, the less you will stumble.

There are many of us here who understand your feelings, we have lived them and felt them.
Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Connie
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Thanks you Connie again;  My gratitude goes also to everyone who understand what we all go through these days; My wife just came from work rather insulting me and attacking me for still be in this stance and my answer was not nice at all; so we are not talking now; she is not going on Friday to Tracy's services after she just said that"I was taking advantage of the situation to just stay home" That is because I am always critique of anyone who lose a family member and takes advantage of their beloved death to run commercials, and to 'be in the spot" so she thinks this is what I am doing; it is such an insult but no if i would shout back it would be verval abuse and would scalate to whatever where I would lose anyways because i should have control on the situation. I talked to my seven years old this afternoon again and she is understanding just fine, with more maturity and intelligence than her mom (I did not told her that)
She might be scare because she have to deal with her own mother who just got diagnosed with pervical cancer and for what the doctor say it is very advanced; she should have come way sooner. My wife is covering most of the expenses associated with treatment, but there is no excuse to mistreat anyone because of her family ordeal; that is why i am taking off work so i do not accidently put my grieve on my work or my costumers; it might not be what everyone expects or convenience but it iswhat I think is nescessary for me now given the circunstances; and some people still wonder why we love pets more ; the selfishness and the abuse we humans throw to each others; we stand no chance to come close to that love; compparing the support I have from my "significant other" to the support I had from Tracy, I would have lean to Tracy in a heartbit; Tracy used to get me out of depressions; my wife is making me even more depressed with her sneaky actions (the money she loaned I have to pay back little by little)"trying" to show she cares then acting like this; it does not hurt me because I know what she have in her heart and it is not the same that my dear Tracy had in hers; thats for sure.
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Dogs give us the ideal love, friendship and compaionship. I know that. There are very few Humans I have known in my life who have given me the same love my dog gives me. Or who have gladdened my heart, and opened my Soul so much. My mission, for as long as it takes, is to honor that in the best way I can, giving back equal respect and love to the last day and beyond.
They come to us to show us how to love. I am sure of it. To have a good dog with us is to have a blessing from Heaven, to show us how to live our lives.
There is no treachery with them, no double-talk, no lack of logic.
And when they are gone it is like an Angel came and blessed us, then left us alone in the cold world. It's very hard to cope with that feeling of emptiness and abandonment.
All we can do is hold in our hearts those precious things they gifted us with, and showed us, and taught us, in the few years they spent with us. And try and live our lives the way they wanted us to.
They do indeed, show us what true love is.
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Well said; I understand I desrve my wife reaction since it was my decision to bond with her without even knowing her heart very wel; like these deatils of a person we know as they present; that is why we live with someone for years and we truly dont know them; because we all change and animals are constant, unwavering. To cope with that I just get out of the house for these days right when she comes from work or stay away til after i have strenghtened enough to take with indifference her careless comments.
Yeah I shouldn't and i should have support inconditional from my wife but it is not a perfect world, if it was, Tracy would still be here and so on for all of us. I am glad she expressed like that right now; that way I know she is not fit, nor i will let her attend Tracy's funeral. the last thing i need there will be anyone being there for compromise; there is no hope for her; she plays herself as a compassionated, caring person to those who dont know her well but i have been there when the coldest and horrid actions have come out of her naturally; and this is not the first time not would be the last as we are what we are. Right before put Tracy to sleep last Sunday I was crying over her body on that gourney, still alive, and i got a "you shouldnt have a dog; it does you no good" with a laught; I did not gave much ear to that; but now is coming back. I can only imagine how much must hurt to be a kind of person like that; wanting to everything be played by what one's feel is !! those are the very people who if put into any power will make many suffer. I love it when I can spot one of those; it only takes a single action or a phrase. I am so sorry that my dear wife let herself fall into this category and i pray really hard to the Lord that she does not experience a wrenching lost while i am there; I pray the Lord the day would not come where i would have to tell back those words in her face. i would be very evil then; i would be cruel; it would be unaceptable; despicable and all the worst that anyone could image; what then, can i make of the way she is reacting now? That is nort exactly love; or respect, or even intelligence. This situation is adding up to my grieve and it is replacing my sorrow for something even worst. That is why i need to pay not attention to her and in that avoid a personal conflict that could affect our relation dearly an irrevocably; all because a dog? you bet !!
To Tracy:
I am so sorry Tracy that my wife Di, whom supposed be also your mommy and who from time to time openned the patio door for you, filled up your food and water bowls, have taking in decision that you were only a dog; You and I were perfectly ok before she came to our lives and I asked you for approval that day back in April, 2003 and i remamber you waiving your tail with exitment, like saying, "well our family will grow after all that cant be a bad thing" I followed your instints and my own and this is the same person I came to love, even when she was jealous of you at times because she claims I do not give her the same attention as I have giving you, which by the way was not enough and will never be enough. I am sorry for some of our human behaviors, including mine, of insecurity, selfishness and control; I know you always understood that is why we are humans and you are a dog; we think we are better, rational beings, but we come to shame when compared as for our "love" is plaged with all these defects and "tails" that you as a very "inferior animal" are free off. No matter what anyone important or not in my life could say about you or try to diminish our bond, stronger than time itself, i will always love you in that special way that only a pet and and its owner can experience; pure and free, as love should be. And when in short we meet again, i will make my wrongs rights staying always with you until the end of times.
Death is no true when life's deeds have been well accomplished, you have not only fulfilled your purpose in your time here with me, you have exceeded in such a way that I am now convinced you will always be the master, and i will always be the apprentice.
Thank you again Tracy and thanks the Lord for created you so perfect and for making me a very lucky human, blessing me with 10 years in your company.
this is the sort of leeter i have put together for my tracy to read in her funeral and it would be very disturbing to have anyone there thinking this is too ridicoulous. From now till the, i migt modify it if merit but even if my wife would assist, i would like to read this in private to Tracy as i reckon how emotional will be for me. Again after her latest statements of what sh really thinks, it is best for the sake of our relation to just stay away.
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cant stands the typos; forgive me as my hands fly on the keyard and it cant keep up with it.
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keyboard* Darn I swear I press the keys right !
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What dogs bring us are deep life-lessons. And when they are gone I think our Souls really reach out for those lessons to see them clearly.
Sometimes, a death brings a catharsis. A moment of head-on collision with life itself. Where what truly matters is put under a magnifying glass. This, apart from the grief and loss, can cause pain. But where there is-or ever was -love, all will be well in the end, and all those things which were born out of love shall win.
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Don't ever think it is ridiculous to write a euology for Tracy. I gathered my human friends and my other dogs and my friends' dogs together on a nearby beach, where my beatuful dog BB used to love to run and play. I scattered the ashes there - and said a few words - and all my friends took a handful of ashes, scattered them and said goodbye to BB. It was a very emotional day, but I felt better for having done it. It was right to have celebrated her life and mark her passing in this way and - for me - it was a mark of respect to her to say goodbye properly.

We all need closure when we lose someone we have loved so much, and whatever feels right for you is exactly what you should do, regardless of what others might say or think. Tony
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I remember my Toby's funeral. We had had such lovely weather, and then the night he died the weather turned. By early morning it was lightly drizzling. I knew if I waited to bury him it would get very wet, so buried him, alone and early the next morning. I didn't want to wait, and I didn't want to call my friend and disturb his sleep.
I was too sad to cry. All I could do was dig and my heart felt in so much pain.
Yet even though I was alone, I had to do things beautifully because he had been my good dog and faithful companion for 14 years. I laid him on a bed of sweet pine branches in his grave, then covered him with a black silk cloth, just like he was merely sleeping.
I surrounded him with the things he held most dear in his world, and put the little red apple he had taken a bit of that very day, into his water-bowl. Then I gathered Nasturtium flowers, all reds and yellows, and scattered them over him, before handful by handful I scattered the earth and said goodye to him.
I made a lovely garden of his grave, with crystals and plants, twists of ivy, shells....whatever I could find. And worked that little garden every day for months and months.
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That is beautiful; it sounds like in the middle of your sorrow you were having some piece of mind and closure in giving him deserved attention with so many details; I guess that helped you to move past the prison of sadness we feel in those days; for me; after all the fights with my wife over "the dog" as she mantion it, i will just expend time with Tracy's body and the good memories; i will bring my laptop and will play a slideshow of her pics and maybe videos of her before dying; I will read her the euology officially and wil film everything if i can too with my camera. for my plan of her little shrine i don't know yet how it will go until i get her ashes and see the volume of it. then i will plan and design around it, that is how i think my mind will be more at easy; I feel relieve my wife will not be there; the true is she plays herself as a lover but I have lived with her for 8 years and can tell you she is all the opposite; it most be sad for her and that is her dilema; Tracy was mine before we met and the bond was already there; so I do not feel myself disturbed for her lack of love and "hate" for the dog existance; she cleaned the house really good yesterday, like never before, like a relief the dog is not longer here and she can clean and not complaint about "hairs everywhere" well she have her breake now and on that I am happy for her, but the notch she is adding to my heart with her actions; that will not go away ever; I can forgive her because she is not, never wanted to be part of tracy; she never caressed her or have a playing time with her even Tracy was crazy about her, but i will never forget; so much hate for an animal that does nothing but bring her loyalty, shall not go unnoticed by the Lord and i pray he has mercy on her and do not make her face all that action in reverse; i pray I am not there, because if a relative of hers die and i am there; I am sure i will ask her to go out to relax in an adventure with the kids, just like she did today in a total show of disrespect and rebeldy. we went after all, but it was decided later by her she would rather stay sleeping tomorrow to which I calmly responded "that would be fine" Anyone's wonder how relationships go wrong? this is a maybe small example. i was 40 years old when i married and thanks god we have kids; if they were not here; i would be looking for my next bride in a heartbit. i changed my euology trying not to mention anything mean about my wife, since she did have some details with Tracy few times but it hurts to see it was all just because compromise. This is not her coping with the lost or a different way to grieve; she is not greiving, period and gets upsets because my grieving and wants me to just stop, so I will try and hide it in my heart. I do not need nor want her compassion or support any more she does not want to provide it.
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Hi Rody..
I know it must be difficult for you, to not have your wife share your loss.
For that I am sorry.  Some people love dogs, some people hate dogs, and others will tolerate dogs. Personally, I feel sorry for the people who can't love an animal. They really do miss out on a wonderful experience.
Rody, you do not need to hide your grief . You can express it here, This is a place full of people who LOVE DOGS...and do understand why you are grieving the way you do.
Your Eulogy is a beautiful tribute to a dog who taught you how to love, and brought so much joy into your life.
Tracy will be honored.

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Tracy's body is being consumed by falmes as I write this. She was put into the crematory a few minutes after 10.00 am pacific time. right now it is 12.05 pm here so i reckon the process is done and now they would be waiting for the crematory to cool down; I am schedule to pick up her ashes by 2.00 pm then we all will go; and right after we will go to take the girls for a walk in a new town center here. Tracy's ashes will come along too; not very happy about that because it should be done while she is alive but at least I will not feel guilty on just drop the ashes at home and leave her again right after returning her remains to "wait" for us. The service was brief, with a couple of recording videos on the little capilla; i said a prayer for her, read the eulogy; playet "Get Here" from Oleta Adams, which is a song all about missing, to complement how much i miss her now; did not wanted to cry as I was doing this as a way to celebrate her life; rolled up some photos on the laptop while i laughled a little remember our good times; did cry anyways but not that much so i am pleased it all went like i planned in a way; i did recorded as much as i could and for wathever reason the camera was not recording when the final moment she went into the crematory; just before that and after the door had been shut and the machine started. It is very weird I could never record her passing and her placement into crematory; I guess those would be the more wrenching moments to remember and it looks like something is looking still over me; maybe the Lord, maybe her spirit, in the passing recording the camera stopped at exactly 30 minutes of recording, just befor the vet was going to start injecting the drugs; and this time around; i was distressed crying right when she was going in, i gave her a last hugh, a kiss and whisper her "goodbye" but that is not recorded in camera, just permanently recorded in my heart and my memory, just like the passing. i record because I am afraid i could forget; i could become old and decrepit; if I don't and die young, her memories with me will always be a blessing.
I will keep the posts when we have the ashes.
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All went as planned and I do have her remains with us now. I had an overwhelming feeling of tenderness when I got my hands on the plastic jar but I did not cry; I just pressed againgst my chest and kissed the lid; the showed inside the remains to my kids who asked all sort of questions and i explained the process; in doing so, I was relieved a little she is here with us. after seen the plastic jar she is in I can picture a little shrine base made of fine wood with modern cuts and slight moldings. I would place the jar inside, which will be seen through a plexiglass window. The dedicatory inscription will be engrave in wood at the base of the shrine. on both sides will be the keepsake the funeral home gave me with a rear paw print, strand of hair aand the rainbow bridge poem and in the other side same size of a picture of tracy, probably the one in my profile here or one showing her whole; will have to decided; this will take some time to complete then it will be on top of my bush furniture desktop, where i expend much of my time while at home, in my office. Thatr is the idea for now. In a thumb drive I will place a copy of all her pics and videos thus far, also inside the shrine, also the eulogy I wrote for her was thinking to place it inside the plastic jar or I could design the shrine to have three 11x8.5 pics frames so I can place eulogy in one side, Tracy's picture on "top" and keepsake in the other side with the urn showing through the window on center. With all it will probably look bigger than i imagined at first but the space is not a problem as I can even build her a pedestal to hang in the wall in the living room if nessesary. Nothing will be too big or too small for this project; i wish I could simplify but Tracy was and is more than just a simple dog, she was and is bigger than what I could ever come to terms to understand.
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Good Morning Rody..
I just wanted to check in with you today, before I head to work.
I was glad to read that your ceremony went well.
I was also glad to read that your camera decided not to work during the final moments...once again.  The final moments are not something that need to be remembered, as it is her life that you need to remind yourself of, more that her death. Your idea of building her a shrine in your home is nice, and I am sure it will bring you comfort.
I have to keep this short, as I need to leave for work....I hope your day will be OK. and Tracy's memory will put a smile on your face.
Connie
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Thank you Connie, and to all the forum for being there in these difficult moments; it have been a difficult week; I still linger in bed in the morning not wanting to get up, and first thing I do is to look over my side, where her bed is where I imagine i see her there looking at me with her usual "Can I go out?" I have not being able to move her bowls yet in the kitchen, but I have changed her water; i guess it is all part of the healing and acceptance process. Will live minute by minute, one at the time with no rush, and will keep you guys posted. Still no dreams of Tracy yet, whatever that means; I think if I dream with her and she would maybe come in a dream, I could find some closure or answers that would help me to cope more easy with her lost. I can still feel my body internally, anxious and depressed because the events and I worry a little bit since when depression, for small or big it can be settles, the dfenses in our system lowers and we are more prone to get ill. I am trying to come to terms and reality as best as I can keeping all this in mind. the help in here has been fenomenal; just with the writing, it has been a good part of it. Thanks all. Will keep posting updates as they come.
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If you have a Humane Society around you they usually have clinics and charge less then a regular vet. Put her to sleep now and worry about cremation later since that part is really just for you. Not being cruel but I am right now going through the same thing my beloved dog is passing at 14 1/2 and feel like someone ripped my heart out. But need to be strong for him till tomorrow when the mobile vet will come so my baby doesn't go through the stress of vet. My had back problems so was giving him aspirin and glucosma which really made a huge difference. Went to the vet Thursday for a rabies shot since it the law and the vet told me not to give him aspirin but to give Pericox so Friday gave 1/2 with food Saturday morning he started throwing up got him on some Malanta and helped but he is confused can't hardly walk and not eating. Did have a few bites today since fixed him hamburger was over joyed even though I know it a false hope wanted to wait 3 days just to see if the medicine was completely out of his system......I'm on disability and know how hard it is to come up with money for vets. When I got my dog was working always had been and doing ok regular vets etc last 7 years it's usually deciding between food and medicine. I am blessed to have a friend that wants to pay for everything. Can't afford to be proud Bless you and your baby. Wanted to worn people about this drug checked on the internet and found many stories similar with much younger dogs. 4 dollars a pill believe has something to do with it, plus only place you get it is your vet so beware stick with something that been around. If this is scrambled it cause I have gotten 4 hours sleep in the last 2 days afraid he will need something and wouldn't be there. It's been just us for the last 7 years, no friends here or family from Orlando. When this is over plan on moving back. Lesson learnt what really important in life
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I am sorry for you and your best friend. It is the hardest thing - which many of us have had to endure, so we know just how you must be feeling. All that said, at 14 and a half, he's done so well for reaching this ripe old age. Try remembering the good times, the adventures you have given him and the extraordinary life you have shared with him. Please come back to the forum when you feel able. Tomorrow is going to be so hard, but by the end of the day, your best friend will be at peace. No more suffering. You are doing all that you can do, and all that you have to do. Big hugs, Tony x
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Thank you your are so sweet. Yes another friend reminded me dogs go to heaven. I'm trying really hard to remember what someone wrote here to not let them see you upset. Rusty came from Animal Control and had been returned twice lucky for him the girl that worked there loved him and did everything in her power to get him a home, was suppose to be a cocker spaniel left with a 65 pound Aust. Heeler best dog ever and so smart. Did get hit by a car and was patched back together so he has done well and thank you for reminding me. Did have a cocker that I lost after 16 years thought pain would never end but does and then we help the next soul that needs a home, but boy it ***** today though. : )
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It sounds like you have done and are doing an amazing job, offering a home to lost souls, who only need love and care. We also offer our space to rescue dogs. We recently acquired a greyhound, retired from racing at 4 yrs old and cast out. Our last rescued lurcher, BB, passed away a couple of years ago, and our current dog, Giro, (half Rottweiller, but as soft as they come) missed her so much. They were great friends and companions. Hopefully, Sally the greyhound will be good for us and for Giro.

I know today will be hard, but tomorrow may be a little easier, next week more so, and in a few months time, who knows, maybe a homeless dog that is currently waiting out there in a rescue centre will be lucky enough to find you - and even luckier to be offered a home with you.

Big hugs, Tony x
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I've been reading on here about what all of you have gone through; I talked to a vet friend of mine on the phone for an hour and a half today; tomorrow morning at 10, I am going to phone to see how his 8 am blood tests went. My little Roz is in chronic kidney failure and spent the weekend on an IV. I took him in on friday, never dreaming in a million years that he was very sick. No vomiting, no diarhea (diarrhea), and he even ate a little breakfast that day. But he was losing weight and not acting right. Imagine my shock to find out that my 7 year old Roz is in renal failure. I guess you don't have to imagine it. Most of you have gone through it yourself with your own beloved dogs. I went back in on Saturday and got to spend an hour and a half with him, just holding him and petting him and talking to him. He seemed much sicker than he had the day before. Anybody could tell he was sick on Saturday. On Friday, the vet had no idea he was in renal failure until she ran the blood tests. It was so sudden.

I don't think the IV treatment worked, unless there was a miracle today. Tomorrow morning, I know that they're going to tell me that his blood levels of all the indicators haven't improved and that the only option is to have him put to sleep. And I will get into my car and go in and say my goodbyes and have them do it.

It seems particularly horrible because I got Roz from the vet's office, 5 years ago. He was a stray. He'd been there for 6 weeks and had gone out to 4 homes before me, and each of them had returned him, and they were going to put him down the afternoon I heard about him. Somehow it makes it worse, makes it harder to bear. I know, I gave him 5 years more than he would have had. But he's only 7 years old, my youngest dog in fact. It is just so hard. Roz is my cuddliest dog, the one who comforts me. His buddy Hudson, my largest dog, doesn't understand and is really clingy.

I cannot afford cremation and will be bringing him home, wrapped in his favourite throw blanket. I am going to rub the blanket over his friend Hudson, so that he can think of him. I am not going to let my other dogs attend the burial, but I am going to let them smell his collar.

I know, I should still be holding out some hope, but I cannot. He was unwell on Saturday. He will probably look much worse tomorrow, on Monday.

Oh, it's so hard. I cannot sleep. The clock is ticking down on my poor little Roz and I cannot come to grips with what I am going to have to do tomorrow. I shall miss him so much.
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Hello. My heart goes out to you. This is a dreadfully painful and emotional ordeal you must endure. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good news, but you are right to be cautious and perhaps be prepared if the news isn't good. At 7 yrs old, Roz is very young to be suffering from chronic renal failure. But you are right to feel just a little uplifted by how much life and love you have given him. He was so lucky to have found you - and you to have found him. Big hugs, Tony
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Hi Tony, TwoBits Mom & others,
My eyes are welling up with tears as I write this.  I feel blessed to have stumbled onto your support group site.  

I have two wonderful dogs: Brownie & Brownie, Jr. "Junior".  I found them both (or should I say they found me?) almost exactly ten years apart.  They were homeless, and found their way to my doorstep. Brownie is almost 14 1/2 and Junior is about 3 1/2.  I believe that God sent Junior to us so that I would be able to love another dog & be consoled when it is my Brownie's time.

On May 6th, 2013, just five weeks ago, my world was turned upside down.  That is when, through a routine blood test, I found out my Brownie has kidney disease.  It wasn't too bad at that point: his Creatinine level was a 2, and the BUN was a 71.  Right away, I put him on Azodyl and "attempted" to change his diet.   This is the tricky part.  Although he had not shown many symptoms of this disease until this blood test, he immediately started going downhill.  The only symptoms were that he drank more water than usual & became more tired from walks.  I attributed this to old age.  Now I know better.

Brownie has since become the pickiest eater.  He refuses his old, original dry kibble and has rejected both the dry and wet prescription food.  For the first 3 weeks, although he seemed lethargic, his stools were normal and even looked better which I thought was due to the Azodyl.  However, during week 4 his appetite started to diminish & by this time in desperation, I kept switching up his diet.  So, during week 4 he vomited and had a lot of diarrhea, becoming so lethargic .... in addition, his follow up blood work showed the creatinine had worsened from a 2 to a 4, and the BUN had increased from a 71 to a 98.

When I told my vet that he had vomiting and diarrhea, she said it is only a matter of days to weeks for my dog. After all the reading I have done, I was really angry that she is just "throwing in the towel" without offering a last ditch effort.  

So, I switched over to an animal hospital that specializes in emergency vet care.  They have put Brownie on subQ fluids, and did a urine culture to investigate for further illness that may be contributing to Brownie's decline.  I should be receiving those results today.  

I have done the subQ fluids for five days in a row.  Brownie has stopped vomiting, but he still has diarrhea and is not actively seeking food.  When I attempt to hand feed him, the only food he'll take is bread and butter and meat related food (which is protein and phosphorus overload).  Yesterday, I mixed in pureed veggies & glutinous rice, and Brownie ate it.  However, I am sure that the diarrhea is negating the who process and not good long term.  

I feel so overwhelmed by all this, and cannot talk about it too much with others.  No one fully understands my bond with Brownie.  I have always loved animals, ever since my childhood.  I was the kid who would take in the strays and find them homes.  ...  I am turning 43, and have had Brownie since I was 30.  He has been through so many trials and tribulations with me.  I was pregnant with my first-born when Brownie found me.  Brownie has been by my side through a terrible marriage and divorce, two child births, going back to school for teaching only to give up 2 years later due to a bad economy and collapsing education system, a remarriage, and two moves.  He has seen me grow up from aimless young adult to a responsible mother "still trying to find herself".  Besides my children, Brownie has been my only constant and one whose love is unconditional.

Since finding out the news, I've tried so hard to enjoy every moment we have.  We've taken extra trips to the dog park, gone on hikes (which he has now declined too much to do at this point) and run errands together when it isn't too hot.  I hate to say this, but I enjoy Brownie's company more than anyone else's.  While I am trying to enjoy whatever time we have left, throughout the day I will pet Brownie and start crying.  It is so hard to both grieve and fight the battle of my life trying to preserve Brownie's life.  Some days I just want to give up.  

It is a huge ordeal trying to get Brownie to take his meds.  He is becoming more and more resistant and good at hiding the pill under his tongue and fighting back when I hold his tongue down.  Although he is just 17 pounds he is extremely strong willed.  

Today I will find out the results of the urine culture, as I said previously.  Depending on what that reveals and if his blood values do not improve on the next blood test, I may decide to put Brownie to sleep.  As much as I want to steal away as much time as possible with him, I don't know how much Brownie wants to live if he isn't actively seeking out food.  My guess is that the reason he isn't looking to be fed is that he may be continuously nauseous.  If I felt that way, I would not want to eat either.  So, if the state of things do not improve, then I guess I'd rather put Brownie to sleep rather than have to watch him live through an agonizing anorexia.  I would feel cruel watching him slowly starve himself to death.  

Please say a prayer for Brownie, and for me - that I remain strong and steadfast in making the "right" decision at the right time.  You are all in my prayers as well, for whatever situation you may be in.  Have a nice day.  -Paulette  
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My beautiful girl Rumour is in her final stages this week.  She was diagnosed that she was only born with one kidney - the size of a cats and shouldn't have lived past 3 years of age.  That was last June 2012 and they thought she had days then.  She has given me another year (not an easy year as she was sick often and we had to have her wear a diaper when we weren't around - though that gave her her dignity back).  I know that it is the time to let her go but its killing me. I know she's not going to get better but I don't want to be the one to make the decision to take her life.  I know death is inevitable and I'm not doing it because she's an inconvenience.I don't want her to suffer.

Through your posting it is comforting to know that there are other who had to deal with the same situation.  It's just making me so sad.  I've had pets die before but I've never had to euthanize one.  I'm looking for the strength, and its not coming to me.
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Hello. I am so very sorry to read your post. Rumour has certainly had a much longer life than expected, and she has experienced things that she may not have otherwise done - including the love, caring and affection given by you. It may not have been an easy year, but Rumour would certainly thank you for it, if she could.

It sounds as if her time is very near, which is dreadfully sad and heartbreaking, I know. However, it is also your responsibility to do what you feel HAS to be done, in her best interests, not (sadly) in your best interests. Helping our best friends through the final stage of life is what we take on board when we invite them into our homes and into our lives. It's probably one of the hardest things we will ever have to do, but it has to be done, nonetheless.

I would strongly suggest you try to get the vet to come to you, if you can afford it. This is helpful because Rumour will feel less anxious and can go to sleep in his own bed and in a place he feels warm and safe. You can also sit on the floor with him, hold him and comfort him. The process is quite fast and usually very peaceful. The vet will first give Rumour an injection that will calm him and make him feel sleepy. The next injection is effectively an overdose of anesthetic, which sends the dog into deep sleep and then, death.

It's a hideous process to watch and experience as an owner, but it is quite peaceful for our best friends ... and in truth, it is the last kindness we can do for them when they are in pain and suffering. I would also suggest you have a friend or family member at your side when you go through this. You will need a shoulder to cry on - and lots of support for the hours afterwards. My heart goes out to you. Please come back and let us know how things develop. Be strong. Huge cyber hugs to you and Rumour.

Tony x
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Sorry for changing Rumour's gender half way through my response ... I of course meant to say her not him. Tx
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I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing with Rumour.  It is a blessing that you had the "extra" year with her despite your vet's prediction.  Nothing we can say on here will make your pain any easier, but just know that you are being thought of during this difficult time.  

As Tony mentioned, letting Rumour go is the best gift you can give her when you know it is time.  I've been coming to terms with my own dog Brownie's rapidly advancing kidney disease, myself.  We've been battling it for five weeks, and it has progressed faster than I could have imagined.  Just this morning, I told God that I am ready to accept His will, and to please make me strong enough to do what is right for Brownie.  I pray that you will find the same strength as I have.  Just as Brownie will live on in me and in how I live my life, Rumour will always live within you.  God bless you.  
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I went to the vet to get my dog Murali's eye checked 20 days back. But that very day he vomited. He started vomiting too much later. After no medication could stop his vomit, vet asked me to get a blood test. His cret was 1.6. However, after 3 days of fluid therapy his cret increased to 2.9 instead of decreasing. Vet says he wont live long. It has been too hard for me to handle the fact since I am too attached to my Murali. I have been spending days and nights with him. I am nursing him 24/7. I dont know what to feed him because mostly he vomits all the food. Please suggest me the right medications and food to make him survive as the vets in my country are not at all trust worthy and there is no proper technology for animal health. Please help!
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. We just had to let go of our dog Stu... he was to be 9 years young this month.  He had 2 weeks of diarrhea/vomitting...thought for sure it was his food - switched it out and it never got any better. He was lethargic and didn't look like himself... Took him to the vet 7/27 and were told he had end stage renal failure...based on his numbers, it was unlikely he would get better.,.got him home on anti nausea medications, went to bed, and overnight his condition worsened tremendously.  He was drooling, his eyes were not the same, he was breathing shallow and I could see he was struggling.  Didn't leave his spot and barely licked on an ice cube... we took him to the vet on 7/28 and was told he was also in congestive heart failure, hence the breathing troubles... we made the excruciating decision to let him go... God that was the worst pain I've felt in a very long time... I found solace in surrounding myself with his photos and talking with my children and telling them about Rainbow Bridge...  my point being is that if your pet is sick... he is suffering - make whatever decision that will work for you emotionally and financially.  Your heart will help you decide.  Look past how you feel about it and think about what they are going through.  You're nursing Murali and it's not working... I hated like hell to do what we did, but I could see how bad Stu was doing and that broke my heart more then setting him free.  My heart still breaks, but I can look at his picture and think about him without crying so much anymore... God bless you and Murali...
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Hello. Welcome to the forum - but so sorry it's under such difficult circumstances. If Murali has kidney failure (it sounds like that's what you are describing) then no medication will help him survive. However, there are medications that will help him feel more comfortable and that will encourage him to eat and drink. Dogs with kidney failure have a body that is full of toxins (because they cannot be cleared out in the normal way through a healthy kidney), and it's the toxins that cause nausia, which in turn stops a dog from eating and drinking properly. The lack of food causes severe fatigue and miserableness. The lack of water intake leads to severe dehydration. Ask your vet about suitable anti-nausia meds, because if your Murali will eat (even a little) and keep drinking a sip of water every now and then, he will have the energy to feel more at ease and be more lucid.

Nothing can prevent the inevitable, so at some stage euthanasia must be seriously considered - your dog will tell you when the right time has come - the message will be there loud and clear in his eyes. This is a heartwrenching situation for you and for Murali. All you can do is comfort him and prepare for that final helping hand. I am so very sorry I can't give you better advice, but do check the forum for other very useful info about kidney disease. There are lots of us that have been where you are right now, and some of us have learned so much from the experience. Cyber hugs to you and Murali. Tony x
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Hi,
I am so sorry for what you & Murali are experiencing.  My dog, Brownie is probably close to end stage renal failure.  Your post was over one week ago, so a lot has probably changed in your circumstances by now.  Whatever your situation is today, I wish you much peace and want to express how sorry I am for all the pain both you & Murali have had.  Take care of yourself, and keep us posted here.  

Paulette
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Hello 2sad2dal!

You are very privileged to have been chosen to be Tracy's caretaker for all these years! I bet you have given her a life that most pets would dream of having! I have been where you are now three times over the past 3 years. My first two Labs I had for almost 14 years. I had to put both of them down a year apart from each other. Old age just caught up with them. I unexpectedly put down my wonderful Golden Retriever of 10 years, Zekie. I hardly had time to say good bye to him. Luckily he died peacefully. I was with them all when I had to put them to sleep. I would never have let them go on all by themselves. Now I have my Skeeter girl suffering a total kidney shutdown. Vets are convinced she was poisoned with anti-freeze. I highly doubt that. She just has no access to those kinds of things and I do not know anyone who would ever want to harm them. However, the fact remains that as of this moment, she has no working kidneys. It has been one week for her now. I am praying to my awesome God for her recovery. If she ends up going on to be with my Lord well.......there is nobody else I would trust better than He to take care of her, Zekie, Cami and Emily. The Bile speaks of animals being in heaven. Jesus comes back to earth riding on a white hoarse! I am looking forward to being greeted by my loved ones and especially by my furry tail wagers! As sad as I am right now over Zekie, I am happy that God will heal my Skeeter! God has again given me the strength to go out and find another Rescue dog with special needs to be our newest addition to our family. Just as he had me do with Cami, Emily, Zekie and Skeeter.

So, be proud of the great care you took of your wonderful Tracy! She loves you very much! Dogs Love All The Time! Keep her from pain and let her go when the time is right! I had my pets cremated so I could one day be cremated and mixed in with my past pets and spread someplace peaceful. I put their collars, retired toys and brushes in zip lock bags so I could go back to them later on and smell my dogs scent imbedded in their collars and Thunder shirts. I look at pictures of Zekie all the time now. It really helps with the heartache. I actually needed to get some Aprolazam for anxiety that I felt when I had to put my Cami girl down. It helped a lot!

Most of all, be with your Tracy girl through the end and don't be afraid to do it all over again! There are many wonderful pets who need a wonderful caretaker like yourself. They will never be your Tracy girl but they WILL steal your heart just as Tracy did!

Cami, Emily, Zekie and Skeeter's Caretaker and Best Friend,

Me !
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Hi lost my soul mate too. Lab/staff/princess Daisy sadly lost her fight last Saturday night and life will never be the same -she was amazing. Daisy was a rescue dog so I don't know her exact age but she was our special princess here for 11 years. Reading about you and Tracey makes me realise that your bond with her is just like ours. I want you to know that I chose to let Daisy go naturally but her death was so horrific I'm still thinking the same as you, Thinking that I let her down by not getting the vet here the day before as I'd been exactly the same as you wondering every day what to do -whilst daisy was getting so poorly old age took over her lovely body. She was on heart meds and had cancer but wanted to stay here so much. Her tail was still wagging she was still giving/recieving love and still catching spiders last week! She sadly started to have some really bad days with diarreah (diarrhea) and seizures. she clung to life as long as she possibly could, even at the very end she fought so hard to stay here she loved being here so much. You and i are feeling the same. We each took a different course of action but the heartbreaking outcome is the same we lost our best friends. Wish we could talk. Catherine x
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Whether you are currently caring for a dog that has kidney failure or whether you are an owner that has lost a dog to this dreadful illness, please join the CHRONIC KIDNEY FAILURE IN DOGS User Group. You will get lots of valuable information there about how to improve a dog's quality and longevity of life - and if required, get support from other owners that are going through or have gone through the same thing with their own dogs. I administer this group - and all members there are kindhearted, courageous and well informed about kidney failure.

You can find the group by mousing over the Forum tab and clicking on User Groups, then use the search bar.

Regards

Tony
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Just lost our 17 year old Yorkshire Terrier, Muffin. Her kidneys were failing and she was deteoreating. I took her the vets this morning and she fell asleep at 11:25am. My partner and I are absolutely heartbroken. I stayed with her and stroked her little head while she was put to sleep. It was all over and at peace within a minute. She had had enough and was ready to go. I kissed her before I left and broke my heart. She was our life. Goodnight God bless Muffin we will never let you leave our hearts xx
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Just lost our 17 year old Yorkshire Terrier, Muffin. Her kidneys were failing and she was deteoreating. I took her the vets this morning and she fell asleep at 11:25am. My partner and I are absolutely heartbroken. I stayed with her and stroked her little head while she was put to sleep. It was all over and at peace within a minute. She had had enough and was ready to go. I kissed her before I left and broke my heart. She was our life. Goodnight God bless Muffin we will never let you leave our hearts xx
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Hi. Just to say, I am so very sorry for your loss. Perhaps reflecting on the fact that Muffin lived to be 17, which is an extraordinary good age, and enjoyed years of adventure, attention and love, should be remembered. You gave her a good life - and if she could, she would thank you.

Run free Muffin.

Tony
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I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm facing a similar situation.  It takes a ton of strength to watch your baby pass on to the next part of the journey.  Your baby understood your pain.  Don't beat yourself up. I know you will see her again. Death is only a shedding of our worn out vessel, she now has a new body and mind.  I am opting for natural at home.  If it gets to bad,  I may not be much help to her.  I am sure there is some goodness in your selfless act. Love never dies. Your baby lives on !
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